01:07 pm
Private time interrupted
So far my summer has been pretty good. I wake up early, do some work and then usually I get the rest of the day to hang with my friends or go see Lex. I stopped by the mansion yesterday to see Lex. We played a few games of pool. It got hot and heavy and we didn't notice when Lionel arrived. Luckily we were still wearing all our clothes. I had started to unbutton Lex's shirt and was about to suggest that we get friskier just as his father made his presence known. His chastising voice was enough to kill any thoughts of passion. He and his new personal assistant barged in unannounced. Lionel scolded Lex for having his "plaything" out in the open. He glared at me and ordered Lex to walk with him. Lex reluctantly followed and I was left alone in the room with a stranger. I could tell that Lex was really pissed off at the way his dad was talking to him, but he didn't show it.
I sat on the sofa and waited for Lex to return. They were only gone ten minutes. The new guy introduced himself and shook my hand. His name is Milton Fine and he said he was new in town. I made a crack about how if he wasn't new he'd know not to work for Lionel, but I was more subtle. Or maybe I wasn't.
When Lex returned, Lionel left with Fine. He wasn't in the mood to do anything after that, so I kissed him goodbye and said I'd see him later. I think Lex suspects that somebody on his security team is on Lionel's payroll, otherwise they would have warned us about his dad. It sucks that Lex has to always second guess the people around him. Except me. He'll never have to second guess me.
I have so much work to do today.
~
08:53 pm
Death of another tractor
Another one bites the dust. I know most of our tractor deaths were caused by my inadvertent misuse of my abilities (thrown in the air, crushed under my big fist). This time, Mr. Tractor just died in the middle of the field while I was working. I had to make sure there was nobody else around and lifted it high enough off the ground to carry it back to the barn where I could work on it. Chloe showed up just as I was hoisting it over my head. She had this look of shock on his face when she saw me. I smiled and showed off a little by lifting it over my head. Chloe walked over and squeezed my biceps, pretending to be in love with my manliness. It was totally hilarious. I almost dropped the tractor when I started to laugh.
My parents were in town. I still haven't told them that Chloe knows my secret.
Chloe and I went inside after I'd cleaned up some and had some lemonade. She was there to let me know that Lois would be living in town. She totally has my back. Chloe is awesome. We hugged and she told me about how excited she is to be working at the Daily Planet. I was more than happy to listen as she went on and on about her new job. Her enthusiasm is so infectious.
After she left, I felt much better. I was having a crummy day until she showed up. Chloe knowing is going to work out. Having somebody else other than my parents and Lex to confide in about my alien origins is awesome, and Chloe isn't freaked out the way Pete was. Losing his friendship really hurt. I still can't talk about it.
~
07:54 pm
New day
Wow! This is just so amazing. I met the most incredible woman today and I am so in love.
I can't even believe this is happening to me. Her name is Simone. Isn't that the most amazing name ever? She's blond and so beautiful. Her kisses are like nothing I've ever experienced. I feel like I've fallen into a dream.
She's taking a shower. We kind of got a little dirty. It was so worth every moment together.
I'm not sure how I'll break this to Lex.
~
10:32 am
I'm in heaven
This is so amazing. Simone is in my bed right now and she is the best. I love every inch of her and every moment I spend with her is like a dream. She's beautiful and sexy and hot and just incredible. How could I have ever thought Lex was for me when I could have this gorgeous woman who wants me even though I'm a freak? She doesn't care about that stuff at all and she was willing to take the risk of making love to me.
It was the best night of my life. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love her so much and she loves me right back.
Now she wants me to tell Lex about us. I've decided the best thing to do is just be honest and come right out and say it. He'll understand. I'm in love and once he meets Simone, he won't disagree with me when I say it's better for me to be with her. Simone is right. I don't need Lex.
I wish Chloe would understand. She stopped by this morning. Lois blabbed with her big huge mouth and told her that she saw Simone and I lip locked. Chloe was shocked, but I explained that I love Simone and I know Lex will understand.
I have some work to get done then Simone and I are going to call Lex over to break the news to him.
~
08:24 pm
Why me?
What was in it for her? Why did she target me?
The nightmare is over. I almost left my home town with a total stranger.
I was so convinced that she was the one for me and we were going to run away together and everything. Then she told me to go kill Lex before we ran off. Lucky for me, Lex and Chloe figured out how Simone got me under her spell. Literally. I was hypnotized into loving her. She had this weird necklace that could make people do anything she wanted. She killed her own father to get it. She made me believe I wanted nothing but her in my life. I even told my parents that I was going to run off and she told them to let me and they did.
I couldn't stop myself when she ordered me to make Lex's death hurt. I threw him around his office and tried to strangle him. If it wasn't for Chloe showing up, I might have killed him.
Lex pulled a gun and there was a struggle and Simone was hit. Her necklace was destroyed and she was killed. It all happened so fast, I'm not sure exactly what happened. Lex ordered Chloe and I to leave and let him take care of Simone. He didn't want us to be around when the police showed.
I felt sick to my stomach after it was over. Simone was dead and I had almost killed the person I love most in the world. I couldn't look Lex in the eyes after it was over.
I'm so glad it's over.
08:31 pm
I lied
I told Lex that nothing happened between Simone and me beyond kissing and touching, but I lied. More happened. We had sex twice. She ordered me to lie down in bed and then she took my clothes off and climbed on top of me. I couldn't stop what was happening. I didn't really participate much during the sex. I just lay on my back as she had her thrills. She ordered me to enjoy it.
I can't tell Lex about this. I wasn't in control, but it still feels like I cheated. What am I going to do? While I was hypnotized, I enjoyed what was happening, but now I just want to forget. How am I supposed to? I couldn't even look Lex in the eyes. I told him I'd always be true to him and then this happens.
~
03:15 pm
I don't understand
It's been a bad week. I can't concentrate. I lose track of things, and when I talk to Lex, I still can't look him in the eyes. I keep making up excuses not to see him. I know I can't put him off much longer. I wish there was something I could say or do. I feel like I betrayed Lex. I should have been able to resist Simone, but I couldn't and now I can't get what happened with her out of my mind. We had sex and I didn't stop her. I watched as she manipulated me into doing to her what I would never willingly do to anyone but Lex.
I feel dirty inside and I don't know how to deal. I tried talking to Chloe about it. I didn't give details, but I told her enough for her to know what happened. She said I should just try to forget what happened and go talk to Lex. She told me to tell Lex because he has a right to know, but I think Lex already knows something is wrong. He's smart and my avoidance of any non-public places with him can't go on much longer. I know I have to say something, but I don't know what to say.
At night I fall asleep and I think about the two times Simone and I had sex. I don't want to think about them, but there they are, invading my mind. I try to think about anything but my betrayal. It's not like I enjoyed it, but I can't stop thinking about it. I hate her for what she did to me, and I didn't even know her. I only know that for some reason, she targeted me, and she forced me to break my vow of fidelity to the man I love. I forsook against my will! I hate this.
I ran into Lex yesterday at the Talon. I could barely look at him. I made up an excuse about having to finish mending a fence for my dad and rushed out of the place. My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt ill just seeing the hurt look in his eyes. I wanted to turn around and tell him everything, but I was a coward. I ran. I ran as fast as I could, and seconds later, I was in my loft with my head in my hands and a hollow feeling deep inside.
I can't do this anymore. Maybe it's better if I just end things between us. Lex deserves better than some freak that cheats on him.
~
10:36 am
Forgiveness
Last night, Lex came over to talk. I was up in my loft, thinking about him. He confronted me and I told him about what happened with Simone. I hated saying the words. I could see in his eyes how much Lex was hurt by this. He told me that he didn't blame me at all, and that it was his father who sent Simone to seduce me away from Lex. I can't believe Lionel sometimes. That man is just unfathomable. I know Lex said that this is the way his father works, but I just don't understand why he'd want to hurt his own son. Not to mention the fact that Simone ended up dead because of this.
All this made me feel only marginally better about what had happened. Lex doesn't hold it against me and he let me touch him. We kissed and I held him in my arms. I told him that I was so sorry for breaking my wedding vows. I told him I'd do anything to make it up to him. He asked that I stop running off every time we ran into each other. I promised to end my avoidance dance.
It felt so good to kiss him on the lips again. I wanted it to last longer, but Lex was the boss last night and I wasn't going to push. I took what he was willing to give. Holding him close felt like a gift. He still seemed distant, but I understood. I kept thinking he would push me away, but he never did. I told him that I loved him.
After I'd held him for a long time, Lex suggested we do something. We went back to the house. My parents were already in bed, so we had the living room to ourselves. We watched some movie. I don't even remember what, because I spent most of the time staring at Lex. I put my arm around him and pulled him close. I felt like a total girl. Sometimes it scares me just how much I love him. I'd do almost anything for Lex. I feel like the luckiest guy in the world.
After he left, I felt empty inside. Don't get me wrong. I was grateful that he forgave me, but I could tell it wasn't easy for him. When I looked deep into his eyes, I could see the sorrow.
I spent this morning doing all the heavy chores to take my mind off of things. It didn't work.
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