11:04a - rain on my parade
I went by the mansion last night. I couldn't take it anymore. I felt so alone. I
felt like tearing my heart out.
When I got there everything was dark, and so silent; like a tomb. I sneaked into
the Troy room. It holds memories for me already, and they are painful.
I sat in the dark waiting for something. I'm not sure what.
Bruce found me. I think I understand him more now. He surprised me. He's with
Lex but not since Lex is still fucking that bitch. I hate her, and I hate that
Lex is doing this. I saw the pain in Bruce's eyes. He hates it as much as I do.
We bonded over that. He was way more understanding than I thought he would be. I
have to admit, I went there in the hopes that I would see Lex, but I'm glad I
saw Bruce. I wasn't ready to talk to Lex. I think after talking to Bruce ,and
seeing that there is somebody out there that feels as I do, even though he isn't
an alien, I feel much better. That sounds so mean to say that I like for Bruce
to be like me, and feel like I do.
I told him what I am. He didn't even flinch. He took it in stride. I know he
won't say a word to anybody.
He told me about what happened to him when he was a kid. To have seen his
parents die right in front of his eyes: I wanted to hold him, and tell him I was
there for him. I guess that wouldn't have been cool.
After we decided to start over with our friendship I could admit to myself that
I find him very attractive. I think I was even flirting with him, though I don't
think he noticed. Or maybe he did.
Why do I always fall for the ones I can't have?
This is fine, since I know for a fact it will never go anywhere. I can still
fantasize about him though. Which I did last night.
I couldn't help it; I was hard when I got home. I felt a little ashamed until I
realized nobody needs to know but me. I jerked off to thoughts of him kissing me
and holding me and telling me he loves me.
Even my jerk off fantasies are romantic.
~
10:38a - Avoidance dance
I have put off telling mom and dad about what Bruce saw a few weeks ago. I know
I shouldn't do that, but it's been so easy to just forget it happened since
Bruce won't say a word to anybody.
I guess because Bruce seemed so understanding I let my guard down, and blurted
out about what I am. I know I shouldn't have, but I wanted so desperately for
somebody to understand where I'm coming from. I wanted Bruce to understand,
since he seemed to envy me so much. I wanted somebody else to know, and to see
that look of understanding in their eyes. Something deep inside told me that he
could give me what I needed. It's weird that the thought of telling Lex should
terrify me so much, and yet I did this. Maybe it was because of Bruce's
reaction. Maybe it was because Bruce is not close to me, and I didn't fell like
I'd lose something if he didn't understand. I'm not sure. I know that when I
said it I wasn't really thinking clearly.
I know my dad will freak. I have never just told before. I haven't been able to
get it out of my head why I did this. It's driving me nuts.
I don't even know why I suddenly felt I could say this to him. I guess it was
the heat of the moment, and the whole attraction thing. It felt nice to have
somebody outside of my parents know.
But then I have never been seen by anybody before. I think this is the first
time somebody in their right mind saw, and didn't try to kill me. All the others
who I had to fight only had the reaction of wanting to kill me, which really
wasn't connected to my freakiness. It just had to do with what they had become
due to meteor exposure. Which I still feel responsible for.
I think next time I will just tell them I'm a meteor freak or just not explain
it at all. Just shrug my shoulders and hope they can move on. Unless I have
absolutely no choice at all.
I should write these things down more, since it has really helped to clear my
head.
I have to bite the bullet and tell mom and dad. They might not like what I did
but I hope they understand why. Probably not, since dad will never let me tell
anybody. I have to own up to my choice though, since they are also affected by
this. Maybe if I ask Bruce to come talk to them, they would get a sense of why.
I doubt it. My entire life dad has drilled it into my head that I have to keep
it to myself. He will never understand, and I know he will hate what I have
done.
Maybe I should go to mom first, but then she'd just tell dad. No, I have to tell
them together, and hope they don't get a meteor rock to overpower me, and lock
me up beside the ship.
I could just keep going on and on, but the truth is I screwed up. I shouldn't
have told Bruce there was no reason other than my own selfishness.
I feel so guilty now. What if he does say something? Damn I am so stupid, no
wonder mom and dad don't let me make my own choices. I am too dumb for that.
I will NEVER tell anybody else ever again. It's just too
stressful.
I think I'm panicked here. I have to tell mom and dad what I did right this
second. Except I can't, I have gym class soon. I needed to get these feelings
down. I ran home during my free period, because I knew mom and dad would be out,
to think this out here on my journal. I have to run, but wow, I really cut loose. I need
to really use this feature more.
~
11:09a - work things out
Lex and I finally talked
things through sort of. It was really weird. I just wanted to move on with our
friendship and he kept bringing up what happened. I don't want to think about it
anymore.
He made his choice and I made mine now we both have to live with it.
I've been doing that a lot lately; making choices. Some of them not so bright,
some of them downright stupid.
The choice I made with Lex hurt, but I know now that I can move on and get past
it.
I think he can too.
After we talked, we had pie in the kitchen and that woman he's seeing showed up.
I mean, I know she lives there, but it was kind of icky to have her right there
in my face. And she hit on me! It was confusing since I did get excited by it. I
felt like I was betraying Lex by my reaction.
She made this comment about how BW must be tired because of what he and Lex did
in bed together.
I really don't like her at all. She looked like she wanted to eat me alive.
YUCK!!!
Moving along, in other news I think I'm going to concentrate on Lana some more.
Our friendship is important to me, even if I don't feel about her the way I once
did. I kind of miss her. I think I'll talk to her today see what she's up to.
See if she'd like to do something together.
~
11:24p - Somebody is doing nasty things at the mansion
I just came back from the
mansion. Somebody is trying to scare Victoria away. Not that I fault them for wanting
her gone. Chloe and I will have to look into that more.
I caught Victoria snooping in Lex's computer. I can't believe she would do that to him.
She's so ... I have never disliked somebody so much. I think I'll say something
to Lex about it when I get a chance.
I casually told Lex I'm going after Lana even though I know I have no chance. He
won't know that. After all, now that he and I are just friends it's not his
business what I do, and who I do it with. He encouraged me so I have to take
this to mean he's cool with the friendship, and those other issues won't come up
again. I hope.
I told Lana I'm going to help her with the blood drive. It should give me time to
be with her, like I hoped. She really is so pretty. I envy Chloe. It looks like
Whitney
and Lana are fighting. Maybe if he doesn't want to do it any more I'll be Lana's
beard. Then at least I'd get to kiss her.
Mom was really great tonight. She made it look like I'm after Lana in front of my
dad. She is just so amazing. I totally love her.
~
9:59p - So close
I just came back from
Lana's. We organized the blood drive and talked. It was really nice, and I was
reminded of why I like her so much. She's so amazing. When she talked about her
boyfriend I asked her not to. Then we almost kissed. I felt tingly all over when
we were so close. But her aunt interrupted. I know she doesn't like me. She
practically ordered me to go home.
Lana's aunt and my dad used to date a long time ago. I think she's still bitter
about it. Lana said she took whatever happened between them pretty hard.
I invited Lana to come by tomorrow night to watch the sunset. Maybe if it's just
us I'll get the chance to kiss her without interruption. Maybe then I can ask if
things are dead with her and Whitney. If they are I'll broach the subject of me and
her doing the fake date thing.
My mom did the deliveries today since I was busy helping Lana out with the blood
drive. It's a great cause, and her boyfriend wouldn't help her. He's upset about
something. Not sure what.
I didn't get to see Lex which I think at this point is a good thing. I need a
few days to clear my head. I thought some more about everything and I really
think this really is for the best.
Wish me luck.
~
10:35p - Just A Fool
I miss Lex so much. I wish we hadn't broken up. I wish he'd tell them to go
away. I hate them - I hate them all. Why can't I have him? I know it's not
because I'm a freak. He knows how much of a loser I am, and that didn't stop
him.
The other night when I went by to talk to him I wanted to kiss him so badly, but
I just couldn't do it.
Why doesn't he love me enough to give up the others for me?
Lana will never love me no matter what I do or say.
I'm not worth loving.
~~~~
10:00p - try to help a friend
I saved Victoria from drowning.
She was in the bath when it happened.
So V is now gone. Lex had her sent to the city until we can figure out who tried
to kill her. It was a person; I know that much for sure. Somebody who doesn't
like her. Not that that narrows it down all that much. I know Amy doesn't like
her, but then neither does Bruce. Or me, for that matter.
I had stopped by the mansion tonight to let Lex know that I saw his guest
snooping on his laptop. He told me he already knew. I couldn't believe this.
He's not even in love with her, and yet he keeps her there, lets her go through
his things, and on top of that this girl from school, Amy, has a crush on him. I
don't blame her.
He didn't need me to tell him any of these things. He already knew it all. He
told me Amy has a teenage crush, nothing more. Does he see me that way? I mean
maybe all this moving on with BW and V is partly because I'm just a teenager.
He's never said this, but what if it's what he thinks? I know I don't understand
his world at all.
As if this whole Amy situation wasn't enough, Lex lost his watch. Lex told me
about this watch he lost. His mom gave it to him before she died. He talked
about how she had it made just for him. I felt like he was giving me a piece of
himself. He looked so open, and young. My heart squeezed. I wanted to hold him.
I wish I was with him right now.
~
10:01p - Loneliness has a color
Lana showed up for the
sunset. I was even late because I was helping Lex out. I know she was just being
polite since she reminded me that she's still with Whitney, and even if she wasn't
there's Chloe… If I didn't have a stomped on heart before this, I do now. I know I
shouldn't have gotten my hopes up, but I guess I'm just a glutton for pain of
the heartache kind.
I just watched through my telescope as she hugged Whitney. It seems like everybody
around me has somebody except me.
I'm so tired. I just came back from the mansion. Jeff tried to hurt Lex. He was
standing up for his sister, Amy, the one who was crushing on Lex. The funny
thing is I know how she feels. I want to be close to him too. She stole his
watch which wasn't cool, but I've stolen things from him too. I guess this makes
me no better than her.
I feel so alone right now.
I have something I need to do, and mom and dad aren't going to be happy. I
wouldn't be surprised if they never let me leave the house again. Maybe they'll
hide me away after this. I wish they would. I just don't feel like going out
there again.
Just ignore the pity party. I have to go. Mom is calling. She wants to know how
things went at the mansion. She'll be glad to hear that I saved Lex's life
again.
And now I take responsibility for my actions.
~
2:00a - The talk
I finally did it. I talked to mom and dad about what happened all those weeks
ago when I saved Bruce, and he saw undeniable proof that I am not human. They
were not pleased, to say the least. Dad was horrified that I would slip up so
badly, and mom was very disappointed. I just sat, and let them blast me. I had
no way to defend my actions. I know I screwed up. I know I could have said
something else or nothing at all. I shouldn't have told him a thing. He's a
virtual stranger in a position of power.
After they sent me to my room, so the two of them could talk about it, I almost
exploded with the humiliation and the pain of knowing I had let them down so
badly.
I will never do that again. Upon penalty of death, I vow NEVER to tell a
living soul about my alien heritage.
Dad gave me his 'disappointed look', the one that hurts to see.
By the time my mom came up to talk to me about it without dad there, I had
drifted off to sleep. She wanted insight. I told her I had hoped Bruce would
like me that way. That I found him attractive, and I wanted him to find
me attractive. I don't know if she bought it, but there is no way I am going to
have her breathing down Lex's neck because I fell for the wrong guy.
She told me they still couldn't agree on the right punishment, but that dad
thinks I should be punished. I told her the guilt I felt was punishment enough.
Like all mom's she smiled, and said we would see.
I'm not afraid that they will do something nasty. I know they won't. The last
time they tried to punish me; it didn't quite work out. I'm willing to take
whatever punishment they come up with.
I just hope they don't ask for something like that I end my friendship with Lex
or Bruce. I want to get to know both of them better. Now that Bruce knows what I
am, I'd like to see how he acts. He didn't act any differently when we last
talked.
Maybe I could go to him, and tell him I only meant alien as in teenage
alienation. It's worth a try. I think I might do that, since it would be foolish
of him to believe in real aliens.
~
2:02a - Calling
Lana just called. She
thought I was going to hurt myself. I mean, I am down but hurt myself? I have
never thought of anything like that in my life. I did some stupid stuff growing
up, but doesn't everybody.
She was very understanding, and it really cheered me up to know that she cares
so much. She drops what she's doing in the city with her girlfriend to give me a
call.
I think I can safely say that this just makes me love her more; the way I think
I'd love a sister, if I had one. Or just a deeply cherished friend. She's such a
great person. I wish we'd become friends long ago. I'm real happy for her and
Chloe.
The best part is Lana has kept my secret about Lex despite the fact that it has
the potential to come between them if it ever came out. I know Chloe (who has been
very absent outside of helping me with some of the crazy stuff that has been
going on) has backed off for now. I just hope she never finds out. I don't want
to hurt either of them.
I think I should consider talking to Chloe about Lex. I'm going to think long and
hard about this. Since sometimes I just don't think these things through.
So much to think about.
~
10:45p - three things memo since I really had the most boring day
My dad gave me every
single crap job on the farm today. So I will not bore you with those details,
Instead I will bore you with this:
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
1. death
2. being left behind by everybody I love
3. Losing my friends
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND
1. Lex
2. prejudice
3. hate
THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN
1. How to play guitar without breaking the strings
2. How to talk to my friends
3. How to do complex math
THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. blue flannel shirt
2. grey boxers
3. blue jeans
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
1. computer
2. pens
3. broken CD of Remy Zero (it's Pete's I have to get him a new one)
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1. Make it so mom and dad never have to struggle financially
2. fall in love
3. go into space
THREE WAYS
TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
1. shy
2. smart
3. considerate
THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
1. some times quick to anger
2. can be thoughtless
3. don't think things through all the time
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
1. adopted
2. farmers
3. not from here
THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. hair
2. eyes
3. shoulders
THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1. feet
2. arms
3. face
THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU
1. I have low self esteem
2. I eat two slices of pie a day
3. I am terrified that I will never find somebody to be with
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
1. that's harsh
2. I'm sorry
3. Mom!
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO
1. Africa
2. Moon
3. Gotham
THREE NAMES THAT YOU GO BY
1. CK
2. Clark
3. no number three
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE OR HAD
1. CK
2. freak4ever
~
10:56p - I will never learn from lessons that I should
I went to see Lex tonight. I didn't even know what I wanted to say. Actually, I
did but I found I just couldn't say it. I wanted to beg him to take me back, but
instead we talked. I told him how lonely I've been. I'm just so bad with words.
I couldn't figure out how to say what I wanted to say when I was there with him.
In my head it sounded so good.
He looked so vulnerable, so receptive so I kissed him. I needed to. I know
you're all going to yell at me so go ahead. Do it. I don't care. I feel like
crap about it already. I couldn't loath myself more if I tried.
I told him I loved him just before I kissed him. I told him that some of my
happiest moments have been with him. I tried to get him to understand how I
feel. How I still feel about him. I feel like I made a total fool out of myself.
After it happened, I wasn't sure what to do. He freaked and wanted to leave but
I begged him to stay. We talked a bit longer but not about the kiss. I was too
afraid to say anything about it. I was glad he left it alone.
On top of that, because I sneaked out to the mansion to see him, I inevitably
got caught. Mom was waiting for me. I told her I went for a run. I shouldn't
have snapped at her but I just wasn't in the mood to talk.
~
12:12a - where do I go from here
I had a long talk with mom
tonight. I lied again. I told her I went out to see Bruce. She told me I should
be careful since he is older. I pointed out it was probably a good idea to stay
on his good side.
I wanted to talk to Lex today, but I wasn't sure how. I screwed up last time.
He's with somebody else. Two some bodies actually, and I'm sure one of them
likes him a lot.
It seems advice is scarce even here.
I think tomorrow I'll just see if he'd like to play pool. That always seemed to
work.
I have lots of homework to do. I better get back to that. Since mom is yelling
for me to get it done.
~
10:52a - missed the bus
Yesterday I missed the
bus, which I do almost everyday anyway so it's not really a big deal. I had to
walk home from school. The interesting thing that happened was I ran into BW. He
stopped and offered me a ride home. I told him about kissing Lex. He was way
cooler about it than I was when he did the same thing.
I felt really uncomfortable, but I also felt like I should come clean. The guilt
had been eating at me since Monday.
When we got to my place after a nerve wracking but cool talk, my dad was waiting
for me since I had to do the deliveries. I introduced them. Dad was really rude,
and very short with Bruce. He glared at me with his 'we'll talk later' look, which
we did, and then told me to go do something. I figured this was so he could talk
to Bruce without me hovering. Bruce was really cool. He didn't even blink when my dad
practically told him off.
I haven't known Bruce that long, but I really want to get to know him better. He
seems like a very interesting guy. Very intense. Makes me think of Lex in the
sense that he's an enigma.
On a sore note, dad is really frustrated with me. He just doesn't understand at
all. Dinner last night was so quiet. I think dad talked to mom about what
happened.
I briefly got to see Lex. He was really busy when I dropped off the produce. We
only talked for a few minutes and he told me not to be a stranger.
I felt comfortable for the first time in a long time around him. He's such a
great guy. *sigh* No wonder I'm in love with him.
~
9:54p - seeds you sow
I'm hiding in my room
tonight since mom and dad are fighting. I can't remember a time when they had
such a huge fight. On top of that, dad has been riding me hard today. He's not
really being unfair so much as just a big stubborn mule. (mom's words)
School was boring. I still have homework to do. I can't believe how much
homework they send home. I mean the holidays are right around the corner. It's
just not fair. Plus finals are coming up.
Lana stopped by for help on the math exam. We concentrated on work so we didn't
really talk too much about anything else. Dad was really short with her when he
told her it was time to go home.
He lectured me just before I went up to my room. It was really annoying. The
only thing I hate more is that mom and dad are not talking, except if they have
to.
So now I hide. I can't hear them yelling anymore. This sucks, and it's all my
fault.
~
2:16a - What to say
I went for a long walk last night. I couldn't take my parents any more. I hated
knowing that they weren't getting along because of me. I wanted to go by the
mansion. It was my first instinct. To be honest, it was my only instinct. I was
hurting and I wanted to be with somebody who cares about me. Only Lex isn't
there for me anymore; at least not in the way that I wish.
He has others in his life. I sit here, miserable and all I want to do is go over
there, and tell Bruce to get lost. He may have been there when I really needed
someone, but when it comes to Lex . . . I want to tell Lex he's mine, and right
after that, tell him everything about myself so that we can build from there.
But he would tell me to leave, and go on hurting him and myself. I should have
just stayed with him. Maybe then I wouldn't feel this miserable.
I stopped over at Lana's last night. I just wanted to talk to somebody who
knows. I just wanted somebody to understand. I ended up talking about my mom and
dad and how they're fighting. It is all my fault that it's happening. When I ask
my mom how I can fix it, she just tells me to let her handle dad. She's always
in the middle of things. I hate that.
While I was with Lana she sort of got comfortable in my arms. It was purely
platonic. I felt nothing beyond friendship for her at all. But guess what, Chloe
showed up right at that moment. It was so late I had no idea she would be there.
I felt uncomfortable when she caught us in the hug especially since I had just
kissed Lana on the cheek.
Chloe wasn't thrilled. I don't blame her, but at this point, she really has
nothing to worry about. I only think of Lana as a friend. It would have been
nice if things had worked out. It would have been easier for me.
I went home after and just stayed in my barn loft. Mom and dad where asleep by
the time I got home, but I just couldn't be in the house with them. I'm sure mom
is wearing him down. He almost always gives into her when things get this bad
between them.
I just finished my homework after I spent the day doing farm chores. I used to
really enjoy doing them, but now, it's just tedious.
The whole day was tedious. I found half the time I itched to run off somewhere
far away, and the other hand I wanted to be with Lex. I should just go over
there and get him and force him to be mine forever. Jerk!
~
12:09p - I am never drinking again
I only had one drink, but that was enough. Yesterday I went out with Chloe and
Lana. We ended up going bowling. I kind of got competitive, and kicked their
asses, since it was me against them. I don't even know why I did that.
I had a lot of fun. I wanted to invite Pete, but he was busy. I didn't bother
asking them if I could ask him to come along. I didn't really want to go, didn't
want to feel like a third wheel, but it turned out fine.
Afterwards, we went back to Lana's place since her aunt was in the city for the
day. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, we were drinking. I said no
at first since I've never had alcohol before. (I know big loser.) I only had one
just to try it. I can't even remember what I had. I blurted stuff out that I
hope Chloe doesn't remember. I told her that I'm gay. She wanted to know if it
bothered me when they kiss in front of me.
That's when I just said it. I couldn't stop myself. I went on about Lex, and how
he should be mine. It was so embarrassing. Luckily, the effects of the alcohol
wore off and by the time Lana's aunt got home, I wasn't drunk anymore. She threw
a fit, yelled at me, and told me to go home, and that she would talk to my mom
about my irresponsible behavior. She blamed me for getting them drunk; claimed I
was a bad influence on them.
I ran out of there as fast as I could. I didn't even contradict what she said.
My mom is so not happy and dad? Freaked beyond words.
Anyway, I'm hiding out now since it's already all over the school what happened.
Pete actually believed it. I was so mad at him. Jerk. He knows I would never do
that. Instead, he jokes that I got the girls drunk, and took advantage of them.
I hate how rumors start like that. How the heck did people find out so fast?
I should get back to class. It's so annoying that guys who wouldn't give me the
time of day are congratulating me on my score with Lana and Chloe.
~
10:52a - Yesterday was the longest day of the year
I was never so happy to see a day end. Yesterday was hell. The fight at school,
which got me grounded by the way, and the whole taunting just pissed me off. I
don't usually get mad over these things. I brush them off, and move on, but this
time it was about Chloe and Lana so I couldn't do that.
The best thing to happen to me yesterday was that I got to see Lex. I told him
about the drinking and the rumors that had spread. He gave me the advice to go
and talk to Chloe, which I took.
I wanted him to hold me. I felt so lost. I think I hid it well, but I've never
been the subject of gossip. I had no idea how to handle it. I mean I wanted to
punch that jerk out for saying what he said about Chloe. He's luck I only pushed
him into a locker.
It was so cool to see the look on Lex's face when I told him I'd gotten into a
fight at school. It's as if he thinks I don't do normal teen things.
At least he touched me. That was the best part. I can still feel it on my arm. Then we played a game of pool. I only had time for one. I watched him when
his back was turned to me. He just looked so good.
(it fueled my fantasies last night. Now that I know how it feels to touch him,
and be touched by him, my fantasies are so much better. I want him back. NOW!!!)
In other news, Pete apologized to me (on the bus ride to school) for believing the
rumors. I told him it was cool, but the truth is it hurt to know that he would
think that about me. I thought he knew me better. He asked me if there was
something I needed to talk about. I told him about going to see Chloe to make sure
she was okay. I even suggested that maybe he could talk to her at lunch today.
Maybe try to make her feel better, laugh it off. I'm not sure if I should have
done that, but he hasn't really been around lately. He's always going straight
home, telling me he has things to do for his mom. I think he hasn't gotten over
Jodie. I don't blame him; they shared an intimate moment.
The talk with Chloe went well I think. I mostly just held her, and told her stuff
like how it would blow over fast. I'm not so sure, but nobody has made lewd
comments to me today so maybe the rumor that I'm not such a stud after all is
getting around. I hope so because if that would help the girls out, I would
gladly be branded a loser. I told Chloe that I'm gay. She was glad I finally told
her, and chastised me for not telling her soon. I didn't tell her about Lex. I
guess my first instinct is to protect him at all cost.
On the plus side, it's much easier to be near Lex than it has been in the last
while. I didn't realize how comfortable things were until after I left. It was
almost like before. I still love him, almost more than I can believe.
I have to get to class.
~
8:52p - Lana's FAKE boyfriend name calling
I have never disliked
anybody before and I always give people a chance. I find it so annoying and just
plain stupid that Whitney the jerk who still hasn't said sorry for stringing me
up in that field, would taunt me about the rumors. They weren't true; I said as
much, so what more does he want? It's not enough for him to make fun of me
behind my back, he has to tell me to my face that he knew they couldn't be true
since I am probably gay.
I hope Lana breaks his heart into a trillion pieces. Big jerk. Why is everybody
being such a jerk to me today?
Just venting here. I guess that's what this has become. I'm really sorry I just
have nowhere else to go some of the times, and isn't that what a journal is for?
To tell what you really think.
I suppose these are unkind thoughts. I don't know. Just because what he said is
true it doesn't give him the right to do that to me. I'm not proud of myself
since I had to say something nasty in return about how if he's such a man
himself then why is his girlfriend dating another girl.
And mow I'm worried about Lana and Chloe finding out what I told him.
~
11:41p - Long hard day
I just cannot believe my
day. First, the rumors have finally died down. I had lunch with my best friend,
and we talked. He said he asked a girl out on a date. I should call after this
to see how it went. He seemed like he really wanted to go on the date, but at
the same time, I think he was just putting on a brave face. I told him it was
great that he was finally moving on.
We talked about Lana and Whitney. I had to pipe up since he was trying to defend
Whitney. I
told him about the scarecrow thing. I told how Whitney picked me because he thought I
had tried to move in on Lana. He was not impressed, but I made him promise not to
say a word to anybody, ever. It wasn't as hard to tell him as I thought it would
be. I guess since it's been a few months, I can put it behind me. It was nice to
be able to tell my best friend.
Lana and I took Chloe horseback riding. It was her first time. She did pretty good.
The only bad thing that happened was when Lana was thrown from her horse. I heard
her scream, and when I went to see what was wrong there was this guy hovering
over her. Later on, the guy told me he was trying to help her, but her aunt
wanted me to tell the police he tried to hurt her. I refused. I wasn't about to
lie even for Lana.
We got it on tape anyway so there was no reason to charge the guy. He didn't do
anything wrong. Of course, everybody else was mad at me. After I went to talk to
the guy, I stopped off at the coffee shop to see how Lana was doing. Her FAKE
boyfriend taunted me about how if he'd been there he would have done something
about the guy. Big jerk! I wanted to punch his lights out.
At least Lex was there to keep me company. He has this way of putting things in
such a succinct manner. I got to talk to him today during deliveries. I told him
about telling Chloe about my sexual preference. He was glad that I have friends to
confide in. He did say he thinks she suspects that I like him. I guess that
could be true since she is smart. I just liked being near him. It was nice to be
that close, and look him in the eyes. He looked great. The woman he's with
was back in town. She smiled at me on the street. I was polite, and smiled back.
Then later on Whitney did go see that guy. Something happened, but I'm not sure what.
I have to look into it. The police arrested the guy, but he said Whitney attacked him
first. I have to find out the truth. It seems weird: off somehow. I mean, why
would the guy insist Whitney attacked him when Whitney claims the guy attacked him first.
That made no sense even to me.
I went off to eat, and call my friend. He did go on the date. They went to
see a movie. He said he might ask her out again, and then he told me he was
turning in early. He seemed off. I think I'll ask Chloe to talk to him. Maybe he'll
talk to her when he won't talk to me.
On another note, at least I'm not grounded any more. My mom watches me like a
hawk now. This can't be a good thing.
~
11:54p - It's official
My world has been turned
upside-down. We lost the farm! My dad signed it away to some guy named Mr.
Rickman who wants to build factories on the land. I just can't believe my dad
would do that. Mom is so mad. I have never seen mom this mad at him before. He
says he can't even remember what happened but he signed the papers. I asked Lex
for help, unfortunately he said it's an ironclad sale. Then he went on to say
that wouldn't stop him from getting every lawyer on his payroll to break it. I
could have kissed him right on the spot.
In other news, Lana is mad at me because I believe Kyle (the guy from the woods)
over her FAKE boyfriend. Kyle says Whitney attacked him first and the evidence seems
to support Kyle's claim. I hate to fight with Lana, but it's such a weird
situation. I just can't believe she actually had the nerve to expect me to
apologize to her because of all that's happened, because I didn't take Whitney's side
in this whole situation. I'm not mad at her, I just think she's blind to the
fact that Whitney isn't really as nice a guy as she'd like to think.
I helped Kyle escape from prison. Actually, he was already escaping when I got
there, but the cops shot at him so I helped him. I took him to the mansion. He
got shot, and was bleeding all over me. Lex called a friend of his who could
help out. I left Kyle at the mansion with Lex.
I wish I could have stayed if only to be near Lex. He looked amazing, but then
he always does. I always say that in here don't I? Oh well, I guess I'm hooked.
If I had stayed I would have avoided the uncomfortable run-in with Lana. Sometimes
I just don't get her. She just judges the guy without even finding out what
really happened, and at the same time just keeps blindly defending Whitney, despite
everything.
Anyway, I was thinking about going over to the mansion again, but I think my mom
would notice. I really want to go see Lex. I feel like I should explain myself
more to him. Try to get him to understand how I feel. I told him he's the only
one I trust, and it's true. I totally trust him. There are things about me that
I want to tell him so badly. I want him to know.
I guess I'll just do my homework and get to bed. I could always call him if I
really feel like it.
~
9:57p - Bullet-bruises
I am in a lot of pain right now. It hurts even to sit here and type this up, but
I am so confused I need to think this through aloud. See it in writing.
Lex shot me today. It wasn't his fault, and I know he never would have done it
if he'd been in his right mind, but it still hurts. It hurts physically, which
almost never happens, and it hurts emotionally. The look in his eyes when he did
it; I get a lump in my throat when I think about it. He looked so overjoyed. It
was scary. I'm scared.
I'm at home now safe in my room, and he's back at the mansion probably with
Bruce. I doubt he'd go to Victoria
about what happened. He was under Rickman's spell. Kyle said he won't remember
what happened. Rickman ordered Lex to kill me, and Kyle. Unfortunately, thanks
to the meteor rocks a handshake turned my best friend into my worst nightmare.
The hate in his eyes - I never forget anything thanks to my perfect memory. I
know I won't forget that look any time soon. The accusation in his voice, about
hiding secrets from him, will stay with me for a long while. But I'm not going
to let these things rule me. I know he wasn't in his right mind. I know it's not
how he really feels. I also know what I want from him, and I am determined to
get it. No matter what it takes.
I tried to get him to realize what he was doing but nothing I said helped. He
told me friendship was a fairytale. He said things I can't forget. I know deep
down inside he was under a spell, but the conviction of his words echo in my
mind.
I wish I could tell him the truth about me. I wish I could say the words: I'm an
alien. It looks so stupid when I write it here. I say it aloud, and it still
doesn't seem real. I still wish I could confide. Maybe the hollowness in my
chest would disappear.
I'm in too much pain to sit here any more. I want my mom to make it better. I
sound like a twelve year-old, but I don't care. I'm going downstairs to ask her
to make me some hot chocolate.
I blame this all on the stupid rocks. I hate those rocks. I wish somebody had
been smart enough to get rid of them a long time ago. If my mom and dad are
smart enough to get rid of them, why isn't the rest of this stupid town smart
enough?
I wish I could go see Lex.
~
8:42p - I told him
Lex stopped by this
morning to let us know that the farm was ours again. We talked about friendship,
and I moved in close to tell him that I want more from him, but that I'm willing
to wait as long as it takes, for him to realize we're meant to be together.
My heart was pounding in my chest I was so nervous, but I did it, and I feel so
alive right now. I feel like I could take on the world.
He smelled so good. It was great to be so close to him. I wish I could go over
there right now, and take him somewhere far away where nobody else would find
us. Where I could hold him in my arms, and show him how I feel.
Instead, I have work to do. My dad is very contrite. I made my mom and dad
believe that it was all Lex's doing that we have the farm again. I don't even
feel guilty that I lied. After all, they're the ones who taught me how to do it
so well.
Lana stopped by to say she didn't want to fight anymore. What ever. I didn't
really listen to her since I was still high from thinking about what I was going
to say to Lex. Oh, I pretended to care as much as I knew she wanted me too, (To
be polite too of course.) but I think maybe I need a few days away from her.
~
8:44a - Hanging with Pete
Last night I spent some
time with my friend Pete. We've both been so busy lately, but we decided that we
had to make time for our friendship. I felt bad. I mean, he's my best friend. I
didn't even realize how much I missed his friendship until now. Unfortunately,
Lana and Whitney were at the coffee shop (it's really the only coffee shop in town so
it's difficult to go anywhere else if all you want to do is hang somewhere with
that kind of atmosphere.)
I just stopped long enough to say hi to them; since Whitney was glaring so hard at
me, I thought he would puncture my skin. It was almost amusing. He was doing it
behind Lana's back otherwise I know she would have said something. It was all
good. She looked happy which was nice to see. I am happy for her. It's so weird,
I know things will never progress beyond friendship between us, but some part of
me still wishes it could. She's so beautiful, and so nice. I think about all the
time I spent dreaming about her, and when I see her now, even knowing what our
relationship is, I still feel a tiny stab of hope. I know I shouldn't since I'm
not her type, but I just can't help it. One thing I promised to myself was that
I would be as honest here as I possibly could.
On a good note, Pete seems so much better than the last time we talked. He told me
he's thinking about going to see Jody some time in the near future. I'm not sure
that's such a great idea. It might only make things worse. I'm considering
talking him out of it, or maybe going along with him.
I found out this morning that the woman staying with Lex has left for the
holidays, and she's not expected back for another few weeks. If Bruce weren't at
the mansion, I would throw myself in Lex's face just so I could be near him, and
maybe show him why I belong there with him. It's a stupid thought, but he's
mine.
~
11:22p - It a go!
I asked mom today if I can
invite Lex over for Christmas dinner, and she said yes. She said that it was the
least we could do after all Lex had done to help us. I told her all about how he
immediately offered to help without any hesitation. I am so happy right now!
I also asked if it would be okay for me to invite Bruce. She said it was. I feel
like celebrating right now. I'll ask Lex tomorrow when I do the deliveries. I
know he'll say yes, and if he doesn't, I'll just have to convince him. ;)
I spent most of the day over at my friend Pete's house, with Pete and his family. I
wanted to help them get things ready for their family gathering, and to spend
more time with him. He seemed so excited, and talked a mile a minute about
everything. It was so great to see him happy.
~
12:26a - Discovery
I'm so excited. I just never thought I would find this. I think I found Lex's
journal.
A while back I accidentally caught some of his journal name. I was surfing friends of
friends lists. and came across this journal.
It has to be him! In his last entry he talks about not remembering things that
happened to him.
It says --
still don't remember what happened, and I still have a very bad feeling
about it. I went to see my angel to find out the truth, to see if he knew what I
had done, if I had done anything to him. But my angel promises that I didn't
hurt him. He seems okay. I look into those eyes and I just want to believe him.
I don't trust myself but I do trust him. Even if...even if he's not telling me
everything...
But then...
I was trying to convey to him what his friendship means to me. How significant
it is.
And he...he said that he still wanted more. That he'd wait until I understood.
What we were meant to be. I could feel him standing so close. Heat from his
body. I...I wanted him.
But
I just wish that he'd understand. He's putting me in an impossible position.
He's so young. I'm so...me. We can't be.
And Bruce needs me. Bruce knows me. Bruce is real. Bruce and I are real. I need it to be real. I
need something in my life to be real. Still fairly fucked up, but undeniably
real.
Bruce needs me right now, in a way he's never expressed to anyone. Needs me to help
him with something that runs so deep that I can't help but be blown away by the
request and all that he has revealed with it.
Why do I feel like I am betraying them both?
It has to be him. I have to go read every entry. I can't help it. Wow! This
could really help me understand where he's coming from.
Woah! He's wanted me from the moment he laid eyes on me.
He says - I suppose it doesn't say much for my salvation that once my
breathing returned to normal my first thought was that I wanted to fuck him.
That totally made me blush when I read it.
Yeah! I am so excited by this.
My angel. Is he talking about me? I'm not an angel. I did fall from the sky, but
I am the farthest thing from a celestial being. And he trusts me. He trusts me,
and I lie to him every time we talk. I hate myself.
~
10:05a - I <3 Lex so much
I found Lex's journal. I know where he is on line. I read all of it last night.
He said he told Bruce that he loves him. I thought all along that it was something
he couldn't do easily. He never said it to me until we argued, and then it was
so hard for him to say it out loud.
I'm glad he has Bruce, but that hurts to read. I know from reading all his posts
that he does love me. He even talks about losing himself in me, which is really
weird. I had no idea he felt that way. I wish I could go back, and do things
differently. I wish I hadn't hurt him so much. I was so wrapped up in my own
pain; I guess I didn't realize what all of this was doing to him. I feel so
selfish. I never thought of myself that way. I think he's right about me being
too young. I knew this all along. I just wish I'd not jumped in so soon to
something serious with him.
I love him now more than ever after reading all these thoughts. He's amazing,
and so passionate. I have been thinking about nothing else all night. I couldn't
even go to sleep. I feel so confused and overwhelmed, but the one thing I know
is that I love him now more than ever.
I'm seeing him today to invite him over for Christmas dinner at my place. I know
he'll say yes. I know I can get him to.
I will have to stop myself from hugging him the moment I see him today.
~
12:21a - I invited him and he said yes!
It was so strange to be near him after having read his journal. I couldn't take my
eyes off him. He's so beautiful. I wanted to touch so badly. I wanted to hold
him. He needs me, I just wish I could tell him that it's okay, that I understand
better now. I guess I should wait until I'm older. It doesn't really matter
since he has Bruce. I can wait. Sort of.
(I have to re-read some of his entries tonight since I read them so fast last
night.)
I did get to touch him, but I had to restrain myself from pulling him into my
arms and just holding him close. He smelled so great. He probably thinks I'm a
freak now since I spent the whole time he was there staring at him. I tried to
flirt with him, but I'm pretty sure it was a bust. He didn't seem to notice at
all.
I'm going to have to think things through. I know I want him back; I just need
to figure out when and how. Maybe I'll just watch him for a while to see how he
is around me. See how things go. I'm not sure. Or maybe I'll just keep flirting.
Not that I'm very good at it.
I told mom, right after Lex left that he accepted. She immediately started
planning; dad just glared at me and took off in the truck.
I'm totally excited about it. I've never had Lex over for dinner. It's so cool
that my mom is behind it all. She's so cool. I have to help her all day
tomorrow. It's going to be a busy day. Plus I still have to get Lex his present.
It won't be a truck :) but I have something in mind. I hope he likes it.
~
11:47p - gift giving and holiday spirit
I spent all day running errands for my mom. She made more pies than I have ever
seen. It was torture to watch them go to other people. I did manage to snag a
piece or two of pecan though. I did it behind mom's back, but I guess she'll
notice the missing pieces. I don't care, I'll take the heat.
I stopped by and dropped everybody's gifts off. I still have to give Lex his.
He's so hard to buy for. What do you get somebody who has everything? And I mean
everything. There is nothing he can't get for himself. Everything I've looked at
I can't afford. Every time I thought I found the perfect gift the price tag made
it impossible. I got him something, but it's so lame. I hope he likes it.
At least dad is easy to buy for. I got him this funny black tie with dancing
cows on it. And mom gets a day at a spa. Dad and I pitched in and got it for
her. She really deserves it. She works so hard.
I stopped by the mansion. There were people everywhere, getting it ready for the
season. It looks really nice. Security is much tighter. I actually had to check
in with the guard when I arrived.
I wanted to spend some time with him so we could talk some more. I read his
journal again last night, parts of it anyway. He tells people a lot of personal
stuff. I was surprised, but then I guess since it's so anonymous he can say what
he wants. The comments, and his replies, are almost as interesting as what the
posts.
People encourage him with his relationship with Bruce. I wish I could tell them to
stop, but I guess that's their prerogative. They also encourage him to try me
again which I could totally go for. I feel much better about things with us.
Like today, when I saw him, and we sat for a few minutes to talk, I just stared
into his eyes. They have so much depth and emotion in them. I love them, I love
him. I want him back. I want us to be us again.
Maybe my New Year's resolution should be to seduce him. I'd need help with that,
since I have no idea how to do that. I'll have to think about it. Maybe I could
ask mom how dad seduced her.
Anyway, off to eat some more pie. Happy holidays everybody!
~
4:09p - Xmas at Pete's place and Lex
I spent most of the day
over at my best friend's house. His family is so big. He has a lot of brothers,
which is cool. We went for a drive after his mom got fed up with us just milling
around snagging bites here and there of what ever she happened to be cooking. It
was so much fun. Things seem so much more at ease between us. He seemed his old
self. After the drive we played some b-ball then had an afternoon meal. His mom
is a great cook.
I came home to find that Lex had posted again. He talked about what he got me
for Christmas. He even had a link which I did not look at since I love
surprises. I can't wait for tomorrow. I hung mistletoe in the hallway. My mom
asked who I expected to kiss under it. I turned bright red of course.
I'm still smiling after reading how happy Lex is about the holidays. It's so
good to see him happy, and I'm so glad he's getting along with his dad. I wish
he'd stop thinking about how I saved his life.
I'm trying to guess what he got me. He talks about the time I took him to look
at stars. It was one of the most wonderful nights of my life. I know that if
it's something connected to that I will totally love it.
Mom needs my help so I have to get going.
I know I already did this, but happy holidays again to all of you out there. I
hope it's everything you wished for.
~
1:00a - Mistletoe kisses
Lex is here right now,
asleep in my bed. Only I'm not there; I'm downstairs. We're snowed in, believe
it or not. Bruce is in the guest room. It's really late, but I just can't sleep,
knowing he's right above me. I have to sleep on the sofa tonight.
The dinner was great. Bruce was really quiet. He was very polite and everything. I
couldn't really tell whether he liked the gift I got him. I gave him a snow
globe with a Metropolis skyline so he'd always know he has friends here. I told
him that.
After the dinner we discovered that we were snowed in. It was very beautiful,
but Lex and Bruce had to stay since mom deemed it unsafe for them to drive home.
When mom and dad went up to fix up the guest room, and Bruce went off, I'm still
not sure where, Lex and I exchanged gifts. He got me this amazing Expedition to
the Stars Kit.
I love the gift and I can't wait to put it together.
I got him a lavender dress shirt with a black tie that has these cheesy purple
dollar signs on it. I was kind of embarrassed since I can't afford much, but he
seemed to like it, and he even said he'd wear it.
After we exchanged gifts I hugged him. It was so nice to have him so close. He
smelled so wonderful. I was hard instantly. Then I heard a sound upstairs and it
ended. I pulled away. Then we stood and when I turned around I saw that he was
standing under the mistletoe. I didn't even think about it. I just went over,
and kissed him on the lips. He was so stunned, but he didn't push me away. When
it hit me what I was doing, with my mom and dad right upstairs, I freaked.
I have hope though, since he seemed okay with what I did.
I'm off to sneak pie.
1:05 am - ET here
We're snowed in.
I
just came back from watching Lex jerk off. I stood outside my bedroom door, and
watched, with my x-ray vision, as he jerked off. I was so hard, I wanted to jump
in and help. He's wearing my pjs that mom loaned him. I'm going to wear them
tomorrow night, and I'm not going to wash my sheets. It will be almost as if
we're in the same bed.
When I got his gift I couldn't help but think that I wanted to tell Lex that
earth doesn't need SETI. I am the ET they're all looking for.
I still can't believe I kissed Lex. I hate this. I want him back now! My mind is
in a whirl. I need to go for a run, but how do I explain that? Bruce and mom and
dad would know but Lex wouldn't. I hate keeping it from him. I hate that he
doesn't know the truth. I am so scared every time I think about telling him all
I picture is him telling me he hates me, and that he'll ruin my life forever.
~
12:47a - I just came back from seeing Lex
I read his journal, and had to
go over right away. By the time I got there, I realized I had no reason to be
there. I couldn't really explain myself so I just said I wanted to say bye
before he left for his trip. It was hard to see him, and know that he was going
away. I know it's only a week, but I miss him already.
He told me I could hang out at the mansion if I needed a place to hide out in.
Maybe I might stop by. I could always hang in the Troy room. I really like it.
It makes me feel safe.
I told Lex that we are meant to be together. I know more than ever that we are.
I just think he needs to know it. I wanted to kiss him, but he seemed so stand
offish so I held back. Part of me feels guilty about Bruce but at the same time Lex
is mine. I want him to be mine.
I miss him so much, already. I spent the day putting that kit together. I smiled
the whole time since Lex gave it to me. When I look at it I think of him. It's
like he really knows me; like he sees the true me. I wish that was true, and not
just me dreaming. I wish he did know the true me.
He's so important to me. I find myself thinking about him all the time. I was
working with dad in the barn, and I started talking about Lex. Dad was not
amused. He asked me to stop talking, and get my ass in gear, since the work
wasn't going to do itself. It really annoys me that dad doesn't even give him a
chance. After the nice dinner we had I would have thought dad would cool down,
but instead he just gets all weird.
~
9:53p - I eat pie because I really have nothing else to do
I'm sitting in my room
surfing my f-list, and eating apple pie. I had a pretty boring day. Everything
just seemed so bland compared to other things I could have been doing. I got a
note from BW today. He thanked me for the gift I gave him. It was a very nice
note. I felt guilty for about five seconds over my dreams about Lex until I
realized that no matter who he's with, my dreams are my own, and nobody can tell
me what I can and can't think.
I had this dream that Lex took me to Europe
with him. I dreamt he showed up on my doorstep, and told me had broken it off
with Bruce and that he wanted only me. Then suddenly we were on the plane. I got up
to do something and when I returned he was gone. I looked everywhere for him. I
even started to tear up the plane trying to find him, but he was gone.
Off to have more fun on line. It's great to see all the different people. Since
I hardly ever get to go outside of my hometown, it's cool that there's a way to
see what's out there.
I miss Lex a lot. I guess I'll be saying that every day while he's gone. I hope
he's having a good time. I called his cell, and left a message, telling him how
my day went. He didn't call back, but I didn't really expect him to.
~
1:05a - Not very exciting
I spent most of the day
either cleaning or hanging with Pete. We didn't really do much except play some
basketball, and talk about Jody. He's determined to go see her. I told him he
needs to be careful, but he insists on going. He said his brother is going to
take him.
I called Lex again, and got his answering service again. He's not picking up,
and maybe it's because he knows it's me. I don't want to jump to the wrong
conclusions, but he must know I called. I told him what I did, and I told him I
couldn't wait to talk to him when he gets back.
I went to the mansion today to ask the cook if they still want me to deliver the
Monday order. Nobody was around but they left a note. I'm to deliver as always.
Since nobody was there I stayed for a while. It was nice to be in his office, to
see his things. He left his laptop here, but I couldn't get into it since I
didn't know what the password is.
I am so tired tonight. I don't usually get tired, but for some reason I am.
~
10:59p - Too much action for one day
Today has been way too
busy! First I meet Lex's new security guy. I'll call him Mr. K. He was waiting
for me when I did today's delivery. He seems very nice and very dedicated to
making sure Lex stays safe. I am so glad. It seems like Lex is attacked way too
often for my taste. He's still away of course, so I called him again. He still
didn't answer his phone. I guess it's because it's really late over there.
Anyway, I overheard this guy talking about doing something to the L's so I
investigated. He attacked Mr. K, but I got there in time to stop him, but not
before he got in a good punch or two. The guy was really strong. It smarted when
he hit me.
The weirdest thing happened. We took the fight outside, and bats attacked me. It
was so strange. I'm not sure why they did it. They managed to cut me a little,
and tear my t-shirt, but other than that, I'm fine. They flew away once I
knocked the guy out.
I had to make sure Mr. K was okay so after they took the guy away I stayed at
the mansion for a while. He asked me questions about what happened outside, and
then told me to get home. He was really nice about it. I lost another t-shirt
which sucked since it was once of my favorites.
It's really funny because Mr. K calls Lex by his last name, and he doesn't look
much older than him. In fact he's kind of young. I just hope he really can make
sure Lex is taken care of.
~
8:54p - Another day in paradise
I should start making
stuff up. My life is so not exciting. Especially today. The year ends quietly
with me at home. I've been invited to Chloe's house for New Years Eve. I called PR
and begged him to come with me. He wasn't up for it, but I convinced him he
needed to get out. I asked if anything happened but he told me he didn't want to
talk about it. I'll try to talk to him tomorrow night. Chloe sounds really excited
about the party. When I asked if we would be drinking again she promised not to
get me in trouble.
I called Lex again. He wasn't there. I really miss him. It sounds so pathetic
when I say that. It even looks pathetic typed out. Maybe I should just move on.
Maybe I should just find somebody else. The thought isn't very appealing. I only
want him. Although Bruce is pretty hot. Speaking of which, I went to return the
shirt Mr. K loaned me last night. I thought it was Lex's but it turns out it was
Bruce's. We're the same size it seems.
I stayed in today since there was so much work around the farm today. Dad wants
to make sure everything is in order for what I have no idea. He won't tell me.
He's probably just making stuff up just so I won't be a lazy bum.
I'm off to watch The Matrix. Mom got it for me for Xmas. She noticed I like
Keanu.
~
7:00p - Before I go off to the party etc.
I thought I would wish
everybody a happy New Year. Be good!
I worked my ass off today so I am really looking forward to just relaxing with
my friends. Mr. K stopped by to check on me. He's a really nice guy. I'm
surprised Mr. L hired somebody nice. The way Lex talks it always seems like his
dad has ulterior motives for everything he does.
It's cool that Lex will have somebody close to his age over there to relate to.
I plan on calling Lex at midnight since I have nobody to kiss when the
clock strikes. Not that I ever have. Except my mom of course, but she doesn't
really count since it's always a kiss on the cheek.
I did the deliveries as early as I could today because of the party I'm going
to. When I delivered to the mansion Mr. K was waiting again. I didn't have to
sign in and get a pass since he said I could come by any time. Which is really
nice of him. I asked if he was spending the tonight alone working, and he said
he wouldn't be alone so that's cool. I hate to think of anybody alone on New
Years Eve. PR is coming to pick me up soon so I have to go. He's driving us to
Chloe's house. I hope he has a good time. I don't want to push him into something
he really isn't into but at the same time I don't want him to be alone tonight.
I have to go get ready for the party. I think tonight I'll dress up nice just
because it would be a nice change.
Have fun, but not too much.
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