8:34a - Journalism thing
I got home so late last night
and I was so tired from all the excitement that I just crashed.
Yesterday was the journalism conference. I dressed up in my only suit. I knew
Chloe
wanted to impress the people she was going to meet so I thought if I dressed
like a hick they wouldn't take her seriously. I figured a suit would be better.
She picked me up early in the morning, and we drove to the city. It was a quiet
drive for the most part. I tried to keep a conversation going, but neither of us
was into it so I just enjoyed the scenery. I don't really go to the city often.
Once we arrived she was all excited. It was wonderful to watch her light up with
joy. The conference was really cool. So many people were there. I'm not used to
being around so many other people. I just mainly followed Chloe around. I talked to
a few people. I think I even flirted a little. I didn't think there was any harm
in just flirting. At one point I lost Chloe and as I searched for her this lady at
a booth asked me if I was interested in applying for a summer job. I wasn't
there for that reason since I will be spending my summer on the farm.
I didn't tell her that though. I told her I really had no spare time this summer
since I already had a job. Then she asked if I would go out to dinner with her.
That was when Chloe showed up. Of course I told the lady that I already had dinner
plans. Chloe glared at the lady and grabbed my hand. It was cute.
That was really the only thing that happened while I was there. Chloe did all the
schmoozing. We ate a light lunch at the food court they had set up. Then Chloe hit
the most important booth there. She snagged the interview she has been dying
for. I couldn't help but smile as I watched her talk up the man at the booth. He
was really impressed with her. I was so happy for her and I gave her a big hug.
After this booth she couldn't stop smiling. It was so wonderful to see. Then
when it was finally over I sprang my surprise that I was taking her to dinner.
We found a reasonably priced restaurant and got a nice quiet table.
Dinner was so nice. We talked about everything but the things that had happened
lately. I didn't want the day to be dampened by where we would have to go
tomorrow. Before I knew it I was blabbing almost every detail about how I met
Lex and how he rescued me. I told her all about how I realized later that the
event in that field had been the start of my crush on him. It was so wonderful
to be able to freely tell somebody all about the most important person in my
life.
I also reassured her that things between us were going to be better from here on
out. I won't neglect her ever again.
The whole day was such a huge success. I drove us home, and dropped her off at
her place. She was so tired and happy. I'm picking her up in a few hours to take
her to the funeral. Plus I have to give her car back to her. It's pouring rain
out, which seems very appropriate. I'm not looking forward to this at all. I
hate funerals.
~
9:00a
- Life and death
What if I'm not even mortal? What if I outlive everybody like in Cassandra's
vision? What if I have to watch everybody I love die? My mom and dad and Lana
and Chloe and Pete. The worse would be to have to see Lex die.
Now that nice lady I met, Pam, she's dying. It's not fair!
I really think I want to go to the spring formal with Chloe. I just don't know
how to tell Lex. When I took Chloe to dinner it felt so nice to be with her. She
glowed and I really enjoyed making her happy. I want to make her happy.
~~
4:54p
- funeral and arms
The funeral was like any funeral; bleak. It rained all day yesterday. I couldn't
stay there anymore so I just left and walked to the mansion in the pouring rain.
By the time I arrived I was soaked through to my underwear. Feegan was in the
kitchen.
We talked briefly.
Then I went up to see Lex. He was so tired and looked so sad. He took me up to
his room so I could change, but I just undressed. I only wanted him to hold me
and when I was there in his arms I wanted him. I wanted him so badly, but he
said it was the wrong time. I'm glad because I knew it was bad timing all
around.
My whole life is about bad timing.
I wanted to tell him so many things and my mind was in turmoil. I told him that
I love him. I wanted to wait for other stuff. I really wish I could have told
him about me. I wanted to explain to him why I was so upset about the funeral.
I'm not that close to Whitney, but it all hit me way harder than I thought. I
felt helpless and alone.
I'm not human and we have no idea if I will age the way people do. I couldn't
explain to Lex that this all just brought my fears to the surface. I feel so
alone right now.
I wished we'd done something more than hold and kiss. I'm so afraid we're going
to run out of time. We have no idea what will happen in the future. What if when
I tell him about me he hates me forever? What if something happens to him? So
many what ifs I can't keep track of them all. I know I can't live that way. I
have to just move on and hope the pain subsides.
I wanted to tell him about me right then and there. Have nothing hanging between
us anymore. I want us to be able to build a solid relationship. I feel so lost.
I don't know what to do or if any of the things I do are right or wrong or if
they'll hurt him more. I don't want to hurt him. I don't ever want to hurt him
and I know that isn't possible because I've already hurt him a lot.
I'll hurt him even more when he finds out I've been lying all this time.
~
7:52p
- My life
When I did the deliveries today Lex wasn't around, but his guest Pamela was. It
was weird talking to her. I wasn't sure at first what to say. I felt like I was
talking to my mom. She was very nice and we sat and had a drink. I wasn't really
sure what she was going to say. At first I thought maybe she'd tell me I was too
young for Lex and that she didn't approve of what we were doing, what Lex was
doing but ... it wasn't anything like that at all. She only cares about Lex and
wants to make sure he has people there for him while he deals with things.
I wasn't going to ask how long she had. I was too scared to. I almost started to
cry anyway it was so hard; knowing that they'd spent all these years apart and
now that they've found each other there isn't much time left.
I told her I would bring the telescope around so she could use it to look at the
stars. Then she asked me to come by every day to be there for Lex, which is easy
enough to do. I could tell she's afraid I won't be able to handle it. I don't
really know if I can. I told her I would try. She asked me how old I am. That
was embarrassing.
She called Feegan into the house to talk to both of us about Lex and what he
needs from us.
I wasn't sure how much Lex told her about us. At first I thought he hadn't told
her much but then she told me not to comfort him physically. I was so
embarrassed. My whole sex life was out in the open and this almost stranger
telling me not to have sex with him. She told me that she knows he's beautiful,
but that I have to restrain myself.
I wanted to run away. Did Lex tell her about how I am with him? Why would she
say that if she didn't know how I can't keep my hands off him? Yesterday I tried
to initiate sex. I wanted comfort and I wanted to comfort him. He stopped me. I
just wish I'd known then; I wouldn't have done it. I'm afraid and confused that
I'll do or say the wrong things. What if something I say hurts him more?
I asked Pam if she could tell me stories about when Lex was young. I wish I
could ask her about his life after the meteor shower, but then I wouldn't be
able to explain why I was asking about that. I'll have to just ask her to tell
me everything about him. I'm sure one of those memories will be about after he
was hurt by the shower.
Maybe I am too young to handle it all, but then I have to do it some day.
Everybody I know is eventually going to be dead.
~
7:54p - The stars shine tonight.
I'm going over to see Lex. My
mom has some extra pies to send over. I told her about Lex's guest. She
immediately wanted to know if there was anything she could do. She's such a
great mom. I love her so much.
I'm bringing my telescope, too. Dad let me use the truck for the night so I
could bring it over. He didn't even give me any grief over it.
~~~
11:09 am - Too busy
I went by last night to see Lex. My mom said I could stay for a few
hours. She also told me that I won't be able to go over all the time. I have to
do my chores and homework first. I have a lot of chores this week. Things are
going to need to be prepared for planting, and that takes a lot of time.
Last night we just played some pool and had light conversation. It was nice. I
left my telescope there. Pam was asleep. Lex promised to have it set up for her.
I'm going to try to go by tonight to see if she needs help with it. I'm not sure
if I can since dad needs me right after school, and then I have homework. So far
I have three assignments.
I have to rush off. Study group starts in a minute.
~
11:11 am - sadness
I'm really worried about Lex. He was so distant last night. I
wanted to comfort him more, but I wasn't sure how. I stayed away from the topic
of Pam since I was too afraid I would say something that would hurt him.
I really don't feel up to the task. I'm no good at any of this stuff.
~~
09:55 am - Last night was the best night ever.
I finished
up all my chores and homework before going over to the mansion. When I got there
is was already after eleven, but I really needed to see that Lex was okay.
He was asleep on a sofa in the room beside his bedroom. I couldn't help but wake
him. He looked so beautiful; almost angelic. His face was so relaxed and his
hands looked delicate I couldn't help it. I had to touch him. So I did. I woke
him with a kiss.
He immediately pulled me onto him. I was already so excited and when our bodies
touched I almost exploded, but I managed to keep control. I couldn't stop from
touching him, though. His pajama top was open and his skin was so warm.
We moved to his bed since the sofa we were on was too small for both of us. I
wanted to be close to him. I wanted to touch all of him. I took off almost all
my clothes but left my jeans on. I didn't want to assume too much, and if there
was ever a time to restrain myself with Lex, this was it.
I can't hide anything from Lex, it seems. He noticed that I was off and asked
what was wrong. I lie enough to him as it is so I just told him about what
Pamela said. About how she thinks I should keep my hands to myself and that
right now Lex probably doesn't need physical comfort. He was not happy that she
had said that to me.
She was way off. It happened and I'm really glad. I will not let anybody make me
feel bad for that. I love Lex and making love to him last night felt so right.
He wanted it as badly as I did. It was nothing like the first time. This time it
was gentle and I'm sure that I didn't hurt him at all. Well, I think I bruised
his hips, but it felt so good to grab and hold him.
We were facing each other this time, too. The feeling of looking into his eyes
when I was inside him was the most incredible feeling in the world. He's so
beautiful. Once he was in my arms I couldn't help it. He's so soft but strong at
the same time.
I can't even put it into words how wonderful last night was. I'm trying.
The way he looked under me all open and relaxed and happy is burned in my mind.
I want that to happen every day.
I'm so happy right now.
Pete asked me if I got laid. I just grinned. If only he knew. Of course if he
knew he'd probably have a heart attack.
~
10:57 am - best night ever
I didn't
think it would happen, but last night it did. I couldn't hold back. He looked so
beautiful and it was so right. We made love. I have never felt this happy
before. The only thing that would have made it perfect is if I could have woken
up in the morning beside him.
I feel silly saying this, but I want him all to myself. I know it can't happen
that way. I can only dream about it. I can only hope that we last that long.
Deep down I just know we will.
~~
06:35 pm - Life isn't easy and things don't always go your way
I went by
last night to stargaze with Pam. She was asleep already so Lex and I took my
telescope out to set up.
He was distracted all night. Something bad happened with Pam, but he didn't want
to discuss it. I wish I could do more for all of them.
Lex and I went up to see her even though she was asleep. She looked so frail. We
stayed for a little while and then I had to get home.
I don't know what to say about this. Lex's been struggling with a lot of things,
and Pam is one of them. Apparently, he handed Feegan a gun and told him to use
it on Lex's dad if he ever needs protection from him!
I can't figure out who I'm most sad for. I'm sure Lex thought bringing her to
the mansion was a good idea. I think what he did, letting Pam move in to spend
her last days with him, was wonderful. He's such an amazing man. I love him so
much for this. His compassion and understanding gives me hope that when I do
tell him about me he'll forgive me.
Feegan was so upset when I saw him today during deliveries. We went into his
office and talked about what happened. He promised not to tell Mr. Luthor about
it. I was so relieved. I don't think Lex needs his dad telling him he made a
mistake. Right now what Lex needs is his friends behind him.
Both Lex and Feegan told me to take what Pam says with a grain of salt from now
on. Lex doesn't think she's dangerous to him, but he does think that she might
say more inappropriate things to me. I'm not going to let that keep me away. She
needs understanding right now, and people who care about her.
Feegan also told me he erased all evidence that I was at the mansion the other
night. He practically told me I should give Lex whatever he wants. I admitted to
him that I ignored Pam's plea to not comfort Lex physically. I think he figured
that out already.
~~
02:26 pm - hands that heal
Lana called
me last night to let me know that she'd run into Pam when she dropped by the
mansion. I can't believe she told Pam about the hand in a box thing. I promised
her I would talk to Pam, but I haven't gotten a chance to do it yet. It's making
me anxious.
I did go by the mansion last night, but Pam was a sleep again. I spent all my
time with Lex in the solarium stargazing. It was so nice to have a quiet moment
to ourselves. He's so hard to resist. I have to touch him when I see him. I
wonder if this is something alien. I've wondered before, but most likely it's
because he's sex on legs. He's so hot!
I remember the looks he used to give me and still does whenever I first walk
into a room he's in. It always makes me hard. Even back when I didn't know why
he was giving me those looks.
I'm going to go over to the mansion today right after class and spend all night
there. First I have to talk mom into letting me hold off my chores until
tomorrow. Since it is Friday that shouldn't be too hard.
~~
01:23 pm - Sleep is not what we need now.
I just got
back from the mansion. Yesterday I went straight there so I would have a chance
to see Pam. I was glad to see her up and looking much better. We went for a walk
in the gardens. It was really nice. At one point she got cold so I gave her my
jacket. But then she got dizzy and almost fainted. I had to run fast to catch
her. She saw.
I told dad what happened as soon as I got home. At first he was angry that I let
somebody see me use my speed, but when I explained that it happened so suddenly
he cooled down. I just couldn't let her fall to the ground. I told dad it was
fine, but I know him, he's going to worry no matter what I say. Of course the
first thing he was worried about was that she would tell Lex. I sort of
stretched the truth and told him she was very delirious. She is delirious and
when she did say something I just told her I needed to move fast so she wouldn't
fall.
She's in such bad shape. I felt so helpless. I got her back to her bed as fast
as I could and then Feegan came in. After the nurse took care of her I stayed by
her side until Lex got back from business in the city. Lex and I stayed with her
for a while then we had dinner. It was very quiet and neither of us said very
much.
I called home to tell mom and dad that I would be staying overnight, but they
weren't there so I left and message and told Lex that they said I could stay. I
really wanted to be there just in case.
She just looked so pale. I thought for sure she'd die right then in my arms.
It's not like I've never seen death. It just sucks. It's not fair.
Before, when Pam and I were talking, I asked her not to mention the hand thing
to Lex. I reassured her it was in the past and that Lex was in no danger. I
didn't tell her any of the details. She apologized for embarrassing me the other
day. I tried to let her know that it was cool and that while Lex wasn't going to
bury himself in physical comfort, he needed everything I had to offer
right now. She point blank let me know that she knew what we'd done the other
night.
It was creepy; like talking to my own mom. Pam is a redhead like mom. I kept
thinking that one day mom and I would talk like this. I quickly pushed that
thought out of my head. She also reassured me that she has no problems with the
relationship Lex and I have.
Pam just wants to know that I am serious about Lex and me. I really am serious.
I don't know how to explain to people who just see a teenager. He's the first
thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about at night.
Lex set up a guest room for me, but I didn't use it. I messed up the covers to
make it look as though I used it and then I went to his room. Since I had no
pajamas with me I slept in my briefs. I'd thought about us doing something, but
the vibe I got from Lex told me not to go there. It didn't stop my body from
getting excited once we were in bed together. I was hard almost the whole time.
We just mostly kissed and touched a lot. It drove me nuts. After he drifted off
to sleep I had to go to the bathroom to take care of myself. I felt so ashamed.
I know I shouldn't be and that it's just my body reacting but still, it's so
embarrassing. Lex didn't seem to mind at all. He was so tired and just plain
exhausted.
We woke up together. I've wanted that for a while now. It was weird. I've never
slept in the same bed with another person before. I'm just glad I didn't float.
That would have been a little hard to explain.
I have a ton of chores to do. Dad is hijacking me and we have to go to the next
county for supplies so I have no idea when I can go back to the mansion today.
But I will even if I have to tell dad off and run there.
~
8:00a - Day of rest
I got up very early this
morning. I couldn't sleep. Dad and I are taking mom to the Talon for a Mother's
Day Brunch. She's getting dressed up. I'm already in my Sunday best. I think
after we're doing something else, but dad hasn't told either one of us yet what
it is. I just hope it's not just a drive in the country.
I still haven't finished all my homework. I fell behind a little so I have to
get cracking on that. Dad lectured me about how I need to focus on what's
important. I know what's important.
~~
1:38a
- I just had the worse nightmare ever.
In it Lex and I were out in a field. We're on a blanket and the stars are
shining bright. He's kissing me but then suddenly he's wearing Lana's meteor
necklace. I fall over from the pain and he grins down at me. He tells me that I
shouldn't have lied to him.
Then suddenly we're naked on a beach and he's still wearing the necklace only
he's on top of me, inside me. Ever time he pushes into me he tells me he's going
to destroy me.
Then I'm in the cornfield again on the cross and Lex points the flashlight at me
and tells me I can die out here. He walks away laughing and I woke up screaming
his name.
I'm so glad I fell asleep in the loft. I don't know how I would explain that to
my mom and dad.
Why do I keep having these nightmares? Every time I have one I'm so terrified
after that I almost feel like burying my head in shame.
It's a guilt dream it has to be. I have to see if I can find something on line
that can analyze dreams.
~~
10:47a - Last night I went by the mansion to stargaze.
I did my usual deliveries then went home to do homework and chores. This time I
did those as fast as alienly possible. (Maybe that's not a word but it's not
like I can say humanly.)
I showered and dressed up decent then went by to see if Pam was up to some
stargazing. She was. I was so ecstatic. I showed her a few things, and we talked
about Lex. I even drummed up the courage to ask how he was after the meteor
shower. Lex told me that he felt what happened to him changed him for the
better, but how can he know that. How does he know that he wouldn't have been
better off if the shower had never happened?
I know Lana would be.
I tried to reassure Pam that I won't hurt Lex. She pretty much said what I was
thinking. I won't mean to hurt him intentionally, but it will happen.
I don't even want to think about it any more. I can't tell him so there's no
point in dwelling on it.
After we talked for a while and I showed her Saturn, she said she had pictures
of when Lex was young so we went inside to look at them. We went up to Pam's
room.
He was such a happy looking child before the meteor shower, but it's a different
story after. I stayed up all night, staring at the pictures. I didn't get any
sleep. I'm so tired, but I don't care. I even took one of them with me. I have
in my back pocket. He looks twelve in it. His eyes are so sad and lost.
I cried, but I forced myself to stare at it for a long time.
These memories are ones I will never know. I want to see inside Lex. I want to
understand him better. He looked so sad later. There are pictures of him and Pam
at the beach with his mother. She was a beautiful woman.
I asked Pam as much as I dared about her. I didn't want to upset her too much.
As we were looking at the pictures Lex and Feegan came into the room. There's
this one picture of him on the hood of a car. He's young but he looks so much
like the Lex I know. He even has that Lex flirtiness to him. I want to keep it,
but I have to give them back today. I've memorized ever one of them. I can close
my eyes and picture each line and each shadow.
I just wish things were different. I know they can't be and I should stop
thinking that way. I should just accept things the way they are. In my mind I
know why I have to be careful. My mom and dad count on me.
But the real truth is I'm too afraid. I'm too afraid that when I tell him, Lex
will think I'm a monster. I'm too afraid that he will hate me forever for lying
to him.
I have to push all that aside and be there for Lex. He needs me. Last night he
seemed tired, so after we looked at the pictures I left. I was tired, too. I
don't want him to think I'm hovering. I want him to have the space he needs.
~~
12:30p - I am totally screwed.
Last night I went over to the mansion. First of all, I didn't stop to tell mom
or dad where I was going. I guess I just assumed they could figure it out on
their own.
I spent the night with Lex after we went up to his room and had a pillow fight,
which I still can't believe I managed to get him to agree to. It didn't really
last long and ended with him pinning me to his bed. You'd think being
invulnerable would mean I'm not ticklish, but no such luck.
So he pinned me, my all time favorite fantasy since I realized my feelings for
him. Then we sucked each other off. I wanted to take his mind off things. I went
over so excited and horny. At first I was afraid I'd push myself on him, but he
laughed and smiled so much I feel absolutely no shame or guilty over what I did.
I made him happy for a little while. Plus pillow fight. Imagine what the
tabloids would pay for that story.
The only thing is, after we were finished we were both so tired we passed out. I
didn't wake up until seven in the morning! Lex was still asleep so I watched him
for a while. He looked so peaceful and so young. I really didn't want to wake
him up.
Lex drove me home so I could get my school bag and change. Mom and dad were not
around. Then Lex dropped me off at school.
My mom is so mad. She called me at school on my cell to tell me that I am to go
straight home after classes. I don't have a last class today so I finish soon. I
can already tell it's going to be a harsh night.
I'm hiding out in the Torch office. Maybe I can stay here long enough for it all
to blow over. Yeah, right.
I'm doomed.
~~
4:36a
- I was right
Not only did mom ground me until Sunday, which is totally humiliating, but she
gave me this huge lecture on responsibility. She told me I have to earn her
trust back.
I loved waking up with Lex, but I wish I'd gone home. If I had I would have
maybe been able to talk mom into letting me stay last night.
Pam died while I was at home. As soon as I got the call I rushed to the mansion.
I didn't even think at all. I just rushed over. When I arrived Lex was still in
the room with her. I'm so ashamed to say that I wanted out of that room as fast
as possible. I wanted to be there for Lex, but it totally freaked me out. I
couldn't even look at her. I even tried to get Lex out of there. I almost told
him that it's not Pam any more, but I just thought that maybe that might come
off sounding too insensitive.
Mr. K was there, too. We finally managed to convince Lex to leave the room. He
was in shock. I didn't know what to do or say. I felt so useless.
At first he was just blank and in complete shock. I brought him to his room and
once he drank some water he settled onto his bed. I held him in my arms. That
was when he cried for real. I was stunned to see him break down so much. I've
just never seen him break down like that.
I had to call my mom since I took off without telling her why she called the
mansion. She gave me one hour to stay with Lex then I had to go home. I should
have begged her to let me stay, but in truth I knew it wouldn't help. My dad is
so mad. My mom was waiting for me when I got home.
I am so tired right now. I am so torn. I want mom to be proud of me and know
that tone she gave me last night means that things will get worse if I don't
smarten up. I want to be there for Lex but if I had stayed last night there was
no way mom would have let me go over again. She told me I can't skip classes to
go over in the morning. I'm going to go over before school to let Lex know that
I will be by later.
He has Mr. K there. I hope I didn't ruin everything by getting myself grounded.
I hope he doesn't start thinking I'm a kid and that it was a bad idea to be with
me.
~~~
5:56a
- Yesterday, as soon as
I got back from school, showered and changed, Mom and I went over to the
mansion. She was very understanding. I was a total brat. I barely said a word to
her on the ride to the mansion. When we got there I took the flowers in and went
to find Lex. He turned out to be in the solarium.
Before I found Lex, mom and I talked to Mr. K. I got up the nerve to ask her if
I could go to Gotham with Lex. I even told mom I would accept any punishment
after I returned. She agreed. I'm still grounded until we leave. Mom and I are
going to the funeral today.
I feel so dumb for not trusting her. She likes Lex. I know this, but sometimes I
have to admit I act before I think when it comes to him.
Went I saw him for the first time yesterday I freaked inside. I felt so much
better after I was close to him again. Unfortunately my body reacted to that
with a nice little surprise for Lex. It was embarrassing. I hate the way I can't
control that. I hope it's not an alien thing and that it will get easier as I
get older.
In truth Lex didn't seem to mind. I didn't tell him that he looked so good I
wanted to do stuff to him right there. I will never tell anybody that. I
shouldn't even be thinking this way when he's hurting so badly. He looked so
lost and drained and meek yesterday. I've never seen him so vulnerable. It
totally made me want to protect him from everything in the world; even me.
I suddenly felt this desire to tell him about me. It was such bad timing and I
knew it. My heart was pounding in my chest so hard I thought it would explode. I
think Lex heard it. I hugged him close and I wanted him to have everything.
My mom walked in and that was so much more embarrassing than anything else. I
was still turned on. I hate that so much. It's the most frustrating thing ever.
After I left, since mom would only let me stay until six, I sat in the loft
thinking about it. I thought about how he would feel, and what he would do. Then
I realized if I had told him right now, it would have been the worse thing I
could have done.
I'm not ready but I know that one day I will be. I can feel it.
~
11:06p - funeral for a friend
The funeral was a funeral. It was private and quiet. Mom and I drove into the
city and met Lex at the cemetery. I stood by his side, and he was very cool and
collected. He had on what I would consider his public face.
I kept telling myself Pam is better off now. She won't be hurting or sick
anymore, but that never helps. I miss her already. I still have the photo album
she leant to me. I didn't get a chance to give it back. I wanted to do that in
person, and now I never will.
She was so kind to me. I remember that first time we met like it was just today.
I must have known there was something about her even then because I felt so
comfortable talking to her.
I want her to be back. I want her to be still at the mansion, waiting for me to
show her the stars. I want Lex to still have somebody he can look at as a
mother.
After it was over mom drove us home. I kept busy with chores and since I am
grounded until further notice, I figured I might was well get as much work done
as possible. I took it slow and easy to make it last as long as possible.
Mom and dad had a fight about whether I should go with Lex to Gotham, but mom
convinced him that since I was honest with her, and Lex needs me, they should
let me go. So tomorrow morning I am off to the mansion. I think mom is driving
me. I feel like a ten year old. I guess that's my fault. I'm usually so honest
with my mom and dad. Dad's bias when it comes to Lex makes it harder.
I feel a little off tonight. I did all my homework and finished every single
chore but now I feel lost. I think I'm going to read or maybe shoot some hoops,
although, shooting hoops kind of sucks when you do it alone.
I have to keep fighting this urge to run to the mansion and check on Lex. I
should be with him right now. I need him, and he needs me.
~~
2:30a - Birthday
We're here at the other
mansion.
I just wanted to wish myself a happy sweet sixteen. I guess this means I'm now
legal to do things I wasn't legal to do before. It's not really my birthday,
they just picked a date.
I don't have a party. Usually my mom makes me pie. I want some now. At least I
don't miss them the way I did the last time.
Go me.
~~
7:05a
- The weekend was a total bust
Now I feel so selfish. I went there to help Lex and on Sunday (my birthday) I
suddenly felt cheated. It was so nice. I woke up in bed with Lex. We were given
separate rooms but I went to see Lex later on in the night. I wanted to talk and
just be there in general for him. I wanted to see if he needed me and,
selfishly, I knew that I needed him badly.
I didn't want to wake up alone on the morning of my birthday. It's weird because
May 16 isn't really my true birthday. Somehow I just felt like I needed to be
with the one person I really care about.
He even asked if I wanted to fuck him. I said no because it didn't feel right. I
woke up with the thought that maybe now that I'm 16 Lex would want me. He'd said
before that we could talk once I turned 16.
At first I asked if I could fuck him. Maybe that was the mistake I made. It was
bad timing and I never should have asked. I was just so turned on and he
undressed me and did things and I did things to him. He was gorgeous! I wanted
him so badly. I wanted him to take me. I wanted to be taken. I wanted Lex to
want to take me. I realized it was bad timing but that didn't seem to matter. I
felt like he should still want me no matter what else was going on in our world.
Just for that one instant I felt so distant from him and us.
Then I left the room to go get breakfast. I did it partly to avoid us having a
big confrontation. I could tell he was becoming angry with me. I just couldn't
bring myself to tell him what I wanted.
I'm so frustrated right now. I don't know how things spiraled into what
eventually became the weekend I wish had never happened. After what happened
with Lex in his room I talked to Bruce, and he convinced me that I should go
back up to the room and talk to Lex about what was bothering me. The thing is I
don't know exactly what it was. I feel like a total jerk. Lex was hurting and I
didn't help out at all.
When I went up to talk to Lex after I talked to Bruce I x-rayed the room to see
what Lex was doing. He was drinking so I left him. I was too afraid that we'd
just fight and it would get worse.
Was it that selfish of me to want that from him? I guess so. I can't even face
my own reflection right now. The only thing I want is to forget the weekend
happened and just move on.
We didn't really talk about it after. There was no point in telling Lex what I
want. He would just have said no, and I knew that. I was not really in the mood
to be rejected on my birthday. I feel at a loss here, now. I feel like I was
totally in the wrong but I have no idea how to fix it.
Maybe he'd be better off without me. I can't seem to handle the hard stuff when
he needs me to. In the end I know that Lex saying no to me is a good thing.
I have a lot of thinking to do. I don't want this to be this way and I know I am
the one who can do something about it. I just hope I don't end up making things
worse.
~
12:20p - The weekend went okay
I think that maybe we shouldn't have gone. B has somebody staying with him. He
took an orphan. I will call him D. We're about the same age and he's really
cool. I liked him almost immediately. His parents died in an accident. I felt so
bad for him, but at the same time he has B to take care of him. He's lucky I
think. B is really a great guy.
I still feel that maybe it didn't do Lex any good. I have no idea what he and B
talked about, but in the end maybe we should have stayed close to home.
I feel very lost right now. I wasn't sure how to handle Lex or what to say or
what to do. I know I did all the wrong things.
I should have stayed home.
It was the crappiest birthday ever.
~~
2:04p
- I just broke everything
. . . in the torch office. Chloe is gone one day and every single thing that could
go wrong has gone wrong. On top of that Lana just came in to tell me that she had
a weird dream about Chloe being kidnapped. She seemed unsure of whether it really
was a dream.
Mom harassed me this morning about the formal. She even made the suggestion, I
think since dad was right there, that I might like to go with Chloe. The truth is I
know (and she does too), who I would go with if I could. I wonder how Lex looks
in a tux. I could always ask him to model one just for me. I bet he looks
awesome.
The idea is appealing. I'm going to think about asking Chloe as a friend.
Anyway I have to see if I can get anything to work. Chloe will kill me if she comes
back to find that I broke her precious paper.
~
8:40p - I was so panicked
Yesterday I was so panicked when I went over to see Lex. I wasn't sure what to
say or how to say it so I stood like a total doofus outside his office door
rehearsing what to say. We'd already sort of made up with the e-mails (I hate
fighting and mom always says never go to sleep mad) so I have no idea why I was
so nervous. I just had to go in and explain that I am a total incompetent dork.
Lex found me in the hall talking to myself. That was embarrassing. It turns out
I had nothing to worry about at all. We went up to his sitting room and I told
him point blank that I wanted him to take me on my birthday. I wanted him to
love me so much that he would take this one last vestige of my virginity.
I understand that it's not about love at all. He loves me so much that he
doesn't want to take this from me even though I offer it to him willingly. I
know what he means. He's afraid he'll hurt me; both physically and emotionally.
He's afraid I won't be me any more. He's afraid he'll lose me. No matter
whatever happens between us I will never want to lose Lex.
He can't hurt me physically at all. I don't even know if I'll feel anything. My
skin is almost completely invulnerable now. Unless I'm near meteor rocks nothing
can break, tear or penetrate it, although I have something for him to penetrate
so that is not a concern. I've thought about experimenting, but I always blush
way too hard even just thinking about it.
After we talked he promised to let me know when he was ready to go in that
direction with me. I was so relieved and felt so much better. I knew things
between us would be fine. I even fell on my knees and sucked him off. I gave it
everything I had. I think it was my best blowjob ever. Why is it called a blow
job? There is no blowing involved.
I wanted him to be relaxed so that I could fuck him. I hate calling it that but
saying make love to him seems even weirder. It was the most mind-blowing sex
ever! I wanted to see his eyes and I am so glad. He looked so beautiful under me
with his head thrown back and his eyes sparkling as he urged me fuck him. I was
so afraid I would hurt him. I should call to see how his ass is. At the least it
would be a very amusing conversation.
It's weird, all my life I've had to worry about my strength, but I was in
complete control yesterday. I knew exactly how hard to thrust and how vigorous I
could be. Lex loved it. He begged me to push harder and I did. Neither of us
broke and when I reached down to touch his cock, I knew I could do it. I knew I
could control my body enough to fuck him and jerk him so that he could come too.
It was so intense I just wish I could describe how amazing it felt to have him
under me, coming almost at the same time as me. It fucking feels amazing. It was
the most blissful thing in the world.
I totally love Lex. I am so sure of it now. After that night how can I even
challenge it.
~~
11:18a - Close call that I don't even want to think about
Last night somebody tried to kill Chloe. Thanks to Lana and a vision she had, I
managed to save Chloe in time. She stopped by and we talked about Chloe and how
Chloe was my first kiss. I was so upset. Then Lana had a vision about a windmill
and I knew where Chloe was. I ran as fast as I could to save her.
She was buried underground. I found her just in time. I hate to think what would
have happened if Lana hadn't had that vision. It really upsets me to think that
I could have lost Chloe forever.
I stayed with her at the hospital until Lana arrived to be with her then I went
straight over to the mansion. I needed to be with Lex. He was already in bed
when I arrived so I joined him. I was so terrified. I spilled everything, about
what happened with Chloe, as we lay in bed together. I didn't tell him about how
I saved her with my strength and x-ray vision, but I really wanted to.
It was so nice to be near him and have his warm, safe arms around me. It's funny
that I should feel so safe when I'm with him when I am the one who's strong.
I couldn't help it. As we lay in bed his warmth and soft touches spurred me on
and I got so excited. I wanted his naked body against me. I wanted to feel alive
and loved and just feel. I love touching him and sucking him off makes me feel
so connected to him. So I did it. I stripped him naked and sucked him off. He's
so responsive, and I love how he trembles after he climaxes. His whole body
belongs to me in that moment.
He pushed me down into the mattress and sucked me off. I tore the sheets when I
came, but I didn't care. I wanted to let loose. If only I could tell him the
truth about me, then I wouldn't have to worry about that. I could rip and shred
to my heart's content. But then maybe he would be horrified to see how strong I
am. I've gotten stronger in the last while, too. I have no idea how much
stronger I'll be. I just hope it's not so much stronger that I break everything
I touch.
I had to leave soon after that because it was so late. When I got home I told
mom that I was with Chloe and Lana. She had no reason to doubt me. I was too
tired to really care by then. I hope they catch whoever hurt Chloe. I'm going to
go talk to her tonight to see if she remembers anything at all about who this
person might be.
~~
10:17a - I spent the night at the hospital
… with Chloe. She was so freaked out about what happened. I don't blame her. When I
went to see her last night to ask if she could remember anything at all she
started to cry and talked about being buried alive. I wanted to make her feel
safe so I stayed with her and held her hand most of the night.
She's so brave and strong. I am so happy that she's okay.
I've decided that I am going to ask her to the formal. Now I just have to figure
out how to tell Lex.
~
11:39p - It's been the most unbelievable day!
I came back less than an hour ago from saving Lana. The guy who tried to kill
Chloe was a policeman who wanted to be a hero by saving Chloe, but when I
intervened he decided to take Lana instead. It's so crazy. It's because of the
meteors. They caused Lana's visions, and the visions ended when the police
officer was killed trying to shoot his way out of the situation.
I wish I could say that I don't feel guilt, but I do. They came with me, and
they are so dangerous. It makes me wish I'd never crashed here.
On top of that dad gave the check back to Lex. I am totally freaking out. Dad is
freaking more than I am, about the fact that Lex is suddenly interested in the
field where my ship crashed.
Lex stopped by to see me, tonight before I went off to see if I could help Lana,
to tell me why he's digging there. He told dad and me earlier that he's doing
land surveys, but why would he take the time to do that?
Then he dropped the bomb; somebody told him they saw my ship land. At first I
was excited because Lex seemed to be really interested, and not freaked out at
all by the idea. I shouldn't doubt Lex, but what if he finds something. I don't
think he'd ever be able to link it to me, although Lex is pretty smart. Lex
found that guy who said he saw the ship land, what if he finds somebody who saw
mom and dad that day. What if somebody saw my parents put the ship in the
truck? Suddenly I am so scared.
It turns out the only reason he's doing it is to try to figure out what happened
to him on the day of the meteor strike. I could easily tell him what happened; I
ruined his life. I fell down from the sky and killed people. The meteors are
still killing people in this town. But I was too terrified so I hid behind
mockery. I feel a little ashamed about that, but it's like when he said it, when
he actually uttered the words ship, my heart stopped. I didn't manage to get an
impression of what he would think if something came with that ship.
I want to go see Lex tonight but I can't. The way he was talking about the stars
and the ship, it frightens me. I think about it a lot and I know that part of my
fear is that if I told Lex it would make it very real. It's already real enough
for me. The ship is there. I looked at it for a while today, and wondered again
about all those questions I always ask when I look at it.
If Lex knew these things about me I don't know what I would do. I look into his
eyes and sometimes I think I could tell him. He loves me it won't matter, but
then this fear grips me and I can't even speak. I'd have to tell him how I came
from space. How I may look like a person but I'm not. Then I would have to tell
him about my abilities.
Bullets bounced off me tonight. A man shot me point blank and I felt nothing. I
don't even have bruises on me like the last time when Lex shot me. I felt
nothing at all, except a little mad. He was trying to kill me and my friend so
that pissed me off.
Imagine somebody telling you they are so strong they could lift a truck over
their head and throw it into the next county.
Would you be afraid of that person?
~~~
5:07p - What a difference a week makes.
I am so ecstatic right now.
It's all arranged. I already asked my best friend Pete and we can take his
brother's biggest car. It's a convertible.
I thought since we've all had such a rough week, especially Chloe and Lana, we'd all
hang out and take in a move, so we're headed to the local drive-in. They're
playing Shrek 2 and since it's a bit of a drive to get there we're going to have
dinner at the theatre, too. I can't wait for greasy burgers and that huge box of
fries. It's been so long since I've done something like this. We always all seem
so busy.
The school day has been kind of nice today. I spent my lunch hour with PR in the
cafeteria, drinking milk and exchanging sandwiches. Pete always hated his mom's
Friday lunch. I can eat just about everything. He bragged about his date for the
formal. I just smiled and ate my food.
Mom gave me extra money for the night, too, so I plan on buying a lot of dinner.
I haven't really had a burger and popcorn in the same night in ages. I can't
wait!
~~
11:27a - The movie was so much fun.
We got to the drive-in and
drove in line (you can't really stand in line at a drive-in). Pete and I let
Chloe
and Lana sit in the front seat since I am so tall. Then Pete and I volunteered to
get the food and drinks. While we were in line at the concession booth Pete
badgered me about asking somebody to the formal. I informed him I had somebody
in mind, but that I would have to wait and see. I almost said I had to ask Lex
first if it was okay. That would have been way too hard to explain.
I think it was a great idea. Lana and Chloe seemed to be having a good time although
it probably would have been better if every five minutes I hadn't asked if
everything was okay. I just wanted everybody to have a good time.
I spent most of today just fixing things and doing a lot of chores. Tonight I'm
going over to see Lex to ask him about the formal and to get his advice on what
kind of tux to wear. He's so stylish and I really think he knows way more about
this than I do. I bet he's been to a ton of these things.
I've never been to any of the school dances.
I have to get back to work now.
~~
7:55p
- I did it
I went over to the mansion last night and I asked how Lex would feel about my
asking Chloe to the formal. He was fine with it.
So earlier today I asked and she said yes! I was so excited. She seemed very
happy about it which is great. She also got that internship at the paper she
wanted to get. It was a happy day to say the least after all that unhappy stuff
that happened last week.
Last night after I talked to Lex about the formal, I asked his advice about
tuxedos. He even modeled one for me. He looked stunning to say the least. He's
so elegant even when he just walks out of his closet and isn't walking into some
fancy social event. I couldn't keep my hands off him. As soon as I saw him I
wanted to undress him.
So I did. He just stood as I undressed him and then I sucked him off while I was
still dressed. I was too anxious to do things with him so I didn't get undressed
until he was on the bed, waiting for me.
I wanted it to be nice and gentle. I can do that even though I am the clumsiest
guy I know. He didn't complain as I climbed on top of him, and we did it.
I never thought it would feel so wonderful and natural to just do that without
even planning it. I sort of knew when I went over that I wanted us to do stuff,
but I didn't really know exactly what stuff we'd do.
It just felt so natural to want to touch and be a part of him. I feel close to
him when we're like that. His eyes go all soft, and he makes these noises that
get me even more excited. He's beautiful. I might have said this many times
before or maybe I only said it in my private posts.
Things have worked out so well this weekend. I'm off to read this book I've been
meaning to read.
~~
1:09p - So weird
When I told Pete that I asked Chloe to the formal and she said yes he breathed this sigh of relief. I asked him
what that was about. He actually said he was beginning to think I batted for the
other team.
I am very amused by this comment. Truly I am. My best friend thought I was gay.
He also pointed out that Chloe probably sees this as us now officially dating. I
didn't correct him. That's fine by me if the school thinks I'm with Chloe. She and
I know the truth. I know it wouldn't bother her.
Of course the truth is my heart belongs 100 % to Lex. He is the one who will
always hold the key to my heart. It sounds corny, but that is how I feel.
Off to Math class. I think we have a test that I totally forgot to study for. Oh
well, I'll just use my x-ray vision to cheat. Just kidding. But x-ray vision
would so be cool to have.
~~
9:07p
- After dinner
Mom and dad showed me how to dance. When I asked mom about slow dancing, she
demonstrated with dad. They look so amazing dancing together. I love my parents
and I love how much they love each other. It makes me so happy. When dad dipped
mom and kissed her I looked away. I don't think I'll be doing that to Chloe any
time soon. When it was my turn to dance with mom I managed it without once
stepping on her toes.
We had a quiet dinner and mostly just talked about things like what this growing
season will be like, and my first official date. Dad is a little tentative about
it. I told him I would try not to get her pregnant. His eyes almost fell out of
his head, but it was so worth it just to see the look on his face. My dad acts
like I should never date. He likes to stay out of these sorts of things. Mom on
the other hand has to push just a little.
She kept smiling all happy then sudden she'd go quiet. I asked her about that
when we washed the dishes together as dad went out to fix that crappy tractor.
She said it was nothing, but I managed to get it out of her eventually. She said
she kept forgetting I don't actually like Chloe that way. I almost told her that
Chloe
is spoken for, but that is certainly not my information to divulge. I learned my
lesson.
It got kind of serious for a bit so we sat and had some coffee with a slice of
pie. My mom is the best mom in the world. I'm so lucky to have her. She is the
most understanding mom I could ever have hoped for.
I tried to explain to her how I feel about Lex. As we were talking, dad walked
in. Mom covered by saying that Lex had helped me pick out my tux. My dad only
grunted at that and went up to have a shower.
Later dad came down and pulled me aside to talk about what my obligation as the
male half of this date would be. Like the fact that I would drive her, and that
I should get her a corsage. Mom said she would cover the corsage. I think maybe
I could ask Lex to loan me his limo. I really want to make the night great for
Chloe. She deserves it. She has been such a great friend and stood by me through
everything.
Off to study. I have a major test tomorrow. Some teachers have no sympathy.
~~
10:47p - Jealousy
I know it well. I've been jealous of people all my life. I always watched from
the sidelines as other kids did normal things; dated, played sports, or just
played at fighting.
Tonight I went over to see Lex at the mansion. My tux needed a few adjustments.
At first he seemed okay with everything but then I realized he was really upset
at how happy I am about the dance. I was surprised, but I reassured him that I
am only with him. I also reassured him that Chloe has no interest in me that
way. She is just my friend.
I thought it was funny that he would be jealous. There isn't anything to be
jealous of. He's the first person to ever show this kind of interest in me in my
life. I think Chloe might have felt something for me at one point, but that is
long over. On top of that in the whole time I loved Lana she never once saw me
as anything but the nice neighbor next door. She only started talking to me this
year, and look what that got me; hanging in a field on a cross almost naked.
Lex has no idea how much he means to me. I could tell him a million times over
that I think he's the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me, and he
still would ask me if I was sure. He saved my life a few times, but that isn't
all. He opened my world up to scary things, but those scary things have changed
my world in ways that I never would have dreamed of.
My whole life was turned upside down by Lex. Because of him I discovered my true
origins. I found out why I get sick when I go near the rocks. I found out lead
can block the effects of the meteors. I found out I can love and be loved back
by somebody other than my mom and dad. It's all so frightening and I should
probably run from Lex, but he makes my heart pound in my chest, and my breath
shortens.
Today he pushed me down onto his bed and sucked me off. I know he did it to show
that I belong with him, but he really didn't need to do it. I didn't complain.
It was an awesome blow job. I even chanced touching his head. I'm always so
afraid to touch him when I'm so close to a climax. I've broken things in the
past. I was very careful, but I decided it was probably better to stop touching.
I'll try again another time.
I came so fast it was embarrassing. I'd jerked off the night before, but I was
still so anxious. It's much different when Lex touches me. His mouth and hands
and lips and tongue; I love every part of his body, but mostly I love when they
are touching me. He makes me feel sexy.
Then I pulled his clothes off just enough so I could suck him off and bite his
nipples. He has these really nice nipples that respond in this amazing way.
I bit his nipples and jerked him off. I wanted to see him lose total control.
Once I sucked his cock he went incoherent. He looked so fucking hot half dressed
with his head thrown back and his skin all flushed. I told him I would make him
scream my name when he came. I managed to get him to cry out my name. I was very
proud of myself. To be fair, I screamed his name when I came.
After all that he says he's somewhat convinced and that he might need more
convincing at a later date. Pervert. I totally love him!
~~
5:53p
- Everybody's life....
. . . was just turned upside-down.
Lex has a piece of my ship! Mr. Big closed the plant and Chloe might have to
move back to Metropolis. Everything changes so fast and I can't keep up.
The day started out so great. I was still on a high from yesterday and what Lex
and I had done. Pete and Lana were helping me decide what color to pick for my
tie and cummerbund and then Chloe told us the awful news. Lex's dad just closed
the plant. Just like that. I can't believe his father would do that! Our town is
like a game to Mr. Big.
Everything was going so great. Lex told me a few weeks ago that the plant had
finally turned a profit. I was so proud of him. He has all these big plans and
his dad just has to come and stomp all over them. I realize business is not
something you can play around with, but still, Lex was so excited. It's just not
fair.
I went over to talk to him about what happened with the plant, and to see how he
was holding up. When I was there I saw it; the missing piece. My ship has this
little octagonal missing piece and we always thought that maybe something fit in
there. I guess something does. I only had a chance to hold it for a second
before Lex came into the room. It has the same symbols on it. I am so sure that
it will start my ship. If I had told Lex the truth about me I could tell him
it's mine and he would have given it to me. Now it sits in his office, a fancy
paperweight. God, what a big fat lie to match my own big fat lies. He must have
found it when he did that dig at the crash site.
I am so freaked out. I know there is no logical way Lex can trace it back to me,
but what if there is? What if somehow he could figure it out? Lex is very smart.
That guy told him about my ship landing. What if Lex has already figured out
what it's for and he's not telling me? He was so distracted when I stopped by. I
wanted to ask if I could borrow his limo for the dance, but I'm sure that is the
last thing on his mind right now. He has way more important things to worry
about like all those poor people who are now out of a job.
I couldn't imagine what it must be like to have so much riding on you. I have
every confidence in him, and I know that he will do something to fix things. I
just wish I could do more than just sit back, but what the heck can I do besides
give him my complete support?
When I got home mom and dad were reading the special edition of the local paper.
Dad seemed so happy that Lex would now be gone from our lives, though he wasn't
happy that Lex had screwed things up for everybody else. My mind is in such
turmoil right now. I'm so mad at my dad. The first thing he did was accuse Lex
of sitting on his ass and letting the plant fall apart. I wanted to smack him so
hard.
I just hope things get better from here.
Still, if I could get that missing piece and put it in the ship maybe so many
questions would be answered. Maybe then I would find out why I'm here and where
I came from. Maybe it would ease my fears.
I need to run.
~
11:44p -
I still feel
bad
I went for a long walk to clear my head, but it didn't really help. Things have
gone really bad today. Mr. Big closed down the plant Lex runs. He's trying to
get Lex to move back to the city and he thinks that if he closes it down Lex
will fall in line. I wish I could go see him again, I went by earlier, but he
was so busy.
I did go by the mansion again but I didn't go inside. I ran into Mr. K out in
the gardens and we talked for a bit. He had no idea about any of this and looked
so sad. He's caught in the middle of it. I feel bad for him; I feel bad for
everybody. Over 2000 people lost their jobs.
I stayed with Mr. K for a while and we talked, mostly about how it sucks to have
to grow up. I couldn't hold it in any more. I've been feeling so overwhelmed the
last few days.
I just wish I could go be with Lex. I feel so helpless and lost. He's alone and
I'm just a kid. What am I supposed to do?
I'm losing my best friend, too. Chloe may move back to the city. Everybody's going
away and I'm totally helpless to stop it. Lex says he has a plan, but what if it
doesn't happen? What if he has to go, too? I know that won't change anything
between us.
The last time his dad offered him a job in the city Lex turned it down. He said
he didn't like that person he was when he was in the city close to his father.
If he's forced to go back who will he become? But I shouldn't even think that
way. I have faith in Lex. I know he will succeed in whatever it is he is trying
to do.
Lana is freaking out totally over Whitney's choice to go to join the marines. I
know how she feels. He's going off to join the marines. He actually asked Lana to
wait for him! I wonder what he's thinking. I mean, he knows she is with somebody
else. She said she couldn't say anything.
Everything is changing so fast.
~~
7:39a
-
Damned truck!
I can't believe I just blew up the truck! I was pushing posts into the ground
for the new fence. I needed something to distract me and clear my head so I
thought I would get my chores done in the morning. I love pushing posts into the
ground. It's such a great way to burn off excess energy.
The truck exploded into a big ball of flames when I started it. Dad thinks the
fertilizer in the back somehow ignited. I feel like a total idiot. We can't
afford a new truck, and how the heck am I going to take Chloe to the dance now!
At least it was me in the truck and not mom or dad.
I didn't even feel the heat from the flames this time. The debris didn't hurt at
all this time. I haven't got a single bruise or scratch on me. Mom thinks I'm
getting stronger. It totally freaks me out when stuff like this happens.
I just took a shower and changed. I have to get to school soon.
The only bonus is that mom totally pampered me. She made me fresh pancakes for
breakfast and they smell awesome.
~
12:39p - One step closer
Now that Chloe's dad has lost
his job they might have to move away for good. At first I asked Chloe if she wanted
to cancel out on the formal, but she wants something to go right so everything
is still on. She even begged me not to abandon her at the dance. I reassured her
that I would never do that to her. I vow that we she is going to have the best
night of her life. I really want to make everything great for her.
She's going to pick me up tomorrow to take us to the dance since we lost our
truck in an accident.
I just called Lex and asked him to order a red tie combo for my tux. I'm sure he
has other things on his mind. I just needed a distraction. It was nice to hear
his voice. I asked him how things were going with the plant situation. He sounds
determined, but tired. I wish there was something more I could do for him.
~
8:00p
-
The truck was not an accident
Some reporter who knows all about me blew our truck up on purpose. He wanted to
test me. When I was at the Talon today he approached me. Lex interrupted and
told him off. I wish I was that slick. I totally love how he verbally kicked
that guy's ass for bothering me. I couldn't believe this guy. He has no idea who
he's messing with.
Why is it that as soon as somebody finds out about me they want to take
advantage of me? I would never hurt anybody and every time somebody has found
out about my abilities they've wanted to kill me or take control of me. The last
time I was this freaked out was when that cop found out. That turned out so bad.
I have no idea what to do now. Dad said that he and mom would take care of it.
He thinks that if this guy really is after something he'll go to him about it.
The only person who has never tried to hurt me is Bruce.
I know my parents will be able to handle it, but sometimes I wish I had Lex in
my corner. I know he'd do anything to protect me. Maybe that's what I fear. What
if anything, to Lex, means killing? I could never live with it if Lex was forced
to kill for me.
~~
10:46a - I can't believe Lex!
He's so good to me. I just
got the tux early this morning. He had it delivered and on top of that he
changed the tie combo from red to black. He's so amazing. I wanted to call and
tell him I changed my mind and that I wanted black instead. Somehow Lex knew. I
want to run over there right now and kiss him into a big huge ball of mush, and
then I would throw him on his bed and make him squirm and beg for me to keep
going.
I totally love him!!!!!!!!
After the dance I am going to give him a big present. I hope he's up for it.
Last night I went over for an hour just to give him a taste of what's to come.
We didn't even remove a single stitch of clothing, but the kisses and the
touches were so hot. I told him how much I love him.
~
4:10p - I love him so much.
He had time to stop by just
before Chloe picked me up for the dance. It was so wonderful to see him. I asked
about how the buyout was going. He said things were going to get worse before
they got better. I know he'll do it. I have faith that he will best his father.
He arrived just in time to help me with my tie. Then he started talking weird,
saying things about how no matter what happened in the next while he and I would
still be friends. I wasn't sure how to react to that so I just kissed him. He
really looked like he needed it. I wanted to do more, but my mom and dad were in
the house and Chloe was due to arrive at any moment. She isn't here yet, but she
will be soon.
I told him I would go by the mansion later tonight, since mom and dad said I
don't have a curfew tonight, and we could celebrate together. I want him so
badly I get hard just thinking about him. I better stop that since Chloe is about
to arrive.
I am so excited.
~
8:03p
My whole world changed in just a few hours. The ship is gone. Dad is missing and
maybe dead. The dance is ruined. So much happened my head is spinning.
I had to run off on Chloe to save Lana. I hate that I broke my word to Chloe,
but I'm so glad I did it. Lana would not have survived if I hadn't gone after
her. I ran right into the heart of the storm to save her. When I found her she
was in the truck caught in one of the funnels maybe a few miles off the ground.
I think I might have actually flown. It felt like I did.
Somehow I managed to control my direction enough to get into the truck and cover
her up so she wouldn't get hurt. She passed out by the time we got back on the
ground. I can't even remember how that happened. We were just on the ground all
of a sudden and she was out cold. My tux is ruined, but I don't care. Chloe is
going to be so angry. I think even when she knows that I ran to rescue Lana she
may still be mad at me.
After I brought Lana to the hospital and made sure she was okay I ran as fast as
I could to the house. I found mom in the storm cellar knocked out. The ship is
gone and so is dad. He went after Nixon. I'm going to go look for him right now.
I just needed to think for a minute.
If my dad gets hurt because of me I don't know what I'll do. I'm going to go
look for him now.
~
11:37p - I can't believe how naive I was!
I am such a fool. All this
time I let him touch me and he was going behind my back.
I didn't find dad. Lex went out with me to help me look for him. We split up, on
Lex's suggestion, to cover more ground. When I met up with him later I caught
him talking on his cell phone to Roger. I couldn't believe it.
The look on Lex's face when he lied … it was so obvious and when I called him on
it he hesitated. He told me earlier in the evening that he almost let his father
die in the storm. He said he hesitated then. He said he almost let his dad die,
and thought his life would be easier if he'd gone through with it. I felt so
horrible for him, but I told him it was okay because he'd made the right choice;
he chose to save his father.
Maybe he just told me that to get me to feel sorry for him. Maybe all of this;
us, has been nothing but a great big manipulation on his part.
I feel like a total idiot. Lex lied about knowing that guy. He told me he didn't
know him and I caught him talking to him on his phone, and then lied about it!
Right to my face! How stupid does he think I am? He must think I'm just some
dumb hick he can manipulate and take advantage of and I fell for it totally.
How much of what he's said to me is a lie? I can't believe this. My dad is still
out there somewhere, doing who knows what. Mom is so upset. How do I tell her
it's because of Lex that this is happening? I told him so many private things
and maybe all this time he was laughing at me just so he could find out my
secrets. If my dad was right all along about him I don't know what I'll do. I
know one thing for sure. I am never letting him touch me again.
I felt so betrayed when I heard Lex say Nixon's name. I think back to when I ran
into that guy at the Talon. How Lex pretended he didn't know him. Did he tell
Nixon to blow me up? Did he know all this time what to look for? What about that
piece of the ship? Lex had it in his office. I saw it there. Now my ship is
gone, and Roger has it on tape. He's going to give that to Lex, and then
everything will be over.
For the first time in as long as I can remember my mom and I had dinner without
my dad there. My lies don't hurt anybody; Lex's lie might cost me my father.
I feel like my whole world just fell apart.
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