09:52 am
I don't know what to think about these caves
If the paintings really are made by my people, then what do they mean? What does that language mean? I wish I could
read it. I wish I could know what it all means.
The picture of the girl is wrong. I mean, I am not in love with a dark-haired girl. I wonder if it means that I really am supposed to end up
with a girl?
I don't care because I am not letting some old paintings rule my life.
I've been down there every morning and every day after school this week. I want to know what they say.
I want to know what I am. Were all my people like me, with special 'gifts'? Why was I sent here? What were my people thinking when they sent
me here?
So many questions and I have no answers to any of them. I wish I could tell Lex about my true origins. Maybe he'd help me find out what it
all means. I'm just too afraid to lose him. I couldn't take that right now. If I was totally sure that he'd take it fine... but it's not
him. I know it's not him. It's me. I just can't stand to have anybody look at me like I'm a freak, especially not Lex. I love him so much. I
think about him 24/7. I want to call him all the time. I feel so stupid and sometimes I think if I didn't have him, I'd die or something.
I know he knows about my strength and my speed, but that's not the same as knowing that I came from outer space. I'm not ready to deal with
that revelation. Maybe Lex is. I know I trust him with my life and, at this point, I should probably trust him with my secrets, but I get
all freaked out when I imagine telling him.
I'll tell him. Someday. Then I can hope that he won't kick me out and never talk to me again. I had that nightmare again where he calls me
to the mansion and tells me that he found out about my true secret and then he hits me with a sword and tells me he'll destroy my life.
I woke up in a panic. The dream was so real. Just thinking about it makes me ill.
I need to get to class. I am so late.
~
08:55 am
This is just unbelievable
People used the caves for a party last night! The same caves that Kyla died to protect. Not only that, but my friends
Pete and Chloe went without telling me about it. I ran into Pete just before school. He was riding his dirt bike on the sidewalk. He's
crazy. I have no idea what got into him. I think the sudden death of our friend Travis, must have really gotten to him. He kept talking
about how we should all take chances. He even accused me of never taking any chances. He said all this stuff about how I'm a really
good-looking guy but I never go after girls.
If only he knew the truth.
After he took off, I stopped in at the Talon to talk to Lana about what happened last night. I wasn't at the rave, but Travis fell to his
death. I wish I'd been there to do something. Maybe I could have stopped it from happening. People think he was on some kind of drug and it
sure sounds like it.
Lana and I are going to see a movie together tomorrow night. We both feel like we've been drifting apart a little so we decided to make more
of an effort on our friendship. I am so glad we've gotten closer. We don't talk much but I really enjoy it when we do get a chance to be
together.
I got to school late again. It's really not my fault. I was trying to find Pete. He's not around. I hope he doesn't get into any trouble. I
know he's just upset and blowing off some steam so I'll probably try to find him later.
I stopped by the caves before school to see how much damage was done. Lex was there. He told me that he's having a professional cleaning
crew clean and that he's got new security that will let only me into the caves from now on. I had to kiss him for that one. He's so awesome.
I wanted to stay but I needed to get to class and we didn't want anybody to catch us making out. Maybe later we can do something in the
privacy of his bedroom.
The school called Mom and Dad and told them I've been getting to school late. They just ordered me to come straight home from school and
that I am not to go to the caves any more. Dad is really angry and Mom is disappointed, but they said I could still go to the movies with
Lana tomorrow as long as I get all my homework and chores done before I go.
I have to get to class now before I'm late again.
~
08:39 pm
Shoot!
Pete just stood in the middle of Main Street in front of a speeding bus. I had to use my speed to save him. Then when I
tried to get him to come with me to the hospital, he yelled that I'm an alien! The whole street stared at me. It was so embarrassing.
What the hell? Why would he do this to me? I am so freaked out. This is going to be all over town by tomorrow morning. Lex is going to hear
about it!
I think maybe somebody slipped Pete something. This is not good. Chloe said that they think somebody slipped Travis something and two other
kids ended up dead after the rave. It might have been some new designer drug.
~
08:38 am
Pete has something in him
And it's making him act strange. He just showed up in my loft and told me to leave him alone. He called me a freak and
used a green meteor rock to stop me from going near him. Then he told me he'd show people my ship.
He called me a freak. I feel so sick. I can't believe Pete would do this to me. I have to find him and get that thing out of him.
He called me a freak. I know I sometimes use that word to describe myself (it's even in my user name), but it hurt to hear Pete say it.
~
09:50 am
First Lex says I can go down to the caves any time I want
Then he turns around and because some guy he only found thanks to me says he doesn't want me down there,
Lex took away
my cave privileges. I can't believe he would listen to that guy and not me.
Chloe and I went down into the caves this morning to see if we could find something and
Lex showed up with this guy. Lex told me that I
can't go down into the caves anymore. He said that this guy wants nobody else down there.
And I can't believe Chloe! I just went to the Torch office to ask for her help and she was kissing some guy! She said she didn't even know
his name. Then she just brushes it off like she kisses strange guys every day.
Is everybody going nuts? Then she did this lollipop thing that turned me on. She did it on purpose. I just know it. She was practically
taunting me. At least I think she was. I mean, she was doing things to it with her mouth and her tongue, and I stared, and I dare anybody
not to stare! It was not something Chloe would do, but still, she seemed a little pissed off.
At least she agreed to find Pete and talk to him. He's acting so strange. I need to get my things together for class and then I need to tell
Lana that we have to do the movie another night. I have to help Pete. I feel so bad that I have to break our plans but at least this time I
can't give her a reason.
~
07:46 pm
How could Pete do this to me?
He put a red meteor rock in my pocket so I'd play along with him and Chloe. They were both infected with that thing.
I can't even believe any of this. I just got back from the hospital. Chloe and Pete are both okay and they forgot everything they did while
they were infected. Lana is so mad at me.
I have no idea how to make any of this up to anybody. Lex is never going to talk to me and when Chloe finds out what we did while she was
infected... if she talks to me, I'll be surprised.
I tried to talk to Lana and tell her that I needed to help Pete. Then Pete showed up and Lana got really upset. Then Pete must have put the
red meteor rock in my shirt because the next thing I knew, I was happy to raise hell with him and Chloe. We went to my loft and I showed
Chloe my speed and she fell and I caught her and then Lex was there and suddenly all the anger I'd held in all morning spilled out. I told
Lex never to come near me again. I told him that he's not welcome.
Then I pushed him away from me. Remembering the look of hurt on his face makes me so sad. I wish I could be mad at Pete but it's not his
fault. That thing made him do it. That thing in Chloe and him made them act out and made them crave excitement.
I got caught in the middle of it.
After Pete, Chloe and I left Lex in my loft, we went for a drive then we pulled over and I asked Chloe to suck me off and then told her I
would fuck her except I have Lex. Pete made this face then congratulated me for sticking it to Luthor. It was so horrible. I watched my two
best friends have sex in the back seat of Pete's car. I couldn't even feel worse about all of this if I tried. I hate red meteor rocks so
much.
How could Pete do this to me!!?!
After that, we drove to the Talon so Chloe and I could make out right there for Lana to watch. She caught us, all right. Lana was furious
and I have no way to explain to her why I was kissing her girlfriend in her own coffee shop. On top of that, people saw us. Chloe took my
shirt off and the meteor rock must have fallen out, because I snapped out of it and put my jacket back on. I pushed Chloe away and she
mocked Lana as soon as Lana came in. She told Lana that I told her everything about me. Lana ran off crying.
Then Pete knocked me out with a sucker punch and a green meteor rock in his fist. This story is so surreal. How am I going to explain to Lex
why I treated him so badly, and how am I going to tell him that I let Chloe suck me off?
After Lana woke me up she told me that Pete and Chloe drove off to jump the gorge. Lana was so angry. I had to run off to catch Pete and
Chloe and I made it just as the car flew off the cliff. I caught it and managed to drive them both to the medical center. The doctors took
the parasite out of them.
When I went to check on Chloe, Lana was there. She is very angry. I don't blame her. From her side it looks like I took advantage of Chloe.
I knew Chloe was under the influence of that thing. I was the one who told the doctors what to look for.
It's such a mess. There's only one thing I can do.
I went to the Torch office and found the school ring. I have the ring and a green meteor rock in the lead box that Lex gave me. I'm going to
see Lex. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I don't really have a plan yet, but I have to do something. I have to tell him what happened
with Chloe, and hope that he forgives me. The last time I did something with another girl, he said that I could never do that again.
He has no idea. Nobody does. They all think it's so easy, that I can just fight the effects of the red stone, but I can't. I only want one
thing when it's near. I want to give in.
~
03:40 pm
I did it
Lex knows. He knows I'm an alien. He knows. I can't get past this one sentence.
Lex knows I'm an alien. I told him last night. I don't know why. It just felt right. I was sitting there after showing him what the green
meteor rocks and the red meteor rocks do to me, and I just couldn't lie any more. I was terrified. I thought my heart would pound out of my
chest or something.
I did the most stupid thing ever. I went over last night with a green meteor rock and one of the school rings with the red rock in it. I
didn't really have a plan. I just figured I'd know what to do once I got there.
Lex was upstairs in his sitting room, drinking and reading. He let me in and I handed the box to him. I wanted to do it as fast as I could
before I turned tail and ran out of there. I told him that I needed him to see what I was trying to say. I decided it wasn't enough to tell
him, I had to show him. That was the only way he'd believe me for sure.
So he took out the green meteor rock and I fell over. It hurt but it was worth it. Lex was kind of mad. Now he knows my weakness so he can
use it against me if I ever try to hurt him. He said he never would, but even my parents keep meteor rocks around just in case.
He never really did use the green rock. Even after I put the school ring on and tried to rape him. He had the box in his hands the whole
time and he could have used it any time he wanted to, but he didn't. He tried to talk me into taking off the ring, but that didn't happen.
He said he didn't want to hurt me.
Eventually, Lex dropped the box and the green meteor rock fell out and I was weak enough for him to take the ring off. I'm so glad. I never
wanted to hurt him. I should have done it another way, but I didn't think. I never think. I was so stupid.
Then I did it. I told Lex that I fell during the meteor shower in a pod. And that was when the question period started. I knew he'd want to
know everything. At first I was so scared but then as he asked each question, I started to feel relief. Then I felt joy. He knew and he
still touched me and he still kissed me and he still wanted me.
I feel so good right now. I've decided that Mom and Dad don't need to know what I did. I can't tell Dad for sure but maybe I'll tell Mom in
time. I just need a few days, weeks, months, years to think about what happened last night.
Lex knows I'm an alien and he still loves me. He's going to protect me. I always knew deep down inside that he'd react this way.
Now, I have chores to do.
~
10:00 pm
Lana is probably never going to talk to me again.
I tried to apologize, but I couldn't explain to her why I did the things I did. I couldn't tell her about the red
meteor rocks the way I could tell Lex.
She thinks I took advantage of Chloe. I guess from her point of view that's true. I want to make this all better but I have no idea how. The
only thing I can do is give it time.
I'm not sure how much time Lana and Chloe are going to need before they'll forgive me. It's all over town what Chloe did. I'm just glad that
Chloe doesn't remember most of it. I told Pete what he did. He was a little angry that he slept with Chloe. He felt awful mostly because he
slipped me that red meteor rock and partly because he doesn't remember. He actually asked me if he enjoyed himself. That was one of the most
uncomfortable conversations ever. I told him that since I have a perfect memory and never forget anything I see, at least one of us will
always know how much Pete liked what he did.
I would laugh if I didn't want to cry. I guess Lana is right. If I can't tell her why I did it, then I shouldn't expect her to forgive me.
I went by to see Lex today. It was so weird. Now that he knows, I wondered if he would look at me differently, but he didn't. He treated me
the same way he always treats me. He was fencing with his instructor when I got there and I watched them for a few minutes. For a second I
was reminded of that day when I walked in and he threw a sword at me and almost hit my head. That seems so long ago.
We ate a light snack and played a few games of chess. Then he talked about some historical thing that I hardly remember because I was too
busy staring into his gorgeous eyes. I had a great time. Everything was like always. I told him about Chloe and Lana but he really didn't
have much advice except to give them time. We didn't really talk about IT. He didn't ask me any questions which I was so grateful for since
I was just so nervous. He put me at ease and made me feel so normal. He's so good at making me feel normal and special all at once.
Now I have a ton of homework and the sky is clear tonight.
~
09:28 am
This morning was kind of nice.
I spent all morning from 3 am until now doing chores. I like it when I have so much to do I can barely think about
anything else. This time it didn't really work. I shared something with Lex the other night and it's blowing my mind now that I have a
chance to really think about what happened. I feel much closer to him than I have ever felt to anybody else in my life.
I also have a lot of apologies to make today. I want to go see how Chloe is doing (that is if Lana even lets me in the front door) and I
have to stop in to see Mr. K. I said and did a few things to him that really needs an explanation. I just hope he forgives me.
I have more chores to do before I go see him. I'm taking my time this morning because I want to think about everything that's happened.
I ordered Mom and Dad to take it easy. They are still in the house lounging so I'm glad they took me seriously.
I feel drained now that I've sat down to make this entry. I need to take a nap. Then I can finish work and then I can go see Mr. K then
Chloe.
Maybe you could stop by later, Lex? I'd like that. Give me a call or leave a comment to let me know.
~
10:34 pm
Warning: falling freak may dent concrete.
So, I woke up from my nap floating, my back pressed to the ceiling of the loft. Mom was yelling at me to wake up. It
was so disorienting. One second I'm having this wonderful dream where Lex pledges his undying love for me. The next second I am floating,
staring at the concrete floor of the barn; the floor of the barn way below me.
Seconds later, I crash landed right in front of my mom.
She freaked out. I know she was trying so hard not to freak, but how the heck are you supposed to react when you find your son floating?
I was freaked out. I haven't floated in a long time. I thought for sure it was just a phase. I guess not.
I was too freaked out over what happened to go see Feegan or Chloe. I stayed home for the rest of the day with mom. She was really cool
after. She made me my favorite cookies and I even managed to steal some raw dough, not that she didn't already know I was going to do it.
She knew. Mom always knows.
I wanted to talk to her about Lex, but it felt wrong. I didn't want to spoil the time I had with her. It was really nice.
Later, after dinner, Lex called and we talked. Not once did he ever say anything about me being an alien. I keep expecting him to start up
with more questions. I guess he's going to give us some time to get used to the idea that things are different between us.
I just love the sound of his voice. I just love having a normal conversation with him. At least he doesn't ask me to do tricks. Sometimes,
when Pete does that, it can be annoying. I haven't really told Lex about the heat vision or the x-ray vision. I wonder when would be a good
time to bring it up.
~
09:23 pm
Just another regular Monday
School was so much fun. Not. I stayed out of Lana and Chloe's way. Chloe only talked to me long enough to tell
me that she doesn't have anything for me to do for the Torch. Lana didn't smile back at me in the hall. I guess I deserve it. If I could
tell her why I did those things... but I can't.
At least Pete is still talking to me. And I still have you, Lex.
I came straight home after school. I have a lot of homework to do tonight.
I can't believe some of the things that Chloe did. The boy's locker room is full of talk about how cute Chloe looks naked.
I totally forgot to tell you. I floated again the other day. Mom found me in the loft. I was in the rafters. The fun part was when I fell to
the ground. You can stop by and see where I made a dent.
I'm so glad I can talk to you about these things.
~
10:31 pm
LEX KNOWS!!!
Suddenly I feel really freaked about all this. I just had to jerk off twice in a row. I went by the mansion to see Lex
tonight and we didn't really talk. We just hung out on his bed and made out. I wasn't sure what to talk about. Now that he knows my secret,
it's harder and easier. I don't have to make up lies for why I do the things I do, but now I feel like we're starting off new. I wonder what
he thinks when I tell him that I float. I wonder how he'll react the next time he sees me do something freaky. I don't want to do freaky
things in front of him. It makes me feel exposed and like if he really sees it, then the truth will hit him and he'll leave me.
LEX KNOWS!!!
I told him in comments earlier today that I touched my alarm clock and it smashed under my fingers and he was all 'ho-hum that's nice. I do
that sometimes too, only probably not as damaging.'
HE KNOWS!!
Of course it's not as damaging. He only knows the half of it.
I fixed the floor in the loft in a half hour and the new alarm clock is all set beside my bed. It's all ready to die a horrible death the
next time it goes off and I'm only half aware of what's going on.
There's this part of me that regrets telling Lex. What if it's a huge mistake? What if he loses interest in me now? What if, when he sees me
shoot fire out of my eyes, he runs screaming for the nearest fire extinguisher? So many what ifs? I go nuts just thinking about all the
things that could go wrong or the things I could say that would be just too much for him to take.
There's still so much I have to tell him. I still have to tell him that I might not stop here. He knows that I get faster every year and
that I get stronger every year. Last year when he shot me, the bullets left bruises. I should probably tell him about that. I wonder what I
should and shouldn't say. Maybe it's better to just move forward and hope. I have hope. I know I have that much. I can hope that he doesn't
freak when he sees just how different I really am.
He's seen my body and that's the same as any other human's body, so maybe I can just not freak out so much over all of this. It's so easy to
type but not so easy to do. I panic whenever I know I'm going to see him. I wonder how much longer he'll let me be just me. I want to be
just Clark. I don't want him to see a thing. I want him to see Clark, the same guy I was last week before I told him I was an alien.
But then there is another part of me that is so excited, I can't wait to show him all of me. I keep forgetting that I can be myself around
him. I was still careful when we made out. I kept telling myself not to touch his bed because I've already broken two of them.
If I can be me, why is it so hard? Why am I so scared?
~
09:18 pm
I thought it couldn't get worse
Pete apologized to Chloe for things I told him about that he can't even remember doing. So now Chloe knows what
happened in the car and I can't give her an explanation for any of my actions. I should have just lied, made something up. I mean with all
of them. Instead I just froze when Lana asked for an explanation. Now everybody thinks I did those things of my own free will. I should
never have told Pete what happened, but I felt like he should know, especially since Chloe is one of his best friends.
Lana still won't talk to me. Somebody took pictures of Chloe on the day she ran through the boy's changing room naked and made flyers and
posted them around the school. I took down every one that I found. Pete helped. I totally freaked on him. I probably shouldn't have told him
about the car. He feels bad but I guess I understand why he wanted to apologize to Chloe. Still, I wish he hadn't said anything.
I know, time will smooth this over. It just sucks. I just want it to be over. I should hide until it's all over, or better, just stay out of
their way.
~
09:59 am
The other night was a lot of fun
Has anybody asked you about that mark on your neck yet?
Now that you know why I can sneak into the mansion so easily (just to let you know I would never use my abilities in a bad way), I can rush
over to see you anytime and you won't ask questions.
Last night was so nice. You looked nice. You always look nice. How do you do that? It was nice to see you smile so much. I don't think I've
see you smile like that in a while. I said nice one too many times, didn't I?
Lana still isn't talking to me. I had to take more of those pictures of Chloe down yesterday. Chloe and I had a huge fight and she accused
me of being the one who took the pictures of her and of making copies. She was really upset. I tracked down the real person that did it.
Before I turned him in to the principal, I made him give me all the copies of the pictures and threatened him if I found out he didn't give
them all to me. Then I destroyed them all by burning them with my eyes. (I made sure nobody saw me.) I even gave Chloe the camera that he
used. She kept it.
At least now she's talking to me again. She forgave me. She always forgives me no matter what crazy thing I do. I'm really lucky to have her
as a friend.
So maybe I would use my abilities just a little in a bad way, but only to defend my friends. I hated seeing Chloe so upset. It really
bothered me that I couldn't comfort her.
I can't wait to see you so I can rip off all your clothes and make you mine all over again.
~
04:41 pm
I feel so rested
Yesterday was so nice. I got to drive Lex's new Porsche. Those things are a little cramped for my taste and they don't
go as fast as I can run, but it was still so nice to see Lex happy. He looks happy a lot lately. I guess things are going to be okay for us.
He always says the perfect thing at the right time.
Yesterday afternoon we met at the Talon for a coffee and to chat. Lex encouraged me to talk to Lana, but she asked for something I couldn't
give her. I know Lex is right and that I just need to give her some time. Chloe forgave me so it's only a matter of time before Lana
forgives me as well.
After the talk Lex and I had the other day, the one on my LJ where I basically told him everything I can do, I was afraid he'd say he
couldn't deal, but instead he came by that night and we sat and talked about everything but my heritage. His kisses were sweet and gentle. I
can't even tell him in words how much he means to me. I think maybe he wouldn't believe me.
I could not imagine telling anybody else these things. I was so terrified. When I looked down into Lana's eyes and she said all I had to do
was explain what happened, I felt this pang. I really wish it were that easy.
I got to hang out in the loft today and do my homework. I'm taking my time and playing with the solar system discovery kit that Lex got me
way back when. I'm in my lazy worn out jeans. The ones that have holes everywhere.
It's really nice out and I went for a run earlier. I love to just run flat out and become nothing but a blur that the rest of the world
can't see. It's an amazing feeling. I wish I could describe it to Lex.
Mom made the most amazing pies. Dad is taking it easy. I love lazy Sundays.
~
10:05 pm
Last night I got a surprise visit from Mr. K. It was really nice to see him. We hadn't touched base for a while and he
told me he was just passing by. We talked for a while until he made a really uncomfortable comment about Mr. Big that kind of grossed me
out.
Once we got past that, everything was fine. He seemed really lonely. His boyfriend is out of town and I think he just wanted somebody to
talk to. He said I helped him, even though all I did was show him my telescope. He's a really nice guy. I kind of checked him out. I felt
bad after but at least he didn't notice.
Early this morning I stopped by the Talon to talk to Lana again. I know I shouldn't have, but it's really bothering me how things are
between us. She still won't really talk to me and always sounds mad when we have a conversation, so I thought I would apply for the job she
just posted. It was a spur of the moment thing. I thought maybe if I was around more she'd forgive me faster.
I saw the sign in the front window and when I told her I wanted the job, at first she said no but then she said she'd put my application in
with the others. She'll probably hire somebody else, but at least I know I tried. It's really the only way I can try to make what happened
with Chloe up to her.
Then this afternoon while Pete and I were playing some basketball, Lex stopped by with his brother. I was a little shocked since he'd told
me that his father had said his brother died when he was young. Only his brother didn't die. His father hid him all these years. This is the
guy who Mrs. Dunleavy thought I was. No offense, but he's a jerk. I already don't like him and I think the feeling is mutual. We played a
friendly game of basketball and I showed off a little. I admit that he ticked me off with his attitude. He was all 'if you were raised by
Mr. Big, and Lex was raised by your parents you'd be all miserable.' Jerk! Lex is not miserable. He's just fine. Lucas just doesn't know him
at all.
The part that made me almost laugh was when Pete said that Lex and I are like brothers. Lucas noticed that
Lex and I seem close. I guess he
might be a little jealous. Not that I care. He's a big jerk.
Anyway, the game got a little rough when he tried to knock me down. Then he left with Pete. I guess Lucas had to get to the mansion so he
could stab Lex in the back. Triple jerk.
So I was right about him. He was a jerk. Mr. Big and Lucas left Lex penniless and kicked him out of the mansion and now he's living with us.
He's right here beside me. He just smiled at me. He looks a little down. I guess I don't blame him. He finds his half brother only to have
this happen to him.
I think he needs a kiss.
That feels so much better. Lex is going to stay in our guest room but I plan on staying here with him as long as I can get away with it. Mom
and Dad are probably going to bed very soon and I told Mom that I was going to spend some time with
Lex since Lex is feeling so down over
what his new brother just did to him.
I am so excited. I want him to stay with us all the time. Maybe if Mr. Big won't let him back in the mansion,
Lex can live with me
permanently. That would be so cool.
I think I'm going to punch Lucas' lights out when I see him.
~
09:43 pm
This has been a busy day
Early this morning I went downstairs to find that my dad had put Lex to work. He said
Lex wanted to do his share of the
work. To my dad that meant my share, dad's share... so when I went out to find
Lex in our barn, mucking out the stalls, I was a little
surprised because he looked so content. He refused to let me help him so I sat and watched as he told me stories about his times on a ranch
in Montana. It was the highlight of my day seeing him this way. He was himself. He didn't have to pretend or try to impress. He never has to
do that around me.
I think if Dad had his way, we'd keep Lex as a farm hand. I wonder if he'd take the low wage. Actually it would be no wage. All he'd get is
my mom's home cooked meals and a roof over his head and me, but he already has me.
I have to admit, Lex looked totally hot, mucking out stalls. It was odd to say the least.
I got the job at the Talon. Lana decided to give me a chance and as soon as she hired me, guess who walks in the door.
Lex's brother Lucas,
who tried to take over. Unfortunately for him, Lex made sure that Lana would never lose the Talon, so Lucas couldn't do anything except blow
smoke. I have never met anybody so arrogant. He's so full of himself.
I guess I really don't like him. Usually I like most people, but this guy just came into town and took over
Lex's life. It totally
infuriates me. I know he's had a hard life, but does that give him the right to act like such a jerk?
He was hitting on Lana, and I wanted to laugh in his face. She was not taking the bait although I have to say, I found it really amusing to
watch her shoot him down. The look on his face was worth it, even if he glared at me and yelled at me to get back to work. Lana took him on
with no problems. She's so cool.
At least today she actually smiled at me and didn't laugh when I put on the apron. After my shift was over, I took some coffee over to
Chloe. She was working at the Torch as usual and helped me find out some information about Lucas. When I gave it to
Lex, he was really upset
and stormed out of here. After he came back he went up to his room. I hope he's okay. I'm going to go talk to him for sure.
I'm kind of tired of my dad telling me that I can't trust Lex. I trust Lex with my life, and I told Dad that today. He didn't hear me. It's
like he thinks I'm too naive or dumb to make my own choices. I know that I took a huge chance and I think it's the best choice I've ever
made concerning a close friend. I just wish my dad could see how good Lex is for me. He's made me open my eyes to so many new things. I
never would have gotten as far as I have without him.
I know that no matter what my father thinks, Lex and I were meant to be.
~
02:07 pm
I had an interesting night last night
I know I shouldn't have gone into Lex's room last night, but I was worried about him. He looked so down when he came
back from seeing his brother. He didn't want to talk about it, so instead I stayed for a while just in case he changed his mind. He never
did get a chance to talk because I was so horny. Once he touched me, I was hard before we kissed and I couldn't stop myself.
He jerked me off and it felt so amazing. It was fast and hard and his hand on my cock felt like a blessing. He felt so incredible. Even if
he just looked at me, I think I'd be satisfied. Lucky for me he didn't just look, he touched. I think we both needed it. I know I did. His
lips on my nipples drove me insane. It was so hard not to cry out, but I bit my tongue to make sure I didn't make a sound.
After I came all over his hand, I slid under the covers and sucked him off. At first I was terrified we'd get caught, but once my mouth was
around his cock, I couldn't think of anything else. I love to suck him. He smelled musky and earthy with a hint of apple, different than
usual. He probably used my apple scented soap when he took a shower.
When he said he wished he could have me in his bed every night, I can't even describe how I felt. He loves me that much. Sometimes it's so
hard to believe.
I didn't want to leave, but I had to and when I went down to get a glass of milk, Dad was up. He knew I'd been in Lex's room and I thought
for sure he was going to give me a hard time, but he didn't. He was actually concerned for Lex. I tried to explain to him how much Lex means
to me. I know he doesn't get it, but I think he's trying.
This morning, once Lex was out in the field doing more of those chores Dad has him doing, I thanked dad for letting Lex stay. He smiled and
said that it was actually nice having him around and that he was really impressed at how Lex never once complained about a single one of the
chores he was asked to do. I've never been so happy to hear something. I think my dad has finally seen at least a little of what it is I
love so much about Lex. I heard him call Lex son!
I've never been so happy. I kind of feel a little bad that Lex's misfortune makes me feel so good.
I have a second shift at the Talon today. Hopefully it should go okay. I want to go home first and check on Lex. I hope my dad doesn't
overwork him.
~
11:29 am
I should get shot at more often
It's not like that guy was aiming for me, and it's not like I had to jump in front of those bullets, but no matter how
annoying I find Lucas, I did it for Lex's sake. I keep hoping that Lucas will change his mind and that things between him and Lex will work
out.
I was late for my second shift at the Talon. As soon as I walked in, Lucas ordered Lana to fire me. Lana stood her ground, but then he
threatened to close down the Talon then left. I chased after him to tell him I would quit, and not to take the fact that he doesn't like me
out on Lana.
Just as I ran out into the back alley, somebody on a motorcycle showed up and started shooting at Lucas. I was not surprised that he'd made
enemies. He seems like the type.
There was nothing I could do. I had to act fast. That guy came out of nowhere, and if I hadn't done something, Lucas would have been dead
for sure. Lucas was so stunned, he stared at me for ten minutes without saying a word. I could practically see his brain trying to figure
out how I had done it.
I'm just glad I was there to save him. Two of the bullets hit my back, and three of them bounced off my hands. Not even a bruise on me this
time around. I must be getting tougher.
Lucas thanked me and went back into the Talon to call the police because I had knocked that guy out. He also told me he was going to tell
Lana that he wasn't going to shut her down. I thanked him for changing his mind. He seemed pretty shaken up, but then somebody tried to kill
him. I guess anybody would be shaken up by what happened no matter who they are, even a Luthor. I have to admit I like him just a little bit
more now, even though at first he did threaten to close down the Talon. Since he changed his mind really fast after I saved him, everything
is back to normal, sort of.
I had to leave right away because there was no way to hide the bullet holes in my clothing. Once Lucas went back inside, I ran back to the
house and sneaked past my parents so I could change before they saw me. I didn't want to worry them more. Lex caught me. He came in just as
I was changing my shirt. He kind of freaked and the look on his face when I told him what had happened was one I'd never seen before. He was
really worried about me even though he knows I wasn't hurt one bit. It was nice to have him fuss over me. He made me tell him every detail.
I have to admit, that was kind of nice to have somebody who cares so much, they want to know all of it.
It didn't hurt that he touched me a lot as he examined my hands and my body. It made me shiver to have his eyes on me that way. His caresses
made me so hard. I think it was the love in his eyes that got to me the most. I wish Dad could see just how much Lex cares about me. I wish
everybody could.
After last night, I am never going to doubt Lex.
~
11:43 am
I thought Lucas was going to hurt him
Lex is back in his mansion. He's not living here anymore, and that made me feel so lonely last night for some reason. I
miss him already. He even got his company back and put Lucas up somewhere away from their father. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around
the fact that those two are related at all. They have a real father in their lives and I've never even met mine.
I wish Lex had been honest with me. Then maybe I wouldn't have run all the way to the city to discover that Lex and Lucas were in on it
together. They tricked their father. It was surreal to watch Lex, duct-taped to a chair playing a dangerous game with Lionel and Lucas. I
still can't believe that Lionel shot at Lucas. The gun had blanks in it, but that doesn't change the fact that he shot at him and called him
a crazy person.
It's such a mess. I have no idea how Lex does it. If my family was that insane ... I just don't know how he does it. I guess being a Luthor
is just something you have to do for a long time or something.
Lex stopped by last night to pick up the rest of his things. He said he sent his brother away and that he's going to try to build a
relationship with him. I hope it works out, and I hope Lucas realizes that he picked the right team when he picked Lex. I didn't tell him
that I followed him to the city. There was no point. It all worked out in the end.
This has been such an insane week. My life is never normal and I should probably just face up to it.
I had another flying dream last night. I wasn't floating when I woke up, but this time I dreamt I flew over the fields. It was peaceful. I
just wish all my dreams were peaceful.
I was fired from the Talon job. Lana said she accepted the fact that I'm the way I am. I think she meant unreliable. I can't help it. I have
to help people, especially Lex. I would drop everything to help him.
Now I am looking forward to a quiet weekend where all I have to worry about are the chores. With Lucas gone and out of our lives, I feel
like things can calm down again. I still kind of wish Lex was still living with us. It felt safe having him near me. I felt safe.
~
10:41 pm
A nice relaxing weekend
It was such a hectic week, I was happy that the weekend was so uneventful. I gladly buried myself in chores and
homework. Today I went horseback riding with Lana. It was really nice. It's been a while since we've done anything where it was just the two
of us.
She told me all about her late Valentine plans with Chloe. It sounds like they had a great time. It's so nice to see that things for them
have calmed down.
Lex has a brother. I might not have mentioned this. His father was hiding him all these years. This was the son that woman who showed up a
while back was looking for. I really didn't get along with him. He was a little nasty and did a few things, like threw
Lex out of his house
and took all this things, and spent Lex's money, and other stuff. Eventually Lex and his brother worked it out, so now he's living somewhere
away from their father. Lex didn't say where. He wanted to make sure he was safe from fatherly interference. Oh and
Lex got his company
back! That is so cool.
I've mostly been working on the farm and doing homework. Lex stayed with us for a few days. That was really nice. My parents were great.
They let him stay when Lex had nowhere else to go. Dad had no trouble putting him to work, and let me tell you, Dad really put
Lex to work.
It was interesting to watch. Lex really pulls his own weight. Plus he looked really good all sweaty.
I really hope that this week is as quiet as the weekend. It would be such a nice change of pace.
~
10:36 am
Everything was fine
This morning was just fine, even if Dad wouldn't let me help him with the kitchen sink. We were in the kitchen when Mom
came back from the storm cellar. She was out there getting some preserves. She seemed fine, then suddenly she started to cough and she fell.
Luckily I caught her because she'd dropped a glass jug just before and would have fallen on the pieces. She stopped breathing.
We rushed her to the hospital and she's stable now. They can't figure out what's wrong with her but I know it's going to be okay. She has to
be.
Dad sent me home and asked me to finish up all the tasks Mom was working on for the charity event she's been planning all weekend. I know
it's what she would want, but I really wish I could be with her right now.
I'm feeling so panicked right now. I've never seen her so sick and it's terrifying me. I only came home because Dad asked me to. I looked at
the long list of things Mom was going to do today. She works so hard. I never thought about how hard she works to make things run smoothly.
She's so organized.
I remember this one time when I was five and I was playing in the kitchen. She was sitting at the table. I climbed onto her lap to ask her
what she was doing. She told me that she was making a list of the things that she needed to do that day. I remember asking her if I should
make a list and she smiled and said sure. So she gave me a piece of paper and a pencil even though I couldn't really write at the time. I
scribbled some pretend writing and told her what it said. I think it was something about play then give her a kiss. Mom was so cool. When I
asked her to tell me what her list said, she read the whole list to me and pointed to every word. Even though she had so much to do, she sat
there with me for an hour, explaining everything on the list.
I know my mom is going to be just fine. She's a fighter. Now I have to get to work and finish this list of what needs to get done before the
event.
~
07:21 pm
They're gone
The ship is at Pete's, and those guys are gone, and I feel really sick. I told Dad I'm fine, but I don't think I am. I
feel nauseous and I threw up a few minutes ago. I've never done that before and it's totally gross.
Those people have the key to my ship. The key was down in the storm cellar. My key. It's mine. I should have it, not somebody else. I want
it back.
I'm sure I can get Lex to help me get it back. I don't think Dad would like it if I did that, since I haven't told Mom and Dad that I told
Lex. I should probably do that soon. I'm sure they would figure out that I would want to tell somebody I'm so close to.
Lex stopped by to see me earlier. It was so nice to have him so close. He always makes me feel like I can face anything.
I almost killed Pete when we were moving the ship. I ran off the road. I think I passed out for a second.
Dad went to talk to Mom about why she hid the key. I don't know why she would do that. It's my key. It could tell me all about my heritage.
Something in the storm cellar made us both sick.
I want Lex.
~
11:05 pm
Lex where are you?
I'm at home alone. Dad is with Mom and he left me alone. I feel bad. I feel weird. I've never been sick before. This
totally sucks. Okay, maybe I have been sick but not for a day. I was only sick for short times and then it was over fast. But this is really
sick. As in throwing up and passing out. I think I totally terrified Lana.
She was here a minute ago. I wonder what happened to her? Come over!! please.
Lex, did I tell you today that I love you?
Do you know how much I love you? I love you way more than other people love other people.
I do. I swear I do. Where are you? My phone is gone. I think Dad took it away from me.
I miss you. I'm sick.
~
09:15 pm
Everybody is all better now
Dad was right. The ship healed Mom and me. I just got back from the hospital. I had to bring the ship home. Dad took
the key and I took the ship. Dad said he's going to put the key in a safe place and we can talk about everything when mom comes home from
the hospital tomorrow. I am going to be so glad to have her home.
She's going to have a baby. It's going to be their real baby, not some alien they found in a field.
I need to tell Lex that I'm okay. I think I said some things to him when I was delirious. He must think I'm insane. I'm pretty sure I said
something to him about my ship and the key. I feel like an idiot. I tried to post to let him know that I was sick, only my post was private.
I meant to make it public so he'd know I was sick.
It would have been so much simpler just to call, but I distinctly remember thinking that I didn't have a phone to call him on, or that my
dad would freak if he heard me call Lex. I think Lana stopped by to see me, or maybe it was Chloe. I can't remember much. I was so
delirious. I do remember having my head in Lex's lap. I remembered I kept thinking that he made a nice pillow. I might have told him that or
maybe not. I can't be sure. I begged him to stay with me and not leave no matter what. I distinctly remember there was begging, and a lot of
hugging, or maybe holding, or both.
I still can't believe my dad talked Lex into leaving. Lex was so upset. I know he wanted to do more, but he knew that there wasn't any way
we could call a doctor. Except for the fact that dad did call a doctor and now she has a sample of my blood. This is so bad. I know Lex went
out with Dr. Bryce that one time, but I wonder if he knows her well enough to know if she's somebody we can trust. I'll have to tell Lex
about this. There's no way she can keep my blood. I know it wasn't the first thing on Dad's mind. Mom almost died tonight and if it wasn't
for the ship, she'd be dead and so would her baby.
We're just lucky Dad was right, and that the ship was able to heal us. I love my parents so much.
The ship is back in the storm cellar, and now I have to call Lex.
~
11:33 am
That was not entirely painless
I called Lex over last night. I wanted to reassure him that I was fine. He wanted to know how my mom and I were healed.
I wanted to forget everything and put it all behind me, but that's never going to happen in my lifetime.
I showed Lex the ship. The cold hard reality that I am not human hits me every time I look at it. I feel weird about it now. Last night I
was terrified that if he saw hard evidence of my heritage, he'd walk away for sure. I don't know why I thought that. Now, at this point, I
think nothing could make Lex walk away from me. At first I wasn't going to show it to him, but then I realized he'd find out about it
eventually. It feels inevitable. Everything feels inevitable at this point, and I need to come to terms with that.
Maybe my dad was right. I feel like it's all spinning out of control. I need to back away from all this.
Lex asked if I want to know how the ship healed us. I don't really want to know that. All it's ever done is open up more questions. I'm glad
Dad kept the key. I don't want it. I don't want any of it. I just want to be me, Clark Kent.
But I know that's never going to happen. I had the dream again last night. I dreamt I was flying to the caves.
At least my mom is better. She's going to have a baby, and once they have their own child, I'll be the adopted one. Not that I'm not the
adopted one now, but how are they going to be able to look at their child without thinking that? I'm positive that the ship healed Mom
because of the baby. Not specifically so she could get pregnant, but it healed her. The ship has saved me, and healed us both. I think it's
programmed to protect me.
I feel alone right now. I know I shouldn't. I have my mom and dad and I have Lex. I know they are all here to stay. Lex said he can handle
all this. I hope he's not lying to me. I really do. I couldn't stand it if something happened that made him finally snap and decide it's too
much.
The way he looked at my ship made me jumpy. It was kind of creepy. I got goose bumps watching him. I really hope he can handle it enough for
the both of us, because right now I am totally freaked out.
His kisses were just as sweet after he saw the ship. I don't know what I expected. I guess I keep thinking that some day somebody is going
to reject what I really am. It's not like I've even told that many people, so I don't know why I feel that way.
I need to get back to class. I can't wait to see Mom. We're going to see an ultrasound today. This is so exciting. I wonder if it's a boy or
a girl. I'd like to have a little brother or sister -- somebody I can impart all my worldly wisdom on. I can't wait.
~
11:13 pm
It's been a rough week but
I feel so lucky. I have the best parents. I went to visit Mom in the hospital. Everything is perfect. It's as though
she was never sick, and when my parents told Dr. Bryce that it was a miracle, I felt like it really was a miracle. Everything turned out
fine because my dad knew what to do. It feels like my dad always knows what to do.
My parents are going to have a baby of their own. We saw the ultrasound. It was amazing. My mom has this life growing inside her, a life
that she and my dad made together. I'm going to be a big brother. I wonder how we'll break the big family secret to him or her.
I still haven't told Lex about the blood sample Dr. Bryce took from me. I'm not sure what to do. She must know that it's not normal. Maybe
if we don't say anything, she'll just let it go. Dad did say she said she'd keep it completely confidential, so I probably have nothing to
worry about.
I went to classes today, but I can't really remember anything the teachers said. I can't stop thinking about what's happened over the last
few days. Lex knows everything and he still likes me.
I feel so lucky. I just talked to Dad and he's right. It's best for him to put the key someplace safe where I can't find it. I feel so much
better after talking to him. He looked so happy when I told him that I can't wait to teach my baby brother or sister how to throw as far as
I can throw.
Everything feels so perfect now.
~
12:27 pm
My mom is home from the hospital
It's so nice to have her back. I was really afraid for a while, but everything is fine. She's strong and healthy. The
doctors said she made a full recovery. It's a miracle.
We started Spring Break. Pete is a little excited since he and his older brother are going to Florida. He asked me to go, but when I asked
Dad, he said he needed me close by. I don't really want to leave so soon after my mom was sick anyway.
Pete pointed out that the opportunities for scoring were very high. The look on his face when I told him I wasn't interested in scoring was
priceless. He mumbled something about how I have no idea how to have fun. I plan to have a lot of fun, as long as
Lex is up for doing
something here in town. It's not the most exciting plan, but it's what I want to do. He's who I want to be with and, since we aren't open
about our true relationship, we will have to do something in stealth mode.
Now I have a ton of work to do. We still have to get things ready for the concert tomorrow night. I hope I win something from the raffle.
~
09:59 pm
The event went well.
Everything turned out really great and the band they got was cool. Pete played DJ. I didn't win anything at the raffle,
but it was still fun. I saw Chloe and Lana slip upstairs at one point, so I guess they went off for some alone time. Shortly after I got
home, Lex showed up. He's going away for a few days on business so he wanted to talk a little. It was really nice. They sky is so clear
tonight and the moon is out. I love moonlit nights, though the stargazing isn't as great, it's still beautiful.
My dad caught us holding hands. I was staring into Lex's eyes and thinking how nice it would be to kiss him just as we heard my dad clear
his throat. Lex stood up and Dad told him that he needed to get home. It was a mix of humiliating and embarrassing. If Dad had shown up just
a few seconds later... I don't even want to think about what would have happened.
After Lex left, Dad got really nervous and told me that my loft was not the place for that kind of behavior. He made sure to stress that if
I was with a girl the rules would still be the same. It was kind of funny to watch him search for the right way to say it.
I feel really relaxed tonight. It turned out that Pete can't go with his older brother to Florida after all, so it's going to be the two of
us, unless we can convince Chloe to join us. I think Lana is going out of town. The Talon is going to have a Spring Break party this week,
and Pete has begged me to go with him. I pointed out that he knows all the girls in our town already so there wouldn't be anybody new to
scope out. I'm going to join him anyway. It should be fun.
For now I am going to check out the moon and the stars. It would be so cool if one day we could all go to the moon. I keep looking up at it
and thinking that I'd love to fly to the moon and back. I'm terrified of heights, so that might not be such a great idea after all.
~
12:28 pm
I'm not sure what to think
I've been having the same dream every night. I dream I'm flying over Smallville, and I end up at the caves. In the
dream I have the key to my ship with me. I put it in the wall and then there's a blinding light. After that I always wake up.
I went to the caves last night and the night before. I think I'm supposed to put the key in the indentation.
I spent the last few days doing all kinds of clean-up jobs. I don't know how we end up with so much junk everywhere. I just finished feeding
the cows and later I have to fix a beam that I broke. Everybody else is away. Lex and Lana both left yesterday, and Chloe isn't around. Pete
is coming over for lunch, and we're going to shoot some hoops. He wants to go to the Talon Spring Break party. He said he's going to get me
a date if it's the last thing he does. I told him he can try if he wants. No matter how many times I tell him I'm not interested, he won't
let up, so I guess he can have his fun. I should just tell him I'm gay. It couldn't be any worse than when I told him I'm an alien from
another planet. He'd probably be a little freaked then switch tracks and try to find me a guy.
I already have somebody in my life and he's more than enough for me. I miss him already and he's only been gone a few days. I'm happy that
he's so busy now with his work. He looked really content the last time we saw each other. Dad hasn't said anything else about catching Lex
and me holding hands. I'll have to reserve those intimate moments to the times I'm over at the mansion. I don't want my dad to see anything.
It's already hard enough, and he's finally starting to come around to liking Lex more.
Pete and I went to the next county yesterday to get some supplies for Dad. Pete bitched for an hour about how his brother didn't want him to
go with him to Florida because then he would have had to babysit Pete. Of course that turned into him blaming me. He said that his brother
would have let him go if I'd come along since he could hang with me and I'm so responsible.
I don't care. I'm content to stay right here in my own town. The idea of being someplace with all those people kind of freaks me out. I like
my peace and quiet. Right now I need to figure things out, like those dreams I've been having. I need to know what it all means. The caves,
the dreams, I need to know why I'm here.
~
10:26 am
I had the dream again
I wish these dreams would stop or at least reveal what they are trying to say to me. I keep having the exact same
dream. It's frustrating. I'm beginning to think that I made a mistake. I have to find out about my heritage. I really want to know why I'm
here. Why did my parents send me away? What made them throw me away like that?
I stared at the ship for hours last night. I went down to the caves and begged them to reveal their secrets to me.
I want somebody to be able to tell me who and what I am. I need to know where I'm from. It's not enough anymore.
I love my parents so much, but I know they're scared. I know they wish I'd stop looking. Mom hid the key from me because she was afraid I
would take off. When Dad told me about that, I reassured him that I would never leave them. I love my parents. I look at my mom and see this
incredible woman who's fought so hard for her family. I look at my dad and see the strongest man I know.
I don't want my parents to hurt because of me. I know it's too late for that. I know I've already caused them so much heartache and pain. I
know that having me has probably stressed their lives out more than they can say. I know this because sometimes, when they don't know I'm
listening, they talk about me, and how worried they are for me, and Mom cries in Dad's arms.
I can't make things harder for them. I just can't. I won't. I love them and they have never given me anything but unconditional love. Even
when I would break things we couldn't afford to fix, they never gave up on me.
Now that Mom is pregnant with their own child, it's even more important for me to be the son they really need: the human son.
I wish Lex was here. I really need to talk to him about this.
On top of all that, Chloe took off for the week without even saying goodbye. I went by her place to see if she wanted to do something, and
her dad said she'd gone to visit her cousin out of town. I can't believe she didn't even say anything to me. Her dad said she didn't want to
stay in town without Lana around. I guess I don't count as somebody she'd want to spend time with.
~
10:11 pm
I had a really fun day.
I started off the day doing chores. I spent almost all morning with Dad, working on the same fence. It was really
annoying.
Then Pete came at lunch to pick me up for the Talon Spring Break party. It wasn't much. The usual crowd was there. The cold drinks were on
special, so Pete and I ordered one of everything. A few hours later, Mr. K showed up, looking a little upset. Then Pete finally got up the
nerve to go over to the girl who'd been flirting with him. While Pete was gone, Mr. K told me that he'd had a run-in with Mr. Big. He also
said that he missed his boyfriend, who's been away on business in the next county. He's lonely. The only thing I could tell him is that he
should go surprise him. I wish I could do that to Lex. It would be cool. I haven't heard anything from him since he left. I guess I should
get used to that since he's older and runs his own business.
Pete left with his new friend. After Mr. K told me what Lex's dad did to him, I wasn't really sure what to say to him, so instead I
suggested he come over for dinner. Then he broke the news. He got a dog! I was so excited. I've always wanted a dog, but my parents wouldn't
go for it.
We stopped by his place to pick up his puppy, and brought him back to our place. My parents were more than happy to have Mr. K and his new
family member over. After dinner, Mr. K and I went out with his dog and played in the yard. It was so much fun. I think it made Mr. K feel
better. I wish they were still here. I should tell him that if he needs somebody to watch his dog, I'll be there.
Now it seems really quiet with them gone. I was going to read, but I think I might go for a run and do some stargazing. It's really nice out
tonight and not that cold.
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