I am here for now. I wait for the sign. Martha Kent has said she can help me though I do not know how. She has given me a place to wait. She does not accept what has come to pass.
Lois Lane talks a lot.
~
It is done. The first piece is in place. I have taken one step closer to my destiny. I wait for the next sign.
Lex Luthor was there. I do not remember what significance he holds to me though Martha Kent claims he was very important.
Martha Kent insists that I have another life, but she is wrong. She shows me pictures of people who no longer matter. I am Kal-El and my destiny is set.
~
09:49 pm
I'm back for real this time
It's hard to explain what happened to me, so to make a long story short, I left of my own free will, but I had to or my father would have been killed. I was trying to protect him and he ended up in a coma anyway. He woke up today and now he's back home.
I have so much catching up to do. Chloe is in Paris with Lana. Lois told me her cousin left last week to visit Lana for a few weeks. My mom told me Lex helped to keep the farm going while I was away and that he paid for everything for my dad. I'm really grateful to him.
Now I guess that's what most of you are interested in finding out about. The last time I talked to Lex, he and I had a fight. I haven't seen him since I've been back. I've been kind of busy with family stuff. Lois seems to have latched on to me and I can't seem to shake her no matter what I do. Mom is very grateful to Lois for finding me in the field. Lois was the one who found me naked in a field. That's not something I'm going to live down any time soon. At least not judging by the looks Lois gave me the last time we talked. God she talks so much. She just won't shut up.
I see Lex found somebody new. That's nice. I'm glad he moved on. I wouldn't want him to wait for me or anything like that. For all he knew, I could have been gone for good. I thought for sure I was gone for good, so, really, I don't blame him at all. Not one bit.
Moving right along, I really have a lot to make up for now that I'm back.
~
My world turned inside out
The whole time I was in that place, I was thinking that dad would tell everybody where I went and why I had to go. I couldn't let Jor-El kill my dad. I had to go into the light. I had to let myself be reborn, or somebody I love dearly would have suffered. Then I come back only to discover that my dad was in a coma while I was away and there was no way for him to tell anybody where I was and why I'd left.
In the meantime, my world is nothing like what I left behind. My dad is recovering. He's home now and resting on our orders. He wanted to get up this morning to help with chores, but I insisted that he stay with mom. Then I had to help my mom with some Talon stuff. She's running the place now that Lana is gone.
I ran into Jason there. I wasn't looking where I was going and I ran right into him. Talk about dumb luck. That was just what I needed to see -- Lex's 'willing body' right there in front of me. All kinds of not-good images flashed through my mind. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the thought out of my head that Lex had let Jason fuck him! I read Lex's posts. Stupid eidetic memory.
I stood there with my coffee listening to Jason go on and on about his life story and in my mind I wanted to kick his ass into orbit. As if running into him when I least expected it wasn't enough, I find out that Jason is going to be the new coach of my school football team. I'll get to see him every single day I go to school. Oh joy.
I fucking miss Lex so much, it hurts. Why did he have to let somebody else fuck him? My head is seriously messed up right now, and I don't think I can deal with any of this.
~
What am I supposed to do?
Lex stopped by my loft last night. I really wanted to just say let's pretend the last few months never happened, but then I thought about Jason and my mind went into an uncontrollable tailspin.
I didn't know what to say to Lex. I just wasn't ready to see him. As much as I wanted him to be near me, I didn't know what to say or do. I couldn't sit still and I couldn't look him in the eyes. Lex wasn't much better. He looked tired and I wanted to grab him and hold him in my arms.
I could have killed him on that plane! I wasn't sure how to bring that up last night. He saw me that day. He saw Kal. I barely remember Lex at all. All I could think about when I was Kal was that the stone was mine and nobody was going to take it from me.
Then Lex told me he kicked Jason out of the mansion. I kind of got a little angry. What was Lex expecting me to do with that revelation? Did he think I'd get down on my knees and suck him off or something? He told me to get off my high horse and that he'd give me some time to think about things.
I lied and told my parents that I couldn't remember what I'd done as Kal. I do remember everything. My mom tried to convince me that I belonged with her. I told her that Clark Kent was dead and then I pushed her aside and flew. I flew straight up high above earth and then followed the signal to Lex's jet. I ripped the door off in midair and tossed it aside. Then I went in and the stone was mine. I got it and took it away and put it where it belonged. I remember all that. I felt so powerful.
I almost killed Lex on that plane. I pulled the door off and tossed it aside and got what I wanted. Then I left Lex and everybody else to die. Luckily they didn't die. Lex made it home safe.
So much has happened, is still happening, even as I type this. I'm not really me anymore. I went someplace where I was loved and kept safe. I've never felt that way in my life before. I never wanted to leave, but then I was told I had to fulfill my destiny and I was tossed out.
Then there's the whole fact that while I was away Lex was poisoned. He thinks Lionel did it to him. I wouldn't be surprised. Lex almost died. His father is still waiting for trial. I'm going to testify against that bastard. He's hurt Lex enough already and I am not afraid of him anymore.
I should have told Lex about the plane and what happened and why I did it. I should have told him everything, but I couldn't. I don't think I'm quite ready to share my experience.
I just feel so hurt that Lex went and found somebody else while I was away. Every time I think about it, I feel sick inside.
~
12:13 pm
What the heck!
Lois is driving me insane. I am going to strangle her and hide the body!
She dragged me out of bed this morning to help her with something (which turned out to be a wild goose chase because nothing came of it). Of course, since I am obviously insane, I decided she shouldn't go alone because it could be dangerous. We ended up in the river covered in mud (don't even ask) so we went back to the farm to clean up. My parents were in the city for my dad's checkup. I go to take a shower and Lois barges into the bathroom like she owns our house and says she can share the shower with me, since she's already seen me naked (again, don't ask).
Being the manly man that I am, I shriek like a girl (or so Lois claimed. I don't care what she says. I did not shriek) and then I ordered her to get the heck out of my shower. Nobody orders Lois around. She just stood there, trying to get another look at my assets, going on about how it shouldn't matter because after all, she's already seen me naked. She even called me a wuss and a prude!
Of course, my parents had to return right at that very moment and catch us in the shower together! They started to lecture us until Lois batted her big eyes and took full blame for everything. As soon as we were alone, Lois insisted that I owed her one since she once again saved "my cute ass."
She is such a manipulative (place nasty name here). She did make me laugh, so I've got to give her credit for that and she looks funny covered in mud from head to toe. Now if only she'd stop jumping into my bed every morning.
Why is my mom letting her stay with us? Oh, right, Lois made up some story about being lonely now that Chloe is away in Paris and since she did "rescue" me... I think my mom likes her but then my mom hasn't seen the side of Lois that I have.
~
It was Lex's birthday yesterday.
I didn't have any money to get him something so I went out and I took the lead box he'd given me and found a kryptonite rock. That was painful, but worth it. I stopped in to wish him a happy birthday and gave him the rock. I told him I wanted him to have it for protection against me. After what happened with the plane, I'm afraid that some day I might unintentionally hurt Lex. He didn't want the gift, but it's all I have. I wanted to remind him that he always had something to use against me if I ever got out of hand or Kal returned.
Lex looked so tired. I wanted to ask about the poisoning and his dad and what was going on, but I ran instead. I made up an excuse about needing to do something really urgent at home. I stayed in hiding for a while to watch him and make sure he was okay. He put the box someplace safe and then had a drink. His secretary showed up to give him flowers and a gift. I think it was a tie. Then he showed up. I didn't stick around to see why Jason was there. I could guess.
I ran home as fast as I could.
~
05:57 pm
Lois continues to be a pain.
I tried to talk to her. She said she'd back off, but this morning I woke up to find her in my bed. She said I'd been mumbling some incoherent name in my sleep and that she'd moved in closer to hear what I was saying. Then she claimed she tripped and fell on my chest and I'd rubbed up against her.
I threatened her again and she blamed it all on me. She said she was trying to wake me up, and that I was the one who'd mistaken her for somebody else. There is no way in hell I would ever mistake her for somebody I'd want to rub up against. I told her as much. She just brushed it off and told me she'd be out of my hair soon enough. Chloe had called to let her know that she was returning to Smallville next week. I was really glad to hear that Chloe would be home soon. I really miss her. I could use a true friend right about now.
Lois found me "moping" in my loft last night. She tried to talk to me about what was bothering me, but I told her to back off. I wasn't surprised that she didn't leave me alone, but she didn't bother me either. She just sat quietly nearby. I wasn't even sure she could ever shut that big mouth of hers, but she did. To be honest, it was nice to have her there, even if I didn't want to confide in her. For one night, I though that maybe she was okay after all.
Her father called earlier today. I answered the phone and he ordered me to put Lois on the line, but she was in town with my mom. Then he asked if I was sleeping with his daughter! Once I set him straight on the fact that I was only a friend and would never touch his daughter, he ordered me to give Lois the message that she was to call him ASAP. I can see where she gets her rudeness. I look forward to seeing the reaction when I give Lois the message.
Now I have to help Dad with some work. It feels really good to be home.
~
This sucks
On Monday I have to testify at Lionel's trial.
I am not afraid of him. He's going down for what he's done.
In other news, Lois was actually nice to me today. She's not so bad. As long as we're not in the same room together.
~
My part is over
I did it. I testified this morning at the trial and it wasn't easy. The hardest part was seeing Lex. He looked broken. That's the only word I can think to describe what I saw. To most people including Lois (who said he looked as rich and snobbish as usual), it wouldn't show how upsetting it was for Lex.
I've never hated anything so much in my life as when I had to answer the questions on that witness stand. It was hard recounting the night I failed to save Lex from his father's orders to have his brain fried. I even said it that way. I told the courtroom that Lionel had ordered the doctor to shock Lex over and over and that he'd destroyed Lex's memory with what he'd done. I couldn't even look over at Lex to see how he reacted to my words. When I finally did look his way, I tried to convey how sorry I was with my eyes, but Lex wasn't watching. I don't blame him.
I hated Lionel at that moment more than I have ever hated anybody in my life. I want him to pay for what he's done. Even though Lionel looked sick, I found it hard to muster even one ounce of sympathy for him.
I want this whole thing to be over fast for Lex's sake. He looks haunted. I felt like a total jerk when I was abrupt with him as I was going into the courtroom. At the time, all I could think about was getting in and out as fast as possible. I didn't want to linger longer than I had to. Lois and I took off right away and got coffee at the Talon. She drove back to Smallville. I was surprised that she'd agreed to come with me. She said there was no way she would let me walk into the lion's den alone. Sometimes she makes me think we could easily be good friends. Then of course, she reminds of how much of a pain in the ass she is by walking in on me without knocking just as I'm changing out of my suit.
I hope Lex is okay. I can't tell much from the media coverage on TV. He always looks so composed despite the microphones shoved in his face. I hate this whole thing, but I know it has to be done. The sooner it's over with the better for everybody, especially Lex.
~
Another day
Chloe called! I finally got to talk to her and Lana. They sound very happy, and Chloe has decided to stay a few days extra. It sounds like they're having a good time. She asked me to look out for Lois. She said her cousin has a bad habit of getting into trouble. It must run in the family.
This morning I woke up thinking for sure it would be a bad day. After yesterday, I just wanted to crawl under my blanket and never come out. I almost wish I hadn't woken up, but life goes on. Of course I had to get up early to do chores since Mom and Dad were going into the city all day for Dad's checkup and to do some shopping. They really need the break.
I managed to get everything done before Lois even stirred. She's so lazy! She claimed last night that she'd wake up bright and early and help me with some of my chores, but she was still snoring (and she snores really loud no matter what she says), when I came back from the far field. I made coffee and that did the trick. She came rushing downstairs, practically knocking me over to get to the coffeemaker. She looked kind of cute with her hair a tangled mess and her bunny slippers. I am never letting her live that one down.
Then later after she'd finally downed her cup, she went upstairs to sleep some more, or so she said. It turned out that she was actually taking a bath. I walked into the bathroom and found her luxuriating in a tub full of bubbles. When I apologized for walking in on her, she ordered me to get back in the room so I could scrub her back. I think she just wanted somebody to listen to her babbling. She talked endlessly and I just nodded and said 'uh huh' at the right times. I don't even think she noticed.
Then it happened. Her dad, the Major, showed up. He found me in the bathroom with his daughter. That did not go over well. I haven't blushed that hard in a long time.
Her father is a military man and he has a gun, so I followed all his orders. While Lois was getting decent, he asked me again if I'm sleeping with Lois. When I insisted that what he'd walked in on was completely innocent, and Lois and I were just friends, he told me to keep my hands off of his daughter.
When Lois came down, she told her dad that if she wanted to have a romp with me, it was none his business. I could have strangled her, but since that wasn't possible, I left them alone. I've never wanted out of a room so fast.
After he left, Lois came up to my loft and tried to apologize for her overprotective father. I was still a little mad at her, but she promised she would set her dad straight. She said she told him I'd have to be the last guy on earth for her to sleep with me.
Lois did do one thing that made me like her just a tiny bit more. She hid the paper from me. When I went looking for it, she told me not to bother because it wasn't good and I'd only get upset. She was right, it wasn't good and I did get upset.
Lois is calling me to make her dinner. I have to go or she's liable to burn the kitchen down. Maybe I'll drive her out into a field and leave her there.
~
This totally sucks!
It was all in the newspaper. Everything I said on the witness stand, even stuff about Lex's stay at Belle Reve. Everything! It was horrible.
I went to the mansion this morning to see how Lex was holding up, but the staff said he was staying in the city for the trial. I almost called him, but I don't want to add to his troubles. He's got it hard enough as it is.
I just hope it's over soon. The top story on the news this morning was about the trial. Don't they have something else to talk about? I wish they would leave Lex alone. He looked so frustrated when the media mobbed him as he was exiting the court house.
Maybe I should go see him.
~
I went to see Lex.
I sort of went to see Lex. I ran into the city. I shadowed Lex, and watched him for a few hours. I listened in a few times to hear what was going on. He seems so busy and tired and busy. I guess he's still running the company. I guess if his dad goes to jail he'll be in the city all the time running the company.
I almost went to him, but he's never alone and seriously, how bad would it look now for me to show up at his place. With the media all over him, I would get noticed.
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