03:07 am
I think I screwed things up beyond repair.
After Pete and I switched the DNA sample at the lab I went by the mansion to see Lex. I wanted to reassure him that there was no way we
could be brothers. I told him once the tests came back he'd see that, but this only made things worse.
I think I don't have a boyfriend anymore. He didn't say it but I could see it in his eyes. He called me on my lies. He's never done that
before. I thought my heart was going to stop. I almost told him my secret, but then suddenly I was too terrified. I told him about when we
first met. I told him we're meant to be. He has to feel it the way I do.
I don't know what to think any more. I should have just gone straight home, but I wanted to be near Lex. I wanted to touch him. Instead I
destroyed everything.
~
10:29 am
Oh god!
As Lex would say, fuck!
I almost told Lex. I went back. I couldn't leave him alone like that. I went back and I was ready to tell him. I would have done anything as
long as he wanted me. I thought if I started from the beginning of the story it would be easier. I told him about how I was found in a field
on the day of the meteor shower. I've never told anybody about that.
It was enough. He believes that I'm not his brother for sure. Somehow I don't think this was about the DNA test at all.
I sat there staring and it occurred to me that my real parents threw me away. It was so far away that there was no chance of them ever
getting me back. It could have been for so many things. Maybe I was bad or maybe they weren't allowed to keep me. So many scenarios I could
come up with.
Lex said he doesn't believe that my real parents threw me away.
I kept thinking as I stared into Lex's eyes that once he heard 'I fell from the sky the day of the meteor show' come out of my mouth he'd
throw me out for sure. I kept thinking I can't lose Lex right now. I just couldn't take it.
When I got home this morning I felt so calm. I told my parents the sample was switched and then Dad went to do some work. He's totally
freaked out over everything and really hates that I had to break the law. I could see it in his eyes how much he regrets that I had to do
this.
Mom told me about how she thought up my name. She just came up with it on the spur of the moment, and I'm so glad that she picked one that
has a connection with her and with her family. Then Lex came by to check up on me. It was so good to see him looking happier. We kissed and
then he said he didn't want to leave and I told him we have the rest of our lives. I just realized what that means. It's us now, forever
together. And one day I will tell him about me, but not right now. Right now I just want things to stay this way.
Lex and I made a date to go see a movie this Saturday night. We're going to go see Alexander to ogle the pretty guys and see men kiss on a
big screen. Then we're going to make out in the back row of the theatre. Or so he says. I have my doubts about that part.
I have to run off to school now. I am way late.
~
01:08 pm
That poor lady.
I felt so bad for her. I know she tried to kill Lex, but the way she broke down sobbing in my arms was so terrible. I didn't know what to
say except that now she knows for sure I'm not her son. The axe smashing on my chest sort of gave away that fact.
As soon as I moved her to another room away from Lex, I cleaned up the broken axe. It took five seconds to gather all the pieces and bury it
where nobody would ever find it.
Lex is at home and all better now. At least when I left him he seemed all better. I hope he wasn't putting up a front, but I could see him
doing that. He said he was going to call a press conference. He's going to make sure Rachel is taken care of. I think he felt just as bad as
I did for her.
I had to lie and tell him that she stopped herself from axing him to death when I screamed out to her. I hated lying to Lex, but it's for
the best. I was so relieved that I made it in time. I think I ran faster than I've ever run in my life. And OW! Axe to the chest. It
actually left a mark. It faded seconds later, but man that hurt or maybe I just imagined that it hurt since an axe to the chest really
should hurt.
As soon as Lex was back on his feet I hugged him close and didn't want to let go. It ended way too soon since I called the police and
ambulance and they were there pretty fast.
Once the ambulance took Rachel away and the police questioned me, Lex called Feegan to come get us. We just told Feegan not to ask. On the
drive home I think it finally hit me that if it hadn't been for me, Lex would have died.
I have never been so happy to be an alien with my abilities.
~
08:52 pm
So much has happened.
So that lady who thought I was her son is now in an institution. She totally snapped when she finally realized she'd been wrong all along
about me being her Lucas. I feel so bad for her. She just wanted her son back and now she's all locked up and who knows what else. It's hard
to watch a grown woman collapse and sob. I know she tried to shake up my life, but I still feel so sorry for her. I feel bad that she didn't
find her son.
The other night Lana came over and we talked about being adopted. She lost her parents when she was really young and her aunt adopted her.
Then she told me that she might have found her real biological father. She tried to talk to him and it didn't go well, but I told her not to
give up because if I could really for real meet my biological parents I would. I hope she finds what she's looking for.
Given the chance I think I would want to meet my biological parents. There's no way it's ever going to happen, but I can dream.
Now I have a ton of things to do. Homework never ends.
~
11:25 am
I wish I could do more for Lex.
I love him so much and it hurts to see him hurt. Lex broke down last night and I feel so bad for saying this, but I'm glad. He really needed
it. He said he took something to make him sleep. Then he kept saying stuff about not wanting to sleep in his room. I don't blame him. It
must be a reminder of what happened with Bruce. So much has happened to him in the last few weeks. I wish I could take the pain away.
I wish I could say or do something to make him believe that his dad doesn't totally hate him, but I was at a total loss last night. I don't
even know what it's like. My dad is always there for me even though I am so strong; Dad never assumes that I can take care of myself. On the
other hand, Dad does tend to get a little bit over protective. If I am truthful he gets way overprotective. I'll never forget how he grilled
me, though he tried to hide it, every day for a month when I first started going to public school. He wanted to make sure I never used my
abilities. I did once, but Pete was totally worth it.
I called Mom last night to let her know where I was and I just called her now to tell her that everything was okay. I told her I'd be home
around three to do the chores. She's being so understanding I couldn't wish for a better mom.
Lex and I just had breakfast and it was so nice. He's taking a shower now. I think he's much better now. Quiet but still . . . god, he is so
beautiful. I could stare at him forever. He looked so gorgeous and relaxed in his pajamas. My heart almost burst, staring at him. He looks
so fragile yet so strong at the same time. I want to touch him. I had to stop myself from reaching out to touch.
Back to breakfast. Lex just came out of the shower all wet and he smiled. I think I am about to melt all over his bed.
~
09:01 pm
The last few days.
So we went to see that movie. It was nice. Lots of nice looking men in it. We drove to another county since I wanted to get away from
Smallville. I went to get Lex and he was asleep in his office. He's had such a hard few weeks. Sometimes I think he's had it hard since we
met. At least he was in a better mood and once he woke up, he wasn't tired.
I love that he kept whispering in my ear during the movie because it was such a turn-on. I wanted to reach over and kiss him, but that's not
the kind of world we live in. I think I got hard about a million times. It was wonderful.
If I was a girl we could have done that. Heck, we probably could have had sex right in the movie house and people would have just ignored
us. It's disheartening that because I choose to love somebody who has a cock we are forced to hide it when a straight couple just a few feet
away fed each other popcorn and kissed every chance they got.
Later when we drove home I asked if we could find a private spot and make out. He said that soon we'd be able to do stuff. We kissed and it
was so hot but I held back. I know it's totally worth waiting for. I x-rayed through his clothes to get a peek and it was such a nice view.
I love his body. I don't care what anybody says or thinks; I am gay and darned proud of it. If they try to bug me about it I'll smack them
into orbit. I wouldn't for real but I can pretend I would. My red meteor version would totally do it. He has no fear and sometimes I miss
that. Sometimes I wish I had no fear, but fear controls me and I hate that. I don't want that at all.
One day I'll be able to get up in front of the whole world and show no fear as myself. As Clark not as that other version of me. Maybe I'll
have to wear a disguise to do it but I can always hope it will happen.
Feegan's birthday party was nice. Mom hosted it at our house. Dad was a little grumpy about it but he actually wore his nice clothes. I
think I might have overcompensated by spending most of my time sitting beside Dad. I've become so aware of how I behave around Lex when
we're in public or with a mixed crowd. I don't mind that much. I don't want Dad to figure it out that I'm gay. I want to be the one who
tells him. He means so much to me. I still spent time talking to Lex who seemed a lot more comfortable this time around than any other time
he's been at our place. Anyway I think we had a good time. I didn't get Feegan anything for his birthday. I felt bad but I've had my mind on
other things.
Now I have a ton of homework to do. I spent all day doing farm chores. I had a great time for some reason. I got into this rhythm that felt
so calming and so amazing. Later I went over to see Pete. We shot some hoops and then ate a late lunch. His mom told us about some of the
work she's been doing lately. It was interesting to say the least.
It's so quiet right now. Dad was just here a half hour ago. We talked and he told me that he's sorry we haven't had as much time to do
father/son stuff lately. I'm not sure what's up with him. He did tell me that he still hates that Mom works for that snake. I am very sure
he was talking about Lionel. Now that I know why Dad resents him, I guess I can understand why he hates him so much. I asked him if he was
afraid that Lionel would come take me away from him and Mom. He got this freaky look I his eyes. I reassured him that Lionel had actually
told me I could go over to the mansion any time I wanted. I told him how grateful Lionel was that I had saved Lex twice in as many weeks.
He got this look in his eyes when we talked about Lex. I asked him to tell me again about that day. I wanted him to tell me every detail
about when he saved Lex and what he was thinking. Dad told me he remembers how frail Lex felt in his arms.
I wish I could remember that day. I wish I could remember touching Lex. I asked Dad about that but he said that he was paying attention to
the road and didn't really see it. He told me to ask Mom about it. I told him that Lex means a lot to me. He hugged me and said he already
figured that out. I don't think he thinks that it's anything more than friendship, because in the next breath he said that I have always
felt close to all of the people that I make friends with.
I wish I could tell Dad. I really wanted to. I felt so close to him. I love my parents so much. Maybe soon I will be able to tell him. I was
thinking that maybe I'd tell him the gay part first maybe ease him into the idea.
~
08:07 pm
It's been such a busy few weeks.
Now I have a ton of studying to do. I already finished my chores and Dad's going to do the evening chores. The combine
is finally fixed. I spent some time doing homework on the weekend but I mostly spent it with
Lex. We went out on a date. We were the only
ones who knew it was a date, but that was fine with me.
I almost forgot that last week I got an e-mail from my friend Ryan. It sounds like things are going great with him. I thought about asking
Mom if we could call him and see if maybe Ryan could come to visit for a few days over the holidays. That would be so nice if he could. I've
been so busy lately that I never got a chance to go see him again like I wanted.
Now I have to study. I told my parents that I'd crack the books big-time. Mom promised she'd bring me a slice of apple pie.
The worse part is that I have to reread all those poets again. I can't wait. Too bad sarcasm doesn't translate to the written word.
The highlight of my day was when I kissed Lex in his office. I did deliveries today and when I walked into his office I closed the doors
behind me so we could have some privacy. He still seems tired but I think he's finally recovering.
To Lex
Him
by CK
I touch him and I feel safe.
I kiss him and I feel loved.
I hold him and I feel complete.
I watch him and I feel ecstasy.
Maybe it's a little goofy but it kind of feels right.
~
10:14 pm
This is so bad.
I miss touching his skin. I miss kissing his lips. I want him so bad I just jerked off twice in the last hour. I keep thinking about his
hips and those wonderful lips.
I want to go over but I have to do my homework.
~
11:45 pm
I really, really need to see Lex very soon.
Chat with Lex. He was so quiet tonight. I think something is bugging him. We made a date for tomorrow.
FreakCJK: Are you still working?
FreakCJK: Hello?
FreakCJK: I'm not going away.
FreakCJK: Put that drink down!
tabloidboy23: Hi, angel.
FreakCJK: HI!
tabloidboy23: I'm not drinking.
tabloidboy23: Well, not a lot.
FreakCJK: Good. What are you doing?
tabloidboy23: Just working a little. I was going to call it a night soon.
tabloidboy23: How about you?
FreakCJK: Okay. I just finished my homework.
tabloidboy23: What was the subject?
FreakCJK: English *yuck*
tabloidboy23: I thought you were coming round to poetry.
FreakCJK: Um, No way.
tabloidboy23: Ah well, homework will do that to you
tabloidboy23: Sometime I'll show you poetry out of the school context
FreakCJK: Oh like how?
FreakCJK: We can talk about something else.
tabloidboy23: Sorry, angel, I'm a little distracted tonight
tabloidboy23: But it's nice to talk to you.
FreakCJK: Distracted? How? By what or by who?
tabloidboy23: By myself.
FreakCJK: What are you wearing?
tabloidboy23: The usual.
FreakCJK: I'm just in my boxer shorts. Red ones. :)
tabloidboy23: Sounds nice. That's a good image.
FreakCJK: I took a fast shower and now I'm in my room. I thought I would see if you were around.
tabloidboy23: Well, here I am.
FreakCJK: yup :)
tabloidboy23: Apparently overdressed for the occasion.
FreakCJK: Yes! You should strip!
FreakCJK: Naked.
FreakCJK: :)
tabloidboy23: I'm sitting alone at my desk, angel. I'm not going to suddenly start removing clothes
tabloidboy23: It would be more entertaining were you here in person
FreakCJK: I should be there in person.
FreakCJK: I could come over. Mom and Dad are asleep. They'd never know I was gone.
tabloidboy23: I don't want you sneaking out on your parents, Clark.
FreakCJK: But I want to touch you!
FreakCJK: I miss you.
tabloidboy23: I miss you too.
tabloidboy23: We'll touch soon enough.
FreakCJK: Not soon enough for me. :(
tabloidboy23: Can you come over tomorrow night?
FreakCJK: SURE!
tabloidboy23: Good. We can touch then.
FreakCJK: Lots of touching, right?
FreakCJK: Because I am going nutso. I need you, Lex.
FreakCJK: <-- is pouting.
tabloidboy23: As much touching as you need, Angel.
tabloidboy23: Now that's cheating.
tabloidboy23: I need to touch you too, you know.
FreakCJK: :-[
tabloidboy23: I'm sorry, Clark. Did I say something wrong?
FreakCJK: NO!
FreakCJK: That was a blushing smiley.
FreakCJK: Didn't you see it?
tabloidboy23: no, I saw a very unhappy face
FreakCJK: I blushed.
tabloidboy23: I'd much rather think of you blushing.
FreakCJK: Strange I see blushing
tabloidboy23: Subjectivity, I guess.
FreakCJK: Well, I didn't really blush. I just got this thrill when I saw what you wrote.
tabloidboy23: I bet you did blush.
FreakCJK: No.
FreakCJK: Yes I did.
tabloidboy23: I knew it.
tabloidboy23: I'll see that in person tomorrow
FreakCJK: Yes.
FreakCJK: I mean no. How do you know?
FreakCJK: I don't blush as much as I used to.
tabloidboy23: I'll make it happen.
tabloidboy23: That makes it more of a challenge.
FreakCJK: You can try.
tabloidboy23: I don't fail at things like that.
FreakCJK: We shall see.
FreakCJK: :)
tabloidboy23: We shall indeed.
tabloidboy23: You think you can resist me?
FreakCJK: I can't wait to see you. I have deliveries tomorrow.
FreakCJK: Extra cucumbers mmmm long cucumbers.
tabloidboy23: Ah, Clark.
tabloidboy23: I can't wait to see you either.
tabloidboy23: I won't remark on the cucumbers
FreakCJK: I have one right here for you now.
tabloidboy23: Seems a little late at night for salad.
FreakCJK: Soon I will have some dressing. ;)
tabloidboy23: Ah, see, you are learning something from poetry class.
tabloidboy23: Extended metaphor
FreakCJK: What do you mean?
FreakCJK: I am going to get some dressing.
FreakCJK: :)
tabloidboy23: Of course you are.
FreakCJK: Didn't that make you laugh just a little?
tabloidboy23: You did, angel.
tabloidboy23: You've cheered me up
FreakCJK: YAY!!!!
tabloidboy23: I don't know what I'd do without you.
FreakCJK: Oh good. I thought you were going to out grump the grumpiest grump.
FreakCJK: You'd be really bored.
FreakCJK: :)
tabloidboy23: I would be
FreakCJK: And have no fun at all.
tabloidboy23: None at all
tabloidboy23: Though grumpy is not a word that is usually applied to me.
FreakCJK: Okay. Um. How about gloomy since broody is already taken by Bruce.
tabloidboy23: Gloomy is so unromantic
tabloidboy23: I need something with more style
FreakCJK: Moody?
tabloidboy23: Getting there
FreakCJK: dour?
FreakCJK: Morose?
tabloidboy23: Dour?!
tabloidboy23: I don't think so.
FreakCJK: Right that one totally doesn't work.
tabloidboy23: I am clearly doing something wrong if these are words you would apply to me.
FreakCJK: I was just playing with you.
FreakCJK: I think you're hot.
FreakCJK: Sexy.
tabloidboy23: I'll take either of those.
FreakCJK: You're my aphrodisiac.
tabloidboy23: Ah, now you're getting poetic.
tabloidboy23: I like that.
FreakCJK: :)
FreakCJK: You make me feel that way.
tabloidboy23: We'll take advantage of that tomorrow night
FreakCJK: Yes.
FreakCJK: You can take advantage of me tomorrow night.
FreakCJK: Totally.
tabloidboy23: I plan to.
FreakCJK: Yay!
tabloidboy23: On that note.
tabloidboy23: I think I'll call it a night
FreakCJK: Okay
tabloidboy23: But I'll be thinking of you
tabloidboy23: and the various ways I can take advantage.
FreakCJK: I will be thinking of you for sure. ;)
tabloidboy23: These things take planning.
FreakCJK: Ooh I can't wait.
tabloidboy23: Sweet dreams, Clark.
FreakCJK: Sleep well, Lex.
FreakCJK: I love you. :)
tabloidboy23: Ditto, angel.
tabloidboy23: *** This user has signed off and is no longer online ***
~
04:31 pm
Yesterday was not what I expected.
I went to do deliveries yesterday and as usual Lex was in his office. I don't know why I felt anxious but I did. I wasn't sure what would
happen. I did lock the door but I didn't want to assume. We ended up having sex on his sofa. I tried so hard not to hurt him. I held my
strength in check. I was too afraid I'd bruise him or break something. I'm very sure that I didn't hurt him physically. I can't say about
emotionally though since he seemed so off and he was so quiet. He had this look in his eyes that made me want to take him somewhere far away
and hide out with him forever so that nothing could ever hurt him again.
It was so nice to be close to him. He was so tight. I tried to make it last but it's been so long and I came so fast. It was totally
embarrassing. I think I blushed ten times when I was there.
He's been through so much lately I didn't want to hurt him. His stab wound is almost totally healed; it's freaky. There's this white scar. I
kissed it and he got all sad. We didn't say much. After I sucked him off and cleaned both of us up we just lay there in each other's arms. I
feel so safe with him and I love when he touches my hair. I can feel how much he loves me just from that one simple action.
I'm really glad we got together. I wish it hadn't been in his office. I thought for sure that he'd ask me to come back later in the night
time. I had to get back to deliveries so I couldn't stay. I can't put my finger on it but it just feels like something isn't right. I guess
it's just all the stuff that's happened. People tried to kill him twice and the first time I wasn't there to save him. He almost died.
I had a nightmare last night that Lex was in danger and no matter how fast I ran I couldn't save him. I got there and he was dead. I thought
I woke up screaming his name but my mom and dad didn't come running so that must have been in my head.
~
09:07 am
I need to stop eating chocolate cream filled cupcakes late at night.
I had that nightmare again. I haven't had this one in a long time I thought for sure I was finally over it. In the nightmare I told Lex
about my alien heritage. Lex told me he'd ruin my life. I hate that dream so much. I know it's just my own fears compounded by my secret
hatred of what I am. I wish I was just human like everybody else around me.
~
09:29 am
It's been such a quiet weekend and I am so glad for that.
Lana, Chloe and I went out for pizza Friday night. After I left that comment to
Lex in his LJ he called and we talked. He
urged me to go out and spend some time with my friends. I was still worried that maybe he was lying to me just so I wouldn't storm over
there and demand to know what's wrong. I know he'll tell me in time so I'll just play the waiting game.
At least I got to have a nice evening with Lana and Chloe. We went for pizza then coffee at the Talon. Pete was at the Talon with his newest date.
He pulled me aside at one point and asked me if I was on a date with both Lana and
Chloe at the same time. I had to smile at the hopeful look in
his eyes. When I didn't answer fast enough, Pete got this gleam in his eyes and called me a dirty dog. I made sure he knew the truth; that we
were just on a friends night out.
Saturday was farmer's market and lots of chores. Then in the afternoon I went over to see PR. We went dirt biking and I had dinner with his
family. His mom was still working but his dad ordered in some pizza so it turned into a guys night in.
The plan for today: stay inside and do nothing for as long as possible. I have this mission to avoid Mom and Dad for the whole morning. I'm
up in the loft right now. As soon as I hear one of them coming I'll pretend to be asleep. I want a break.
~
11:07 am
I don't know what to do.
I know what I want to do. I want to find him and go get him. Ryan sounded so scared. He said he's someplace called Summerholt and he said
they're experimenting on him. That's my worse nightmare. I have to find him and save him right now. Mom called his aunt but her phone is
disconnected. How could this have happened without me noticing something was up? I should have noticed. I should have seen it in his
e-mails. I should have called him.
He sounded so afraid. Pete told me I shouldn't beat myself up over it, but what kind of friend am I if I didn't even know something was
wrong with Ryan?
At least Chloe is helping me find him. I know she'll be able to track Ryan down.
If they hurt him I don't know what I'll do.
~
06:05 pm
I don't care what that place told Mom. I am going to Metropolis to see what's wrong with Ryan. I hope she understands when she finds all the
money in her purse gone.
~
11:06 am
I probably shouldn't have kidnapped Ryan but I don't care.
Everything turned out great. Lex just left and Ryan is living with us now.
I couldn't leave him at that place. When I saw him and how they were treating him, there was no way I was walking away. Now he can stay with
us. Lex made sure of that.
Mom and Dad were really mad but they stood by me. They are the coolest. Lex is awesome. I was so proud when he drove up at the last second
and pulled out that court order that made my parents Ryan's legal guardians. When Lex told that doctor that he would make sure the police
investigated him if he tried to have me arrested I wanted to kiss Lex on the spot. I couldn't since Mom and Dad and Ryan were right there,
but I will for sure when we have some time alone.
I felt kind of bad last night when I lied to Lex about why Ryan was at Summerholt, but Ryan was already scared enough, I didn't want to add
to it. After I settled Ryan in one of the far bedrooms I went home to find the doctor at our house and he'd brought the sheriff with him.
Since what that guy was doing was very illegal he didn't get into details last night and when he came back this morning Lex totally trashed
him.
At least Ryan can't read my mind. I was thinking all kinds of nasty stuff about what I wanted to do to that guy. Not to mention all the
naughty thoughts I had about how I was going to thank Lex for coming to our rescue. I can't wait to thank him. Hopefully while Lex was here
he kept his thoughts family rated. I'd ask Ryan what Lex was thinking but I really don't want him to have to repeat it. I guessed from how
much he stared at Lex that maybe Lex wasn't thinking G rated thoughts.
I told Ryan what Lex means to me and he was completely cool with it. He even got tears in his eyes then teased that maybe he would have a
shot with Lana now that I was taken. I didn't have the heart to tell him that Lana and Chloe are dating. I will leave that for her to tell
since it's her secret. That is if she wants to tell him. He'll find out when he sees her later today at the Talon. Then I can just explain
if he asks about it.
I get to stay home from school today, but the down side is I have to go help Dad with all the chores.
~
08:54 pm
A great day ends with one tired boy.
Chloe and Lana threw Ryan a surprise party at the Talon this afternoon. Ryan figured it out ahead of time, but he still pretended to be
surprised. It was so nice to see him so happy. He's totally crushing on Lana. It's so cute. He blushed when she kissed him on the cheek. It
was adorable.
There was even a band. It was so cool, we didn't stay that long. Ryan told me that Pete is totally freaked out over knowing my secret. That
sucks. I never wanted him to be so panicked over it. I have no idea what to say. I mean, it's so cool that Pete knows but I don't want him
so stressed over it.
Feegan was even there. It was nice to see him looking so happy. After Ryan and I left he told me he really likes Feegan and he's glad that
Lex has such a loyal friend. Then he asked me if the whole town had gone gay. I thought for sure he'd figured out about Lana and Chloe but
he never said anything about them dating. He just kept going on about how pretty Lana looked and how even though he didn't have a chance
with her he still got a kiss on the cheek.
He asked me who knew about me being gay. So I told him that Feegan knew and Lana and Chloe both knew and that my mom knew. I told him that I
felt Pete already had a big enough secret. Ryan specifically asked me if Dad knew. I told him I've been waiting for the right time to say
something. Ryan only nodded and said that he thinks Dad would not be mad at me.
He's so incredible. I can't wait for him to become a permanent member of our family. Mom and Dad will adopt him. I just know they will. Lex
said he'd do everything in his power which means that Ryan is not going anywhere. He's staying with us for good.
He just fell asleep and I read his post. I told Ryan about how Lex and I first met. It's such a great story and Ryan smiled and said it had
to be fate. There was no way it wasn't. Then I told him it was fate that he and I should be brothers.
I stayed with him for a while and then I called Lana to ask her to come over so I could thank her for the party. She stopped by and then
told me that she's moving to the city. Ryan already read her mind and I was hoping she would confide in me. Chloe must have totally freaked
out when she found out. Lana said she doesn't want to move so I told her she shouldn't have to. Her life is here and her girlfriend is here.
I'd be sad if she left. I hope she works things out.
Mom is so happy. She's been humming and stuff so I know for sure that she's totally happy that Ryan is here. I love my parents so much.
~
09:46 am
Ryan and Mom just left to go to the mansion.
I can't even imagine what it must be like to have to hear other people's thoughts. To hear what they really think about you. Sometimes I
wish I could do that with Lex.
Ryan told me he read how much Lex loves me. We talked about why I haven't told Lex my secret. Now it's all I can think about. I'm just too
afraid. The thought of losing Lex completely or even the thought of him hating me so much for lying to him all this time hurts. If Ryan
could read my thoughts he'd have read how terrified I am. I took the risk and told Pete and now Ryan tells me Pete is afraid that he'll slip
up.
But it isn't just that. I have Mom and Dad to think about. I have Lex to think about. If something happened to him because he knew about me
I'd never be able to live with that. But maybe all these things are just excuses and I should just tell Lex. I should just run over there
and tell him now, and get it over with. That way I can deal now, but then I imagine that he tells me to go and never come back.
I know he loves me, but what if it's not enough? What if I say the words and he hates me forever? My hands shake just imagining what could
happen.
It's too much and I can't handle it anymore. I need to talk to Mom about this. Now I can't even go to school. I'm way too upset.
I hate this so much. I wish I was just a normal guy then I wouldn't have to deal with any of this.
~
10:56 am
This can't be happening.
He's just a kid. Why does this have to happen? We're supposed to be a family now.
Ryan is in the hospital sick. He's got a tumor in his head and the doctor told me nothing can save him, but I am not going to let him down.
I can't. No matter what it takes I will not give up on him.
He's such a good kid. I won't let him down.
~
11:44 am
I can't sit back and do nothing.
No matter what it takes I am going to find somebody who can help Ryan. Dad just told me the tumor is getting bigger. I refuse to let Ryan
down. There is no way I am going to sit back and watch him die. I have to do something. I have to help him. I have to. This isn't supposed
to happen. I want him to be better. I want him to live so we can be a family, and he can be my brother and I can show him stuff.
Lex will help. I just called him and he said he's going to find somebody who can help Ryan. I totally broke down on the phone when I was
talking to him. I'm just glad he pretended it didn't happen.
Times like this are when I love Lex even more than I did five minutes ago.
Ryan is going to be fine. I just know he is.
~
07:25 pm
The operation happened, now we wait.
I talked this doctor Lex found into coming to our town and operating on Ryan. We have to wait to see tomorrow how
things went, but I have a great feeling about this. I just know it's going to be okay.
I didn't mean to snap at Lex the way I did. I was just totally freaked out.
I won't give up and I won't let Ryan down.
I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.
~
10:41 am
Last night I went over to see Lex.
I almost told him the truth. We were sitting on the sofa in his office and he looked into my eyes and I wanted to tell him. I wanted him to
know, but it's the wrong time. I have to concentrate on Ryan. Ryan needs me right now.
It's so amazing how much Lex and I have gone through. Last night I felt for the first time that I might actually be able to tell him without
totally freaking out. I just have to wait for the right moment.
Last night was so perfect. I went over and Lex knew just what I needed. When I was with him I felt so brave and sure that things were going
to work out for the better. I know they will. As long as I have Lex and my parents and Ryan in my life everything will be all right.
I'm going to go to the hospital now to see how Ryan is doing. I have a really good feeling about this. He'll be home with us and we'll have
Christmas together and everything will be okay.
It has to be.
~
12:51 pm
Ryan left me a note
Dear Clark
Thank you for everything you did for me. You gave me so much happiness the last few days and I wanted you to know that I am very grateful
for that. Tell your mom and dad that I love them.
Please don't be upset when I'm gone. I want you to be happy. You made my life so much better, Clark. I know you'll do the same for lots of
other people. Remember what I told you on the balloon ride, don't give up.
Lex loves you so much. I saw it in his head. You should trust him.
Take care of your mom and dad and please be happy. I really want that for you.
Love
Ryan
~
10:11 pm
Today was a good day.
In the morning Mom and I picked Ryan up from the hospital. We came home and had lunch. It was just the four of us;
Ryan, Mom, Dad and me. Then after lunch I drove the truck over to the mansion and Ryan and I spent the afternoon with
Lex. We had a great
time. I learned a lot about Warrior Angel. I think I'm going to start reading the comics.
Lex is going to hook me up.
After that, Ryan and I went home and Lana came over to spend some time with us. She stayed for dinner. It was so good to see Ryan happy.
Lana
even told him that she was his date for the evening. When Lana gave him a kiss on the cheek again, I thought for sure he was going to pass out
from joy. Lana was amazing. She sat beside him and hugged him close.
After she left Ryan and I went up to my room. I was afraid Ryan had overdone it, but he told me that he was happy. He passed out and we had
to call an ambulance to take him back to the hospital. Just before he passed out he told me that he had the best day ever.
I'm going back first thing in the morning.
~
10:30 pm
It's not fair!
The doctor said Ryan probably won't wake up again.
Just before he passed out he told me it was too loud and that he couldn't shut the voices out any more.
I couldn't help him. No matter what I did nothing helped. He's still going to die. I couldn't stay at the hospital tonight. Mom stayed. I
was too afraid. I'm not a hero, I'm a coward. I don't want to be there when he dies. I want to pretend it's not happening. I hate myself for
it.
When I was talking to Dad I totally broke down right in front of him. It was so embarrassing, but Dad was really cool about it.
I want him to live. It's not fair. No matter how many times I say it or write it down, nothing changes. Ryan is going to be dead soon and
all I could give him was a promise, and one moment.
I put on a brave face for the rest of the world when the truth is I am probably more afraid than any of my friends.
~
09:47 pm
We shared some time.
Ryan died this morning at ten. He never woke up so it was like he fell asleep forever. I went to the hospital early so
I could be by his side to let him know that he wasn't alone. Mom was there with me the whole time. She was so strong. I'm lucky to have both
my parents.
I'm sticking close to home for the weekend. Mom and Dad are arranging his funeral. It's going to be held on Tuesday.
I'm glad I had him in my life and that I got to spend some time with him. He was the best brother anybody could ever have.
I hope he's somewhere quiet where he can fly high all the time.
I brought his comic books back to Lex this afternoon and we spent some time together. The mansion was so quiet I thought for sure I would
break down, but somehow having Lex there made me feel stronger. He's my rock.
Now, sitting here alone in my room I realize that Ryan was right. I shouldn't be sad. I changed his life and he was happy right up until the
last moment. That's what matters.
I will forever treasure the time we shared.
~
11:17 pm
Cold air and starlit nights.
It's cold outside tonight. I stood out in the cold air for a long time, staring up at the stars, wondering which one I come from.
I don't even notice the cold. I've felt cold before when I was weak and exposed to the meteor rocks, but I can hardly remember what that was
like. I've only ever been weak a few times in my life. I don't feel physical weakness. I have no idea what it's like.
I spent some time with Pete today. We talked about the differences between me and him. We traded stories. I told him about what it felt like
to feel no pain. I about the time an engine fell on my chest and all I did was toss it off like a blanket.
It's so strange to know that all the people around me are so vulnerable and will one day die. I don't even know if I can die. There was that
one time Sean froze me. I'm pretty sure I was dead for a little while. There was that vision Cassandra had of me surrounded by graves. Lex
didn't have a headstone. I wonder if that means something. I can't stop thinking about these things.
Today was a quite day. The sun rose and set, I did chores, I stared at the stars for a long time. I feel cold inside tonight.
~
05:09 pm
It was a nice funeral.
A lot of my friends were there. The day started out sunny but quickly became overcast. I wore my black Sunday suit. Mom and Dad were so
awesome. Mom was totally there for me and Dad even thanked Lex for everything he's done for us.
I had a nightmare last night. I was in the field of tombstones and everybody I had ever met had a stone; even Lex. I was alone and the whole
world was empty. Just like Cassandra's vision.
I have Lex now. He was at the funeral, standing right by my side. I wanted to hold his hand, but we obviously couldn't. That totally
bothered me, but I reached over and took Mom's hand and I felt much better.
I just want to curl up and sleep for a very long time. It's too painful right now to even think about other things.
But I can't. I have work to do and I have people counting on me. I have gifts to get. I already picked something up for Lex. I got him a
black leather wallet. It's probably not as good as the quality that he's used to. I hope he likes it. I'm putting my latest school picture
in one of the photo slots and a condom.
I did all my shopping so early this year. I got Mom a crystal globe of the world; Dad gets some new heavy duty work gloves. When I asked him
what he might want he just said that was the only thing he needed, and his family by his side. I love that kind of gift. If I could tell
everybody what I really wanted it would be to have us all together and happy. To have my dad know about Lex and accept it, to have Lex know
about me and accept it and to have Chloe and Lana be able to hold hands in public at the Talon just like any other couple.
I actually already got something for Ryan but I guess I'll return it to the store. Or maybe I'll keep it. I haven't decided yet.
I got Lana and Chloe both the same frame with this picture of her and Chloe. They look so happy together. I'm really glad they found each
other.
Lex looked so beautiful today. He makes me want to hold him every time I see him. I'm going to ask Mom if I can go over tonight. Maybe we
can spend some time together. I need to practice my chess moves, and we could talk about anything but death.
~
07:25 pm
After Ryan's funeral
I went over to the mansion to spend a few hours with Lex. It was nice to be with him.
Mom and Dad were really amazing. The funeral was really nice. Lex was amazing. Everybody was so amazing. I feel better now, knowing that
Ryan is at peace and that he touched so many people's lives.
Lex and I just played a quiet game of chess in his sitting room. It was nice to have him so close and warm, to turn my head and feel his
soft breath on my cheek. He seemed a little distant. When I reached out to touch him it seemed to close the gap between us. We didn't talk
about much. I wasn't in the mood and I got the very distinct impression that he wasn't either.
I told Lex how I feel about him. I don't think I will ever get tired of saying those words to him. There was something else I wanted to tell
him but I didn't know how to say it. I wanted him to know that he makes me feel so much stronger. With him by my side I feel like I can
handle these things.
I'm going to spend some time with my dad. He's been giving me these looks lately. We need time to regroup and talk and reconnect. I feel
that lately I haven't let Dad into my life. I plan to share as much as I can. I'm still not ready to share my true feelings for
Lex with
him, but maybe one day soon I can.
~
06:36 pm
It's been such a nice few days.
I've stayed close to home for the last few days and spent most of my time either doing chores or with mom and dad. Dad was really glad when
I asked him if we could spend time together. We even talked a little bit about what happened. I feel so much better. Dad really has a way of
putting things into perspective.
Lex was just here. He stopped off to give Mom and Dad a gift. Dad put it under the tree and thanked
Lex then Lex and I went up to my loft to
talk. We couldn't do much since Dad was near by, but we talked about Christmas day and I promised him that I would stop by to give him his
gift. I want to spend some of the day with him. He's as important to me as my parents.
I was so tempted to kiss Lex, but I restrained myself. I was a good boy. I can't wait for Saturday night. Then I can do more than kiss him.
I really miss being close to him.
Dinner and pie. Mmm apple pie.
~
04:53 pm
Pete is such a goof.
He is so getting a lump of coal in his stocking next year. I went over to exchange gifts with him and spend some time with his family. I got
him a Baywatch DVD. We stayed up in his room for most of my visit since his mom asked us to stay out of the way.
This year he thought it would be totally hilarious if he got me this show called Roswell season one on DVD and a keychain with a grey alien
head. He said the show is all about these aliens who land on earth as kids and go all mopey about it. I can't wait to watch.
Pete's whole family was really awesome again this year. Although his older brother, who was here visiting from Met U and had taken up
residence in Pete's room for his stay, kept telling us to get lost. Pete just wanted to spend some time with him. I wish I had an older
brother or sister. It's so great watching them fight. I couldn't help but smile.
Now I'm at home and Mom is running around busy, getting everything ready for tomorrow. It's going to be just the three of us and I am so
grateful that I have my parents. They have stood by me all this year and Mom has had to shoulder some heavy stuff because of me. I gave her
a huge hug and kiss when I got home and thanked her for all her support. She looks all glowy today.
I stopped by Chloe's house on my way home to drop off her gift. I ordered her to open it on Christmas day. I hope she likes the framed
picture I got her. I couldn't resist when I saw that picture of her and Lana. They look so happy together. Lana's moving into Chloe's house
in the New Year. That is going to be so freaky.
I can't wait to see Lex tomorrow night. I have his gift all wrapped and ready. I wish I could sneak out tonight at midnight and surprise
him. Maybe I will.
Now I have to rush to do chores with Dad. I wish he would stay with Mom and let me handle the chores. It's cold outside. I am very sure I
can convince him to let me do everything while he stays in the warm house.
The house smells so good. I can't wait to eat and I can't wait to open presents.
~
11:30 pm
Tonight was the best night ever.
The day started out so great. I woke late to the smells of food cooking. Dad was already half way through the chores. I rushed to help him
finish them and just as we headed back into the house for breakfast he stopped me and told me he had nothing to give me as a gift. Then he
made this whole speech about how much I've matured over the past year and he pulled out a set of keys for the truck. He handed them to me
and told me that whenever I needed the truck for something social or for anything at all, and it was free, I could use it.
I was so touched. I told Dad I didn't need gifts. The fact that he did this was more than enough. Hearing Dad say that he felt I had matured
was more than enough. When he said he was impressed at how I've taken responsibility for my own actions and that my choices have been, for
the most part, very sound, it made me feel so proud. He kind of got a little choked up when he was talking.
We hugged and went in to eat lunch and open the presents. Granddad sent me a nice red turtleneck sweater. Mom must have told him I like red.
I couldn't believe he got me something. I didn't get him anything. Dad and Mom liked the gifts I got them.
After dinner with my parents I went over to see Lex. I went with the intention of giving him a few gifts. One was the wallet but the other
was actually for both of us. I wanted sex! And I wanted it now! I had hoped that the condom in the wallet would speak for itself.
Before we did anything we exchanged gifts. Lex got me some Warrior Angel comic books, a Warrior Angel DVD and some graphic novels. I can't
wait to read them all and watch the movie.
I gave him the wallet with the wallet-sized picture of me and a condom in one of the folds. Lex got it right away and we had the most
amazing, hot, sexy, heart pounding sex on the sofa in his sitting room. I sucked Lex off and then fucked him really hard. He was so awesome
and so sexy. After that we sat and watched a movie. I have no idea what it was, since I spent most of the time staring at Lex. He looked so
amazing I wanted to stay with him the whole night, but I had to go home.
When I finally did get home, Dad was up. I think he wanted to make sure the truck made it home in one piece, though he claims he couldn't
sleep.
I went straight to my room. I was going to take a shower, but I was way too tired. Besides, this way I can still smell Lex on my body. It's
making me really horny, again.
This was the best Christmas ever. It was definitely way better than last year's.
Totally hot sex with my boyfriend was the best gift ever.
~
09:28 pm
My day started out so great.
My parents and I had a great breakfast this morning then Dad and I did chores. Then at lunch time I got a call from
Lex. He asked me to meet him at the Talon. He said he had something to show me. It turned out to be a new car; a very expensive new car. He
was like a kid in a candy store. I didn't even bother to ask him if I could drive. I knew he'd say no.
I ran into Lana while I was there so we caught up on things since I hadn't seen her in a few days and I gave her the gift I got her. She
really liked it. The picture was a few months old but I think they look really good together.
Lex showed up with his new car (a silver Porsche convertible) and Mr. K. Lex and I sat and chatted for a while, but Mr. K only stayed long
enough for a coffee. Then Lex and I went for a drive in his new car. It's a really nice car. It was his gift to himself. I didn't ask how
much it was since I know the price tag would totally terrify me. I can't imagine buying something that expensive for myself.
Lex practically hugged the car. He was very proud. I almost asked if he wanted to be alone with his new love. It was nice to see him so
happy.
As soon as we were alone in his study I kissed him. I was so excited to be near him and to see him so happy. I was so happy period.
We spent some time together at his place. It was so nice to just hang out and be together. We sat by the fire and kissed and talked about
Warrior Angel, and other stuff. I had such a great time. I was flying high until I got home to find that Mom and Dad are fighting. Dad
refused to tell me why they were fighting. He yelled at me to stay out of it and told me to go to my room.
He was so angry. Mom won't tell me what's up either. Now Dad is in the living room with a pillow and blanket on the sofa. I've been banished
to my room without any explanation. This is totally freaking me out. Even when my parents fight they always make up before bed because they
refuse to go to bed angry at each other.
I decided to stay out of it unless one of them asks me to stick my nose in and even then maybe I'll still stay out of it. Dad said it was
something between them. When I asked him if it had anything to do with me he just walked away without a word. Maybe it does have to do with
me and they don't want to tell me. Maybe they had a huge fight and are going to break up for good.
I better not go there because I am sure if that was the case they would tell me right away since I'm not a little kid and Dad just told me
how mature he thinks I've become. I wish I could talk to Mom and make her feel better.
I wonder whose idea it was for Dad to sleep on the sofa. I'm not going to speculate until they tell me what's really going on. I know my
parents and they will probably have all of this fixed before I wake up tomorrow.
~
12:10 pm
Update
Last night I called Lex to talk. He totally cheered me up. He doesn't know it but he said all the right things. I think
he sells himself a little short when he says he's not good at family stuff. He's right about Mom and Dad. Before I know it, things will be
just fine with them.
Lex really knows how to make me feel better.
Mom and Dad are still not talking, but Dad and I talked during chores. He seemed freaked when I asked if they were going to split up. He
told me that would never happen and then he asked me to stay out in my loft while he talked to Mom. They're talking right now. I hope they
work it out.
I'm not that worried since I know they will work it out for sure. Dad can be stubborn but he loves my Mom a lot. I bet I'll come in for
lunch to find them all huggy kissy. I so didn't need that image, but I would be happy to see it right now.
For now I am just hanging out waiting for things to look like they have blown over.
~
11:16 pm
All is right with the world.
Mom and Dad made up. Everything is cool. I even had a talk with Dad. He acted a little weird, but in a good way. He
told me that he's here for me if I ever need to talk about anything, stress on the anything. I almost told him about
Lex, but after the
argument I didn't want my parents to fight again.
I spent most of the day doing chores. Dad and I spent two hours working on the stupid tractor. I hate that thing so much. I really do wish I
could throw it into orbit, but I heard there's already enough space junk out there.
At least we had fun. Well, I did. Dad was not amused. Tomorrow we work on it some more. I have no idea what we need it for since we're not
doing any field work. I guess he just wanted us to do something together. Dad is weird like that. He doesn't seem to think that we could do
anything else together. After dinner I asked him if we could maybe go to a movie or something some time this week. He hugged me and said
sure. Totally weird, but then parents are weird.
Mom is much happier. I didn't ask what the fight was about since it's over and if they want to tell me they will. Dinner was so much nicer
tonight. Now I am going to do some reading.
~
09:02 pm
I don't think I have ever been so embarrassed in my entire life.
Even when I was the biggest dork in the history of dorks and Whitney tried everything in his power to embarrass me at every turn, I was not
this embarrassed.
Dad just took me to a strip club. With girls taking off their clothes and throwing said shed under things at my face. It was so humiliating.
I was too shocked to do anything else but rush out and wait for him in the truck. Dad wasn't far behind.
Then on the way home I found out why he had taken me to that place.
Dad found out I'm gay!
Dad told me he's known about me being gay since Ryan was here. He's knows all this time! I can't believe I've spent all these weeks fretting
over this and Dad has known all this time. If this situation wasn't so serious, I would almost find it funny.
Dad actually thought if I saw what I was missing out on I'd change my mind. My dad's logic is so weird. I don't think I could have blushed
harder if I tried. I was so humiliated. I know he meant well but I told him point blank that it's not about that. I told him I find girls
attractive, just not like that. Dad must have seen how embarrassed I was, but he really thought this would change my mind. What the hell
must he have been thinking all this time? He's known for weeks! And I never once clued in.
I thought back to every moment in the past few weeks and the clues were all there, I'm just to dumb to pick up on them.
There was a very long silence after I finally said out loud that I am gay. Then Dad said he didn't mind my choice (adding he needed to get
used to the idea) but he did mind that I kept it from him. He was angrier about that than anything else.
The rest of the ride home was spent in silence. I wasn't sure what else to say at that point. It did give me time to think. When we finally
did get home Dad apologized for taking me to that place.
Then the real argument started when I shouted out that I'm dating Lex. I couldn't help it. Dad kept going on and on about how maybe if I try
to date a girl, like Lana, I might change my mind. In the heat of the moment I finally just blurted out that I was never going to change my
mind and that I'm dating Lex. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted saying them. I should have given Dad more time, but I
was getting so frustrated and I wanted him to stop telling me that maybe I'm not really gay.
At first he was too shocked to say anything, but then he asked if he did something wrong to make me this way. Or if maybe he wasn't there
for me enough. Or if maybe not going out for sport made me gay. Then it was 'Lex must have made me gay.' To which I said 'yes Dad, being hit
by Lex's car made me gay'. He really wasn't in the mood for jokes.
I reassured Dad that Lex takes really good care of me and that we are very careful. I probably could have chosen a better way of saying it.
I am so glad Dad does not have heat vision. His glare might have burnt me to a crisp.
Then, of course, the demands started. I had to walk away because otherwise I would have told Dad to go to hell. He told me that I was never
to tell Lex my secret.
I can hear my parents talking now. The fight they had earlier this week was about me. All this time Dad's known I'm gay. I didn't even clue
in. All the hugs and those times he told me I can talk to him about anything no matter what. I wondered why he kept touching me so much. I
feel like a total idiot for not figuring it out sooner.
When I tell Lex, he's going to flip out. I promised myself that when I told Dad about us I'd make sure Lex knew ahead of time so he could
prepare. Now it's all out in the open and I have no idea what to do next.
Dad just came up to check on me. He reassured me he's not mad that I'm gay. He looked so uncomfortable, but at least he still hugged me. He
apologized and said no matter what he still loves me.
He asked what I was doing and I told him I was writing in my journal. I feel so much better now that Dad knows. I have wanted him to know
for so long. I can't imagine that it's going to end this well when Lex knows that Dad knows.
At least Dad didn't ask if I'm sleeping with Lex. Maybe Lex and I should move to Paris.
~
09:04 pm
Oh boy.
Dad knows about me. He decided to tell me by taking me to a strip club and that is a long story that I am way too embarrassed to get into.
Dad found out I'm gay and I just told him who I'm dating. All kinds of things have hit the fan. At least the shouting has stopped.
Lex is going to flip out when he finds out Dad knows. I want to tell him myself. I shouldn't have shouted it out like
that, but Dad made me so frustrated I couldn't help it.
At least now Dad knows everything.
~
02:27 pm
Dad and I talked.
During chores this morning Dad suddenly asked me how long this gay thing has been going on. I wasn't sure what he meant but I told him that
maybe I've always known, I just never knew for sure until I fell in love. I looked him right in the eye when I said it. He knew I was
talking about Lex.
He went back to cleaning out the barn after that. Then at breakfast Dad acted like everything was totally back to normal. We went back to
doing more work on the tractor which was Dad's way of saying he wanted to have a heart to heart talk. Everything was great until he asked
how far things have gone between Lex and me. That was totally embarrassing. I wanted to hide, but I told him that things have gone places. I
stressed that Lex has never made me do anything against my will.
Then he asked all kinds of question like if I'm being careful not just in public but in private. I think Dad got a kick out of making me
blush non-stop.
It seems like he's taking it well. The true test will be how he acts when he sees Lex next. Since we don't do deliveries this week because
of the holidays I won't see Lex today and I am way too busy to go over. The truth is I am way to chicken to go over. If I go over then I
have to tell him what I did. I need time to regroup and figure out how to break the news to him so he won't freak and leave town or
something just as drastic.
I made Dad promise not to freak on Lex or blame him for any of this. I told him it was all my own choices and that Lex has always been very
careful with my feelings.
Then of course Dad had to bring up my secret. He told me I had to be very careful. I know he and Mom will talk about this more. I told Dad
that Mom has my back. She's right there in the middle of Luthor territory so she can keep an eye on things. That seemed to make him feel
much better.
In the end we didn't come to any real agreement about whether I can tell Lex. I sort of steered Dad away from forcing me to make a promise I
know I am just not willing to keep. One day I want to tell Lex the truth, and right now I just want Dad to get used to the idea that there
is a Lex and me.
Now I have to get back to work and probably more questions.
Best comment by Dad so far today. 'You don't look gay.' What exactly is gay supposed to look like?
Oh and he told me that once he knew he watched me and noticed how much attention I paid to Lex. He said he thought I had a crush on Lex. He
advised that maybe I shouldn't act too excited when Lex is around. It might give people not as open-minded as him the wrong idea.
I love my dad. He's so accepting. I guess the fact that I'm an alien from another planet gave him enough practice to just roll with whatever
life throws at him.
~
02:49 pm
I wish everybody was as willing to understand the way my dad is.
Dad and I talked today and he seems very willing to be there for me. I feel so much better about everything. Thanks to everybody who
commented with their support. They really helped put a smile on my face.
Now I need to figure out a way to tell Lex. I hope that goes as smoothly.
Dear Dad
Gay does not have a look.
Yours truly
CK
Back to work.
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