This just sucks
I spent the last week trying to get some time with Lex with no success because he's too busy working. I've talked to
him on the phone a few times, but that's the closest I've gotten to him. I wish he would take a break. That would be nice. I threatened to
sneak into town to force him to take a break, but he made it clear that now was not the time for that. I hope things are okay with him.
I don't want to sulk about it, but I miss him! I want some Lex love.
On another less pleasant note, Chloe and I are still not talking. I can't forgive her for what she did. I just don't know what she was
thinking. She told me she was just trying to help, but how was that going to help? Lionel is a dangerous man. She should know that better
than anybody. I feel like maybe I was way too hard on her. Chloe is like a sister to me, but when I heard those words, there was this
twisting in my gut that hasn't really vanished. I just have to think about those words and hearing her talk to him about me, and the pain is
back.
Lana hasn't looked happy in the past few days. I only really say hi to her when I see her in the hallways. I don't know what else to say. I
mostly hang with Pete and spending my time studying. I guess I can't avoid Chloe and Lana forever since I do see them a lot in the Torch
office.
Mom and Dad are doing well at least. They seem so happy right now, it makes me happy just to see that. Sometimes I watch them together and I
think about what it would be like if Lex and I lived like this. Not exactly like they live since I can't imagine Lex wanting to bake cookies
(the visual of that just made me hungry), but it would be cool. We could have a nice house in the country with a white picket fence, and a
dog, and maybe a few kids. I wonder if Lex wants kids. I guess for us that really isn't an option. What with me being a guy and him being a
guy... that sort of makes it hard. There is always the option of adoption.
I better go get some cookies. I am so hungry and the smell coming from the kitchen is driving me nuts. I think my stomach is going to rebel
and go without me.
~
This has been a weird few days
I talked to Lana a few days ago. I stopped by her place to borrow something, but mostly just to say hi and see how she's been doing. She
told me that she'd gone to see Lex in the city to look over the Talon's books. Lex wasn't able to make it back to town so she went to see
him in person. She said he was acting strange and that he was all spacey, which is so not like him. She thinks he's been working too hard.
I was really concerned, so I went to see him last night. He'd finally come back to the mansion after being away for too long. I haven't seen
him in forever. At least it felt that way. When I saw him last night, I practically fell into his arms. It was so good to touch him and be
close to him again. I told him he's invited to our house for Christmas. He actually said he'd have to get back to me on that.
I'm sure it is just overwork, but he was kind of not all there last night. When I asked him about it, he just said he's been working really
long hours. I hate seeing him all tense and stuff. It's not good for him. I told him he better make time for me. I was only joking when I
said it but he gave me this look for just a second... I thought he was angry. He must not be getting any sleep. He looked tired.
Then all of a sudden, he started to rant that I had to be more careful about my secret. He started to say stuff about how his dad is really
dangerous, and that I needed to be way more careful than I have been, because his dad could find out about my alien status. I tried to
reassure him that it's fine. I told him I've been really lying low and that no freaks have come out of the woodwork in a while. He didn't
seem reassured. He told me he's making sure that his father's interests were directed elsewhere and that he'd never allow Lionel to go
anywhere near me.
I managed to calm him down. After that, we sat by the fire and talked about what to get each other for gifts. I've been trying to figure out
what to get him for the longest time on my own, but I have no idea what to get somebody who already has everything. He insisted that
whatever I decided on, he'd love it. I hate when people say that. It's no help at all.
He was so tired last night. He actually leaned into me and almost passed out on the sofa. The fire was really warm and really nice. I loved
it even if we didn't do much more than kiss. He told me that he loves me. He even got teary eyed when he said it.
I really think Lex needs to take a break. Maybe telling him my secret and the strain of knowing it and trying to ensure that his father
never finds out about me is taking a toll on him. I hope not.
Before I left, he reassured me that he's just under a lot of pressure and that I shouldn't worry about him. I'd worry about him no matter
what. After all, he is the man I love.
~
I know what to do
This year I've decided to give Lex something that can't be bought anywhere. He had it once before in his possession, then lost it during the
storm. He's so worried about me and his father finding out my secret. I want him to know that I trust him completely. I'm going to give him
the key to the ship. Even though I destroyed the ship, I still have it and it still does something. I am sure of it. There's that
indentation in the cave wall that it fits into, and the fact is that his father has been searching all this time for what those caves mean.
I went down there the other day. There's still scaffolding and stuff set up. I know Lionel is still looking into the caves. I know there's
got to be something more in there. I haven't spent much time down there over the past year because of those things.
I still have to figure out what to get my parents. I think I'll get them gift certificates at a restaurant. My dad works so hard and Mom is
always too busy for them to go out anywhere. This way they are forced to do something other than pitch hay together.
Pete needs a new basketball, and I know what to get Lana. I haven't made up my mind about Chloe. I know I should get her something, but I'm
still hurting over what she did to me. Going behind my back like that's not something I can just forget so easily.
I can't believe the year is almost over. What a year it's been. Sometimes I wish I was still in the city still wearing that ring, with Lex.
At least if we were still there, we'd be having sex.
I had my last doctor's appointment yesterday. She said she's very convinced that I'm not a flight risk. If only she knew. I wish I could
fly. I still remember what it felt like that one time I did it over the summer. I should just try it again. Maybe I could fly Lex around for
a gift. I wonder how he'd feel about that.
~
Lex agreed
Lex is going to come over for Christmas day to our house. I asked him yesterday. I ran to his office in the city since I knew he wouldn't be
coming back into town for the weekend. That was cool since I had some time to spare.
I had to blow him to get him to agree, not that I minded doing it. I loved doing it. We were right in his office in LuthorCorp towers and he
said he might not make it. He was busy reading some report or something, and I got down on my knees and unzipped him and sucked him off
right there. After I was done swallowing and he was sitting in his plush office chair almost incapable of speech, I told him he had to take
two days off so that we could hang at the mansion Christmas Eve for some time to ourselves. It's been so long, and we'll be able to fuck all
we want and scream and, in my case, smash furniture, without any interruptions.
I can't wait. It's going to totally rock. I have it all planned. I want to be Kal for him. I am going to handcuff him to his bed and fuck
him until he begs me to fuck him some more. Then I am going to lick him from head to toe, taking extra time on his ass. I am so horny just
thinking about it. I jerked off earlier when I imagined what I'd do to him.
I need to go jerk off right now. I have to take a shower so I think I'll do it in there.
I'm done. I broke the towel rack in the shower. Mom was not happy, but I promised her I'd fix it right away. I was so embarrassed when my
parents came rushing up to see what was wrong, because the sound I made when I crushed the towel bar and tore it off of the wall was pretty
loud. Dad understood and mom was blushing more than I was.
It was kind of amusing. Mom just made a crack about what they've had to put up with over the years and how this was nothing compared to the
time I broke the kitchen table.
Now I have some homework to do. I totally put it off. The last day of school before holidays is Friday. I better get my ass in gear, or Dad
will get upset.
~
I don't know what to do
I ran to the city last night to see Lex because he wasn't able to come back into town, and something is wrong. He flipped out when he saw
me. He was still at his office really late. I think it was almost ten, and when I walked in I thought for sure he'd be happy to see me. I
was hoping something would happen. I was hoping we'd get it on, but instead he grabbed me and acted all panicked, asking me if anybody had
seen me. I reassured him that nobody had seen me come in. I already know how to get into the building without getting on camera. I tried to
tell him this, but he said he was going to destroy all the cameras and burn all the videos.
I tried to get him to calm down. He was shaking so badly, it freaked me out. Then he started to say that it was too dangerous for us to be
together at all! I think my heart almost stopped when I heard those words. He was shaking and grabbing me, and his eyes... I have never seen
him so upset.
I didn't want to leave him there, but he told me that I had to go before his father found me. He said Lionel had eyes everywhere and nothing
would stop him if he knew about my origins.
I told Lex I wasn't leaving until he calmed down, so he made me sit down and he even offered me a drink which I turned down. He had one, and
then told me that I had to leave and that he'd contact me. Then he made me promise never to run into the city again, ever. He said if I made
that promise he'd calm down.
What the fuck is happening to him? I am totally freaked out. I don't get this. He claimed he's just been working too hard and hasn't had
much sleep, but for him to panic this way... maybe he is working too hard. I can't wait for the holidays because then at least he'll have a
few days off. I can make sure he gets some sleep even if we don't have any intimate time together I can at least make sure he relaxes.
It wasn't until I got back to the loft that I realized Lex hadn't even kissed me. I'm going to call him to make sure he got some sleep last
night. I should have made him promise to go home.
~
Things seem better now
I talked to Lex, and he promised he'd be at the mansion by tomorrow late afternoon. I'm going to stay at the mansion for Christmas Eve, and
I plan on making up for lost time. I've been thinking about him a lot the last few weeks. I really miss him and since it's the end of the
year, I've also been doing some reflecting on what we've been through. My life has changed so much since I met Lex. He's done so much for
me, and I feel like he's been a force in my life that has shaped things in ways I never could have imagined.
For one thing, I never thought we'd still be together. I thought about what he said about the fact that it's too dangerous for us to be
together. I know sometimes I think that way as well, especially when I think about what I can do, what I could do to him. This past summer
proved that I might not always make the right choices. Sometimes I still lay awake at night and think about what I did to him and how I
chained him to the bed.
I jerk off to that fantasy a lot. I should be honest with myself if nobody else. I jerk off to thoughts of Lex like that, chained up and at
my beck and call.
I am so horny! I have to stop this. I've already jerked off so many times today. Dad walked in on me one of those times. I just managed to
throw the covers over myself. He totally knew what I was up to and turned red from embarrassment. He could not get out of my room fast
enough for the both of us. I bet he told Mom. I hope she reminded him that knocking is not a new invention.
On to other things to get my mind off how badly I want to run over to wherever Lex is right at this very moment and fuck him into his
mattress, or whatever he's sitting on.
I exchanged gifts with Pete. He got me a very nice gift certificate from Borders. I gave Lana her gift. I got her this locket I found at
Brandy's Shop that made me think of her. I even told her she could put a picture of Chloe in it if she wanted to. That was kind of
uncomfortable. She urged me to talk to Chloe. I told Lana that I just needed time. I still haven't really talked to Chloe. I couldn't do it.
I was going to, but whenever I see her, I just hear those words again. I know I should forgive her but I guess I need more time.
Now to take care of my hard cock.
~
This is it
I'm off to spend the night at the mansion with Lex. Tomorrow we're going to wake up together and do all kinds of naughty things to each other. Then we'll go back to my parents for Christmas dinner and after that we'll exchange gifts. I hope Lex likes what I'm giving him.
~
It was worth it in the end
I went to the mansion Saturday night, and spent the whole night with Lex. It was fucking awesome. Lex was so relaxed, and being with him all
night was the best gift I could have ever gotten from him. Our only worry was whether we would have enough whipped cream. I licked it off of
him and it was delicious. I fucked him until he passed out from bliss. I kissed him awake the next morning and fucked him again. We spent a
lazy morning together, eating strawberries and more whipped cream. He licked my fingers until I couldn't take it anymore. We ended up
fucking almost six times in total. I say almost because one of those times I pulled out and came on his back.
Once we were presentable, and able to stay awake long enough, we drove to my parents' for Christmas day. That wasn't so fabulous. It was
fine at first. It took Lex a while to relax, but once he was comfortable, and knew that my dad wasn't going to chase him off, we all
exchanged gifts. Lex got me the most awesome state-of-the-art telescope that I totally love. When I gave Lex a key that means a lot to me, I
knew it might be something that my parents wouldn't agree with. I didn't have time to talk to them beforehand, so my father's reaction was
something I knew I would have to deal with eventually. Deal with it I did. My dad didn't say anything at the time. The look on Lex's face
when he realized how much I trusted him was worth every lecture or punishment my parents could ever dish out.
I was furious when I found out what my dad had done behind my back. He fucking talked to Lex about my gift. I know it wasn't a polite
conversation. Mom and I went to get the dessert and I took that opportunity to talk to my mom. I wanted to know how she felt about the gift
I'd given to Lex. She was very happy for me and I promised her I'd deal with Dad. Of course that meant Lex was left alone with my dad. When
I returned, Lex was withdrawn again. Right after we'd finished eating dessert, he suddenly had to leave. He claimed some last minute work
had to get done.
I know my dad. He just couldn't fucking pass up an opportunity. He had to say something. He had to ruin the wonderful night we were all
having.
I told my dad today that I would do anything for Lex. I can't believe that even after all this time, Dad still doesn't trust Lex. I am so
fucking furious with my dad. I wanted to have a nice quiet time with the people I love -- that includes Lex -- and Dad had to go fuck with
it. I don't know exactly what he told Lex, but I think it was one of those 'hurt my son and I kill you' talks. And now, when I try to call
Lex, I can't get through to him.
I will not forgive Dad for this one.
I'd fucking smash things right now, I am so furious, but then I'd get a lecture and I do not want to talk to my dad at this moment.
Screw him! If Lex is fucked up because of what my dad said, there will be a reckoning.
~
What the hell!
Everything just went insane!
I went up to the loft this morning to find Lex hiding out. He had cuts and bruises all over, and his shirt was blood-stained. I don't know
what to do. He claims his father sent somebody to the mansion to kill him last night. When I went to the mansion to get the video Lex said
he has of Morgan Edge confessing, it looked as if nothing had ever happened. I only found one shard of red stained glass.
I'm not sure what to believe. I talked to a security guard and he said there hadn't been any activity all night. Lex said the guy trying to
kill him killed Darius, but the security guy said Darius was off last night.
This is all so fucked up. Lex said that he found out something about his father and Morgan Edge that would send them both to prison. I
didn't tell my parents that Lex is here. So far, I've managed to keep them out of it, but something is really wrong with Lex. He's acting so
weird.
After dinner tonight, I went back to my loft and brought Lex some food. I told my parents to leave me alone, which worked out just fine
since Dad isn't talking to me right now. Earlier in the day, Lex was so withdrawn, but I guess it had to do with the ordeal he's suffered. I
have to believe that he's telling the truth. I can't imagine that he'd be so freaked out if nothing had happened. When I went back to the
loft tonight, Lex was different. We started kissing and before I knew it, he was on top of me and then we were tearing at each other's
clothes. At first I felt guilty because of what had just happened to him, but I think we both needed it.
No words were spoken as he turned me onto my stomach and spread my legs wide. I tossed him some lube and seconds later, he was pushing his
fingers into me and then his cock. I urged him to fuck me as hard as he could. It felt so good to have him in me and to feel his hands on my
hips. I swear I can still feel his fingernails digging into my skin even though I am invulnerable. He held on so tight.
Lex called me Kal when he was fucking me. He got confused or something, and when I tried to get him to realize where he was and who I was,
it was as if he didn't hear me. I didn't know what else to do, but be Kal for him. I could see in his eyes that it was what he wanted.
This is so insane. I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe that Lionel would do this to his own son. It has to be Edge. I could
believe Edge would do this. He hates Lex enough to want to kill him.
I wish I could stay out in the loft with Lex, but my parents might go out there looking for me. I left Lex out there alone. I can hear him
from here. He sounds okay. I hope he's okay. I want him to be okay.
~
This can't be happening
Lionel was just here a few hours ago. I came home to fine him talking to my parents. He was acting all concerned for
Lex, but I know that man. There was no real concern for his son in anything he said. I wanted to push him down and beat him, I was so angry.
I went out to talk to Chloe. Lex had said Chloe could confirm his story about his father so I went to talk to her. As soon as I told her
about Lex, we both put all our own differences aside. She wants to help out, so we went back to my place so we could figure things out. When
we arrived Lionel was there, looking for Lex. He claimed Lex had had a psychotic break. He said Lex was way more affected by his stay on the
island than anybody knew. This is news to me. Lex has been perfectly fine up until a few weeks ago. He did start acting all weird lately and
I guess he was kind of strange over the summer a few times.
After Lionel left, my parents, Chloe, and I went into the house. I made up some excuse to go out to the barn and Chloe left to do some
research. She said she'd come back later to help watch Lex.
I went out to the barn to make sure Lex was okay, but when I got there he was singing a lullaby to a rolled-up blanket. I was too stunned at
first to say anything. He told me it was his baby brother, Julian, and that his father had woken him. His brother Julian has been dead for
years. I tried to tell him it was just a blanket but he wouldn't listen. He kept telling me to be quiet or I'd wake him again. It was so
hard to watch. I didn't know what else to do so I sat down beside him and waited for him to finish. I don't know how long we sat there. Lex
looked so peaceful. He looked so beautiful -- it actually hurts to remember that.
I took him back up to my loft and convinced him to lie down. He looked so tired. I can't do this alone. I have to tell my parents. They'll
be upset that I hid Lex, but I don't know what else to do.
What if Lex really is sick? Could I be hurting him more than helping him? I have to believe that Lex knows what he's doing, but that look in
his eyes when he thought he was holding his brother... I can't get it out of my head. No matter what happens, I have to stand by Lex. He
needs me more now than he ever has.
~
10:26 pm
I lost him
I lost Lex. I left him with Lana so I could go do some things, and when I got back Lex was gone and I had to rush Lana to the hospital. Lana
got trampled by a horse. Her leg is broken and she's in really bad shape. Fuck! She almost died. How did this happen? I was only trying to
help Lex. Now he's gone and I have no idea where he is. I looked everywhere. I'm going crazy trying to find him.
When I told my parents that I was hiding Lex, they weren't thrilled. My mom was fine with it but dad flipped. He told me I shouldn't have
gotten involved. I had to get Lex away from my place. I had to choose between my parents and Lex. I chose Lex.
Fuck! This is such a huge mess. I don't know what else to do. I've looked all night for Lex. I stayed at the hospital with Lana until Chloe
showed up. Chloe was really upset about what had happened to Lana. Lionel was at the hospital too, telling me this was my fault. He said if
I hadn't interfered, then Lana never would have been hurt.
On top of all that, Chloe found out that Lex had another strange incident when he was younger. She found out he'd been found singing to a
blanket then, too, so maybe it really was a psychotic break. Fuck. I really screwed up. Chloe had the drug they were giving Lex tested and
it turned out to be nothing. What if Lionel was telling the truth? I need answers now.
~
11:32 pm
I just went over to the mansion
I didn't have time to be nice. I beat Darius up until he told me someone has been drugging Lex's alcohol. I forced Darius to arrange a
meeting with the guy who's behind it. This is the best way to do it. I fucking wanted to break his arm so badly. I was furious when he told
me what they'd been doing to Lex all this time.
God! Just a few hours ago Lex was begging me to believe in him, to help him, and I went with him. We were in the truck together, kissing,
and he was telling me he loved me and that he wished he'd never dragged me into any of this. I told him I'd do anything for him. I told him
I loved him and that we'd get through all this together, and now he's gone and I can't find him.
I am going to meet the guy early tomorrow morning. I can't wait. When I find out who did this, they are going to fucking wish they never
heard of Lex. Even though Lex had that episode as a kid, I know this time it's because he's been drugged. I am not going to let whoever did
this get away with it.
~
I just got home
He's gone. I lost, and now Lex has been committed to Belle Reve, a mental institution. He told me to run. I wanted to stay with him, but he
told he'd take care of everything. He told me to run. I just did what he said. I didn't think. I thought for sure I'd see him at the mansion
later, but when I went to the mansion, Lex wasn't there. His father was there. He told me where Lex was and that Edge was dead. Lex shot
Edge in self defense. I tried to stop him. I went to meet that guy and he told me where to find the person behind everything that's been
happening to Lex. It was Edge.
When I got there, Lex had already found Edge and was about to shoot him. I couldn't let that happen. It all went to hell. Lex tried to help
me, but then he went after Edge because Edge ran, and I had to push Lex out of the way of an oncoming car. It happened so fast. Then when we
heard the sirens, Lex told me to run. Lionel must have sent those people after Lex. Lionel had Lex committed and he told me that I was to
never go anywhere near his son again.
There was nothing I could do for Lex, so I went to the hospital to see Lana. She finally woke up, but she told me to stay away from her. She
said she doesn't want me around because it's too dangerous to be my friend.
My parents really understood when I explained. I didn't tell them everything that happened. I just told them that Lionel had Lex committed.
I'm not telling them anything else. I'm alone in my loft. I thought I'd be here or at the mansion with Lex. I never thought things would
turn out like this.
There's nothing happy about this New Year.
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