01:21 pm
I wish Chloe would back off.
Chloe is practically living at the farm now. She and Lana haven't made up, and it doesn't look like it's going to happen soon. They had another fight in the middle of the hallway at school. I always seem to be around when that happens. Lana wants Chloe to stop getting into danger, and Chloe wants Lana to trust that she knows what she's doing. It always ends in a stalemate. I thought my dad was the most stubborn person alive. Apparently I was wrong.
She somehow hacked her way into Lex's private computers and found out that Jason and Lex are in London. She also found out that they were attacked by some unknown assailant, but that Lex wasn't hurt. I can't believe she did this. I was really angry when she told me that she was doing it to protect me from Lex. I get that she has no clue really what Lex means to me, but for her to assume that Lex is somehow out to hurt me is just ridiculous. Why the hell would she even think that? She has this crazy theory that Jason is somehow out to get Lex and that Lex is somehow using me to get to Jason. I'm not really sure what the hell she was saying. It was just insane. I told her to back off and leave Lex alone. I guess I was kind of bit harsh, but seriously, what the hell! Chloe's never been one for crazy theories, and what the heck does she think Lex is out to get from me? We're already dating. He has me. He can fuck me any time he wants. I'd walk on water for the man.
I told her he has me completely and there's nothing to get. She had nothing to say to that. I almost shouted that Lex and I are married, but I managed to stop just short of telling her.
It turns out Jason is from a very wealthy family. If he's so well-off, why would he possibly need a job? The only reason I can come up with is that he wants Lex. He thinks staying close to Lex will get him what he wants. I don't blame him. Lex is awesome and so hot. I'd want him if I didn't have him.
I don't understand why Lex wouldn't tell me about the attack. He could have called me. I would have found a way to get to him even if I had to fly over the ocean. I would have done it just to make sure Lex wasn't in any danger. Lex returns from his trip today. I'm going to have to talk to him.
~
06:31 pm
I was going to confront him
I really was. I swear. I went over to the mansion yesterday in the early evening with the intention of confronting Lex about why he didn't call me about London. I was going to ask why he felt the need to hide what he was up to and the attack, but it didn't quite play out that way.
I made my way into the mansion. He's never had a security system that I couldn't sneak past. I went up to his private room and waited for him in his bed. I got there a little early because I wasn't sure what time he was supposed to come home. I only knew that he was coming home on Friday some time after 5 PM. I spent some time reading then I snooped inside his drawers. I admit I sniffed his underwear, but they were clean and his scent hasn't lingered. I did discover he has these really cute red silk boxers with little white hearts all over them. I wonder if he'd wear nothing but the boxers on Valentine's Day if I asked nicely.
So I waited in his bed for Lex to return. I got hard about a dozen times just thinking about him naked. I undressed and slipped under the cool cotton sheet. Then finally he showed up and the look of surprise on his face was worth it. He was in a suit, removing his tie as he walked into his room. I smiled and enticed him to join me on the bed with a wink. That was pretty much all it took. Lex dropped his briefcase and stalked over to the bed, swaying his hips in the sexy way that drives me insane. I removed his clothing slowly and kissed his bare chest once it was exposed. I didn't want anything else but to be inside him. I completely forgot the real reason for being there. I probably wouldn't have if I hadn't been waiting for so long. How was I supposed to resist him in the flesh? He was gorgeous and I was so horny.
I fucked him slowly, holding his hips as I thrust deep inside. It felt so amazing to be in him and after he came I held on a little bit longer before I finally gave in to my own release. It was mind-blowing. I collapsed on top of Lex and held him close to my own body. He was so hot and I was still so horny, but I let him recover. He doesn't have the stamina that I have.
While I waited for him to recover I kissed his lips and cheeks and neck. I even left a huge hickey on his neck. He sort of pretended to struggle, but he didn't really want to escape. Then I pinned him beneath me and we made out before having sex again.
I did eventually ask about the trip and Jason being attacked. I told him that I wished he'd called me instead of me finding out from Chloe. I would have been there in a heartbeat no matter what it took to get there. I would have even flown. He promised that next time he'd make sure to keep in contact with me. I didn't even have to pull the married card. I did wear my wedding ring. I'm wearing it right now. I can't wear it all the time, but I usually wear it on the weekends. Chloe almost caught me with it on, but I managed to pull a fast one on her. I told Lex that Chloe was the one who found out about what had happened, but I didn't share the details of how she'd found out. Lex is smart. He probably suspects something odd is up, but I was sure to make it seem like Chloe just stumbled on the information.
After Lex and I had some more fun in his wonderfully warm bed, I had to go home, but I left a very satisfied husband in my wake.
I went to see Lex again today at the mansion. As far as Jason, (who was with Lex in his office. yuck!) and Molly were concerned, it was my first time seeing Lex since he'd returned from his business trip. I could see the hickey just under the collar of his purple dress shirt. I have to admit it made me smirk just a little. I wanted so badly to throw it in Jason's face that I put that on Lex's neck, but of course I couldn't. Lex knew and I knew and that was enough for me, almost. I still wish I could tell Jason to back off. He gives Lex these looks and I don't like them one bit. If only I could somehow convey that Lex is totally off limits. Maybe then, Jason would get lost.
I wonder if Mom would make me some brownies.
~
01:22 pm
Stuck in the middle
Why me?
Yesterday evening, Chloe and I went up to my loft after dinner to work on some homework. We both had a ton of work that needed to get done. We also wanted to talk about higher education. We were getting into a heated debate about whether we wanted to go to Metropolis University or just settle on community college. Chloe even talked about the possibility of just moving into the workplace from high school. I was about to tell her that school is more important when Lana showed up.
When I went to leave, Chloe insisted I stay. She said it wouldn't take long and then told Lana to get to the point of her visit because we were very busy. There I was, trapped in my own loft as Chloe and Lana exchanged barely civil words. Lana was there to let Chloe know that she'd be in the city for the whole week, visiting her aunt Nell, but Chloe wasn't very receptive. I thought Lana was right to stop by in person instead of leaving some message. At least she let Chloe know she'd be out of town. For some reason that I can't really figure out, Chloe was really upset. I made the mistake of pointing out to Chloe that she was being unreasonable. She turned on me like I was calling her a bad name. I stayed quiet after that.
Chloe dismissed Lana when she was finished telling her why she'd stopped by. Just by her body language, I could tell Lana wanted to hug Chloe goodbye, but Chloe just brushed her off and told her she could leave. Lana looked really upset and had tears in her eyes. My heart went out to her. I couldn't let her leave so upset without saying something. I followed her out as she was leaving, saying I would walk her to her car. I felt kind of awkward because it should have been Chloe going after her.
She started to cry and I hugged her and told her that it would be okay. I tried to tell her that I wasn't taking sides. She apologized for getting me involved and I made her promise to call me as soon as she arrived in the city and that she could call me anytime she needed help with anything. I hate seeing her so upset.
I don't get girls. To me it seems like all they have to do is just say sorry and kiss and make up, but they both seem so adamant about their own points of view on what they're arguing about. I'd be happy if Lana was my girlfriend and she was always worried about my safety. Doesn't Chloe see that Lana just cares so much about her that she's afraid for her life?
I tried to talk to Chloe about this after Lana left, but she wouldn't hear it. I wanted to try again this morning, but Chloe had already left for school. She didn't even offer me a ride in. I had to make my own way in, which isn't hard for me but still... I just wish Chloe would stop this. It's crazy. I love them both and I don't want to see them hurting.
Lana called me last night to let me know she'd arrived at her aunt's place safely. We talked briefly and I reassured her that I would take care of Chloe. I wish Chloe would listen to reason. She's being so stubborn about the whole thing.
When I talked to Pete about it this morning before class, he said that I should probably stay as far away from it as possible, but I told him I couldn't do that. They're my friends and I want to help them.
~
12:03 pm
I'm hoping it will get better
This week has been a bit stressful. I was hoping that some time away from Lana would make Chloe realize the mistake she was making, but it seems like she's barely even thinking about her girlfriend at all. I know sometimes Chloe can keep things all bottled up inside and concentrate on anything but what's bothering her.
Lana called me last night. She made small-talk and pretended she was just calling to see how I was, but I knew she was more interested in hearing about how Chloe was. I told her she should corner Chloe and force her to listen. I'm sure once Lana does that, Chloe will see reason.
In other news, Chloe wants me to interview some guy named Kevin today. She asked me if I could write a piece about how it feels to win a full scholarship because apparently Kevin got a full ride to Metropolis University. I did some investigating into Kevin so I'd have ideas on what to ask, and something seemed off about how he got his scholarship. This should be interesting.
When I told my parents about it, they not so subtly hinted that I needed to start thinking about where I want to go after I graduate from high school. I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. I'm just not sure I want to go to college. I'm not really sure what I want to be when I grow up. I love writing articles for the Torch, but then I think about Lex and how much trouble reporters always give him. I definitely don't want to do that if it means having to harass people about their personal lives.
Speaking of that, there was another article in the paper the other day about Lex and who he might be dating. They've finally taken Lana off their list of potential Luthor loves. There's really nothing for them to go on since Lex spends no time with her at all. He's always so busy working. Maybe they could concentrate on how much good he's doing with the company now that he's in charge. That would make a really good article. I wouldn't mind being the kind of reporter that informs the public about the good things happening in the world today.
My parents went into the city this morning for my dad's check-up with the specialist, so I'm going to be home alone for the weekend. I want to invite Lex over and make dinner for him. Afterwards, we could sit in front of the fire, and make out. I think I'll give him a call.
I just called and left Lex a message on his voicemail to call me back. I didn't tell him what it was about. I just said I had a surprise for him. Just thinking about being alone with Lex is making me so happy. I can't wait to see him tonight.
~
12:00 pm
Dear diary
This feels really weird, but Lex said normally I would write in my online journal, except I can't. I don't remember who I am or anything about my life. Something happened to me that I don't remember, and now I don't know who I am. I don't remember my passwords for anything on my computer, so Lex gave me this journal so I can write down my thoughts. He said I write in my other journal all the time and that maybe I'd like to write my thoughts and feelings out.
Maybe I should start from the beginning, or at least the beginning that I know.
On Friday afternoon, I was found by Chloe, who claimed to know me, in an alley wandering around. I had no idea how I got there, or why I was there, or even what my name was. She told me that my name is Clark Kent. She brought me to the farm where I live, and we talked for awhile. She told me that we're best friends and stuff. I asked if we're dating, and she laughed and said she wasn't exactly my type. I didn't know what she meant until Lex showed up. When I first saw him, I couldn't take my eyes off him. He's so gorgeous. I wanted him to touch me right away.
I was totally blown away when he finally did touch me and I felt this burning sensation in the back of my eyes. I told Lex what was happening and he told me to turn my eyes on the fireplace. I'm so glad he was there to help me, or I wouldn't have known what to do when fire shot out of my eyes. I set fire to the wood in the fireplace. Thanks to Lex, nobody got hurt and Chloe didn't see. Lex told Chloe he'd take care of me and he made her leave us alone. From that moment on, I decided to trust Lex completely. He told me that my mom and dad are out of town, and that it was probably better not to call them about this since my dad is there for a heart checkup.
I have to admit, I was terrified by that point. I'd set fire to something with my eyes! That couldn't have been normal, but apparently, for me, it was.
Once Chloe was gone, Lex reassured me that he'd take care of me. We sat down on the sofa and he told me about how we met. He told me about himself. He told me that I'm special and that I have all these abilities. Nothing he said helped me remember us or who I was. I told him I really wished I could remember us. When I said it, I blushed so hard, I thought I was going to shoot flames out of my eyes again. I turned away from him so he wouldn't see how embarrassed I was, but he didn't seem to care. He held my hands and stared deep into my eyes. I could hardly stand it.
After we talked for a while, he showed me around the house. Nothing helped me remember my past. It was so frustrating for me and I could see that Lex was getting a bit upset. I know he was trying to hide it, but I could tell. I held his hand as we walked around and told him that I was glad to have him there to help me get through whatever had happened to me. He grabbed me by the shoulders and said that no matter what it took, or how much it cost, he'd find out what happened and he'd fix it.
I could see that Lex was really hoping my loft would do the trick. When I opened the back door of the house to go outside, I tore the door off and it went flying across the yard. That was really upsetting. Lex said that I had good control of my strength before, and that he's sure I can learn that control again.
The trip to the loft didn't jog my memory at all. Lex sat and watched as I touched all my things. I asked him to tell me all about my abilities. They are totally insane. He said I can fly! Nothing in the loft or what Lex said sparked my memories. I could see that Lex was starting to get tired so we went back into the house. I asked him to stay with me and he did. He slept in the spare bedroom.
I didn't get much sleep that night. I kept hearing things I shouldn't have been able to hear. Other weird things have happened to me as well. I didn't really expect to write so much in this book, but it has helped to make me feel better.
Lex is taking me to his house today. Maybe something there will help me remember. He said we've spent a lot of time there together. He said I've even slept over at his place. I didn't ask for details. He said it's more important right now for me to remember that I'm Clark Kent.
He also told me that only he and my parents know about my abilities. I hide from everyone else in my life. I use my abilities in private to help others in need. There are so many things to remember. I just wish I could remember even just one thing.
~
13 February 2007
10:41 am
Dear diary
It's been a really depressing few days. Lex and I went to the mansion on Sunday, and when I say mansion, I really mean a castle in the middle of Kansas. It's huge! Lex is very rich. He runs a company on his own and he has a big garage filled with Porsches and Lamborghinis. He told me I've stayed over at his castle many times, and that he and I have spent countless hours doing stuff like playing pool, swimming (he has a swimming pool), having dinner and other things he refused to elaborate on. I know there's so much more for him to tell, but he said he doesn't want to overwhelm me.
I still didn't remember any of it. I can't remember a thing about my personal life. I have best friends I don't even know anymore. It's so frustrating. Lex has been so patient with me. I can see in his eyes that he's really hoping something he does or says will spark some kind of flash in my mind, but it hasn't.
On Monday, I was walking around the mansion on my own while Lex took a business call. I found pictures of us and one of them really confused me. It was a picture of Lex and me standing in front of an altar. I asked Lex about it and at first he wouldn't explain. He said it was a long story. He totally dodged my question, but I didn't press. Then he said that my parents called and that they were home.
Lex drove me back to the farm yesterday afternoon. He explained to my parents what had happened before we arrived so they wouldn't be shocked when I asked who they were. When I saw them for the first time, I didn't remember them at all. I couldn't remember anything. Lex stayed with us long enough to tell them that he was working on figuring out what happened to me and that he was going to help me. My dad, Jonathan, got kind of angry at that. I told him that if it weren't for Lex, I might have been found out by someone else by now.
After Lex left, I went up to my room to be alone. I should have probably stayed downstairs with my parents, but they're strangers to me and I was a bit angry at Jonathan for telling Lex that we didn't need his help. It wasn't really what he said -- it was more how he said it. Jonathan doesn't seem to like Lex all that much. I don't really care. If it comes down to a choice, I'll just run back to Lex. I shouldn't think that way, but so far he's the only one who's really helped me, besides Chloe who found me.
It's not anybody's fault that this is happening. I just wish it would end. I really want to remember all these people, and what all these things in my room mean to me.
~
11:58 am
Dear diary
I am a freak of epic proportions. Where should I start? I've broken so many pens over the last few days while trying to write in this book. I almost tore the book in half this morning. It's annoying, but I'm not going to give up. Good thing I can't use that laptop, or I might have smashed it to pieces just by touching it.
I had dinner with strangers last night. It was awkward to say the least. After we ate, I wanted to hide out in my bedroom, but Martha talked me into staying downstairs with them. She's really nice. I like her a lot. We sat in front of the fireplace. They showed me all kinds of photo albums and told me stories about my childhood.
After about the millionth story, which I still did not remember, I asked to be excused and went up to my room. On top of all the things I can do, I also have enhanced hearing. I accidentally overheard my parents talking about me. They're really good at taking things in stride. I overheard them talking about how much they should tell me. They hinted at something major, but didn't come right out and say it. Probably because they know I could overhear them if I wanted to. I didn't want to. I don't like to eavesdrop on people, but my body doesn't give me a choice. I guess I'll find out in time what they mean.
~
05:56 pm
I broke the barn door this morning when Dad and I went to do the farm chores. It's getting frustrating, but my parents don't seem to mind. Mom told me that when I was growing up, I always broke stuff until I learned to control my strength.
I spent most of the morning asking all kinds of questions. When I asked my dad why I'm this way, he said it was really hard to explain. I pressed for answers. He wasn't going to tell me, but I finally convinced him that I deserved the truth. He told me this insane story about how I'm an alien and that I crashed in a field when I was just a child. When I asked to see my space ship, he said I'd blown it up.
I ran from him and phoned Lex right away. There's no way my dad is right about this. I can't be some thing from space. I look human. I am human. He's wrong.
I wanted to ask Lex if he knew about the alien thing, but more than that, I wanted to tell him to take me away from this. Instead I told him how I missed him and how I really wanted to remember everything. He reassured me that things were going to be okay and that he was doing everything in his power to find out what happened to me and figure out a way to reverse this.
I didn't tell him how scared I was, but talking to him made me feel so much better. I can see why I'm with him.
~
08:14 pm
I only wanted to write about one thing that happened tonight. Lex stopped by and we went for a drive. He took me to the place we first met. He said he hit me with his car and the rest is history.
I could tell he was distressed that I couldn't remember. I really wished I could, if only to make Lex happy. After he told me how we met he kissed me. I held onto him and told him that even if I don't remember, I know how I feel about him. I know I want to be with him.
The kiss was hot and totally awesome. Even if my mind doesn't remember how Lex makes me feel, my body certainly does.
~
05:16 pm
It's been a long few days. I've spent a lot of time with my parents, getting to know them again. They're being really patient. I went into town yesterday with Chloe. I met her friend Lana. She seemed very nice.
I spent most of today with Chloe at the Talon. She and Lana were talking in the other room. I listened in to hear what they were saying. It wasn't about me so I stopped listening. I'm starting to gain better control over my abilities.
Lex has told me that he's going to find out what happened to me. Chloe said she suspects that something is going on. She told me she knows that a guy name Kevin did this to me. She thinks that he has the ability to alter people's memory. It has something to do with meteor rocks. She told me I went to see Kevin. She also told me to be careful of Lex. She thinks that he might not have my best interests in mind. I'm not sure what to think. Lex is the one person who has helped me through this whole ordeal, but what if Chloe's right? My dad doesn't seem to trust Lex. What if he's not doing all this because he cares about me? What if he just wants my powers or something?
I haven't been able to reach Lex all day. I'm not sure what to do. I wish I could remember. I really hope Lex isn't just playing me. I hope all those things he's saying about us being together are true.
I'm starting to feel so alone.
~
12:07 pm
I haven't done much writing over the past few days. I've been busy getting to know my life. Most of my time is spent with my parents. Mom and Dad have both been great. Mom's helped me the most. She tells me all kinds of stories about my life.
I found out something totally shocking. Dad told me that Lex and I ran off and got married. He told me that it never should have happened. He said there are these red meteor rocks that make me lose my inhibitions, and that I was being influenced by them when I ran off with Lex to get married. He said I don't make good judgments when I'm on red kryptonite. I asked my mom about what Dad said and she said I've been exposed to the red rocks a few times. Then my dad said we could talk to a lawyer about getting the marriage officially declared illegal. I told him I couldn't do that without knowing more about what had happened, but he went to see the lawyer without me. He said he just wanted to see what our options are. Both my parents think I'm way too young to be married. I guess they're right. I probably did make a mistake and they said I was technically on what amounts to drugs at the time of the wedding.
At first I thought my dad was saying this because he hated my sexual preference, but when I confronted him about it, he said it didn't matter. He just thinks that sometimes Lex influences my choices. Maybe he's right. I don't know what to think. I wish I could remember how I really feel about all this. It's so confusing to be confronted by so much all at once.
I talked to Chloe about Lex and she said that he's been good to me, but that he's a very powerful man and that Lex's father can be dangerous. She told me about Lionel. He sounds scary. My parents told me that Lex knows I'm from another planet. I wonder if Lionel knows about my abilities, since Lex does. I wonder what else Lex is keeping from me.
I don't know what to do. I talked to Lex today on the phone. He sounded okay. I wanted to ask him about the wedding and so many other things, but I wasn't sure how to bring it up, and he seemed way too preoccupied. We didn't talk long.
I want to believe in Lex, but what if he's taking advantage of me? What am I supposed to do? I don't know what to do. I don't know who to trust. I so afraid all the time that I'll accidentally use one of my abilities in front of someone who doesn't know the truth. I hate living like this. I want my life back. I have to do something about this. I'm going to ask Chloe to help me.
~
12:07 pm
I couldn't sleep last night because all I could think about was Lex and why he didn't tell me about the alien thing. I tried to call him but he wasn't available. I went over to the mansion early in the morning and he wasn't home. I ran into his assistant Molly and she told me to get out. She seems to have something against me. I wanted to ask why, but I don't even know if she knows about my relationship with Lex.
Chloe was just here. She told me about a place called Summerholt. It's owned by the Luthors and they do all kinds of mind experiments there. Chloe said the guy who erased my memory is being experimented on at this place. It seems that Lex is hiding a lot of things from me, but I can't believe he'd ever be a part of all this. I just can't. My instinct tells me that Lex would never do anything to harm someone else. I just know he wouldn't, but I don't understand why he didn't tell me I was an alien. With all the secrets I have, the one person with whom I thought I shared my life with didn't share important information with me. On top of that, Lex is almost never around. He keeps telling me he's busy trying to find a solution to my problem and, even though I believe him, I still wish he'd let me help. I have all these abilities. I know I don't have complete control over them, but I'm learning fast. I can almost control my hearing enough to hear what's happening at the mansion. I can hear Lex talking. He's going to the city. I'm going to follow him there and get some answers from him.
~
09:56 pm
It's done. We went to the lawyer today and I signed the papers. This doesn't annul the marriage, but this declares it officially illegal. Chloe was right about Lex. I followed him last night and he went to that Summerholt place. At first, I was going to stick around and try to spy on what he was up to, but when I saw Lex and the doctor shake hands like they knew each other, I didn't stick around. I didn't want to hear what they talked about. It was obvious Lex knew the man. Lex must know what's going on inside. He must know about the experiments. He owns the place and he was there.
I sat in the lawyer's office and stared out the window as they talked about my life like it was somebody else's world. I came to the realization that I have no real life. My memories are gone, possibly forever. No matter how hard I try to remember anything about Lex or my parents or my friends, nothing has come back to me. I feel like there's this hole inside of me, and I'm waiting for something to fill it, but nothing is filling it.
When we came home after, I went straight to my loft. I didn't want to talk to anyone or see anyone. I stared at this picture of us. Lex is smiling and leaning against my shoulder. It looks like he's whispering something in my ear. I wish I could remember what it was.
Why do I feel like I just betrayed the best thing I ever had?
~
10:53 pm
I feel as though I've been reborn
Lex saved me. He found out that Kevin was the reason I lost my memory. Lex called me over to the mansion yesterday and Kevin did his mind whammy thing and I'm back to being me. Kevin was altered by the meteor rocks. I remember everything, including the things I did during the past few weeks.
I didn't tell Lex why I signed those papers. I had no clue about our past, and then I saw him go into Summerholt after what Chloe told me. I should have confronted him, but I was too confused at the time. Now I'm not confused, but I'm not happy Lex went there. I know that he was trying to find out about Kevin.
After I got my memory back, Kevin left. Lex told him he was going to help him. I'm not sure what was going on with that, but I'm willing to bet he's grateful that Kevin helped me.
I was so glad to be back to myself. The first thing I did once Lex and I were alone was apologize about a dozen times for the letter stating our wedding was illegal. I even took the papers from Lex and tore them up. When I went home this morning I tore up my copy and told my parents that I wanted all copies destroyed.
I called my parents to let them know I'd gotten my memory back and I ended up staying at the mansion with Lex, and we got reacquainted in his bed. It was like going home. I stripped my shirt off and kissed Lex. He was responsive but I could sense he was reluctant. It felt so good to be in his arms. He fucked me slowly at first, but once he was inside me, his thrusts grew frantic and rough. His hands grasped my hips tightly, and I closed my eyes and savored every push and every pull.
I offered to be Lex's slave for the rest of my life. I couldn't possibly ever repay him for all he'd done. Then I told Lex about the hidden cave wall with the two stones. I thought I owed him the truth. I'm still not really sure why I kept it from him, but now Lex knows. He said he wasn't happy I lied, but he kissed me possessively and we had sex again. This time I was in him, and I tried to make it last as long as I could. I wanted it to last forever.
Then I fell asleep with Lex beside me. It was the best night I've had in a long time.
I came home this afternoon after having breakfast with Lex. Now I'm happy to be home and whole again. I'm happy I have my life again.
I'm so glad I have my journal back.
~
11:25 pm
My life this week
Sometimes I wish my dad would just stop. We had a fight yesterday and I'm not talking to him. I let him know just what I thought of how he handled my memory loss situation. I was unsure what to do after seeing Lex at Summerholt. I did what I thought was the right thing to do based on my parent's advice. I wish Dad hadn't done this. I'm really pissed off that all this time he's only been tolerating Lex's presence in my life. I know this because during the fight he told me he doesn't regret trying to get me away from Lex's sphere of influence. He thinks I can't think for myself. He feels Lex has had a bad influence on me and led me to make some bad choices. I don't know how he could possibly turn this around. Lex had done nothing but help me over and over again. If it hadn't been for Lex, I'd probably still be wondering who the hell I was.
My mom felt bad for what they'd done. I know she wasn't pleased with how my dad reacted. She asked me to invite Lex over for dinner the other night but Lex declined. Dad was fine with that. During the argument I told my dad that either he accepts Lex in my life and accepts that I'm making my own choices or I'll leave. Of course he blamed my behavior on Lex. He said I was never like this before I met Lex. I told my dad that I was glad because it meant I could be my own man without him running my entire life. I said some stuff I regret but I am not taking it back. My dad needs to realize that I am not that little boy and that I am going to make choices he may not agree with, but he has to let me make those choices.
I went over to see Lex today to talk to him about what had happened. The whole thing is my fault. Lex was robbed again of more memories and I know how that makes him feel after everything he's been through. Kevin erased not only my memories but Lex's as well and it seems he also got to Chloe. Lex was the one who talked Kevin into restoring my memory and I found out why Lex was at Summerholt. He wasn't there to hurt me or anything. Lex found out his father was having experiments done on Kevin at that place. I wish I could destroy it or something. I hate that place so much. It's brought nothing but grief to me and the people I love. I'm not surprised that Lionel had something to do with what was done to Kevin.
I hate that Lex always has to deal with that man. Maybe my dad and his dad should get together. It seems like they're both full of schemes aimed at hurting their sons.
I wish there was really some way to make this up to Lex. I tore up the papers, and I told my parents that I will always be married to Lex, but it's not enough. I owe Lex so much. He's the best thing that ever happened to me and nothing and nobody will ever take him away. I won't let them, and I make a vow here to myself that I will make sure Lex never feels unwanted or unloved. I'm going to make sure Lex knows how much I love him.
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