10:48 pm
Something really great happened last night.
After the mind-blowing sex, I told Lex that I loved him and he said ditto. It's the first time he's said that in a long time. It felt good
to hear it, and I thought about it and him all day today. I probably shouldn't have gotten as upset as I did when he told me about working
with his dad. I just get worried. I'll trust his judgment no matter what.
I spent all morning doing the farmers' market with my parents. Mom and Dad looked really happy this morning. They did go over to spend some
time with Lana after what had happened to her. I get the impression that everybody is glad this guy killed the 'freak.' I am happy that Lana
isn't dead. It's just disturbing to think that maybe all this time, she might have harbored the desire for somebody to just rid the town of
the kryptonite-infected people. I think she's really mad at me.
I'm betting if she knew the truth about me, that wouldn't go over very well. I can imagine that if she were to find out the rock that killed
her parents was brought here by my ship and that I am the biggest freak of all, she'd probably never speak to me again.
I have to stop worrying about that. I have way bigger problems. Whoever this guy is, he killed another person in cold blood. I've been doing
a lot of research about the guy that was shot, and I really feel bad for him. I just wish everybody who was changed by those rocks wouldn't
go completely insane and try to kill people.
I have to stop whoever this guy is before he does this again.
~
11:02 pm
He's killed before
Van has a list of other people he wants to kill. It's all for revenge, because Tina killed his father. Fuck! Lex is on that list. I'm at his
place for the night, and I'm staying with him however long it takes until they catch that bastard. Pete and I found Van's list pinned to the
wall of his hunting cabin. When I saw that he had Lex up there, I ran to Lex. I have never run so fast before. I was so afraid that
something would happen and I wouldn't be there to save him. Luckily, I got there in time to get him indoors and warn his security people
that somebody is out to kill him.
He doesn't really believe me, but I'm not taking any chances. Van has a high-powered rifle and he knows how to use it. There is no way I am
going to allow anything to happen to Lex. There's just no way.
I called my parents to let them know what was going on, and to tell them that I'm staying with Lex until Van is caught. I know it's Van and
I know he's out there somewhere. I really hope that he can't get to Lex way up here in his penthouse apartment. It's just the two of us with
dozens of armed security guards between us and the front door of the building. It should be safe, I hope. Of course Lex can't stay trapped
in here forever. He'll have to go outside sometime, and I told him that I'm going to be by his side until we know for sure what's going on.
I am not leaving him.
Dad wasn't happy about it. I told him that if anything happened to Lex, I didn't know what I would do to Van. I lied to him. I do know what
I'd do. Just the thought of what he's doing to these people makes me angry. If I got my hands on him, I'd probably tear him in half. It
pisses me off that the meteor rocks change people, but it pisses me off more that somebody is playing God by picking them off one by one. He
has to be stopped.
I have to calm down because every time I think about what Van has already done and the fact that he's after Lex, it makes me so angry.
I rushed home as fast as I could to get my homework and a few overnight things so I could stay with Lex. The whole time I was unpacking my
stuff, he kept saying that this was way overreacting. He kept telling me that he has security. If they're as crappy as the guys who've
guarded him at the mansion, there is no way I'm leaving him here alone. Besides, I have a huge stake in making sure Lex Luthor continues to
breathe: I fucking love him! At least Pete alerted the sheriff so now they're looking for Van. They'll find him, and once he's caught and in
jail, I can take it easy again.
I've finished my essay and I'm almost done all my homework. The teachers are really driving us hard this year. I keep looking up at Lex to
make sure he's really okay. Maybe I am overreacting but I don't care. Dad said it's better to be safe than sorry. So what if it's a cliché?
Dad's right.
And guh! Lex looks so hot in a suit. When I ran up to him by his car, he was wearing a suit and he looked so amazing. He's still wearing it
now. He took off the tie and undid the top two buttons of his shirt. I bet that shirt cost a thousand dollars. I like him in casual wear,
but there's something about him in a suit. He looks all serious and stuff. It was so hard to keep my hands to myself, but I had to because
there were so many people around at the time. But once we were up here alone, I hugged him really hard, but not so hard that I broke
anything.
I think Lex needs to hear just how sexy I think he looks. I'm getting hard just staring at him, and he's pretending not to notice my
staring. He's so cute. Now he's giving me his patented 'is there something you want?' look. I love that look. It's making me so horny. I
want him right now. Eep!! He smirked!
Must jump him now!
~
03:01 pm
Last night was so nice
I stripped Lex's suit off slowly and we sat on the sofa, kissing and caressing for a long time. I wanted to touch every inch of his body.
He's so soft and vulnerable.
We moved to his bedroom and he lay down for me. I licked him from his lips to his toes and paying special attention to his cock and ass. By
the time I was finished licking him, he was ready to come, so I sucked him into my mouth, and all it took were a few well-placed licks, and
he was shouting my name as he came in my mouth.
After that, I turned him over and fucked him as slowly and gently as I could. It was such incredibly amazing sex, I get hot thinking about
it.
He fell asleep after I cleaned us up. I couldn't sleep at first, so I lay in bed petting him. He's got such a gorgeous body. I love every
curve and dip and angle. I woke him a few times in the night, but mostly he just slept with a content smile on his lips. He'd never believe
me if I told him that.
Eventually, I did fall asleep because the next thing I knew, I was being woken with a kiss and a hand on my very hard cock. Lex jerked me
off until I tore the sheets and came in his hand.
The shower was so nice. I wish we could live together, because I'm never happier than when I'm waking up beside him. I guess that's probably
never going to happen since everybody would kind of notice if I moved in with him. Heads would probably explode and not in a good way.
Lex is doing some work, then he has to go out to do something, and I'm going along. If his assassin is out there, I'll catch him, and when I
do, he's going to wish he'd never heard Lex's name.
~
09:26 pm
It happened this afternoon
Van tried to shoot Lex. I managed to prevent it by pushing Lex out of the way of the bullet and down onto the ground. It was so close. I was
so pissed off. As soon as security rushed Lex back into the office tower, I found Van and confronted him. He managed to incapacitate me and
get away, but he left evidence behind. I made sure Lex gave it to the police so they would know for sure that the person who tried to kill
Lex was the same guy who already killed two other people in our town. I gave the police a description. I am so glad I stayed with Lex last
night.
It was nice to be with him again. I stayed in his penthouse apartment with him, because I wasn't going to leave him after I found out this
guy was gunning for him. Van is insane.
Lex is safe now and in his father's office. The city police are out looking for the guy who tried to kill him. The town sheriff is also
looking for him, so eventually we're going to catch him for sure.
I had to go home mainly because Lex said his dad is coming soon and he doesn't want me there when his father shows up. I've already called
Lex five times since I left him to make sure he's okay. I can't help it. Somebody just tried to kill him!
I have to keep fighting the urge to rush off to the city to be with him.
~
07:08 pm
Life would be better if the meteor shower hadn't happened.
That's what Lana said to me today. She said life would be better if what brought me here hadn't happened. All those
people were hurt because of the meteor rocks, and now Van is hunting them.
After I talked to Lana, I went out to the far field to do some thinking. I can't really say she's wrong. Her parents would be alive, and
nobody would have been infected and changed by those fucking rocks. All those people dead, all those lives destroyed. It hurt to hear her
say that. She doesn't know that I wouldn't even be here. You'd probably be so much better off too. Nobody would have tried to kill you.
Nobody would have tried to shoot you if Van's dad hadn't been murdered by a crazy girl who didn't ask to be different.
They haven't found Van yet. I gave his hit list from Chloe's computer to the sheriff. The sheriff doesn't believe me at all about why Van is
doing this. I don't care if she never believes me. There is no way I am going to let Van hurt anybody else. He has to be stopped. I wish I
could just find him. It's scary knowing he's out there, and he knows what the meteor rocks do to me. He knows they hurt me. I didn't even
think when I went after him. I just wanted to catch him.
The police will find him. I know they will.
Chloe's beating herself up about all this because the list Van is using was on her computer. That file she had on you, Lex -- she really
thinks that you have some sort of super healing powers because of the meteor shower. That never would have happened to you if it hadn't been
for them. You'd still have hair.
I have a million things to do tonight and tomorrow morning. I need to work to keep my mind off things before I go totally insane.
~
11:48 am
At least my doctor appointment was canceled
I just got a call from my doctor telling me that she has to cancel my appointment for today. She has an emergency patient. That's perfect
for me because I have so much work to do this afternoon. Dad's counting on me to help with all the heavy chores. It's the perfect thing to
take my mind off of everything that's happened.
Last night after Lex and I talked on LJ, I totally lost it. Between what Lana said and the attempt on Lex's life, I felt so crappy about
everything. Lex came over and found me in the barn. All of it just hurts so much. It was so nice to have Lex there. I love him more than I
could ever express, but sometimes I think that I do more harm than good. He said ditto again last night. Every time I hear him say that, I
feel so lucky that he hasn't left me. Sometimes I think it's only a matter of time before he finally decides I'm too much of a freak.
I wish there were somebody I could really talk to about this, but there's no way. I can't tell my parents or Lex that deep down inside I'm
always afraid that I will lose them forever because of what I am. At least I have this journal.
After we talked, I went back to the mansion with him to make sure he got home safe. I wanted to stay but I knew that wasn't possible. He
keeps telling me he'll be fine and that he's survived worse. I just keep thinking that if I hadn't been there, Van could have killed him.
I think I'm going to go out looking for Van every spare chance I get today. I'd feel so much better if he were behind bars.
~
03:11 pm
I died
Mom and Dad said that I actually died for a minute or two. After that bullet hit me, I thought for sure I was dead. It hurt like nothing has
ever hurt before in my life. Dad got it out of me.
Van went after Lex to try to force him to get him out of town. As soon as I recovered, which took almost all night, I went after Van. I
called him out and met him at the school. It was late so nobody else was there. I hadn't counted on him having Lex with him. By that time it
was too late to back down. I had to force Van into shooting at me and hope for the best. I didn't have time to warn Lex before Van shot at
me with more Kryptonite bullets. I wish I could have spared him the shock of watching all those bullets hitting me in the chest. I had found
a plate of lead, and strapped it on under my jacket, like a bulletproof vest. It totally did the trick. I loved the look of horror in Van's
eyes when I didn't die. It felt so good. I wasn't too thrilled with the look of terror on Lex's face. When he shouted my name, it took
everything not to put my fist through Van's head and rush to Lex's side, but I knew he could take care of himself.
I'm just glad it's over, and that Lex is okay. He totally kicked Van's ass. I was so proud of him when he knocked Van out. Thanks to my
amazing boyfriend, Van is now in the insane asylum, and he won't ever hurt anybody again.
The look of determination and anger on Lex's face as he kicked Van down was awesome. He's totally my hero.
Once the dust cleared and Van was taken away, Lex and I went back to the mansion to clean up. We talked a little about Van's notion that Lex
has some kind of altered ability to heal faster than normal. If it's true, I have to say I am so relieved.
The only thing that's bothering me is the fact that not even that bullet killed me. Once Dad got it out of me, I healed. Mom swears I died.
She said I stopped breathing. Am I immortal? I've thought about this before but never really for too long because the idea that one day
everybody else... I can't even write it here. I tried to talk to Lex about it, but he didn't seem to get what I was saying.
I'm just so happy it's all over. I felt so much better this morning going to school with the knowledge that Van was in custody. I ran into
Lana. She's really shaken up about everything. I mean, on the one hand because of what Van did she isn't dead, but still... I didn't really
know what to say except to tell her that I'm glad she isn't dead. It sounded so lame and I know from the look in her eyes that it didn't
really help.
I have so much more to worry about.
~
10:54 am
My weekend went well
One thing I hate about a small town is that everybody pretty much hears about everything. All weekend I had people asking me if I was okay
and saying that I was lucky Lex was around to subdue that crazy guy. I don't mind so much -- I just wish people would stop. I know they will
once the next thing happens, but it's still really annoying. I even ran into Dr. Nosey yesterday when I was in town. She was just coming out
of the Talon and stopped me to ask how I was doing. Then she said she'd see me later this week. I'm hoping she'll have another emergency.
Other than that, my weekend was pretty nice. I stayed on the farm and did lots of work. I didn't want to stop. I needed to get back into the
mindset. We did the farmer's market on Saturday morning then later in the day, I'd worked my ass off.
I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamed that Lex called me over to the mansion and he was acting all weird. He was sitting in the
dark by the fire and then he asked me to hand him a sword. In my dream he didn't know my secret. He talked about how I wasn't being honest
with him. I was so confused. I told him that I wasn't holding anything back. Then he took the sword and broke it over my arm and it smashed
into a million pieces. He looked totally shocked. He started to scream that he was going to ruin my life and let the whole world know how
much of a freak I was.
It was so freaky because I tried to reason with him. I kept saying that he knew all this about me and was fine with it, but he shouted me
down, saying that if he knew I was a total freak, he'd never have accepted me. He stormed out of the room and then I woke up.
On the drive in to school I told Pete about the dream and he told me I have a freaky mind. He immediately said that it obviously means I
should never tell Lex my secret. I obviously couldn't tell Pete that Lex already knows my secret.
I couldn't get my mind off the dream all morning, which sucked because when the English teacher asked me to answer her question, I had no
clue what she was talking about. She told me to stop daydreaming, and I just happen to sit behind Lana, so guess what Pete thought my
daydreams were about? I told him he was way off.
I really wish he would stop trying to imply that I would ever have a chance with Lana. He knows Lana likes girls. He knows and yet he
continues to deny. I even told him that I only have feelings of friendship for her, nothing more. It's getting so irritating, but I just let
it slide. Maybe I shouldn't let it slide anymore. Pete really needs to understand that I don't like girls. I'm going to tell him this
afternoon. I have to. I can't stand lying to him about this anymore. Maybe he'll hate me and maybe he won't, but at least he'll know my
other secret. He took my being an alien really well. Sure he freaked at first, but with time he'll get used to it. I hope.
I almost did it. I looked down into his big, hopeful eyes and it was on the tip of my tongue. I won't tell him about Lex, but at least I can
tell him that Lana just isn't my type. This way, he'll never bug me again and he won't try to fix me up on blind dates.
I should probably talk to Lex about this before I tell Pete anything. There are so many advantages, like never having to go on another
pretend date with some girl and Lex seeing it.
~
10:26 am
Today is the day
I talked to Lex last night, and he's cool with whatever choice I make. I told him I have to tell my best friend, Pete, that I'm gay. I need
to stress to Pete that I do not like boobs. I like long hard things. I'm not telling him who I'm dating. This requires one shock at a time.
I thought about doing the 'I have a friend who is gay', etc, but what advice could Pete give to that? And everybody knows when you say that
you have a friend, you're really talking about yourself. I guess I should have eased him into it, but I really need to tell Pete.
I had the same nightmare again last night. It was terrible. I dreamed that I hadn't told Lex my secret, and when he found out, he hated me
and vowed to ruin my life. In the dream, I kept telling myself to wake up that it could only be a dream, but I couldn't wake up. I was so
glad when I finally did wake up, because I was seriously starting to think that I wasn't dreaming.
Mom and Dad are in a really good mood today. I didn't even think to ask why until after Pete had picked me up for school. I almost told Pete
on the way to school, but I think I'll save it for the ride home, just in case he takes it badly.
It could be okay. I mean, Pete is a pretty open-minded guy. He's cool with Chloe and Lana though they are girls, and I'm sure Pete gets why
Lana likes Chloe, considering the crush he has on her. It could also go badly. He might not like that I've been lying to him all this time,
but I'll have to make him understand that coming out in our small town isn't exactly easy, especially the way things are these days.
I just hope he doesn't totally hate me.
~
05:32 pm
That didn't exactly go so well
I told Pete on the drive home from school. I was supposed to go over to his place to hang out and shoot some hoops. He wasn't too happy with
my news. I tried to spin it in a good way. I told him that he wouldn't have to worry about setting me up with girls anymore and that now he
knew the real reason why I didn't like Lana that way.
At first he thought I was joking with him. He told me there was no way I was like that because I'm way too studly to be gay. I was kind of
taken aback by that statement. Since when does being studly have anything to do with sexual preference? I told him that it was all true, and
that I don't find girls attractive at all. At first he seemed mostly just shocked at the news. I was so relieved. It looked like everything
was going to be okay and he was cool with my sexual preference.
He asked who else knew about this, so I told him that of course Chloe and Lana were in the know, and that my parents knew. It was when I
told him that Lex knew that he really exploded. He stopped the car and told me to get out. Then he drove off without another word. He looked
so angry. If that wasn't bad enough, when he drove off, he did it so fast, his escape sprayed dirt all over me.
I think I just lost my best friend.
~
02:03 pm
I wish today was already over
Needless to say, Pete did not pick me up this morning for school. Luckily, Dad was going into town for something, so he dropped me off. We
had a talk during the drive. I told him what happened with Pete, and he actually suggested that maybe this is something I could talk to my
doctor about. That would mean having to tell her that I'm gay. I told Dad I think she suspects because she sort of hinted at it. He said to
be careful and that it was up to me what I wanted to tell her. He said he trusted my judgment. That was really nice to hear.
I didn't get to see Lex last night or talk to him. I passed out in the loft. I was so tired. I think it must have been stress or something,
or maybe it was the fact that I did all the chores by myself. I couldn't help it. I needed something to take my mind off of everything that
had happened with Pete.
He walked past me in the hall without even saying a word. He just gave me this warning stare. When I went to the Torch office, he was there
but he stopped what he was doing and told Chloe he needed to be someplace else.
Gym class wasn't much more fun. Pete hung out with a bunch of the football crowd. I finally managed to corner him in the hall right after.
When I grabbed his arm to get his attention, he told me not to touch him, but I didn't let him off that easily. I needed to know if he'd
told anybody about me. He was so angry. He reminded me that he can keep secrets, and then he stormed off. I tried to talk to him. I tried to
tell him that nothing has changed.
By then the hallway was empty, because everybody had gone to their classes. He gave me this really dirty look and said that everything has
changed.
I don't know what to do. I guess I should have given him more time. I had to eat lunch alone because he was sitting with Chloe and Lana and
I didn't want to sit with them, because then Pete would have left. I did manage to corner Lana briefly in the hallway to let her know that I
had told Pete about my gay status, but that I still hadn't told him about Lex. She said she'd make sure to pass that news on to Chloe. Lana
understood why I'd told Pete. She said to give him time, that he's a really good friend, and eventually he'd come around.
At this point it feels like he'll come around when the sun goes nova, which I believe is supposed to happen about five trillion years from
now.
He eventually came around when I told him I was an alien. Of course I had to save his life before that happened, and then he realized how
important it was to keep that secret. I just hope that he understands this is just as important a secret to keep.
I almost called Lex, but I didn't want to bug him at work. His dad told me that it was improper for me to bother him at his place of
business. He said something about people getting the wrong idea if I kept calling him there. He basically implied that I shouldn't ever call
Lex at work. He totally scares me. I could kick his ass, but he made me shiver when I talked to him. I felt so humiliated when I first
realized it was him and not Lex on the other end of the line. I couldn't tell Lex what he said after I had said that I needed him right now.
He said that he'd love to drop everything just for me, but that some people had work to do. He knew it was me. I haven't blushed like that
in a long time. I thought he was hitting on me.
Ugh yuck! And gross! Must think about something else. Lex naked. Lex naked under me. Lex naked under me and he's begging me to fuck him.
Much better.
I should probably tell Lex, but it's not really a big deal. He already knows his dad totally gives me the creeps. I'll just make sure when I
call Lex that I ask specifically for him and not just Mr. Luthor.
~
09:37 pm
Really boring weekend
My weekly doctor's appointment was annoying. I didn't want to be there at all. I had nothing to say. She kept asking me all kinds of things
that sounded like she was trying to get me to admit my gay status. Pete still isn't talking to me. I'm giving him as much time and space as
he needs. I'm going to wait for him to come to me first.
Lex is in the city playing with some hot guy. It's business, but that doesn't mean I'm fine with it. He's there with some guy who looks like
a model, while I'm stuck at home in my barn, doing the same boring things I did last weekend.
I had that nightmare again last night. It felt so real. I woke up sweating. This time Lex told me this story about how this sword on his
wall had never been used even though it was made for a great battle. I almost told Dr. Nosey about the dream, except I was afraid of what
she'd say.
I didn't tell her that I'm gay. I couldn't. It's not something you just blurt out, or in my best friend's case tell on the drive home.
Now I have to finish off the evening chores. Yippee for me. I wish I was in the city with Lex.
~
09:58 pm
A warm tongue was all I needed
I know it's probably just me, and Lex has a lot on his mind. I spent all weekend doing work. Lex was in the city all weekend still
entertaining some guy for business so I didn't want to bother him. He's a busy man and I knew I'd see him again soon. So how come I feel so
bummed out about it? He didn't want to be there any more than I wanted him to be there. I need to just accept that he's an adult who has a
life outside of me, and that I'm just a kid. I am still in school.
Lex was really great. He did seem a little distant, but that's probably just because he has so much on his mind. Now that he helps run a big
corporation, he's probably going to be very busy all the time. We talked and we kissed and I told him how I feel about him. He said ditto
which always makes me feel so good inside.
He has a sword on his wall just like the one I keep having a nightmare about. I've never noticed it before until now. Maybe I noticed it
subconsciously and I'm just projecting. I haven't had the nightmare in a few days, so that's a good thing, right?
I did have a great night. When we made out, I unzipped Lex's pants and pulled his cock out so I could jerk him off and watch him come. Then
when he recovered, he knelt down between my legs and gave me the most awesome blow job ever. I get hard just thinking about his mouth on my
cock. The way his tongue licked up my shaft and the feeling of his hot mouth around me as he swallowed me down...
I only lasted a few minutes, I was so horny already. I am going to jerk off again after this. After I left the mansion, I went for a short
walk to the caves. I hadn't been there in a long time. I stared for a long time at the paintings, then started to think about that time I
sucked Lex off right in the cave. Before I knew it, I was jerking off with thoughts of Lex filling my head. I can still very vividly recall
every single sexual encounter Lex and I have had. I think a lot about that time I bent him over his desk and fucked him. It's one of my
favorite fantasies to jerk off to.
I want to go back there and suck him off. I miss living in the city with him. I wonder if Lex misses it as much as I do. I'm willing to bet
he doesn't miss being chained to the wall.
~
02:46 pm
I dreaded gym class today
But it turned out much better than I thought it would. Pete finally came up to me just as I had finished my shower to talk about what I'd
told him last week. He said he was sorry for freaking out, and that he needed time to think about it. Now he's cool with it, and we had
lunch together and everything. It was so great to finally talk to him again. I really missed him. He did ask that I keep details to myself,
which is not really a problem since I have no desire to spill my love life to him.
He did ask if I've ever 'you know' with a guy. I told him I had a few boyfriends during the summer. I am not rushing to tell him exactly who
I am currently dating. I have a feeling that news might not go over so well. He even asked if I was seeing anybody. I have the very strong
feeling that my being gay is not going to stop him from trying to find me somebody. At least there's no way he'll ever find anybody in this
town since he doesn't know anybody else who is gay. I hope.
Crap! Pete just came into the Torch office and said that he'd help me find somebody. He had this whole conversation that I didn't even
participate in about who might possibly be gay. I told him it was fine, and that I was not looking to hook up with anybody at all. Pete is a
great friend but sometimes he can really be annoying. I am going to have to stress that it's cool to be single. He just rushed out to get
back to class and I barely said a word. I think he might be overcompensating for how he reacted.
Friends are great until they start acting like crazy people.
Now I have to get back to work. I have an article to write for the paper, and Chloe is going to be here in less than half an hour to
collect. If it's not done, she'll string me up in a corn field. She could probably do it, too. I wouldn't put anything past her. She's been
really focused on making the Torch the best it can be this year. It must be because she has that column in the Daily Planet. She just seems
way more focused this year.
~
11:22 pm
Not much going on here
Lex is away on business, not that I've seen him much over the last few weeks. It seems like since we've been back, we've hardly had time for
each other at all. I saw him briefly on the weekend, in public, at the Talon. I liked it better when we lived in the city. Then we could
just be who we were and not hide 'the gay thing', as Pete calls it. I'm getting kind of antsy for some. Taking care of it on my own is fine,
but a guy can not live on self-love alone.
I've been so busy with school and farm chores that I've barely had time to breathe. I'm even helping out a fellow student who approached me
today about helping him study for math tests. He said he was having trouble and somebody told him I'm really good with math. He's this guy
on the football team who's never really talked much to me before. He's supposed to come over tomorrow night so we can study together.
My life is so exciting. At least Pete is over the gay thing. Well, he says he is. I mean he is, but he was acting a little weird until I
told him to stop. He totally denied that he was acting stranger than usual. He finally did stop, though it was kind of embarrassing when he
asked if I ever stare at other guys' butts. I reassured him that I never stare at his ass, which is very true because he is like a brother
to me.
I hear somebody coming.
Crap. James found me! The James I was sleeping with back in the city! He is here right now in my loft. I have to go.
~
10:49 am
This is not good
Just when things were finally starting to settle down, life throws me a curve ball. Last night I was alone in my loft thinking about how
much I missed Lex. I was so hard from thinking about Lex and just about ready to pull out my raging hard-on so I could take care of my
problem, when James showed up. He tracked me down. I couldn't believe it when I turned around and found him smiling at me. He looked so
tired. He said he'd taken a bus out to me. That is a very long bus ride. I was still in shock when he sat down beside me on the sofa and
hugged me then kissed me really hard. It took a few seconds for my brain to register. I didn't want to be mean or hurtful, so I gently
pushed him away and told him to stop.
He didn't stop. He kissed me again, or at least he tried to. I managed to duck it that time and get away from him. He's really persistent. I
felt horrible the second I thought that maybe just one kiss wouldn't hurt. James looked so good!!!! I did not think that. I did not type
that, but he did!
He finally got the hint when I told him I am still with Lex. That cooled him off really fast. When we sat down to talk, though, he seemed
incapable of keeping his wandering hands off of me he told me I looked hot in flannel. It was the first time I'd blushed in a while. I told
him how old I really am, but that didn't seem to upset him at all. I told him I'm still in high school: not bothered one bit.
We talked for about an hour until I asked where he was staying. He hadn't even thought that through at all, so I brought him into the house
and introduced him to my parents as a friend from the city. He said he has nowhere to go anymore. He lost everything. I couldn't let him
sleep in the loft, so he stayed in the guest room.
After I set him up and mom and dad had a little chat with me about how trustworthy he is, I went to bed, but I couldn't sleep. I kept
thinking about the things I'd done to James over the summer, and how Lex reacted to him, and how much Lex was going to freak out when he
found out that James found me. I was so turned on by all those thoughts of them that I jerked off. I couldn't help it! I fantasized that
James and Lex were both in bed with me and that James was sucking me off while Lex was fucking me from behind and they both kissed each
other as I watched, and told me that I was the best fuck they ever had. It was such a hot fantasy.
I came so hard, I broke a chunk off the headboard. I hadn't even realized that I'd grabbed onto it. I glued it back on as soon as I could
stand again. I hope mom doesn't notice.
I feel so guilty now. I didn't do anything with James, but I thought about it. I shouldn't have thought about him when I jerked off. When I
took a shower this morning, James came into the bathroom. That was kind of intrusive, and totally pissed me off. I told him to get lost if
he wanted to ever be my friend. He left right away. After I went back to my room and got dressed, James came in to apologize. He looked a
little afraid. I felt bad that I scared him.
I can't believe I let him stay over last night! What was I thinking? I just told Lex that James is gone. I shouldn't have done that, but I
couldn't just throw James out on the street and the loft was way too cold last night. And he looked so lost and I feel so guilty about how I
treated him last summer. He didn't deserve what I did to him.
Mom was really nice to James this morning. Dad was polite enough. James is kind of femme (not overly so, but he's not exactly dressed like a
country boy) and I think that threw Dad off. Mom made a huge breakfast and everything, and she even told James it was okay for him to stay
at the farm as long as he needed to.
I didn't totally lie to Lex. James isn't around me right at this moment, since I'm at school. It's a good thing Lex is overseas right now. I
have no idea when he's going to be back from his trip.
This is such a mess.
~
07:02 pm
Lex knows about James
I should have just told Lex that James was staying, but for some reason I didn't. James showed up with nothing to his name and nowhere to
go. He lost everything. He was robbed by somebody he thought was a friend, so he tracked me down hoping for something more. I told him
upfront I am with Lex and nothing can happen between me and him.
I'm going over to the mansion now because James is staying there. Lex was really cool and let him stay in an extra room. He does have
something like 65 rooms.
I'm in a huge rush right now because I just got back from my chores. I did go see my doctor and it was fine. I just talk about my dad a lot
and so far she has stayed away from my sex life. I told her I couldn't talk about that stuff and blushed. I think I was convincing.
Now I have to run. I just called James and he's all alone at the mansion.
~
08:28 pm
About last night
It turned out to be a really great night. I went to the mansion to hang out with James. I hadn't planned to stay as long as I did, but we
talked for a long time. We had a lot of catching up to do. Especially when you consider how different I was when I'd last seen him in the
city. We had a little something to drink while we talked. It didn't even affect me at all, but James was a lot more relaxed. I wish I could
do more for him. He has nowhere to go.
I stayed really late there because Lex came home sooner than he'd said he was going to. I was so happy to see Lex. James went up to bed
right after and then I found out why Lex was there sooner than he'd said. He was jealous. He was so jealous this vein in his temple was
pulsing. It was so sexy, the jealousy I mean. I had to remind him of who I am with. I did it in his bed with him flat on his back and me
pushing deep into him. I think he got the idea.
It felt so good to be that close to him again, I didn't even care about anything else. At the time I kept thinking that I was going to
remind him again as soon as I recovered from the first reminder. That was the best reminder I ever gave anybody.
I couldn't stay over though. I wanted to. I wanted to wake up the next morning in his bed with him, but I guess this is fine for now.
I'm probably going to spend as much time over there as I can this weekend. I already have a readymade excuse. My friend is not Lex's guest
to entertain, so I can tell my parents that I really need to be there at the mansion to keep my friend company. Lex is probably going to be
busy with work.
Now I have to get my homework done. I have a ton of this weekend but I plan to do it all tonight.
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