Author: GothGirl
Fandom: Smallville
Sequel/Series: freak4ever's
live journal
Pairing: Clark/Lex Lex/other
Rating: Adult content
Category: angst, alternate universe, drama, established relationship,
episode related,
Notes: spoiler for all seasons. Thanks to Lola, and jfc for beta
and catching mistakes. 35,700 words.
Feedback: Yes please that would be very nice.
Disclaimer: DC Comics, Warner Brothers, Tollin/Robbins and Millar/Gough
Ink own Smallville and its characters. I am just playing.
Summary: Clark Kent gets a live journal.
Related Links
Freak4ever Pretty Things Smallville Diaries Goth_Clark Tabloidboy
I met this guy on New Years Eve.
I wasn't planning on going out this New Year, but then plans changed. I ended up
going to a party in the city. I even wore a black tuxedo to the party. I went
alone, but I didn't leave alone. The party wasn't very exciting until I saw him
across the room. He walked toward me and we met and then we left together. Words
were never spoken between us.
I was easy and we went up to his private place. He couldn't get my clothes off
fast enough, and as we crashed through his darkened apartment, tossing our torn
shirts and crumpled ties aside. We never spoke and as our mouths met for the
first time that night, I was harder than I'd ever been. It was amazing and I was
insatiable. I could have gone all night long. He lasted long enough to sate my
appetite and then some.
It would have all been perfect if I hadn't spotted Jason at the party just
before I spotted Lex. It threw me off that he was there. I guess I should have
expected that. He does work for Lex now.
I ran into Jason at the Talon today. I was hanging out with Chloe, Lana and Lois
when he came over to our table to say hello. I don't know why, but as soon as I
saw him my stomach knotted up. Don't get me wrong, he was nice to me, but there
was this subtle hint of something that bothered me. It's probably because of his
past relationship with Lex. I know I shouldn't let that bother me, and Lex is
with me, but something about Jason bugs me.
~
Worst weekend ever.
I spent all weekend at the hospital. My dad had a heart attack on Saturday. He's
been at the medical center all weekend and he's in stable condition. He woke up
early Saturday to do the chores while I slept in like a lazy ass and when I went
out to bring him a drink and some cookies mom had made, I found him on the floor
of the barn.
I overheard him tell my mom the night before he had the heart attack that he was
feeling tired and overworked. I should have done that work. It's been the worse
weekend ever. My mom is still at the hospital. I came home to do the chores and
take a break. Mom said I was looking beat up and she ordered me to come home to
get some rest. I never get tired, but I am tonight. I feel so run down and
useless. If I hadn't found my dad... I don't even want to think about what would
have happened. Every terrible thought that I could have has already crossed my
mind a million times this weekend. If it wasn't for my mom and Lex, I probably
wouldn't even be this coherent.
Lex has been there from the moment I called him on Saturday to tell him what had
happened. He came to the hospital right away and he held my mom's hand while the
doctor told us how my father was doing. He even got my dad the best specialists
and took care of everything. I'd be lost without him.
I had a talk with Dad just before I left. He was talking like he's not going to
come home, but I refused to allow him to speak that way. I told him he better
come home because I still need him. We all still need him. He told me I have to
be the head of the house now. I told him "no sir, that's your job."
I need to go. Lex is coming over to help me with chores. Actually, he's not
coming over to help, but I want him to be here and he's agreed to come over.
~
It's been a long few weeks
I feel totally burned out. I've been working almost nonstop since Dad had the
heart attack. It's been very tiring, and between work, school, and Lex, I have
almost no time for anything else. I actually fell asleep in class the other day.
I've never felt so run down before.
Mom keeps telling me to take it easier, but I just want to make it so that when
Dad comes home at the end of the week, he won't have to worry about doing
anything around the farm. I want him to recover. The doctor said he needs all
the rest he can get and knowing my dad, he won't listen. He's so stubborn, but I
told my mom that I won't let Dad work too hard.
Mom's been handling things well. She's with my dad as much as they'll allow,
which is a lot. I don't mind having to fend for myself. I'm learning how to cook
just about everything. I even made dinner for Lex the other night and I didn't
end up killing him. It wasn't really anything special, but he acted like it was
the best food he'd ever eaten. I really appreciate him even more at moments like
that.
Chloe has been by a few times. She's been amazing to have around. She always
seems to be able to make me laugh when I least expect it. I love her so much and
wouldn't know what I'd ever do without her friendship. She stayed over the other
night when she stopped by for a movie night because it was really late and she
passed out on the sofa.
In other news, Lex checks up on me every day. I keep saying it, but I am so
lucky to have him. He keeps me grounded.
Now I am going to pass out in front of the TV. I am totally beat.
~
I'm sick
At least Lex thinks so. I woke up this morning still tired. I only managed to
get a few hours sleep. I've never really needed more than that, but now it feels
like I may. I was working in the barn on rebuilding a step that had broken when
Lex showed up to see how I was doing. Then it happened. I sneezed. It wasn't
just an ordinary sneeze. Since I'm not ordinary, and nothing about me ever has
been (besides the fact that I look human), I sneezed so hard, the barn doors
flew off. Luckily Lex wasn't standing in the way. He'd just walked in a few
seconds before it happened and stepped aside just before I sneezed. I could have
blown him away and not in a good way.
It was horrible. For a second, I thought I'd really hurt Lex. He was stunned
into silence, but other than that, he wasn't harmed. It doesn't get better.
Right after it happened, Chloe walked into the barn. She asked if we'd felt the
odd breeze. My heart was racing. I was terrified she'd seen something, but she
wasn't acting like she'd just witnessed a freaky barn door flight.
She had stopped in to see how I was doing and to ask if there was anything she
could do to help. Lex quickly talked her into leaving. Once she was gone, we
went inside and Lex ordered me to get some rest. I am really sick. I keep
sniffling, and I just keep hoping I don't sneeze again. Lex said he'd retrieve
the doors. He left just a while ago to do some work and other stuff.
I feel miserable. I've never been sick before. The only other times I've really
even felt any illness was when I was near the meteor rocks. I did stumble on
some over the weekend while doing some work. I might have inhaled meteor dust. I
probably should have told Lex about that, but since I was able to get away from
the area on my own, with much pain, I didn't see the point in bugging him with
what happened. He'd only worry about me. I guess that doesn't matter. He's
worried about me now anyway.
Since I'm an alien, we weren't sure what to give me when I have what seems to be
a cold, so Lex and I heated some left over chicken soup my Mom had made, and he
watched me eat all of it.
I asked Lex not to tell my mom. She has enough to worry about without worrying
about my freak sneezes, although I guess she's going to notice something is up
when she sees the barn doors gone. I'm going to have to fix that before Dad gets
home from the hospital. Mom is there right now.
Lex ordered me not to do anything until he gets back, but stuff needed doing and
nobody else is going to do it. I'm going to try to get some light work done
around the house. I don't want my mom to have to worry about whether the dishes
or laundry are done.
~
I'm having way too much fun with this.
The great news is, my dad is home from the hospital. The bad news is, my parents
found out about the barn doors and the supersonic sneeze that destroyed them. I
told them that I didn't want to worry them. After everything Dad's been through
lately with the heart attack and being in the hospital, I didn't want him or Mom
to be thinking of anything but Dad's health.
I feel much better today. I told my parents that the barn door was an accident.
I tried to hide the fact that I have what seems like a cold, but it was kind of
hard to hide it from them when I sneezed at dinner last night. Needless to say,
the whole kitchen suffered the consequences of hurricane Clark. My parents were
not happy that I didn't tell them about this new development. They understood
why I didn't want to worry them, but they insisted that I tell them when these
things happen. I think part of it was that Dad's a little upset that I went to
Lex first. I don't think he's upset that I confided in Lex. I think he just
isn't used to the idea that I have someone else in my life that I can go to
about my alien secrets.
Lex showed up right after it happened. He and my father put their heads together
and now I can blow on things really, really hard. I can blow clouds away. I did
it today as practice. There is no end to the number of jokes that can be made
about that one. Next time Lex says blow me, I'll have to ask him to clarify.
After we played around with my new breath, Lex and I went to the mansion. I was
hungry for his body, so we went up to his rooms, but before we could get to his
bedroom, I blew the doors shut and tore his clothes off. I couldn't wait to
touch his skin and get down on my knees to blow him in a different way. It felt
great to suck him off. I could lose myself in the feel and taste of Lex's cock
as he fills my mouth.
We moved to his bed where I begged him to fuck me. He pushed into me and when I
closed me eyes, I could pretend that I was normal. Beneath Lex, I was just
Clark, his lover and his sexual release. It was a blissful reprieve and I buried
myself in Lex's world.
After our mutual climaxes, we lay in bed. I was lost in the thought of running
to the kitchen for pie and ice cream when I looked over to find Lex staring at
me. Normally, I'd feel really self-conscious at that, but the look in his eyes
said it all. I told him that I love him and he said "ditto."
I went home at six this morning and started on the chores. For now, Dad is
listening to the doctor's advice and taking it easy. I did manage to fix the
barn doors. Since it was my fault that they were destroyed, I felt it was my
duty to fix them.
~
Things are getting better
I'm busier than ever before, but I don't mind. It keeps my mind occupied and I
don't have to think too much.
My dad is home from the hospital. He's much better, but he has been ordered to
rest by his doctors. This morning I woke up extra early to find him out in the
field. He was just standing there staring at the horizon. We had a long talk
about so many things. He said he can't sit still while I do all the work, and I
told him I want to do the work, but he insisted on helping me. I couldn't argue
with him, but I did do all the heavy lifting. I caught him watching me at one
point when he grew tired and rested for a second. He had this look in his eyes.
I think it was pride. I hope it was. It's so weird. I feel like the luckiest
person in the world for having him as a father. He and my mom chose me. They
took on the burden of raising me. I can't ever repay them for how much they've
done for me.
Dad tired out after an hour and I insisted he go inside to rest. He actually
listened to me. After I finished the morning chores, I went in for breakfast to
find him asleep on the sofa. Mom was a little upset that he'd gone out to do
work, but I reassured her that I'd never let anything happen to him, and I
won't. If I have to tie him down to get him to obey his doctor's orders, that's
what I'll do.
In other news, I'm not sick anymore. Lex and I had some time alone on the
weekend. It was fantastic. Now he's busy with work and other stuff, so I haven't
really talked to him since.
Chloe came over last night to have dinner with us. She sort of invited herself
over, I think. During English class, we were talking about my dad and stuff and
then suddenly I was telling her she should come over for dinner and then there
she was on our doorstep, reminding me of the invite. It was nice to have her
over.
After dinner she and I went up to my loft and talked some more. She mostly
talked and I nodded a lot. I should have been more talkative, but I wasn't
really in the mood. It was nice to have her there. I love Chloe. She's like a
sister I never had. At one point she got very serious and almost started to cry.
She misses her dad. I held her in my arms and told her that I'd always protect
her.
Today when I walked into the Torch office, Chloe was back to her usual hyper
self. She has a lead on something and we're supposed to investigate it together
after school. I'm looking forward to it.
~
That hurt!
I got home late last night because Chloe and I were following her lead about
another meteor-infected person. It's never going to end. All these people
changed by those rocks. I hate it. Chloe was fearless. She's so brave. She
doesn't have the advantages I have, and yet she's willing to go to almost any
lengths to expose these people. I'd even say that last night she was very eager
to find Brad. That was the guy we were looking for. She was sure Brad could
blend into any surface and make himself practically invisible. He was using his
ability to rob people's houses. He took it one step too far last night when he
tried to kill a man after the guy surprised him.
Chloe and I chased Brad down, but he got away last night. Then today, he showed
up again. He went after Chloe. Luckily, I found them and managed to fight him
off. He had strength that almost matched mine. Chloe had already been knocked
unconscious when I arrived at the abandoned warehouse. Brad had hit her really
hard. I was furious when I saw blood on her face. Brad said he was going to kill
us both, but I shocked him when I threw him twenty feet across the room. Then he
shocked me by dropping a ton of concrete on my head. I wasn't hurt or anything,
but it was totally annoying and my best shirt was ruined. I managed to push my
way out, and found that Chloe was still there. She'd woken up in time to see
Brad run off. Chloe called the police, and I went after Brad. I caught him and
the police came. Chloe had called them on her cell phone just before Brad
knocked her out.
I'm just glad Chloe's okay. I can't believe how insane Brad was. He was ranting
about how much he hated me and how he was going to make sure me and my
girlfriend never saw the light of day again. It's like the rocks turn people
insane. Brad's in police custody now. Chloe should be safe. She asked a few
questions like why my clothes were so torn and how I got away from someone so
strong. I told her I got lucky and that knowing failure would have meant her
death motivated me. I think that was enough for her.
We came back to the farm to clean up, and now Chloe's asleep on my bed. She was
exhausted. I was going to call Lana to let her know that Chloe was okay, but
Chloe asked me not to. I'm not sure why. She said things were fine between them.
I can only suspect that maybe Chloe doesn't want to worry her girlfriend.
My parents are in the city to see a doctor for Dad. They're staying there
overnight, so I'm going to make dinner for Chloe and me and we're going to hang
out together tonight.
~
The hell!
I get that Lex is a busy guy. I get that he runs a huge company and has people
working for him. I get all that, but when he goes away on business for the
weekend, why does he have to lie to me? He said he'd be away for a few days on
some "boring" business trip. That part is true, but he neglected to mention that
he'd be going on this trip with Jason.
I had coffee with Chloe and Lana at the Talon after school yesterday and Lex's
assistant Molly was there. I asked her if Lex got off on his trip okay, and she
said that Lex and Jason took off in the Luthor jet yesterday just fine. Why
would Lex forget to mention the part about Jason joining him on the trip? I get
that he doesn't have to tell me everything about his life, but seriously, I was
a little upset when I heard, but maybe I don't have a right to be upset. The
more I think about it, the more it bothers me. I don't trust Jason for a second.
He touched Lex the way only I am allowed to touch him, and he doesn't know that
Lex is not just my boyfriend, but my husband.
I guess I'll have to talk to Lex when I see him. He's not answering his cell
phone. He's probably too busy to get to the phone and I have no idea where he
is. Molly wouldn't tell me where the plane was going. I think she doesn't like
me, which is odd because I've never done anything to her.
After the Talon, Chloe needed to get something at the Torch office so she, Lana
and I drove over to school and while we were there Chloe and Lana started
talking about how Chloe has a tendency to get herself into danger. It escalated
into an argument and when I tried to leave the room to give them privacy, Chloe
insisted I stay. It was really uncomfortable. They both tried to get me to take
their side of the argument. Lana said she was scared that Chloe would get
seriously hurt on one of her outings, and Chloe said she can take of herself.
Then she dragged me into it by pointing out that I'd always be there to save
her. Next thing I knew, Lana was yelling at me and Chloe was crying and Lana
stormed out, saying she couldn't take it anymore.
I don't think they've broken up, but Chloe came home with me afterwards, and
she's still here. We ate a tub of rocky road and watched movies together last
night. She said she can't go back to the Talon, so she's crashing in the guest
room until the whole thing blows over. Lana did call my cell phone today, but
only to make sure Chloe was okay. I figure after a few days, they'll calm down
and want to talk. Until then, I'll be hanging out with Chloe. She and my Mom
made cookies and I ate almost all of them. They were delicious.
My Dad is doing really well. He's taking it easy and letting Mom and I do all
the work. He comes out for a short while to watch me work, but mostly he just
orders me around. I don't mind. It's kind of nice. I'm just so glad to have him
with me.
01:21 pm
I wish Chloe would back off.
Chloe is practically living at the farm now. She and Lana haven't made up, and it doesn't look like it's going to happen soon. They had another fight in the middle of the hallway at school. I always seem to be around when that happens. Lana wants Chloe to stop getting into danger, and Chloe wants Lana to trust that she knows what she's doing. It always ends in a stalemate. I thought my dad was the most stubborn person alive. Apparently I was wrong.
She somehow hacked her way into Lex's private computers and found out that Jason and Lex are in London. She also found out that they were attacked by some unknown assailant, but that Lex wasn't hurt. I can't believe she did this. I was really angry when she told me that she was doing it to protect me from Lex. I get that she has no clue really what Lex means to me, but for her to assume that Lex is somehow out to hurt me is just ridiculous. Why the hell would she even think that? She has this crazy theory that Jason is somehow out to get Lex and that Lex is somehow using me to get to Jason. I'm not really sure what the hell she was saying. It was just insane. I told her to back off and leave Lex alone. I guess I was kind of bit harsh, but seriously, what the hell! Chloe's never been one for crazy theories, and what the heck does she think Lex is out to get from me? We're already dating. He has me. He can fuck me any time he wants. I'd walk on water for the man.
I told her he has me completely and there's nothing to get. She had nothing to say to that. I almost shouted that Lex and I are married, but I managed to stop just short of telling her.
It turns out Jason is from a very wealthy family. If he's so well-off, why would he possibly need a job? The only reason I can come up with is that he wants Lex. He thinks staying close to Lex will get him what he wants. I don't blame him. Lex is awesome and so hot. I'd want him if I didn't have him.
I don't understand why Lex wouldn't tell me about the attack. He could have called me. I would have found a way to get to him even if I had to fly over the ocean. I would have done it just to make sure Lex wasn't in any danger. Lex returns from his trip today. I'm going to have to talk to him.
~
06:31 pm
I was going to confront him
I really was. I swear. I went over to the mansion yesterday in the early evening with the intention of confronting Lex about why he didn't call me about London. I was going to ask why he felt the need to hide what he was up to and the attack, but it didn't quite play out that way.
I made my way into the mansion. He's never had a security system that I couldn't sneak past. I went up to his private room and waited for him in his bed. I got there a little early because I wasn't sure what time he was supposed to come home. I only knew that he was coming home on Friday some time after 5 PM. I spent some time reading then I snooped inside his drawers. I admit I sniffed his underwear, but they were clean and his scent hasn't lingered. I did discover he has these really cute red silk boxers with little white hearts all over them. I wonder if he'd wear nothing but the boxers on Valentine's Day if I asked nicely.
So I waited in his bed for Lex to return. I got hard about a dozen times just thinking about him naked. I undressed and slipped under the cool cotton sheet. Then finally he showed up and the look of surprise on his face was worth it. He was in a suit, removing his tie as he walked into his room. I smiled and enticed him to join me on the bed with a wink. That was pretty much all it took. Lex dropped his briefcase and stalked over to the bed, swaying his hips in the sexy way that drives me insane. I removed his clothing slowly and kissed his bare chest once it was exposed. I didn't want anything else but to be inside him. I completely forgot the real reason for being there. I probably wouldn't have if I hadn't been waiting for so long. How was I supposed to resist him in the flesh? He was gorgeous and I was so horny.
I fucked him slowly, holding his hips as I thrust deep inside. It felt so amazing to be in him and after he came I held on a little bit longer before I finally gave in to my own release. It was mind-blowing. I collapsed on top of Lex and held him close to my own body. He was so hot and I was still so horny, but I let him recover. He doesn't have the stamina that I have.
While I waited for him to recover I kissed his lips and cheeks and neck. I even left a huge hickey on his neck. He sort of pretended to struggle, but he didn't really want to escape. Then I pinned him beneath me and we made out before having sex again.
I did eventually ask about the trip and Jason being attacked. I told him that I wished he'd called me instead of me finding out from Chloe. I would have been there in a heartbeat no matter what it took to get there. I would have even flown. He promised that next time he'd make sure to keep in contact with me. I didn't even have to pull the married card. I did wear my wedding ring. I'm wearing it right now. I can't wear it all the time, but I usually wear it on the weekends. Chloe almost caught me with it on, but I managed to pull a fast one on her. I told Lex that Chloe was the one who found out about what had happened, but I didn't share the details of how she'd found out. Lex is smart. He probably suspects something odd is up, but I was sure to make it seem like Chloe just stumbled on the information.
After Lex and I had some more fun in his wonderfully warm bed, I had to go home, but I left a very satisfied husband in my wake.
I went to see Lex again today at the mansion. As far as Jason, (who was with Lex in his office. yuck!) and Molly were concerned, it was my first time seeing Lex since he'd returned from his business trip. I could see the hickey just under the collar of his purple dress shirt. I have to admit it made me smirk just a little. I wanted so badly to throw it in Jason's face that I put that on Lex's neck, but of course I couldn't. Lex knew and I knew and that was enough for me, almost. I still wish I could tell Jason to back off. He gives Lex these looks and I don't like them one bit. If only I could somehow convey that Lex is totally off limits. Maybe then, Jason would get lost.
I wonder if Mom would make me some brownies.
~
01:22 pm
Stuck in the middle
Why me?
Yesterday evening, Chloe and I went up to my loft after dinner to work on some homework. We both had a ton of work that needed to get done. We also wanted to talk about higher education. We were getting into a heated debate about whether we wanted to go to Metropolis University or just settle on community college. Chloe even talked about the possibility of just moving into the workplace from high school. I was about to tell her that school is more important when Lana showed up.
When I went to leave, Chloe insisted I stay. She said it wouldn't take long and then told Lana to get to the point of her visit because we were very busy. There I was, trapped in my own loft as Chloe and Lana exchanged barely civil words. Lana was there to let Chloe know that she'd be in the city for the whole week, visiting her aunt Nell, but Chloe wasn't very receptive. I thought Lana was right to stop by in person instead of leaving some message. At least she let Chloe know she'd be out of town. For some reason that I can't really figure out, Chloe was really upset. I made the mistake of pointing out to Chloe that she was being unreasonable. She turned on me like I was calling her a bad name. I stayed quiet after that.
Chloe dismissed Lana when she was finished telling her why she'd stopped by. Just by her body language, I could tell Lana wanted to hug Chloe goodbye, but Chloe just brushed her off and told her she could leave. Lana looked really upset and had tears in her eyes. My heart went out to her. I couldn't let her leave so upset without saying something. I followed her out as she was leaving, saying I would walk her to her car. I felt kind of awkward because it should have been Chloe going after her.
She started to cry and I hugged her and told her that it would be okay. I tried to tell her that I wasn't taking sides. She apologized for getting me involved and I made her promise to call me as soon as she arrived in the city and that she could call me anytime she needed help with anything. I hate seeing her so upset.
I don't get girls. To me it seems like all they have to do is just say sorry and kiss and make up, but they both seem so adamant about their own points of view on what they're arguing about. I'd be happy if Lana was my girlfriend and she was always worried about my safety. Doesn't Chloe see that Lana just cares so much about her that she's afraid for her life?
I tried to talk to Chloe about this after Lana left, but she wouldn't hear it. I wanted to try again this morning, but Chloe had already left for school. She didn't even offer me a ride in. I had to make my own way in, which isn't hard for me but still... I just wish Chloe would stop this. It's crazy. I love them both and I don't want to see them hurting.
Lana called me last night to let me know she'd arrived at her aunt's place safely. We talked briefly and I reassured her that I would take care of Chloe. I wish Chloe would listen to reason. She's being so stubborn about the whole thing.
When I talked to Pete about it this morning before class, he said that I should probably stay as far away from it as possible, but I told him I couldn't do that. They're my friends and I want to help them.
~
12:03 pm
I'm hoping it will get better
This week has been a bit stressful. I was hoping that some time away from Lana would make Chloe realize the mistake she was making, but it seems like she's barely even thinking about her girlfriend at all. I know sometimes Chloe can keep things all bottled up inside and concentrate on anything but what's bothering her.
Lana called me last night. She made small-talk and pretended she was just calling to see how I was, but I knew she was more interested in hearing about how Chloe was. I told her she should corner Chloe and force her to listen. I'm sure once Lana does that, Chloe will see reason.
In other news, Chloe wants me to interview some guy named Kevin today. She asked me if I could write a piece about how it feels to win a full scholarship because apparently Kevin got a full ride to Metropolis University. I did some investigating into Kevin so I'd have ideas on what to ask, and something seemed off about how he got his scholarship. This should be interesting.
When I told my parents about it, they not so subtly hinted that I needed to start thinking about where I want to go after I graduate from high school. I've spent a lot of time thinking about it. I'm just not sure I want to go to college. I'm not really sure what I want to be when I grow up. I love writing articles for the Torch, but then I think about Lex and how much trouble reporters always give him. I definitely don't want to do that if it means having to harass people about their personal lives.
Speaking of that, there was another article in the paper the other day about Lex and who he might be dating. They've finally taken Lana off their list of potential Luthor loves. There's really nothing for them to go on since Lex spends no time with her at all. He's always so busy working. Maybe they could concentrate on how much good he's doing with the company now that he's in charge. That would make a really good article. I wouldn't mind being the kind of reporter that informs the public about the good things happening in the world today.
My parents went into the city this morning for my dad's check-up with the specialist, so I'm going to be home alone for the weekend. I want to invite Lex over and make dinner for him. Afterwards, we could sit in front of the fire, and make out. I think I'll give him a call.
I just called and left Lex a message on his voicemail to call me back. I didn't tell him what it was about. I just said I had a surprise for him. Just thinking about being alone with Lex is making me so happy. I can't wait to see him tonight.
~
12:00 pm
Dear diary
This feels really weird, but Lex said normally I would write in my online journal, except I can't. I don't remember who I am or anything about my life. Something happened to me that I don't remember, and now I don't know who I am. I don't remember my passwords for anything on my computer, so Lex gave me this journal so I can write down my thoughts. He said I write in my other journal all the time and that maybe I'd like to write my thoughts and feelings out.
Maybe I should start from the beginning, or at least the beginning that I know.
On Friday afternoon, I was found by Chloe, who claimed to know me, in an alley wandering around. I had no idea how I got there, or why I was there, or even what my name was. She told me that my name is Clark Kent. She brought me to the farm where I live, and we talked for awhile. She told me that we're best friends and stuff. I asked if we're dating, and she laughed and said she wasn't exactly my type. I didn't know what she meant until Lex showed up. When I first saw him, I couldn't take my eyes off him. He's so gorgeous. I wanted him to touch me right away.
I was totally blown away when he finally did touch me and I felt this burning sensation in the back of my eyes. I told Lex what was happening and he told me to turn my eyes on the fireplace. I'm so glad he was there to help me, or I wouldn't have known what to do when fire shot out of my eyes. I set fire to the wood in the fireplace. Thanks to Lex, nobody got hurt and Chloe didn't see. Lex told Chloe he'd take care of me and he made her leave us alone. From that moment on, I decided to trust Lex completely. He told me that my mom and dad are out of town, and that it was probably better not to call them about this since my dad is there for a heart checkup.
I have to admit, I was terrified by that point. I'd set fire to something with my eyes! That couldn't have been normal, but apparently, for me, it was.
Once Chloe was gone, Lex reassured me that he'd take care of me. We sat down on the sofa and he told me about how we met. He told me about himself. He told me that I'm special and that I have all these abilities. Nothing he said helped me remember us or who I was. I told him I really wished I could remember us. When I said it, I blushed so hard, I thought I was going to shoot flames out of my eyes again. I turned away from him so he wouldn't see how embarrassed I was, but he didn't seem to care. He held my hands and stared deep into my eyes. I could hardly stand it.
After we talked for a while, he showed me around the house. Nothing helped me remember my past. It was so frustrating for me and I could see that Lex was getting a bit upset. I know he was trying to hide it, but I could tell. I held his hand as we walked around and told him that I was glad to have him there to help me get through whatever had happened to me. He grabbed me by the shoulders and said that no matter what it took, or how much it cost, he'd find out what happened and he'd fix it.
I could see that Lex was really hoping my loft would do the trick. When I opened the back door of the house to go outside, I tore the door off and it went flying across the yard. That was really upsetting. Lex said that I had good control of my strength before, and that he's sure I can learn that control again.
The trip to the loft didn't jog my memory at all. Lex sat and watched as I touched all my things. I asked him to tell me all about my abilities. They are totally insane. He said I can fly! Nothing in the loft or what Lex said sparked my memories. I could see that Lex was starting to get tired so we went back into the house. I asked him to stay with me and he did. He slept in the spare bedroom.
I didn't get much sleep that night. I kept hearing things I shouldn't have been able to hear. Other weird things have happened to me as well. I didn't really expect to write so much in this book, but it has helped to make me feel better.
Lex is taking me to his house today. Maybe something there will help me remember. He said we've spent a lot of time there together. He said I've even slept over at his place. I didn't ask for details. He said it's more important right now for me to remember that I'm Clark Kent.
He also told me that only he and my parents know about my abilities. I hide from everyone else in my life. I use my abilities in private to help others in need. There are so many things to remember. I just wish I could remember even just one thing.
~
13 February 2007
10:41 am
Dear diary
It's been a really depressing few days. Lex and I went to the mansion on Sunday, and when I say mansion, I really mean a castle in the middle of Kansas. It's huge! Lex is very rich. He runs a company on his own and he has a big garage filled with Porsches and Lamborghinis. He told me I've stayed over at his castle many times, and that he and I have spent countless hours doing stuff like playing pool, swimming (he has a swimming pool), having dinner and other things he refused to elaborate on. I know there's so much more for him to tell, but he said he doesn't want to overwhelm me.
I still didn't remember any of it. I can't remember a thing about my personal life. I have best friends I don't even know anymore. It's so frustrating. Lex has been so patient with me. I can see in his eyes that he's really hoping something he does or says will spark some kind of flash in my mind, but it hasn't.
On Monday, I was walking around the mansion on my own while Lex took a business call. I found pictures of us and one of them really confused me. It was a picture of Lex and me standing in front of an altar. I asked Lex about it and at first he wouldn't explain. He said it was a long story. He totally dodged my question, but I didn't press. Then he said that my parents called and that they were home.
Lex drove me back to the farm yesterday afternoon. He explained to my parents what had happened before we arrived so they wouldn't be shocked when I asked who they were. When I saw them for the first time, I didn't remember them at all. I couldn't remember anything. Lex stayed with us long enough to tell them that he was working on figuring out what happened to me and that he was going to help me. My dad, Jonathan, got kind of angry at that. I told him that if it weren't for Lex, I might have been found out by someone else by now.
After Lex left, I went up to my room to be alone. I should have probably stayed downstairs with my parents, but they're strangers to me and I was a bit angry at Jonathan for telling Lex that we didn't need his help. It wasn't really what he said -- it was more how he said it. Jonathan doesn't seem to like Lex all that much. I don't really care. If it comes down to a choice, I'll just run back to Lex. I shouldn't think that way, but so far he's the only one who's really helped me, besides Chloe who found me.
It's not anybody's fault that this is happening. I just wish it would end. I really want to remember all these people, and what all these things in my room mean to me.
~
11:58 am
Dear diary
I am a freak of epic proportions. Where should I start? I've broken so many pens over the last few days while trying to write in this book. I almost tore the book in half this morning. It's annoying, but I'm not going to give up. Good thing I can't use that laptop, or I might have smashed it to pieces just by touching it.
I had dinner with strangers last night. It was awkward to say the least. After we ate, I wanted to hide out in my bedroom, but Martha talked me into staying downstairs with them. She's really nice. I like her a lot. We sat in front of the fireplace. They showed me all kinds of photo albums and told me stories about my childhood.
After about the millionth story, which I still did not remember, I asked to be excused and went up to my room. On top of all the things I can do, I also have enhanced hearing. I accidentally overheard my parents talking about me. They're really good at taking things in stride. I overheard them talking about how much they should tell me. They hinted at something major, but didn't come right out and say it. Probably because they know I could overhear them if I wanted to. I didn't want to. I don't like to eavesdrop on people, but my body doesn't give me a choice. I guess I'll find out in time what they mean.
~
05:56 pm
I broke the barn door this morning when Dad and I went to do the farm chores. It's getting frustrating, but my parents don't seem to mind. Mom told me that when I was growing up, I always broke stuff until I learned to control my strength.
I spent most of the morning asking all kinds of questions. When I asked my dad why I'm this way, he said it was really hard to explain. I pressed for answers. He wasn't going to tell me, but I finally convinced him that I deserved the truth. He told me this insane story about how I'm an alien and that I crashed in a field when I was just a child. When I asked to see my space ship, he said I'd blown it up.
I ran from him and phoned Lex right away. There's no way my dad is right about this. I can't be some thing from space. I look human. I am human. He's wrong.
I wanted to ask Lex if he knew about the alien thing, but more than that, I wanted to tell him to take me away from this. Instead I told him how I missed him and how I really wanted to remember everything. He reassured me that things were going to be okay and that he was doing everything in his power to find out what happened to me and figure out a way to reverse this.
I didn't tell him how scared I was, but talking to him made me feel so much better. I can see why I'm with him.
~
08:14 pm
I only wanted to write about one thing that happened tonight. Lex stopped by and we went for a drive. He took me to the place we first met. He said he hit me with his car and the rest is history.
I could tell he was distressed that I couldn't remember. I really wished I could, if only to make Lex happy. After he told me how we met he kissed me. I held onto him and told him that even if I don't remember, I know how I feel about him. I know I want to be with him.
The kiss was hot and totally awesome. Even if my mind doesn't remember how Lex makes me feel, my body certainly does.
~
05:16 pm
It's been a long few days. I've spent a lot of time with my parents, getting to know them again. They're being really patient. I went into town yesterday with Chloe. I met her friend Lana. She seemed very nice.
I spent most of today with Chloe at the Talon. She and Lana were talking in the other room. I listened in to hear what they were saying. It wasn't about me so I stopped listening. I'm starting to gain better control over my abilities.
Lex has told me that he's going to find out what happened to me. Chloe said she suspects that something is going on. She told me she knows that a guy name Kevin did this to me. She thinks that he has the ability to alter people's memory. It has something to do with meteor rocks. She told me I went to see Kevin. She also told me to be careful of Lex. She thinks that he might not have my best interests in mind. I'm not sure what to think. Lex is the one person who has helped me through this whole ordeal, but what if Chloe's right? My dad doesn't seem to trust Lex. What if he's not doing all this because he cares about me? What if he just wants my powers or something?
I haven't been able to reach Lex all day. I'm not sure what to do. I wish I could remember. I really hope Lex isn't just playing me. I hope all those things he's saying about us being together are true.
I'm starting to feel so alone.
~
12:07 pm
I haven't done much writing over the past few days. I've been busy getting to know my life. Most of my time is spent with my parents. Mom and Dad have both been great. Mom's helped me the most. She tells me all kinds of stories about my life.
I found out something totally shocking. Dad told me that Lex and I ran off and got married. He told me that it never should have happened. He said there are these red meteor rocks that make me lose my inhibitions, and that I was being influenced by them when I ran off with Lex to get married. He said I don't make good judgments when I'm on red kryptonite. I asked my mom about what Dad said and she said I've been exposed to the red rocks a few times. Then my dad said we could talk to a lawyer about getting the marriage officially declared illegal. I told him I couldn't do that without knowing more about what had happened, but he went to see the lawyer without me. He said he just wanted to see what our options are. Both my parents think I'm way too young to be married. I guess they're right. I probably did make a mistake and they said I was technically on what amounts to drugs at the time of the wedding.
At first I thought my dad was saying this because he hated my sexual preference, but when I confronted him about it, he said it didn't matter. He just thinks that sometimes Lex influences my choices. Maybe he's right. I don't know what to think. I wish I could remember how I really feel about all this. It's so confusing to be confronted by so much all at once.
I talked to Chloe about Lex and she said that he's been good to me, but that he's a very powerful man and that Lex's father can be dangerous. She told me about Lionel. He sounds scary. My parents told me that Lex knows I'm from another planet. I wonder if Lionel knows about my abilities, since Lex does. I wonder what else Lex is keeping from me.
I don't know what to do. I talked to Lex today on the phone. He sounded okay. I wanted to ask him about the wedding and so many other things, but I wasn't sure how to bring it up, and he seemed way too preoccupied. We didn't talk long.
I want to believe in Lex, but what if he's taking advantage of me? What am I supposed to do? I don't know what to do. I don't know who to trust. I so afraid all the time that I'll accidentally use one of my abilities in front of someone who doesn't know the truth. I hate living like this. I want my life back. I have to do something about this. I'm going to ask Chloe to help me.
~
12:07 pm
I couldn't sleep last night because all I could think about was Lex and why he didn't tell me about the alien thing. I tried to call him but he wasn't available. I went over to the mansion early in the morning and he wasn't home. I ran into his assistant Molly and she told me to get out. She seems to have something against me. I wanted to ask why, but I don't even know if she knows about my relationship with Lex.
Chloe was just here. She told me about a place called Summerholt. It's owned by the Luthors and they do all kinds of mind experiments there. Chloe said the guy who erased my memory is being experimented on at this place. It seems that Lex is hiding a lot of things from me, but I can't believe he'd ever be a part of all this. I just can't. My instinct tells me that Lex would never do anything to harm someone else. I just know he wouldn't, but I don't understand why he didn't tell me I was an alien. With all the secrets I have, the one person with whom I thought I shared my life with didn't share important information with me. On top of that, Lex is almost never around. He keeps telling me he's busy trying to find a solution to my problem and, even though I believe him, I still wish he'd let me help. I have all these abilities. I know I don't have complete control over them, but I'm learning fast. I can almost control my hearing enough to hear what's happening at the mansion. I can hear Lex talking. He's going to the city. I'm going to follow him there and get some answers from him.
~
09:56 pm
It's done. We went to the lawyer today and I signed the papers. This doesn't annul the marriage, but this declares it officially illegal. Chloe was right about Lex. I followed him last night and he went to that Summerholt place. At first, I was going to stick around and try to spy on what he was up to, but when I saw Lex and the doctor shake hands like they knew each other, I didn't stick around. I didn't want to hear what they talked about. It was obvious Lex knew the man. Lex must know what's going on inside. He must know about the experiments. He owns the place and he was there.
I sat in the lawyer's office and stared out the window as they talked about my life like it was somebody else's world. I came to the realization that I have no real life. My memories are gone, possibly forever. No matter how hard I try to remember anything about Lex or my parents or my friends, nothing has come back to me. I feel like there's this hole inside of me, and I'm waiting for something to fill it, but nothing is filling it.
When we came home after, I went straight to my loft. I didn't want to talk to anyone or see anyone. I stared at this picture of us. Lex is smiling and leaning against my shoulder. It looks like he's whispering something in my ear. I wish I could remember what it was.
Why do I feel like I just betrayed the best thing I ever had?
~
10:53 pm
I feel as though I've been reborn
Lex saved me. He found out that Kevin was the reason I lost my memory. Lex called me over to the mansion yesterday and Kevin did his mind whammy thing and I'm back to being me. Kevin was altered by the meteor rocks. I remember everything, including the things I did during the past few weeks.
I didn't tell Lex why I signed those papers. I had no clue about our past, and then I saw him go into Summerholt after what Chloe told me. I should have confronted him, but I was too confused at the time. Now I'm not confused, but I'm not happy Lex went there. I know that he was trying to find out about Kevin.
After I got my memory back, Kevin left. Lex told him he was going to help him. I'm not sure what was going on with that, but I'm willing to bet he's grateful that Kevin helped me.
I was so glad to be back to myself. The first thing I did once Lex and I were alone was apologize about a dozen times for the letter stating our wedding was illegal. I even took the papers from Lex and tore them up. When I went home this morning I tore up my copy and told my parents that I wanted all copies destroyed.
I called my parents to let them know I'd gotten my memory back and I ended up staying at the mansion with Lex, and we got reacquainted in his bed. It was like going home. I stripped my shirt off and kissed Lex. He was responsive but I could sense he was reluctant. It felt so good to be in his arms. He fucked me slowly at first, but once he was inside me, his thrusts grew frantic and rough. His hands grasped my hips tightly, and I closed my eyes and savored every push and every pull.
I offered to be Lex's slave for the rest of my life. I couldn't possibly ever repay him for all he'd done. Then I told Lex about the hidden cave wall with the two stones. I thought I owed him the truth. I'm still not really sure why I kept it from him, but now Lex knows. He said he wasn't happy I lied, but he kissed me possessively and we had sex again. This time I was in him, and I tried to make it last as long as I could. I wanted it to last forever.
Then I fell asleep with Lex beside me. It was the best night I've had in a long time.
I came home this afternoon after having breakfast with Lex. Now I'm happy to be home and whole again. I'm happy I have my life again.
I'm so glad I have my journal back.
~
11:25 pm
My life this week
Sometimes I wish my dad would just stop. We had a fight yesterday and I'm not talking to him. I let him know just what I thought of how he handled my memory loss situation. I was unsure what to do after seeing Lex at Summerholt. I did what I thought was the right thing to do based on my parent's advice. I wish Dad hadn't done this. I'm really pissed off that all this time he's only been tolerating Lex's presence in my life. I know this because during the fight he told me he doesn't regret trying to get me away from Lex's sphere of influence. He thinks I can't think for myself. He feels Lex has had a bad influence on me and led me to make some bad choices. I don't know how he could possibly turn this around. Lex had done nothing but help me over and over again. If it hadn't been for Lex, I'd probably still be wondering who the hell I was.
My mom felt bad for what they'd done. I know she wasn't pleased with how my dad reacted. She asked me to invite Lex over for dinner the other night but Lex declined. Dad was fine with that. During the argument I told my dad that either he accepts Lex in my life and accepts that I'm making my own choices or I'll leave. Of course he blamed my behavior on Lex. He said I was never like this before I met Lex. I told my dad that I was glad because it meant I could be my own man without him running my entire life. I said some stuff I regret but I am not taking it back. My dad needs to realize that I am not that little boy and that I am going to make choices he may not agree with, but he has to let me make those choices.
I went over to see Lex today to talk to him about what had happened. The whole thing is my fault. Lex was robbed again of more memories and I know how that makes him feel after everything he's been through. Kevin erased not only my memories but Lex's as well and it seems he also got to Chloe. Lex was the one who talked Kevin into restoring my memory and I found out why Lex was at Summerholt. He wasn't there to hurt me or anything. Lex found out his father was having experiments done on Kevin at that place. I wish I could destroy it or something. I hate that place so much. It's brought nothing but grief to me and the people I love. I'm not surprised that Lionel had something to do with what was done to Kevin.
I hate that Lex always has to deal with that man. Maybe my dad and his dad should get together. It seems like they're both full of schemes aimed at hurting their sons.
I wish there was really some way to make this up to Lex. I tore up the papers, and I told my parents that I will always be married to Lex, but it's not enough. I owe Lex so much. He's the best thing that ever happened to me and nothing and nobody will ever take him away. I won't let them, and I make a vow here to myself that I will make sure Lex never feels unwanted or unloved. I'm going to make sure Lex knows how much I love him.
07:06 pm
Girls and guy weekend
Dad and I are still fighting so I'm over at the apartment above the Talon for the weekend. Chloe and I are spending some time together. We worked on an article together for the Torch and came back here yesterday to crash. We've been watching movies and eating popcorn since. It's been nice to get away from my parents. It's given me time to think about a lot of things.
I wish Dad would just accept that Lex is who I want to be with and that Lex is who I love. I know now that it's possible he never will. Chloe has been trying to get me to talk about what's bugging me. She's the most amazing friend ever. She fell asleep on my shoulder late last night while we were watching a movie and she looked so cute. She even cuddled against me. It was adorable. I told her all about it in the morning. She pretended to be mortified. Then she joked that she's going straight just for me.
She and Lana are still broken up. They decided it was best for them to stay apart for the time being. I almost told Chloe about my status with Lex, but I couldn't. It's not information I can just spill to anyone no matter how much I trust that person.
My mom called and asked me to come home today, but I told her I needed more time. I joked that it's practice for when I go away to college and I'm on my own. She flipped and started yelling excitedly about how she's so happy I've finally decided to go to college. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I hadn't really made my mind up just yet, but then Chloe and I talked about it today and she's right. They're all right. I really do want to go and I know what I want to do. I want to write for sure.
This whole weekend was perfect until Lois showed up. She's here now with us. She wedged her huge ass between Chloe and me on the sofa early this morning. She didn't even have the decency to bring coffee and donuts. That's where they are now. Chloe and Lois went downstairs to get some snacks and stuff. It's almost like a girl's night out, only with two girls and one guy.
~
03:46 pm
A hard man is easy to find
Yesterday, after hanging out with Chloe and Lois, I decided I'd had enough. Lois wasn't being as big a pain in the ass as she usually is, but she wasn't being all that cheery either, so I left her and Chloe to their own devices and went over to the mansion in the late afternoon. I had a great time being with my best friend, but believe me, you can only take so much of Lois before you start to want either to throw her out the nearest window or tease her relentlessly. I chose the third option -- to run away. I admit it. I am a coward. She scares me sometimes.
I'm so happy that I went to see Lex last night. We had dinner and laughed about all kinds of things. It felt so natural and I wanted it to be that way every day. I wish we could move in together. I mentioned it to Lex and he joked that we could run away to Metropolis. He said we could live in his high-rise penthouse. It wouldn't even be in sin.
After dinner we retired to his private rooms. We sat in front of the fireplace and he had an after-dinner drink. He even offered one to me but the alcohol would only be wasted. It didn't matter because I could taste the liquor on his warm lips when he kissed me. I was so horny, I thought I was going to tear his clothes off right then and there, but I managed to hold back enough. I wanted to savor the foreplay. Lex looked particularly hot last night, not that he doesn't always look hot. He pushed me to the floor and held me down. I tore his shirt off and before we knew it, we were both almost completely naked. He kissed his way down my bare chest. It drove me wild. Then he straddled me and rode me until I thought I would explode. It was so hot. I wanted to do it again, so we moved to the bed and I took him again. I love how Lex drives me so insanely wild when it comes to sex.
I stayed for a long time after. We sort of talked about my going to school, but unfortunately it had to end, and way too soon for my tastes. I went home satiated and content.
Today nothing has changed. Dad is still being a jerk and I refuse to speak to him. Mom and I are going to talk about my higher education and where I plan to go. When I told her Lex was going to pay for everything, I could tell my dad wanted to say something, but he saved it until I was out the door. I don't care. At this point, I'm not willing to budge on this one issue. I'll show him that I inherited the Kent stubbornness.
~
10:42 pm
Busy month
It's been a busy few weeks. I've filled out a few college applications and sent those out. Chloe and I did them together. We're applying to the same schools. I decided to wait on what major I'm going to study. Chloe knows what she wants though she told me she's not as gung-ho about college as I am. She's really hoping to get on at the Daily Planet again. She talked all night about it a few days ago when we were studying for a major exam.
Needless to say, my parents are happy I've applied. My Dad and I never really made up from that argument we had. We just sort of started talking to each other again as if nothing had happened. He hasn't badmouthed Lex since and he knows what I'll say if he does. I let him know that I will not take that from him.
I have an exam to study for, and then I have to finish some chores. Lex has been busy with business stuff. We talked yesterday, but I had too much to do to go over and see him. Now I had better get to work.
~
12:01 pm
How to get into the college of your choice
I have to think of a way to thank Lex. He's so awesome. I dragged my heels on sending my applications in to colleges. That was totally my fault because I was unsure of what courses to apply for let alone where to apply, but I spoke to Lex and he said he'd take care of everything. I already got a call this morning from one of the colleges. The dean called me. He said my credentials and my transcripts looked very impressive and we set up a meeting for next week. I'm going shopping with Mom this afternoon for some nice clothes. I want to make the best impression.
I was so unsure before but after that call, I have to admit: I'm kind of excited. I have to write an essay on my future goals, but first I have an article to write for the Torch. Chloe already cracked her whip at me. I'm glad to see her all excited.
~
06:44 pm
I went to my meeting.
The meeting went really well. I went over to the mansion a few days ago to ask Lex's opinion on how I should dress. He said business casual would probably be the best way to dress for a meeting like this, so I went with what he said. I wore a light blue dress shirt with no tie and black dress pants. I even got a new pair of casual dress shoes. It took me almost the whole week to find a place that sold a size 14 shoe. Most of the places I went to were sold out.
I think it turned out to be a good choice. I felt like I was articulate and I'm positive I impressed the Dean. I managed not to make a total fool out of myself. He asked me if I have any ideas at all about what I would like to study. I finally said it out loud. I told him I really like writing and that I'd like to do something in media studies. I have to start with a general studies course and move from there, but he told me that I have the option of changing my major halfway through my first year. Now I just have to wait to find out if I got accepted. I'm really excited. I called Lex right before and right after the meeting. We've both been so busy lately.
I can't wait for high school to end. I can really start to enjoy the whole idea of moving on to bigger and brighter things. I saw that campus and all I could think about was how different my life will be next September. I could be walking that campus, going to classes, learning new things and meeting all kinds of interesting new people.
My parents were really exited. When I got home from the meeting, Mom made me tell her every single detail. Actually, I gladly told her every single detail. She was thrilled to listen.
Campus tour coming soon.
09:54 pm
I can't concentrate
I hate this. I hate when Lex and I fight. I spent most of the weekend studying with Chloe and doing farm work. Yesterday was the first real free time I've had in a few weeks, so I went over to the mansion hoping Lex would have some free time. I wanted to have sex. I was horny and I missed touching him. I was starting to have fantasies about his ear lobes and nibbling on his toes after some hard fucking. Unfortunately, it didn't quite work out that way.
When I arrived we kissed and it was amazing. It felt like I'd been asleep until the moment our lips touched. I'd never say these things out loud, but Lex really rejuvenates me. He makes me feel so alive and human. When we're together I can be myself. I never have to hide who or what I am. I'd been thinking about that a lot lately. I wanted to talk about it, but I wasn't sure how to bring it up. Before I could, Lex dropped a major bomb. He told me that a few weeks ago he'd been attacked by a meteor-infected person. It will never end. The meteors continue to ruin people's lives. I tried to stress to Lex how dangerous these people can be. I should know. I've had enough run-ins with meteor infected people. Lex said this guy wasn't dangerous. He was just scared and Lex wanted to help him! How could he say that? The guy hurt Lex! I don't want Lex anywhere near them.
When I pressed Lex for details, he said it wasn't important because it was long over. I don't understand why he would tell me about the attack now, but not disclose any details. Why didn't he tell me sooner? Why wait so long? He said he wasn't hurt badly and the small wounds he did receive healed fast. I made him show me and there was no sign that he'd ever been hurt at all. That wasn't the point.
We had an argument and I stormed out of the mansion. I haven't talked to Lex since. I was just so frustrated. All I wanted was for him to tell me what happened, and I got angry that he didn't even call me when it did happen. Why wouldn't he call me? I could have helped. I went by the mansion today to talk to Brad, Lex's head of security. I thought since Lex wouldn't tell me what I wanted to know, Brad might tell me. Brad said that nothing unusual has happened at the mansion in a long time. I made him promise to call me if something happens to Lex.
I can't concentrate on school work at all now. It keeps going around and around in my mind. What if Lex was really hurt badly and I wasn't there for him? I just can't stand the idea that somebody could hurt him. I've tried to write this stupid essay a million times, but all I can think about is Lex. I even tried to shoot some hoops to burn off energy. All I ended up doing was throwing the ball so far it didn't come back.
~
02:10 pm
On dropping heavy objects and loss
I know I can be stubborn, and I know that sometimes I get a little possessive. I know Lex can take care of himself, but when I think about the fact that he could have been hurt much worse and I wasn't there to help him, I get upset all over again. I've wanted to go see him about a dozen times over the past week, but each time I start to head in the direction of the mansion, I just can't do it.
I still don't know what to do. Maybe if I just apologized -- that would be enough to put things right. We were both pretty angry that day, but I guess I was worse. I shouldn't have gone off on him like that. I just can't help it. I get so scared that one day when I'm not there for him, it will be the day something even worse happens. I don't even want to think about what I'd do if it was someone who'd been altered by the meteors who got to him.
I want to go see Lex today. Even if I don't figure out what to say by the end of the school day, I still plan at least to stop in and let Lex know that I'm thinking of him. I was going to call him, but that's way too impersonal. This has to done in person, even if he tells me to go to hell. He probably won't. I know he won't, or maybe he will. I haven't called or stopped in or made any overtures to speak to him.
The past week has been hell. Ever since that fight with Lex, I haven't been able to concentrate on anything. I dropped the tractor on my head. I lost my balance and I wasn't paying close attention. My dad was really angry. Once he got over the shock of seeing me get crushed, he chewed me out for letting my concentration slip. I wasn't hurt at all, but he said it was still shocking to watch. I told him why I was so distracted. He wasn't thrilled that it was about Lex, but he listened, and he even gave me some reasonable advice. At least it seemed reasonable at the time. Dad said I should really figure out what it is I want to say to Lex and how I want to say it, but I can't wait anymore.
My schoolwork is suffering, and if I drop that tractor again, I just know my dad will find some way to punish me. I don't blame him. That thing is really expensive.
~
11:44 am
Lost not found
I went to the mansion yesterday after school. Lex was gone. When I went looking for him, I found Lionel instead. Lionel told me Lex had left for China with Jason. He said he got the distinct impression Lex didn't want me to know about this trip. When I asked if he knew why Lex was going to China, he said it was either for business or pleasure. I don't buy that it was for pleasure, especially if Jason went with him. I know Lex was mad at me, but I doubt he'd do that.
I guess I'm going to have to talk to Lex after he returns. It was frustrating to say the least. I really wanted to see him and speak to him. His cell phone says he's out of range so I guess he really is gone. I almost didn't believe Lionel. He has a tendency to hide the truth, especially from me.
I couldn't sleep at all last night, so I did all the chores four times. My parents found me in the barn working on the tractor. I ended up breaking a wheel off when I tried to straighten it. I lost control of my strength. I hate when that happens. It's so frustrating. I hate my body sometimes. My dad wasn't angry. He told me we'd get it fixed somehow. I want to know how he's going to explain the damage. "My super strong freaky alien son broke it when he was trying to lift it over his head. What? You say, that doesn't happen to you every day?" That's going to go over so well.
I ate three plates of pancakes this morning. I was so hungry after being up all night. I hate it. I hate that Lex is gone and I can't talk to him. I hate that I'm such a freak. I hate that my whole life seems to be falling apart and I can't do a thing to stop it. I never should have gotten mad at Lex.
~
12:42 pm
Another nightmare
I had a nightmare last night. I haven't had one in a long time. In this one, I was running through a field and then suddenly the plants started to tangle in my legs and I couldn't move. I could hear Lex calling for my help, but I couldn't go to him because the plants had pinned me down. Then I heard a voice that told me I'd always fail to save the people I love. I woke up covered in sweat. I feel really anxious now. I know it was just a dream, but I can't help feeling like it was a warning of some kind, or maybe it was my subconscious trying to tell me that I need to stop trying to control Lex.
I never say this to anyone but there's a small part of me that I keep locked away. This part of me wants desperately to protect Lex from everything and everyone. Each time he's hurt or attacked or he takes some risk, I feel this dread. I guess I've always felt this way. I never forget that summer when I chained him to the bed to stop him from getting into danger. I think about that sometimes late at night when I'm alone in my room. It's one of my many sex fantasies about Lex.
I've totally gotten off topic. I wanted to write that Lex is still away on business. I still can't reach him on his cell phone and Molly keeps hanging up on me when I try to talk to her about Lex's trip. I think she really hates me.
Dad and I had an argument this morning at breakfast. I told him I want to fly to China to find Lex and he told me he'd ground me for life if both my feet left the earth at the same time. Of course I meant that I would find a way to fly there in an airplane. He was really angry. He totally exploded at the breakfast table. I probably should have kept my mouth shut, but I couldn't help it. I really miss Lex. I wish I could talk to him just to hear his voice and know that things between us are okay. Every day that goes by leaves me with a fear that he's angry at me.
~
08:54 pm
You'll never guess where I am
I flew, literally, flew to China under my own power through the sky. I flew again in the air. It was amazing and terrifying and I barely had a chance even to think about what was happening.
On Friday I was having dinner, and then my dad and I got into another argument about Lex. Suddenly there was a horrible ringing in my ears. I couldn't think or see straight. I ran out of the house and stared up into the sky. Mom and Dad ran after me, but by the time they came out, I was lifting off into the air. I had no idea where I was going. All I could hear or think about was that sound. It felt like seconds later, when I slammed down onto the ground (in China). I cracked the ground beneath my feet. When I looked around me, it was to find that I had flown to Lex! He was there, and he was hurt. I didn't hesitate. I just reacted. I wanted to go to him, but the last stone had called me. I held out my hand and it came to me. Some guy I'd never seen was holding it. I hid the stone in my jacket pocket before anybody saw.
Then suddenly this other guy came out of nowhere. He called me Numan and told me that I could not take the stone. He had these really cool kung-fu moves, and unfortunately, he wanted to use them on me. It was annoying because I'd kick him away and he'd come at me, then I'd attack and he'd dodge. He was as strong as I am, but it turned out he wasn't as fast as I am. I finally managed to knock him out after he almost kicked my ass. I didn't care, because Lex was there and he was watching us fight and I had to make sure he wouldn't get hurt worse.
Once I knocked out kung-fu guy, I caught my breath long enough to see that Jason was also there. Luckily he was unconscious and didn't see my very special powers in action. Like Lex he was covered in cuts and bruises. I rushed to Lex's side and untied him. Then I checked him for internal injuries. I kissed him hard and held him in my arms. I asked Lex is he wanted to go to a hospital, but he said he just wanted to get back to his hotel room and take a long hot shower. Then he leaned in and whispered that he wanted to get me in bed so we could fuck into the middle of next week. I was instantly hard.
We left together once I made sure Jason was okay. We were at some sort of temple or something. I didn't really care that much. I was just so glad to see Lex. I could tell he was looking for something just as we were leaving. It was probably the stone. I didn't tell him I had it. I still have it hidden. Right at that moment, I didn't really care about anything except making sure I took care of Lex. He was covered in cuts and bruises, and even though I desperately wanted an explanation, I didn't even ask for one. I could guess that he was there looking for the stone and that Jason was somehow involved. Since I have the stone, it doesn't matter.
I called Mom and Dad to let them know I was okay. I asked Dad if I was grounded forever. He said since what happened was out of my control, he'd let me off the hook this time.
It turned out that Lex and Jason had gone to China, but not together. I think from this moment on, I will not trust a word that comes from Lionel Luthor's mouth. Even if he tells me the sky is blue, I'll ask him to prove it. That man probably couldn't tell the truth to save his life.
All I want now is to get some sleep. Flying and fighting took a lot out of me.
~
03:13 am
Still in China
I'm still in China with Lex, and today we went out to see a few tourist attractions. We mainly saw the Great Wall. It was really long and really cool. We didn't walk the whole length but I seriously wanted to run up and down the whole thing and see how long it would take to get from one end to the other. That would have been so cool, but Lex was right to say that it would be an unacceptable risk.
After we walked around for a while, we went back to our hotel. Lex didn't say it, but I could see that he was tired. I could have walked all along the whole wall and never grown tired. This is so exciting. I've never been outside of Smallville this long before. I did fly to China that one summer, but I didn't stay long. This time, I'm here with Lex and he's almost recovered from his ordeal. He was beaten up pretty badly by those guys. He's healing quickly and we're going home tomorrow once his private jet is cleared to take off.
I don't even have a passport, but Lex said that wouldn't be a problem. It feels good to be with Lex. At night we're together and we can forget the outside world. We can be who we really are. I'm a guy from Kansas, and he's a man who holds my heart. I can pretend it's that simple and there is nothing more.
I wish it were that simple. I still have the stone in my pocket. I managed to hide it from Lex the last few days in a piece of his luggage. I almost told him a few times that I have it, but something stopped me. I'm glad he wasn't hurt worse. He told me that he came to China to get the stone for me. When I pressed for more details, he said it didn't really matter now since everything worked out in the end. Except of course, Lex thinks the stone was lost.
I don't know what the stone will do when I put it in the cave wall. I have no clue what will happen and if it's something dangerous, I want Lex as far away from it as possible. I want to be sure he's safe. Right now he's the most important person in my life, and I can't have him hurt or gone because of anything I did or because of what I am.
~
07:50 pm
I'm home from China
We landed today after what felt like a long flight. I managed to sneak the stone out of Lex's luggage. I now have it hidden in my room. After the plane landed, I told Lex I'd make my own way home. Once I was out of sight, I ran back to the farm. My parents were happy to see me, but Dad was furious. I wasn't in the mood to listen to his lectures so I walked away, but Dad wouldn't give it up. He followed me to the barn and I had to stop and listen to him because he wouldn't let go of my jacket.
I let him rant and told him it was unavoidable. I was called by the stone. I couldn't control that. When he heard that, he stopped yelling and asked what happened. I told him I didn't have time right then to tell him the whole story. I wanted to do the work I'd missed. He said he wanted to ground me, but that he knew it wasn't really my fault though he felt I should have come home right away instead of gallivanting all over a foreign land with Lex.
I was a little frustrated and angry when I rushed off to do the heavy chores. I couldn't stop thinking about the look in Lex's eyes when we were on the tarmac of the landing strip. It was like he knew I was keeping something from him. I almost told him about the stone. I almost reached into my pocket and showed him that his trip had not been in vain, but instead I kissed him goodbye and told him I'd see him later. Then I rushed off as fast as I could before I changed my mind. It's not that I want to lie to him. I really don't. I'm just trying to protect him. I don't know what will happen next and I won't have Lex hurt. Maybe I'm being overly cautious, but if something happened to him, I'd never forgive myself.
I got the chores done fast, and had a long shower. Dad came up to the loft to talk to me. He said he was sorry for getting angry. He was just worried about me, and frustrated about what happened. He told me that watching me fly off and leave him behind was the most terrifying thing he'd ever experienced. I felt so bad. I didn't even think about how it made my parents feel. I asked how Mom was handling it. He said she was an old pro at this since she'd already seen it before. Everything is okay between us now. I was going to tell him about the trip, but I'm kind of emotionally exhausted.
I can't get Lex out of my mind. I never can. How am I going to tell him about the stones and where they go? I'm so afraid that what I do next will change everything.
~
11:07 pm
From good to bad
My day started off so nice, and then Dad had to ruin everything.
I woke up early and did all the chores alone. I didn't go back into the house until lunchtime. I was in such a great mood and the day was gorgeous. The sun was shining. I wanted to fly. I took my shirt off when I did the outside chores. I feel so charged now. I even managed to get some welding done.
Mom and I were getting lunch ready when Lex surprised us by showing up at the back door. I was so happy to see him. I hugged him and kissed him with my mom right there. I couldn't help myself. Even though I'd spent a whole week with him it was still nice to see him again. He even offered to help make lunch, so there we were standing side by side, preparing food. It's weird but for some reason that made me happier than I could even describe. I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek and thanked him for coming over.
My dad showed up right as I was about to tell Mom about the trip. We all sat down and it seemed fine, then it happened. My dad freaked again. He got angry at Lex for what had happened, which was totally insane since he had nothing to do with why I flew to China. Lex was furious and I don't blame him. He left before we could finish lunch.
I don't understand what happened. One minute we were all laughing and eating, and then suddenly everything went wrong. Lex tried to reason with my dad, but it just made thing worse. It turned into a shouting match between me and my father with Lex standing right there between us. I was so furious. It took all my willpower to keep my hands at my sides. I wanted to smash something with my fists. I told my dad to back off, but Lex was already headed out the door. I couldn't convince him to stay. He told me I should finish my lunch, and then made up an excuse about having to go anyway. I watched helplessly as Lex drove off. I asked him if he wanted me to go with him, but he said he'd talk to me later.
How could Dad blame Lex for what happened? It's not like Lex even knew I was going to fly to China. I thought Dad and I had already worked things out yesterday, but I guess talking to me wasn't good enough. I told him off and smashed the back door on my way out. I wasn't in the mood to care at the time, and I know I shouldn't have broken something out of angry, but I was frustrated and so angry. A small part of me deep down inside wanted to show my dad just who he was dealing with.
I'm still angry at him for the way he treated Lex. After all this time he still can't accept who I love. I haven't seen Dad since the fight and I don't intend to talk to him. He has to apologize to Lex before I'll forgive him for this. I can't figure out why he's so furious. I heard the things he said and they just didn't make any sense.
Mom was here just a few minutes ago, asking if I needed anything. I promised to fix the back door just as soon as Dad wasn't around. I told her I'd be staying in the loft all night if I have to. It's a really nice night. Maybe Chloe wants some company.
~
01:21 pm
I'm here
It's been an annoying weekend for the most part. I'm avoiding home because Dad and I are not speaking. After the way he treated Lex at lunch on Saturday, I couldn't stay at home. I went into town to see if Chloe needed some company. She was home working on an essay, so I bunked down with her all weekend. I know I shouldn't hide, but I don't want to speak to Dad until he's willing to apologize and he isn't. I did make one last attempt yesterday when I went to pick up my laptop and backpack. He won't budge on his view of Lex, so I told him where I'd be if he had some sense knocked into him.
I did call Lex to see how he was doing. He said he was fine and that he had a lot of catching up to do with work. He said he'd be in meetings all week.
I slept on the sofa at Chloe's place. Lana has moved out and they are officially broken up, though Chloe said they've slept together a few times since they split. Lois showed up yesterday. She was in a cheerful mood. She went on and on about this new guy she's been dating.
That was pretty much my weekend. I'm in the Torch office, hiding out. I have an article to turn in about the school track meet. Our team did really well this time. There's this new student who's really good. I'm supposed to interview him for the article. I guess I should probably go do that since Chloe has been on me to get this written. Why is it that I'm always late with these things? I think if I ever became a reporter for a real paper, I'd still be late and my editor would still be on my ass to get my stories in on time.
I wonder what Lex would think if I told him that I'm seriously considering a career in journalism? I should probably call to see how he's doing.
~
01:28 pm
I'm home again
I think I was driving Chloe and Lois crazy, so last night I went home. I had dinner with Mom in the kitchen while Dad was out in the field. Then I went out to the field to help with the evening chores. Dad only spoke to me about the chores and when he brought up anything else, I refused to speak to him. I have to admit that I showed off a little. I didn't hide my displeasure at his behavior and then when he finally asked me how long I would be angry at him, I reminded him that as long as he kept blaming Lex for my actions nothing would change between him and me. Dad did say he was sorry and that maybe he shouldn't have gone off on Lex that way, but... and I cut him off before he could say anything more. I told him that if there was a 'but', I did not care. I have no desire to listen to his stupid excuses for his hate towards the man I love. I am so frustrated that I want to smash everything in my path.
I called Lex last night to let him know I was thinking about him. He seemed okay. He said he was very busy with work and stuff.
I almost went to put the stone in the wall last night. I stared at it for a long time, thinking about what I am and where I come from and where I've been. I don't want my life to change. I want to be with Lex. I want to go to school and see my friends and be with my parents. Even if my dad is pissing me off lately, I don't want to lose any of what I have.
I put the stone back in its hiding place and lay in bed for hours wondering when my life would finally stop being so complicated. I never did get any sleep last night. I'm so tired of this. I just want to cry.
~
11:04 am
I still didn't get sleep
I feel like I've reached the end of my rope. I spent most of the night tossing and turning and fighting the insomnia that I've developed over the last few days. Today is going to suck. Dad is picking me up after school. We have some errands to run. I'm not looking forward to it. He isn't being hostile or anything and he hasn't said anything nasty about Lex, but he hasn't said he was sorry either. Breakfast was tense this morning.
At least Chloe is happy with me. I did that interview she asked for and she loved it. She said it was my best work yet.
~
09:41 am
I'm doing it
I have to get this over with. I'm going to place the last stone in the cave. I can't change who or what I am, and no amount of denial or hiding will make it go away. I wish I could call Lex and tell him, but I don't want him anywhere near this. I want him safe. Once it's over and I know what I'm in for, he's going to be the first person I tell.
I spent almost the whole night thinking about it. Mom found me still awake, staring at the stone. We had a talk. Actually, I talked and she mostly listened. I unloaded about how upset I've been about Dad's attitude, about my fear that the stones mean my life will change forever and about being an alien. My mom is so amazing. When I told her I still feel apart from everybody else around me because of my heritage, she held me in her arms and told me that I'm more human and anyone she knows.
I didn't want to break free of her arms. I felt so safe and loved, but I knew I had to. When I finally did, almost an hour had passed. She insisted she fix me breakfast before I go, so we went downstairs and she made me pancakes. Dad wasn't up when I finally left to go to the caves.
I'm starting to feel like maybe I should have told Lex. I could have asked him to stay away until I knew what the stones did.
~
01:32 pm
My world did change
I went to Alaska.
I put the stone in the cave and something happened. I never would have guessed that it would take me to a barren far away place like the arctic, but that's just what it did. Something told me to throw it as far as I could and I can throw pretty far. Then the ground started to shake and the snow where i'd thrown the crystal caved in. I watched in amazement as long, thick crystal towers thrust up from the gaping hole, high into the air. The structure was huge. I walked through deep snow to get to it. I didn't feel the cold and I was anxious to find out exactly what I'd just created.
It was incredible. It was a piece of my home world. I couldn't believe my eyes. My new fortress of solitude was build from the assembled pieces of that crystal. It was beautiful and barren and cold and desolate, but somehow it felt like home. When I finally made it inside, I found a formation of crystals that looked way too organized to be random. One of the crystals flew from the panel right to my hand, and the voice of Jor-El addressed me. He told me that this formation was a representation of my home world and that it was made just for me so that I could start the training I would need to help mankind. Then I was caught in a beam of clear light that played images in front of my eyes. The images were of Kryptonian language and what looked like scenes from Krypton and Earth and Jor-El began to explain what would happen next.
But then something shocking happened. I could hear Lex call out to me. At first I thought it was just in my head, but I looked past the images and saw Lex curled up in a ball on the cold floor of the fortress just a few feet away. He was shaking uncontrollably and calling for me to help him. I broke the hold the fortress had on me and ran to Lex's side. He's wasn't dressed for the weather. He was shivering and his teeth were chattering. He tried to tell me what he was doing there, but I told him to save his voice, because I needed to get him out of there. I was immune to the cold, but Lex wasn't. His face was already covered in frost and he was shaking so badly, I was terrified he'd die before I had a chance to get him someplace warm. I took my coat and flannel shirt off and put them on Lex, and wrapped my arms around him, holding him as close to my body as I could. He was so cold.
Jor-El said I had to continue my training, but I explained that I couldn't. I needed to get Lex somewhere warm. I told my father that I loved Lex more than anyone in the world and that I would give up everything to save his life. He said my human emotions are my weakness and that I can't put one person's life above the fate of the entire planet. At first, Jor-El said he couldn't let me go, but he finally relented. He told me that he would be waiting for me to return for my training. I took Lex into my arms and ran as fast as I could.
We ended up in a hospital in Alaska. Lex had some frostbite, but he was okay. I was so relieved. I stayed by his bedside the whole time he was there. We had a long talk about why I hid the stone from him and what it did. Everything is great between us now. I call my parents to let them know where we were. Mom was frantic. She said there was a meteor shower in our town. Our barn was hit, but the house is okay. She said it wasn't as bad as the first one that brought me to earth. I told her I couldn't come home right at that moment because Lex was still in the hospital under observation. I tried to tell her everything that had happened, but my mind was in turmoil from the past few hours.
It turned out she'd been afraid for me and had gone to Lex to tell him to watch out for me. Then when I left to put the stone in the wall, she called Lex right away. Lex followed me to the cave and got sucked into whatever had pulled me to the Arctic. He didn't see the fortress being made because he was unconscious when it happened.
I don't know what's going to happen next. All I know is putting that stone in the wall did change my life. I now have a piece of my heritage closer to me than I ever thought possible. I can't wait to find out what the fortress will teach me. Lex said we can talk later about how to handle my training. I can't believe he's been so accepting of all this. Lex told me that he loved me unconditionally and that whatever I faced in the future would be his fate as well. I looked into his eyes and saw pure love. It was the most amazing moment of my life.
01:05 pm
It's been a busy week
I've been so busy the past week. After Lex was released from the hospital in
Alaska, we went back to Smallville. Lex didn't say it directly, but I knew he
didn't want his father to know we'd ever been there at all. There would have
been way too many questions. Lex called Bruce and he loaned us his private jet.
Lex and I sat down with my parents after we returned and told them what had
happened. My parents were freaked out to say the least, but at least Dad was
nice to Lex. Mom thanked Lex for watching out for me. I haven't gone back to the
fortress yet. I'm kind of hoping it will go away, but I know it won't. I know
it's up there in the Arctic waiting for me. I've been busy with so much and I
really haven't had the time to think much about what it means.
Once we were back in town, I saw the extent of the devastation of the meteor
shower. It wasn't as bad as the one that brought me to town, but it was enough.
At least this time, nobody was killed. Lana was hurt badly, but she's on the
road to recovery. Chloe has been by her side practically the whole time. They
even moved back in together. They haven't said as much, but I think this whole
ordeal has made them realize how important it is to be thankful for what you
have.
Our barn was hit, but it's not so bad that I can't fix it. Dad and I have been
working all week on it. I have to work at normal human speed because people
would wonder why we had a new barn twenty-four hours after we started to
rebuild. Our neighbor lost most of his house. I've been helping them rebuild and
since I can't use my speed, it's been slow work. I don't mind. It keeps me busy.
I only wish they would stop trying to talk me into dating their daughter.
Jessica is a really nice girl, but her parents seem clueless about the fact that
I am gay. Jessica keeps apologizing for them. She said she tried to explain to
them that she's not my type, but they do the equivalent of humming and sticking
their fingers in their ears. Just yesterday her mother hinted that I could take
Jessica to our prom. I played dumb. That works so well since most people already
think I am kind of dim. I told Lex about it and he joked that I better not run
off with the farmer's daughter. I told him that if I could, I'd take him to my
prom. Then I kissed him for a long time and rubbed up against him to show him
just who I wanted to run off with. Sometimes I wish we could do just that.
I've been thinking about the end of my high school year. It's coming so soon and
I'm not ready for it. In a month I'll be walking up onto a stage to receive my
high school diploma and then there's the senior prom. It's all just around the
corner and now I'm going to have to train with some disembodied voice in a cold
far-off remote place.
I have so much studying and work to do. How am I supposed to fit it all in with
some obscure training that I don't even have a clue about? I'm not too proud to
admit that I am scared to death. I just wish my life could be normal for once.
~
11:30 pm
I'm nineteen today.
My Mom made my five favorite things to eat for breakfast. The pan cakes were
so delicious! Then after school, I came home, had an early dinner with my
parents and Lex picked me up. He didn't tell me where he was taking me, but I
figured it out quickly when he drove us to the helicopter pad on his property.
We're in Metropolis right now. I can't even believe what he did. My parents are
going to flip when they find out what Lex got me for my birthday.
We're in our apartment. It's in Metropolis and it's a place for me to stay when
I start college. It's huge and amazing and I can't believe Lex would do all
this. It even has a play room with a flat screen TV, and a pool table, which we
christened. Lex beat me three games in a row but I didn't care, because I
distracted him with kisses.
We're staying here at the new apartment for tonight. There's a king sized bed in
the master bedroom and it's huge and so comfortable. I could sink into it for
days and never come out. Lex bought the softest dark blue comforter. Lex looked
gorgeous spread out on top of it wearing nothing but a smile.
I even asked Lex to be my date for my prom, but he said no. I know he can't be
there, but I wish he could. I want him to be my date. It'd be a little hard to
explain because of who Lex is. I guess I'm going alone.
~
05:08 pm
I got my prom ticket
The Talon is selling senior prom tickets, and today I picked mine up. I also
picked up the ballot for king and queen of prom and my name is on it. Lois was
there when I got the ticket and she made a joke about me being on the queen
ballot. She's so not funny. It's not even funny how not funny she is, if that
makes sense. But I'm on the ballot. I could end up being the king of my prom.
Not that I want to be. I seriously don't, but I can't even believe my name is on
there. Brad is on the ballot and there's no way I'll beat the most popular guy
in the school. Chloe is up for prom queen. I'd really like to see her win. She's
so awesome.
Lois has also agreed to go with me as my sort of date. She said she was going
anyway and since I can't go with Lex, I might as well bring Lois. She promised
not to look prettier than me. I'm just looking forward to seeing her in a dress.
The idea of Lois wearing a dress cracks me up. She just does not look like the
kind of girl. She's too much of a tomboy. I will have to take pictures.
I've been so busy working on the barn and helping our neighbor that I haven't
had much time for anything else. I have my finals soon. I'm not worried at all.
Now I have to get back to work. I have a million things to do and I want to stop
by tonight to see Lex. I have to tell him about Lois and other stuff.
~
11:11 pm
I did it
I told Lex about the prom. I went over to the mansion after dinner on Friday.
He was busy working as usual. I dragged him away from his work and up to his
private rooms. I totally got distracted by how hot he looked and almost forgot
why I was there. Lex does that to me all the time. Sometimes I think he'd make
me forget my name. Since I wasn't sure how he'd feel about who I planned to go
to the prom with, I had to distract him so I did a strip tease. It was kind of
fun. Lex sat back on his bed while I removed my clothing and tossed them his
way. Then once I was undressed, I seduced him. Lex said I was the sexiest person
he'd ever seen. I blushed so hard. I thought I was going to explode. It was
embarrassing. I really thought I was over that.
Then he kissed me and touched my ass and I completely forgot to be embarrassed.
He licked me all over and ended with his tongue inside me. I love when he
touches me there with his tongue. He's so good at it and he uses this amazing
motion that makes me want to climax and shoot fire out of my eyes. It was so
sexy and hot and it made me so hard. I thought I would come even before he had a
chance to fuck me with his cock. Then he was inside me and I begged him to slam
into me. He fucked me slowly and whispered filthy words in my ear. I was toast.
I came so hard. I tore the sheets. I forgot I was holding onto them.
After we were both satisfied and lounging in bed, I finally told Lex about the
prom. He was happy for my nomination for prom king and insisted that I would
probably win. I told him over and over that I really wanted him to be my date
and then I told him that I was going with Lois. Even though he claimed he was
fine with it, I could tell it bothered him.
By that time, I was recovered enough for a second round of very hot sex. It was
my turn to make Lex squirm under my tongue. I love the feeling of his smooth
naked body writhing beneath me. He made the most amazing noises and when I
finally pushed my cock in to him, I told him that I would love him and only him
forever.
~
08:23 pm
I have a million things to do
This weekend is going to be very busy. I have a major test to study for, and
on top of that Lois is in town for the weekend. She, Chloe, and Lana are going
to get their prom dresses. Chloe and Lois just left an hour ago. They both
stayed for dinner. Lois talked the whole time about this guy in her history
class who tried to ask her out. Lois thought he was trying to attack her, so she
threw him over her shoulder. She said it was a complete misunderstanding. I
spent dinner trying not to laugh.
After they left, I turned to my parents and made a comment about being glad I
wasn't dating Lois, which turned out to be a bad move. Lois hadn't left -- she
overheard me. My parents made me apologize and set up the guest room for her to
stay in for the weekend. I'm seriously starting to think that Lois is evil and
planned the whole thing. At least she's not spending her evening here. She went
into town to be with Chloe, but not before putting on this huge act about how
much I hurt her feelings. As long as she's not here to bother me while I study,
I don't care where she is. I even told her to be sure she lost her way when
coming home. She vowed to make me pay. I told her I'm already paying by having
her as my prom date. That shut her up.
My mom was actually concerned, so after Lois left to go into town, Mom asked me
where all my hostility for Lois came from. I told her that was just the way Lois
made me feel. I hadn't really thought about it much, but it's true. It just
seems like Lois always brings out this reaction in me. My mom even suggested
that maybe I'm attracted to Lois in some way. I'm still laughing at just the
thought. Sure, Lois is cute, but I do not find her attractive. Maybe I need to
change my attitude toward her. She's a little overbearing but it's not really
that annoying. At least she stands by her friends. And she even told me I looked
nice.
I should probably get to work. I have so much work to do. I feel like I'm never
going to get it all done. And I want to call Lex to ask if he'll help me pick
out my tux for the prom.
~
11:24 am
My weekend and plans for today
It's been a busy weekend. The girls went out and bought their prom dresses.
Chloe and Lois were over yesterday to talk about what we're doing on prom night.
Transportation has been arranged. I got my appointment for a tux fitting all set
up. It looks like everything is set for the big night. Nothing much else
happened. I've mostly been working and cleaning. My parents are away. I think
the two of them wanted some time off. I'm in charge of the farm while they're
away. They're coming back in a few days. I told them to take their time. They
never get a break and they really need it. Lois is watching the Talon while
Mom's gone. It's closed today anyway so she won't be able to blow it up or burn
it down.
Lois is being really nice to me this weekend. I'm not really sure why, but she's
been so polite and hasn't pulled any of her usual stunts. She seemed down last
night so we watched a few movies together and argued over who is better looking,
Keanu or Orlando. Then she fell asleep on my shoulder. I think there's something
bothering her, but I'm not about to ask. I'm sure Chloe has it covered. Since
it's a holiday, we're all going to the lake to hang out. I've got my swim trunks
and Lois has her tiny little bikini thing. We're meeting Chloe and Lana there.
I'm looking forward to spending time with my friends. I wish Lex could have
come, but he said he was too busy with some work. He never stops to take a
break.
~
02:55 pm
New guy in town plays the hero
I went to the lake with my friends, and Lois ended up in the hospital. She's
okay now. She almost drowned. She was swimming and somehow hit her head. Chloe
noticed there was something wrong and told me to go do my thing. I dived in to
save her but this guy I'd never seen before beat me to it. He pulled Lois out
and gave her mouth-to-mouth. He was an amazing swimmer. I'm fast and he outswam
me. He said he name was AC. This morning when I went to pick Lois up from the
medical center, he was there by her bed. He seems like a nice guy, but I can't
get how fast he swam out of my mind. He's never lived in Smallville. He said
he's here to look into some recent unusual activity in our waters. There's not
much water in Kansas. What could he be looking into?
Lois seems very impressed with him. I guess I can see why. He's blond with a
swimmer's body. He smiles all the time. It's kind of disarming, but I'm worried
because he's been so vague about why he's here and what he's up to. The fact
that he swims so fast that he's nothing but a blur in the water could be cause
for alarm. I know he can't be a meteor mutant since he's never been to
Smallville until now. He's definitely different from other people. He did
mistakenly think Lois and I were a couple. Lois reassured him that it would be
impossible for she and I to date since I am the gayest guy she's ever met. If I
knew how to flirt, I would have hit on him just to get back at Lois.
I'm going to look into this guy just to be sure he's who he claims to be. Maybe
Chloe would be willing to help me out on this one.
~
08:08 pm
I take it back
Arthur is not cool. He's a total jerk. Not only did he tell me I was weird
for not 'digging chicks' (his exact words) but he keeps calling me "bro", which
I hate. He insisted there was no way with Lois around that any guy could be gay.
I told him to wait until he gets to know her better. He said he thinks she's
awesome.
We were all having coffee at the Talon and I kept asking him questions. Somebody
had to. I was only trying to get information out of him. I seemed to be the only
one who thought that he seemed suspicious. Lois freaked and pulled me aside to
tell me to back off. She likes him and wants to get to know him better, and I
just want to protect her. She wasn't impressed.
She also told AC that we're going to the prom together. He gave me this weird
look and said he needed to rush off to do something important. I wasn't sure
what he was up to, but I followed him in the hope that I could discover more
about him. I found him sneaking into a LuthorCorp lab. He tried to blow it up. I
couldn't let him do that. I got there just in time to cover the bomb with my
body. It went off without destroying anything except my shirt. I wasn't paying
attention and AC saw what I did.
Now he knows I'm different and he wants me to help him take down Lex. He accused
Lex of creating a device that kills sea life. I knew there was no way AC could
be right about this. He said Lex is doing it all for the sake of a government
contract. I told Arthur there was no way in heck Lex would ever have anything to
do with something like that, but he didn't believe me. I told him to back off
and that he better leave Lex alone. He teased me and asked if I have a crush on
the 'cue ball'. That hit a little closer to home than I wanted.
I didn't say anything to his accusation. I just told him to leave Lex alone or
he'd have to deal with me. I even told him that we could talk to Lex about it
and he would see for himself that Lex had nothing to do with the device. He
called me naive and said I should grow up. Then he left. I caught him kissing
Lois this morning. I think I blew it with Lois. I told AC to leave her alone. He
left without arguing and when I tried to reason with Lois, she told me to stop
making up lies. I can't win. I'm going to try to talk to AC about going to see
Lex. I have to get him to believe that Lex would have nothing to do with this
project. I know Lex. He'd never do this.
~
12:03 pm
That went really badly
I took AC to see Lex, and it didn't go very well. Before I even said a word,
AC was accusing Lex of practically being the devil. Of course Lex denied knowing
anything about Leviathan, the project Arthur thinks Lex is working on, because
he doesn't know anything about it. I tried to stop AC, but he's got a big mouth.
He called Lex a tool and stormed out of his office!
I stayed and apologized to Lex for Arthur's rudeness. Lex said he'd look into
what this Leviathan was and get back to me as soon as he knew any information. I
was so glad to see Lex. I could tell he was angry about Arthur's rude tirade,
but I kissed Lex and told him that I loved him. He suggested that maybe I should
make new friends. I told Lex that even if Arthur was going about things the
wrong way, his heart is in the right place. I also told him that I want to help
stop this thing if it really does what Arthur claimed. Lex joked that I could be
a superhero, but maybe it's not a joke. I have all these abilities. I could do a
lot of good with them as long as I don't have to wear tights.
I wanted to stay longer, but Lex said he had work to do. He seemed really
preoccupied and a little tired. I asked if he was getting enough sleep, but he
said he was fine.
On a totally shallow note -- Lex looked gorgeous. I'm still stunned at how
turned on I get just from being near him.
09:37 am
We did it
We saved the day, thanks to Lex, and managed to stop Leviathan. Lex called me yesterday to give me all the information on the project. His dad was behind the whole thing. When I went to tell Arthur that he'd been totally wrong about Lex, I couldn't find him anywhere, so I went to the lab that Lex told me about. AC was there strapped down. He said Lionel had captured him and tried to torture him by withholding water. AC can't survive without it. Every time I discover somebody who's different, I don't feel as alone.
I freed him and together we went to stop the demonstration. We stopped the project. I used the information Lex gave me to circumvent the security and we trashed the thing beyond repair. I crushed it completely. I loved it. I feel so good about what we did.
Once we were done we went back to the Talon. AC was apologetic for blaming Lex. I told him that maybe next time he shouldn't jump to conclusions until he has all the facts. He told me to never stop being a boy scout. He left after he said goodbye to Lois. I was hoping he'd stay longer, and we could get to know each other better. I'm really glad I met him.
I went over to see Lex later in the evening. He was still working in his office, completely distracted by Leviathan. I told him that we stopped it and he said he knew. He kept track of what happened to be sure that I was not linked in any way that his dad would find out. I worried that his dad will somehow link Lex to it, but Lex said he can handle anything that comes his way.
We went up to his room and I stripped him naked. He made jokes about getting me a costume with tights and a cape. I distracted him by getting naked. After that, we didn't say much else. I licked Lex all over and gave him the best blow job ever.
I have the prom to get ready for today. I'm kind of looking forward to it. I plan to have lots of fun.
~
04:42 pm
My senior prom.
Everything was almost perfect. I didn't win prom king, but Chloe won prom queen. We were all very proud of her. I went over to the mansion before I picked Lois up for the big night. Lex tied my bowtie for me, since I have huge, clumsy hands that always seem to mangle the things. I wore a black tuxedo of course, and when I stared into Lex's eyes at that moment I wanted to throw caution to the wind and walk into my prom with him on my arm. I wanted to walk into the middle of the dance floor and kiss him right in front of the whole town. I wanted to declare who my true love was, but I knew I couldn't.
Instead, I kissed Lex. At first it was gentle and slow. When he slid his arms around my neck to pull me into a toe-curling kiss, I wanted to stay with him forever. I did go. I picked Lois up at her place. She looked great in her dress. All the girls looked great. We danced and had fun. My parents were there as chaperones. Lois behaved and we took pictures. It was a really great time and I'm really glad I went. I had so much fun. Lois actually told me that I was the best date she's had in a long time. That was very flattering coming from her.
Once I made sure Lois was okay, I left at 11 to go to the mansion and spent the night with Lex. We went up to his room and had the best night ever. He removed the bowtie that he'd just tied only hours before and pulled me close to him. I was so hard by that time, because he is such a tease, that I almost came on the spot. Then he kissed me and told me in great detail how he would take me and make me his. I got down on my knees and sucked him off. Then he we took each other's clothes off and got into bed. I wasn't in a hurry and we had all night. It was the best prom night ever.
Now I'm lounging around in the loft, dreaming that Lex is here with me.
~
08:38 pm
Exams over
I had my last exam and it's over. High school isn't officially over, but it may as well be. My graduation ceremony is on the fifteenth. I was so excited because we were fitted for our cap and gowns today, so I went to talk to Lex about what he had planned for after. I was surprised to find Lana at the mansion. She and Lex were arguing when I first arrived. They stopped as soon as I entered the room. When I asked what was up, Lana said that everything was fine. She didn't look fine. She looked really angry and frustrated. Then she said she was leaving anyway and stormed out. I followed her to her car to see if she was going to be okay. She told me it wasn't my business and drove away. I don't think I've seen her that angry in a long time.
When I went back inside to talk to Lex, he was having a drink. He refused to elaborate on what the argument had been about. When I pushed he said it was nothing that I needed to worry about. I suggested a game of pool because Lex looked a little stressed and I thought maybe it would relax him. It worked. He almost won the first game but when he bent over the table to make his winning shot, I cheated and pinched his ass. He jumped and I pinned him against the table and kissed him. After that, we had some fun. This time we left the table out of it.
Lex is coming to my graduation. He says he wouldn't miss it for anything in the world. I can't wait. I am so excited. Maybe we could come out. I'm nineteen now. We could hold hands or something. I could just imagine the looks of horror on people's faces when they find out. It's not like anybody could say anything worse than they've already said.
~
05:22 pm
I just want to be me
I have to hide so much of my life from the world, but why should I have to hide the fact that I love Lex? I talked to my parents this morning about hiding the truth about my relationship with Lex. Dad was against coming out, and Mom thinks it's probably best to leave things as they are. I get that they worry about me. I get that they don't want me to be hurt and they're always worried about people digging deeper into my past. They're afraid of what reporters would write about in the papers. Dad argued that Lex is a public figure and that reporters wouldn't hesitate to write all sorts of nasty stories. I pointed out that it wouldn't be forever. They'd move on to the next story eventually. I'm just a farmboy from Kansas. I've got a boring life. How much interest would there be? It was so frustrating trying to convince them that it wouldn't be a bad idea.
I went to the mansion right after my last class to talk to Lex. He was in his office working. I brought up the subject of us going public about our relationship. Before he could say anything I told him all the reasons why it would be a good idea. I reminded him that I'm nineteen and that people already know I'm gay. I said we didn't have to make a big deal out of it. We could just start holding hands or something. I told him I didn't want to hide it anymore.
I never thought Lex and my Dad would agree on something. He said it wasn't a good idea and that he wants me to have a normal college life. He doesn't want my name in the tabloids and he doesn't want reporters camped outside my door. I told him I was ready to deal with that stuff, but he said I wasn't. He insisted that I had no clue what being in the public eye entailed. Sure I've never had an article written about me by the tabloids, but I told Lex I was ready for something like that. I argued that eventually they would go away. He pulled out a paper from last week that had a story about his family on the cover and said that it never goes away.
It was frustrating, but eventually I got tired of trying to convince Lex that we could go public. Lex countered every single point I made. Then he told me that I'm too young to know what's best at this stage in my life. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was furious inside. I told him I needed to get home. I pretended it didn't bother me to hear him say those words, but after I'd rushed home and I was up in the loft alone, I realized just how much it upset me. I didn't care about any of the other excuses Lex or my parents used. They didn't hurt, but being told by Lex that I'm too young did.
When I did the chores with dad, I reassured him that Lex and I wouldn't be coming out any time soon. I told him that he and Lex were in agreement on the subject. He was glad that Lex had put some sense into me, and he even said that I should invite Lex over to dinner some time. Dad said I should be happy for what I have and I guess he's right.
At least I don't have to hide it when I write in here. I know he's right. I should be happy that the people who matter to me most know the truth. I should be happy that my family loves me just the way I am, but there's a part of me that wishes I could just be myself all the time.
~
07:06 am
Nightmares
I had a nightmare last night. I was flying over a white expanse. There was nothing for miles around and then there was ice everywhere below me. It was the fortress, and I could hear the voice of my father Jor-El, in my head. He was telling me to come home and fulfill my destiny. Then I woke up and Lois was hovering over me. She said I woke her up. She said I was calling out incoherent babble. It was three in the morning when this happened. She said she couldn't sleep so we went downstairs to make some tea. Lois has to leave after my graduation ceremony because her dad called to tell her that she has to go get her sister Lucy, who ran away from her school in Paris.
I know I promised the fortress that I would return, but I've been so busy and I was too afraid to go back to that cold place. It's so harsh and lifeless. I don't want to go there. I want to just be me.
11:11 am
Today I graduate
Chloe should be on my side. This is totally not fair. I thought she of all people would understand why I want to come out about Lex, but she agreed for all the same reasons as my parents and Lex. She said as a reporter, she would think that Lex Luthor shacking up with a Kansas farmboy would be the story of the century. We're not even shacked up. For us to be shacked up we'd have to be living in the same building and since we're not, it's technically not accurate. Chloe even asked if she could have the exclusive when we went public. She totally sucks.
I'm sitting in my room staring at the suit I'm going to wear to my graduation. It's today. I'm officially done with high school and after today, I will be a graduate. I'm going to have to go out into the world and be a grownup, sort of. It's a whole new world for me. I can't wait.
~
02:21 pm
Grand gifts
Last night, Lex took me out to our favorite stargazing spot on the pretense that we'd be looking at stars, but when we got there, I discovered it wasn't just about looking at stars. It was about my graduation gift. This time, I am not giving it back. Lex got me the most awesome truck ever. It big and red and has a fast engine.
We had to christen my new truck so we made out for a while. It was peaceful and serene. I don't know that I'll get moments like this when I move to the city to go to college. I wanted it to last all night, but eventually we had to go our separate ways. I drove home and it was really late so my parents had already gone to sleep. This morning I woke before the crack of dawn and my dad was still up before me. When we went outside to start the morning chores together, he saw the truck. I told him where it was from and that I wasn't giving it back. I told him that I am old enough to make my own choices. He seemed grumpy about it, but he didn't fight me.
Now I'm going into town to show off my new vehicle.
~
03:03 pm
Another ship
This can't be happening. A ship landed with the second meteor shower. Lex has it and he's had it for a while. He told me about it last night. He claimed he didn't want to burden me earlier with the information because he felt I already had enough to worry about. I hate when he does that. I can't believe he waited so long to tell me about the ship.
That's not even the worst part. Lex said his father had the ship first, and that Lex managed to steal it from him. I freaked when he told me that. Lex insisted that his father didn't link it to me in any way, but how does Lex know for sure? Lex's dad never tells you what he really means.
When I pressed Lex for more information, he told me that Lana had seen the ship when it landed. He said that according to her it opened up. It's sealed shut now and doesn't have any seams that indicate a doorway. The ship is Kryptonian. It has to be. It came with more kryptonite and it has symbols on the side. I don't understand what the symbols mean, but they look like my native language. The longer I stared at it, the more I wanted to run. Eventually I touched the surface. The ship is large enough to hold a grown man or two and triangular in shape. The surface is so smooth and it doesn't look like it has an entrance. I hate it.
I couldn't stay. Just looking at that thing was upsetting. Why did it come here? What was inside? If it was open it must have had something inside. Why couldn't Lex just destroy it?
I had too many questions. Lex couldn't answer most of them. He said he's having the ship studied and analyzed. I wish he'd told me about it right away. Why does he always feel like he has to protect me? I've been avoiding his calls since I came home last night from the place where the ship is being stored.
This is totally freaking me out. I have to tell my parents.
~
06:09 pm
I talked to my parents
Last night after considering all my options, I talked to my parents about what had happened with Lex. I told them about the ship. They were upset to say the least. Dad was the most upset. He wanted to rush over to the mansion and give Lex a piece of his mind, but I told him to back off. I reminded him that I can handle my life. I only wanted to confide in them because it is something that could impact on us all.
I don't know what to do. I hate that Lex kept this from me, but it's Lex. I love him and I know he didn't do this to hurt me. I need to think more about what to do.
I thought about going to the fortress. I haven't been back there since it was first built, but I can't. It's something else I'm avoiding. I had another dream last night. Jor-El called to me and told me to come home. He said that the fate of man depended on me. This is insane. How am I supposed to deal with all this at once?
I need more time. I can't do this.
~
02:09 pm
I had another dream
I woke up early this morning from another dream. It was about the fortress again. It called to me. I went and it was black inside. It looked like it had been destroyed. Then my father's voice called to me. He told me that they have come and that I must be ready for them. When I tried to find out what he meant, his voice faded. Then I was standing in a field. The field was blackened and burnt. There was nothing and nobody for miles. At my feet there was this symbol that looked like the letter Z, and then I woke up.
I told my parents as soon as they woke up. I'm not sure what to do. They don't like Jor-El.
I should probably go to the fortress, but I need to talk to Lex first. I haven't talked to him since he showed me the ship. I want him to be a part of any decisions I make, especially if it has to do with my other identity.
09:54 pm
They did come
This is the biggest mess ever. Two Kryptonians attacked Lex, and Chloe knows I'm an alien from another planet. I need to wrap my brain around this because just this morning everything wasn't this bad.
I was screening my calls because I didn't want to talk to Lex. He called and I check the message right away, which was good because he was in danger. When I heard him yell for Chloe to run, I ran to the mansion faster than I have ever run in my life. When I got there, I found Lex and Chloe in Lex's office, being attacked by two people. They claimed to be from my home world. They called me Kal-El and they had some my powers. One of them was choking Lex and the other was holding Chloe. I had no choice but to use my abilities in front of her. There wasn't any time to think about what I was doing. Luckily, I was faster than they were and I managed somehow to get Chloe and Lex from them. I stood between them and the alien intruders.
I was ready to kick their asses all the way to the moon. There was no way I was going to let them touch Lex or Chloe again. Then one of them told me that I must join them in taking over the planet and turning Earth into a utopia. I wasn't about to comply with that. They'd already killed Lex's security guards. I told them I would never let them harm anyone else again, and they said that some humans would have to be sacrificed for the greater good.
I yelled for Lex and Chloe to get out, and then I threw the guy across the room and the girl punched me in the face. Her blow actually drew blood. She was strong, but I was stronger than both of them. Then I tried to stop them with my heat vision, but that barely slowed them down. The girl pulled something off her wrist and said that if I wouldn't join them then they would exile me to the Phantom Zone. The device from her wrist turned out to be some kind of portal to another dimension or something. They tried to throw me in, but I managed to punch a hole in the floor and held on until I could grab one of them and toss them in the portal. I was stunned and terrified when I saw Lex push the girl towards the portal. He waited for an opportunity when she wasn't looking at him and took it. My heart almost stopped and everything seemed to freeze as I watched Lex tumble toward the hole. I managed to catch him before he followed her into the depths of the Zone. I've never been so glad to have fast reflexes. Even though they were way more powerful than him, Lex had risked his life. I was amazed at his bravery.
I don't know why or how, but the portal closed behind them and then vanished.
When the dust settled, I saw that Lex's office was totally trashed and Chloe was staring at me with this look of horror in her eyes. She'd seen it all. She's seen me use my abilities and heard those people call me by my given name.
We stood there in silence. I made the choice to tell Chloe the truth and she stood listening to my story. Then she vowed to keep my secret no matter what. I'm still scared because I've known her for so long and now she knows about me. She looked at me differently. I could tell she didn't see Clark anymore. Then she asked why I look so human, and I told her there's a lot about my people that I don't know. She confessed that she's always suspected there was something different about me, but not this. Then she told me that last year she'd seen me catch a car like it was a beach ball.
I can't believe that Chloe knows about me.
~
12:38 pm
The dust clears and life goes on
I've had an interesting weekend. After everything that happened at the mansion Friday, I spent the evening with Lex up in his room. We talked about the implications of Chloe being in the know when it comes to my secret. I reminded Lex that Chloe did vow to keep my secret. I trust her and I want him to trust her as well. I hope in time he'll come to feel that she's worth confiding in.
On Saturday I went over to the mansion to spend some time with Lex. I wanted to reassure him again that Chloe would never tell my secret to anybody. We talked about stuff, and I admitted to him that I was afraid Chloe would look at me differently. I don't want that. I want her to see me, the Clark she's always known.
Chloe came over Sunday. My parents had gone to the city. I spent most of the morning doing chores, and just as I was finishing up, Chloe appeared on my doorstep. I was hoping she wouldn't look at me differently, but she did. It wasn't bad or anything. She just stared at me a lot and kept looking me up and down like she expected me to do something freaky.
She made up a really lame excuse about why she had come to see me. I told her that if she was expecting me to grow tentacles or something she was out of luck. That broke the tension. She laughed and said she wasn't sure what to expect. She admitted that it was all strange and she probably needed time to get used to the idea that her best friend is not of this world.
Then she asked it. The question I hoped she wouldn't ask. She didn't have to say the word. I knew what she was getting at. Her eyes trailed down to my crotch and lit up with glee. I was tempted to whip it out, just to embarrass her, but the thought of Chloe seeing my penis made me blush. I suppose she could ask Lois, but then Lois would probably ask all kinds of questions and tease Chloe about her sudden interest in my private parts. I reassured Chloe that all my parts were the same as any human's. She touched my cheek and told me that I am awesome. When I saw that little twinkle in her eye, I knew everything would be okay between us.
She also wanted to let me know that Lana had been asking about what was going on with Lex and the ship. Apparently, Lana was there when the Kryptonians asked to be taken to Kal-El. Chloe reassured me that she stifled Lana's enquiring mind. I hope she's right. I don't want Lana to find out the truth. It's enough that Chloe knows. If Lana knew that the meteors that killed her parents were from my home world and brought to earth by my ship, I'm not sure that she'd understand. I wanted to ask Chloe what she thought, but I couldn't bring it up. I couldn't say the words.
Chloe also broke the horrible news that Lois would be returning on Tuesday from her overseas adventures. She joked that she would tell her cousin how much I missed her. Then Chloe promised to make sure Lois stayed far away from me. It was a relief to finally tell Chloe how much I do not want Lois staying at the farm with me. I hate having to do my chores at normal speed. It takes too long.
After that, I made dinner for us. We had a great time talking about normal stuff. My parents got home just as Chloe was leaving. I'd already told her that it was better not to tell my mom and dad that she knew about my alien status. Chloe understood, but as she was saying goodbye to them, she acted squirrelly and Dad asked what was wrong with her. I joked that she and I had just been making out before they'd arrived and Chloe was afraid they would tell on us. Dad got the hint that it wasn't anything I wanted to talk about.
I admit that I still feel apprehensive about Chloe knowing about me, but at the same time, I'm so glad she knows. I've wanted to tell her so many times over the years. Now I have somebody else to confide in about my differences. At least I won't have to make up lame excuses for how I do the things I do.
~
01:39 pm
Home away from home
The last few days have been interesting. I went over to the mansion on Wednesday with some grocery and cooked dinner for Lex. It was a surprise for him and I wanted us to have a nice quiet normal evening together. I also wanted to bring up something. I told him that I felt it was important for me to go to the fortress. I needed some answers and I was hoping that my biological father would have some.
I went to the fortress and stayed a while for some of the training. It was nothing more than being caught in a beam of light and information flashing in front of my eyes. Most of it was about my home world. My dad came to earth once. That's totally freaky to think that Jor-El was here on earth once. He was exiled from Krypton for punishment. It's nice to know that my people used earth as penalty for being different. There's so much more for me to learn, but Jor-El broke the lesson off and told me there was time and that I should return again at a later date. I asked about the two people who had landed with another ship, but he insisted that no other ship had been sent out to the galaxy. He did seem hesitant. Unfortunately he was reluctant to reveal more.
When I got home, I discovered that I'd been gone for almost two days. I hadn't even realized how much time had passed. I guess I got caught up in the history lesson. I'm going to have to return again soon. Too bad I couldn't learn more about those people. I did learn that the Phantom Zone is a prison for Krypton's deadliest criminals. That would have sucked to get stuck in that place.
I should probably tell Lex what little I learned. I thought about keeping it to myself, but that always turns out bad.
01:07 pm
Private time interrupted
So far my summer has been pretty good. I wake up early, do some work and then usually I get the rest of the day to hang with my friends or go see Lex. I stopped by the mansion yesterday to see Lex. We played a few games of pool. It got hot and heavy and we didn't notice when Lionel arrived. Luckily we were still wearing all our clothes. I had started to unbutton Lex's shirt and was about to suggest that we get friskier just as his father made his presence known. His chastising voice was enough to kill any thoughts of passion. He and his new personal assistant barged in unannounced. Lionel scolded Lex for having his "plaything" out in the open. He glared at me and ordered Lex to walk with him. Lex reluctantly followed and I was left alone in the room with a stranger. I could tell that Lex was really pissed off at the way his dad was talking to him, but he didn't show it.
I sat on the sofa and waited for Lex to return. They were only gone ten minutes. The new guy introduced himself and shook my hand. His name is Milton Fine and he said he was new in town. I made a crack about how if he wasn't new he'd know not to work for Lionel, but I was more subtle. Or maybe I wasn't.
When Lex returned, Lionel left with Fine. He wasn't in the mood to do anything after that, so I kissed him goodbye and said I'd see him later. I think Lex suspects that somebody on his security team is on Lionel's payroll, otherwise they would have warned us about his dad. It sucks that Lex has to always second guess the people around him. Except me. He'll never have to second guess me.
I have so much work to do today.
~
08:53 pm
Death of another tractor
Another one bites the dust. I know most of our tractor deaths were caused by my inadvertent misuse of my abilities (thrown in the air, crushed under my big fist). This time, Mr. Tractor just died in the middle of the field while I was working. I had to make sure there was nobody else around and lifted it high enough off the ground to carry it back to the barn where I could work on it. Chloe showed up just as I was hoisting it over my head. She had this look of shock on his face when she saw me. I smiled and showed off a little by lifting it over my head. Chloe walked over and squeezed my biceps, pretending to be in love with my manliness. It was totally hilarious. I almost dropped the tractor when I started to laugh.
My parents were in town. I still haven't told them that Chloe knows my secret.
Chloe and I went inside after I'd cleaned up some and had some lemonade. She was there to let me know that Lois would be living in town. She totally has my back. Chloe is awesome. We hugged and she told me about how excited she is to be working at the Daily Planet. I was more than happy to listen as she went on and on about her new job. Her enthusiasm is so infectious.
After she left, I felt much better. I was having a crummy day until she showed up. Chloe knowing is going to work out. Having somebody else other than my parents and Lex to confide in about my alien origins is awesome, and Chloe isn't freaked out the way Pete was. Losing his friendship really hurt. I still can't talk about it.
~
07:54 pm
New day
Wow! This is just so amazing. I met the most incredible woman today and I am so in love.
I can't even believe this is happening to me. Her name is Simone. Isn't that the most amazing name ever? She's blond and so beautiful. Her kisses are like nothing I've ever experienced. I feel like I've fallen into a dream.
She's taking a shower. We kind of got a little dirty. It was so worth every moment together.
I'm not sure how I'll break this to Lex.
~
10:32 am
I'm in heaven
This is so amazing. Simone is in my bed right now and she is the best. I love every inch of her and every moment I spend with her is like a dream. She's beautiful and sexy and hot and just incredible. How could I have ever thought Lex was for me when I could have this gorgeous woman who wants me even though I'm a freak? She doesn't care about that stuff at all and she was willing to take the risk of making love to me.
It was the best night of my life. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love her so much and she loves me right back.
Now she wants me to tell Lex about us. I've decided the best thing to do is just be honest and come right out and say it. He'll understand. I'm in love and once he meets Simone, he won't disagree with me when I say it's better for me to be with her. Simone is right. I don't need Lex.
I wish Chloe would understand. She stopped by this morning. Lois blabbed with her big huge mouth and told her that she saw Simone and I lip locked. Chloe was shocked, but I explained that I love Simone and I know Lex will understand.
I have some work to get done then Simone and I are going to call Lex over to break the news to him.
~
08:24 pm
Why me?
What was in it for her? Why did she target me?
The nightmare is over. I almost left my home town with a total stranger.
I was so convinced that she was the one for me and we were going to run away together and everything. Then she told me to go kill Lex before we ran off. Lucky for me, Lex and Chloe figured out how Simone got me under her spell. Literally. I was hypnotized into loving her. She had this weird necklace that could make people do anything she wanted. She killed her own father to get it. She made me believe I wanted nothing but her in my life. I even told my parents that I was going to run off and she told them to let me and they did.
I couldn't stop myself when she ordered me to make Lex's death hurt. I threw him around his office and tried to strangle him. If it wasn't for Chloe showing up, I might have killed him.
Lex pulled a gun and there was a struggle and Simone was hit. Her necklace was destroyed and she was killed. It all happened so fast, I'm not sure exactly what happened. Lex ordered Chloe and I to leave and let him take care of Simone. He didn't want us to be around when the police showed.
I felt sick to my stomach after it was over. Simone was dead and I had almost killed the person I love most in the world. I couldn't look Lex in the eyes after it was over.
I'm so glad it's over.
08:31 pm
I lied
I told Lex that nothing happened between Simone and me beyond kissing and touching, but I lied. More happened. We had sex twice. She ordered me to lie down in bed and then she took my clothes off and climbed on top of me. I couldn't stop what was happening. I didn't really participate much during the sex. I just lay on my back as she had her thrills. She ordered me to enjoy it.
I can't tell Lex about this. I wasn't in control, but it still feels like I cheated. What am I going to do? While I was hypnotized, I enjoyed what was happening, but now I just want to forget. How am I supposed to? I couldn't even look Lex in the eyes. I told him I'd always be true to him and then this happens.
~
03:15 pm
I don't understand
It's been a bad week. I can't concentrate. I lose track of things, and when I talk to Lex, I still can't look him in the eyes. I keep making up excuses not to see him. I know I can't put him off much longer. I wish there was something I could say or do. I feel like I betrayed Lex. I should have been able to resist Simone, but I couldn't and now I can't get what happened with her out of my mind. We had sex and I didn't stop her. I watched as she manipulated me into doing to her what I would never willingly do to anyone but Lex.
I feel dirty inside and I don't know how to deal. I tried talking to Chloe about it. I didn't give details, but I told her enough for her to know what happened. She said I should just try to forget what happened and go talk to Lex. She told me to tell Lex because he has a right to know, but I think Lex already knows something is wrong. He's smart and my avoidance of any non-public places with him can't go on much longer. I know I have to say something, but I don't know what to say.
At night I fall asleep and I think about the two times Simone and I had sex. I don't want to think about them, but there they are, invading my mind. I try to think about anything but my betrayal. It's not like I enjoyed it, but I can't stop thinking about it. I hate her for what she did to me, and I didn't even know her. I only know that for some reason, she targeted me, and she forced me to break my vow of fidelity to the man I love. I forsook against my will! I hate this.
I ran into Lex yesterday at the Talon. I could barely look at him. I made up an excuse about having to finish mending a fence for my dad and rushed out of the place. My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt ill just seeing the hurt look in his eyes. I wanted to turn around and tell him everything, but I was a coward. I ran. I ran as fast as I could, and seconds later, I was in my loft with my head in my hands and a hollow feeling deep inside.
I can't do this anymore. Maybe it's better if I just end things between us. Lex deserves better than some freak that cheats on him.
~
10:36 am
Forgiveness
Last night, Lex came over to talk. I was up in my loft, thinking about him. He confronted me and I told him about what happened with Simone. I hated saying the words. I could see in his eyes how much Lex was hurt by this. He told me that he didn't blame me at all, and that it was his father who sent Simone to seduce me away from Lex. I can't believe Lionel sometimes. That man is just unfathomable. I know Lex said that this is the way his father works, but I just don't understand why he'd want to hurt his own son. Not to mention the fact that Simone ended up dead because of this.
All this made me feel only marginally better about what had happened. Lex doesn't hold it against me and he let me touch him. We kissed and I held him in my arms. I told him that I was so sorry for breaking my wedding vows. I told him I'd do anything to make it up to him. He asked that I stop running off every time we ran into each other. I promised to end my avoidance dance.
It felt so good to kiss him on the lips again. I wanted it to last longer, but Lex was the boss last night and I wasn't going to push. I took what he was willing to give. Holding him close felt like a gift. He still seemed distant, but I understood. I kept thinking he would push me away, but he never did. I told him that I loved him.
After I'd held him for a long time, Lex suggested we do something. We went back to the house. My parents were already in bed, so we had the living room to ourselves. We watched some movie. I don't even remember what, because I spent most of the time staring at Lex. I put my arm around him and pulled him close. I felt like a total girl. Sometimes it scares me just how much I love him. I'd do almost anything for Lex. I feel like the luckiest guy in the world.
After he left, I felt empty inside. Don't get me wrong. I was grateful that he forgave me, but I could tell it wasn't easy for him. When I looked deep into his eyes, I could see the sorrow.
I spent this morning doing all the heavy chores to take my mind off of things. It didn't work.
09:28 pm
Taking flight
I'm back after a few weeks up at the fortress. I went up with the intent of doing more lessons, and ended up losing track of time.
I can fly. I flew home from the cold arctic ice palace, and discovered that I'd been gone for almost two weeks. It was worth it. I learned so much more about my home world and my origins. It's so much to take in. I'm much more emotional than most Kryptonians for one thing.
I have so much to learn. Mom and dad are a little upset. I know it's more than just being gone for all that time. I feel like I'm opening up a whole new world, and it's scary and wonderful.
I can fly! I can even do a back flip in the air. It was really disorienting and I totally lost control, but it was exhilarating.
I haven't talked to Lex yet. I'm not sure what to say to him about all this. The fortress says I should give Lex up for the good of my people. He wants me to find a female to continue our species. I told it to back off. It was weird having a hunk of ice tell me to break up with the man I love.
I'm totally starved. I haven't eaten since I left. I think mom's going to have to go shopping tomorrow because I'm about to eat everything in the fridge.
05:32 pm
Attempts at normal
It's been so long since I wrote in here. So much has happened, and yet I couldn't bring myself to write any of it down, because if I did that would make it all too real.
Lex broke up with me a while ago. It's so complicated I can't even wrap my mind around everything that's gone wrong and how I got here, alone again. I haven't spoken to him since he told me that he thought it would be best if he went his own way. I keep thinking there was something I could have done differently. I don't know that I blame him. Being with me isn't easy. It hasn't been easy.
I'm driving my parents crazy. I dropped out of college, and I don't know where I want to go from here. One day at a time. One step at a time.
Chloe's supposed to come over. I'm surprised she agreed, but I guess she's gotten over what Lex did to Lana. I'm not in the mood to see her, but maybe it'll get my mom off my back.
~
01:14 pm
Inescapable truths
I had another nightmare about Zod last night. I've been having them since Lex left. In this one, I joined Zod on his quest to make earth into our home world. I knelt before him and became his willing slave. The whole time Lex was possessed by Zod and held me captive, I kept thinking that my Lex would overpower Zod. Even after Zod told me that Lex was dead, I held out hope. I lay awake at night thinking about the first time Zod forced me to have sex with him. I think about how easy it was to just pretend that it was Lex I was sharing a bed with. I wonder if maybe I didn't try harder to escape. Maybe I wanted deep down inside to be with Zod just so I could be with Lex. I can lie to my parents. I can lie to my friends, but I can't lie to myself. I tell myself that I was just biding my time. I was waiting for the right moment to strike, but I wasn't. I just wanted to be with Lex. I gave in because Fine was right. There was no way I could ever destroy the vessel. If I had used the dagger to do what I was supposed to do, I know none of this would have happened.
I had planned to tell my parents about the weapon, but instead, last night I destroyed any traces of it. Chloe, Lex and I are the only ones who know it ever existed.
Chloe and I had a fight when she came over. She told me that Lana is having nightmares every night about what Lex did to her. I didn't know what to say. She said she wished I'd used the dagger to kill the vessel before Zod had a chance to take control. I know Lana was physically hurt more than any of us, but I couldn't believe Chloe would say that.
We've all been permanently scarred by the events. I wish I could have done things differently. I wish I had known about Fine sooner, and then maybe, I could have warned Lex before he got involved in all this. I know why Fine chose Lex as the vessel. He hated me more than anybody ever has. He hated my father and I paid the price for that hatred. I lost the man I love maybe forever. Worse, I scarred him more than anybody ever has.
I hope Chloe is still willing to help me find all those criminals that Zod let loose on the world. I can't do this alone. I wish Lex was here. I miss him so much. My heart aches when I think of the look on his face as he woke in that field. I hear the words echo in my head -- the words that signaled the end our relationship for good.
I haven't been able to talk to anybody about this stuff, but it feels good to have a place where I don't have to pretend. I shouldn't have stayed away for so long.
~
02:37 pm
Duty calls
I have so much to do today. I'm supposed to go to see this guy Oliver Queen. He's this millionaire that recently moved into the city. I don't really know much about him except that Lois says he's cute, and really arrogant. My mom was talked into organizing a charity ball to raise money for families that were hit the hardest by the blackouts, and she needs a place to hold the party. She's asked me to help her out. My part is to convince Oliver that he should let her hold the ball at his mansion in the city. I almost suggested that she ask Lex if she could use the mansion here, but then I remembered that Lex isn't in town and he's not speaking to me. To say I miss him is the understatement of the century.
Then I'm supposed to drop off some donations to a mission that's helping families who lost their homes. I can't imagine losing everything you ever owned. Our farm was damaged a little, but it was nothing compared to what happened to some people.
It's all such a huge mess. Lois is supposed to pick me up and drive me to this guy's place. Maybe I'll get lucky and she'll crash the car.
I wonder where Lex is. I hope he's okay.
~
08:50 pm
Meeting a new friend
The meeting with Oliver Queen went well. He seems like a nice guy, though I got the distinct impression that he thought somebody older was supposed to show up. When I introduced myself, he looked surprised and made a comment about how I didn't look anything like my mom. I didn't tell him that I'm adopted since I wasn't there to talk about my life. Luckily Lois wasn't there to embarrass me. She dropped me off and went to meet Chloe at the Planet.
Unfortunately, Oliver said that his house was being renovated so he couldn't allow us to use it for the charity ball. He did make a very generous donation. Just before I left, I got the distinct impression that he was hitting on me. I'm probably way off base, but he called me big boy and asked if I was old enough to drink. I was sure he was going to ask me out. He's kind of cute, but totally not my type. Not that I'm thinking about dating again, but there's no harm in noticing somebody is attractive.
When Lois showed up, she definitely noticed how attractive Oliver was. He seemed to like her as well, so he was probably just being polite with me. Oliver was all she talked about on the drive back to the farm. She wouldn't shut up about him. I tried to politely tell her that he acted the same way with me. She even cracked a joke about how he is totally my type: really, really rich and sexy. I guess this means Lois thinks Lex is sexy.
She suggested that I ask if Oliver would be willing to shave his head. Lois has no shame at all. I know she does it on purpose. She loves to make me uncomfortable. My parents love her. There's no way I'm ever getting her out of my life.
~
04:41 pm
An investigation
Chloe called. She's been working on this story for the Planet and I promised I'd help her research. She's coming over so we can compare notes. I hope what I found out isn't true, because if it is, then we're in trouble.
On a horrible note, Lois is here. She came over this morning for 'breakfast' and hasn't left. She went on and on about Oliver all through the meal, and then asked me if I thought she should ask him out. When I tried to get a word in edgewise, she cut me off. I think she just wanted a passive ear. That is something I can do easily, since it lets me off the hook. I don't have to actually listen to anything she says.
I better get my notes ready for when Chloe arrives. This is going to be a long day. I can just feel it.
~
12:43 pm
Impossible Dream
The information was right. Both Chloe and I confirmed that one of the escapees from the phantom zone is right here in Smallville. It's some kind of plant infestation. I'm supposed to investigate strange sightings in the woods a few miles from here. Somebody's body was found suffocated by plant life. Chloe managed to get the coroners report for me. I'm not even going to ask how. The whole story is being kept out of the papers.
I hope I can stop it. I haven't gone up against any of the criminals that Zod let loose on earth. I can't imagine that any of them are going to be happy to see the son of the man who imprisoned them.
I wish I could talk to Lex about this. I miss him so much. I had another dream last night, only this time, it was erotic. Lex and I were in the wine cellar. He had me pinned against the wall and he was inside me. I woke up with a raging hard on, and as I jerked off, I called out his name. Then when I came to my sense, I realized that I was alone, maybe for the rest of my life. I wanted to cry.
~
02:50 pm
He's back!
Lex is back in town and he saved my life.
I went in search of the Zoner again today, after having no luck yesterday, only this time it found me. It was disguised as a park ranger. I had no clue until the vines were twisting around my neck. By then it was too late to do anything. The thing had the ability to control plants and disable me by impaling me in the chest with wood. I was left to die. I've never felt that much pain in my life. It was agony, and all I kept thinking was that I'd never get to see Lex again. I thought for sure I wouldn't survive.
But I was wrong. Lex showed up and saved me. I was bleeding all over, and Lex practically carried me to his car and drove us to the mansion. I can't lie to myself. There was a small part of me that hoped against everything that he was not just there to rescue me, but that he was there because he wanted me back.
The whole drive to the mansion, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was so beautiful even with my blood smeared on his cheek. I wanted to reach out and clean it off, but I was scared he'd reject me. The whole time, my heart was pounding in my chest. His eyes never left the road. I should have known then that my wishful thinking was just that, but Lex had saved me and he'd held me. That had to mean something. Then the reality of everything came crashing down.
He let me stay at the mansion long enough for me to recover from my injuries. I tried to talk to him about us, but he shut me down. Then I kissed him and I was in heaven. He pulled me closer and pressed our bodies together. It was bliss for a few moments, but then Lex pulled away and asked me to leave. That hurt more than being stabbed in the chest by that tree branch.
I left without a fight.
When I got home, I found Chloe waiting for me in my loft. She was the one who went to Lex and told him that we'd discovered the plant's weakness. She knew I didn't want Lex anywhere near this. When I asked her why she did it, she said she was hoping we'd reunite. I told her to stop trying to solve my problems. I know she cares, but I don't want Lex involved in any of this. I have to take care of my mess.
~
08:26 pm
News and family
I can't believe my mom asked Lionel if she could use the mansion for the party. She said he generously donated his home. I get that it's an important benefit, but why did it have to be there? I'm supposed to go. I can't go. I'll have to see Lex. It's not that I don't want to see Lex. Believe me, I want to see him, but after what happened at the mansion, I don't think he wants me there. I can't get the kiss we shared out of my mind. It's all I can think about. His lips are all I can think about. I have to stop daydreaming about him.
I had hoped that this year Thanksgiving was going to be just the three of us. What I'd really hoped was that Lex would be there, but that didn't happen. Instead, my mom invited Oliver Queen to dinner. She said he didn't have any family and when she mentioned in passing that we'd be having dinner, she asked him along. I ended up somehow inviting Lois. I don't really know how that happened, but she always seems to manage to talk me into things. I couldn't invite her without having my best friend Chloe over, which meant that Lana was also there. That was kind of uncomfortable. I hadn't realized how much I was avoiding her until she brought it up in the loft when we were alone.
The dinner table was crowded, but it felt good to have friends and family close. We all said what we were thankful for. I didn't say it out loud, but even if Lex isn't with me, he's still alive and I'm grateful for that. I just wish he was here with me.
~
04:28 pm
Saving the day
The escaped zoner is gone. I caught up with it at the mansion green house. She was going to attack Lex and kill him, but I stopped her in time, but not before she had a chance to tell me how much she hated me and my whole family. She said that she was the last of her kind and that Jor-El had imprisoned her for her crimes. She called me cold and unfeeling and said that all Kryptonians had hearts made of ice. I tried to reason with her. I begged her to stop killing. I told her I'd help her adjust to life on earth. She said she would never stop and that Lex would be her next victim. She left me no choice. We fought and before I could put her back in the Phantom Zone, there was a power surge. I watched as she disintegrated before my eyes. It all happened so fast. I didn't have a chance to stop her from killing herself.
I felt exhausted after the fight, but I didn't want to be found, so I got out of there as fast as I could. By the time I got home, I found Chloe waiting for me. I told her what happened. Even though I'm glad nobody else will get killed, I wish there'd been another way to deal with all this. I need a shower.
~
04:11 pm
Work to do
My mom won't accept my excuse for not being able to help her with the charity ball. She told me that I'll just have to act like a grownup. I stuck my tongue out to prove that I can't. She charged me with most of the workload that requires going to the city. Oliver offered to help me out. We had dinner together last night. He's being really great. I think he might feel a little guilty about not allowing mom to use his mansion. When I told him where it was being held, he got quiet and said he knew who Lex was. I tried to find out how he knew Lex, but all he would say was that he'd once gone to school with Lex. He got this look on his face whenever I mentioned Lex's name, so I let it go.
After dinner we went back to his place. He's got a really cool apartment. I joked about a nightcap. He served non-alcoholic drinks and we talked for a few hours. He's really interesting.
Lois had asked me to slip in some comments about how awesome she is, but there was never an opportunity to mention her or the fact that she thinks he's a hottie. I don't blame her for liking him though. He's a nice guy. He is kind of attractive, and charming.
I have to go to the city to see him again to talk more about the charity ball. When he called earlier, he promised to take me someplace more exciting. He made it almost sound like we were going on a date, which we obviously are not. Maybe I'm just a little bit desperate. I can't help wishing that it was Lex I was going to meet.
03:52 pm
There's a new face in town
Lois calls him the Green Arrow, but I think criminal would be a better word. He robbed those people. I tried to stop him, but he had these tricks up his sleeve that I never saw coming. I was distracted by his tight leather outfit. It's not my fault. It was so tight. I don't know how he moved so quickly. And who the hell wears a costume. This guy must think life is a comic book.
I miss the days when things were simple. Whoever this Green Arrow guy is, I'm going to find out. When I do, I won't fall for his stupid tricks again.
I talked to Chloe and she said that Lois is just as gung-ho about exposing this guy. I wish she'd stay out of it. She could get hurt, and I don't need the distraction of having to worry about her on top of everything else. I don't want the article she wrote for that tabloid she works for to make her a target.
~
11:59 am
Not good
Green Arrow saw me use my abilities. He saw me use my heat vision. I was trying to stop him from robbing yet another home, and I slipped up. I managed to stand between him and the prize, but there was a security guard there and Green Arrow used that to his advantage. I caught the first arrow in my hand, which is not possible. I was kind of hoping it would throw him off, but he barely skipped a beat. He shot a second arrow. This time it hit its mark. He shot the guard and when I went to make sure he was okay, Green Arrow was long gone. He got away with the necklace he was after. I don't know how he did it. He must be enhanced somehow.
I flew off, and by the time I got home, my heart was pounding in my chest. I've never been caught like that. I'm usually way more careful.
I wanted to call Lex. I even dialed his number, but all I got was his answering service. I was panicked. I hung up without leaving a message. I called Chloe instead. I was going to tell her what happened, but then changed my mind. I need to find out who Green Arrow is. He knows what I can do, and he knows what I look like. He hides behind a mask. Maybe he's got the right idea.
I wish Lex was here to tell me what to do.
~
06:27 pm
A visit from Oliver
Oliver stopped by the house today. He said he was there to talk to my mom, but she was out for the day. I invited him to share lunch with me. I don't really know him that well, but it was nice to talk to sit down and get to know each other better. I could use a friend and I've been kind of lacking in that department.
The whole time he was here, he kept looking at me like something was on his mind. It made me feel kind of self-conscious. I wanted to ask if I was the real reason he stopped by, but that seemed kind of egotistical. I'm sure he would have said something if that was the case. I have to admit. I was a little nervous. He has these piercing eyes, and he is older than me. I felt awkward, and I'm not really sure why.
By the time he left, I felt much more at ease with him. When he shook my hand, he squeezed it. Then he winked and made a comment about how big I am. I think he was flirting with me. Maybe it's just my overactive imagination, or maybe it's been so long since I've had any, I want to see an attraction that isn't there.
~
12:06 pm
Everything is green
I had another run-in with the Green Arrow. We fought, and when I tried to take his bow from him, he grabbed my head and pulled me closer and kissed me hard on the lips. I was too shocked to react in time and he got the upper hand. I feel like an idiot for letting my guard down like that. I should have been able to outsmart him, but instead, he used a completely unexpected tactic. How I was supposed to see that coming? He kissed me!
Once I recovered, I made my way to the Daily Planet to talk to Chloe. The green Arrow told me that I should dig deeper. He said the surface is deceiving, and that I should start thinking instead of using brawn. I think I should be insulted. I need to investigate what he said, but I don't have the time. She said she would look into the items that were taken. Chloe thinks there might be a clue as to what this mystery man wants with them. I need to find out who he is. There was something in his tone of voice that seemed familiar.
I'm going to the city to do some more digging. My mom wants me to stop in on Oliver as well. I have to admit, I'm kind of nervous about going to see him. I guess I should face the fact that I find him attractive. I can't believe this. First there was nothing and now I find two men attractive at the same time.
~
11:55 am
He's not unpleasant to the eyes
I spent yesterday in the city. Actually, most of it was with Oliver. When I arrived at his place, he was working out, shirtless. He's so at ease with himself. I envy that. Even at the best of times, I still feel clumsy and awkward around other people. My feet are huge and my hands, when not crushing objects, are freakishly big. Oliver doesn't seem to mind. He says he liked what he sees.
Once he showered and changed we went out for lunch together. He's such a nice guy. I found myself comparing him and Lex, as I knew I would. I couldn't help it. They're both rich and seem so at ease with who they are. Oliver isn't at all pompous or arrogant. He's nice. I can't think of another word. We had a really good time. I went back to his place after lunch. The mood was right for a kiss and I almost did kiss him. I wanted to. I really did. He's hot! Then he told me that he's taking Lois to the party on Friday. That killed my mood completely. He reassured me that the thing between him and Lois is purely platonic. Not sure why he said that. It's not like we're dating or anything. From all the press I could find about him, I get the impression that he's into women. I found no evidence that he likes guys, but then, maybe it's not something he advertises.
I also went to see Chloe at the Daily Planet again. She made a very interesting discovery about the stolen items. I'm looking into it more.
My mom wants me to go to the mansion today to help her with stuff, but I lied and told her I was way too busy. I can't go over there. The thought of seeing Lex right now is way too upsetting.
~
11:36 am
Lex stopped by to warn me about Oliver
At lunch yesterday, Mom went on about the preparations for the party. She sounds so in her element. I suggested that maybe organizing fundraisers is something she's like to do as a job. She seems so happy now. My parents had a discussion of the dangers of working so closely with the Luthors. Mom basically told Dad to back off and Dad went out to work in the barn. Then mom told me that Lex seems sad when she talks to him. She said she's known him long enough to know when he's unhappy.
Then there was a knock at the back door. I looked over and he was standing there, framed by the doorway, in his long black coat. The sunlight was streaming in, surrounding him like a halo. For just a second, my heart leapt with joy at seeing him. All thoughts of anything else were lost the second he asked if he could come in. My mom invited him in, and left us alone. I wanted to play it cool. I tried my best. I made polite conversation and asked how thing were going.
It was hard, seeing him. I brought up something I hadn't wanted to think about at all, because it hurt too much, but I couldn't help myself. Before I knew what I was saying, I blurted out that we would have celebrated our one year wedding anniversary on November 11.
Then he told me the real reason he stopped by to see me. He wanted to warn me about Oliver. He thinks that Oliver is only interested in me because of what I mean to Lex. I couldn't believe the arrogance. He said Oliver's not a nice guy and that they have a past. I wanted to ask what that past was, but I know him. He would probably rather walk on glass than tell me about his childhood at this point.
Once he said he felt he'd warned me, he went to leave, but I didn't want him to go. I asked if he was going to the party and if he was taking a date. He said he would make an appearance since he does own the mansion, and that he's not going with a date. He's not dating anyone. I didn't think he was. I'm sure I would have heard something if that was the case, but it was nice to hear it from Lex. I told him that I wouldn't be at the party since those things really aren't my style, but I warned him that Oliver would be there with Lois. He thinks they deserve each other.
I don't know why I thought this and it's so stupid, but a part of me thought that Lex was there because he was so jealous about Oliver that he rushed right over to reclaim me. I thought if we were standing close enough and I was right there in his face, he'd want me, or even kiss me. But it didn't happen. I told him that I miss him, and that he's welcome any time, and then I watched him leave. It's been months since we broke up. Why does it hurt just as much each time he walks away from me?
~
05:05 pm
I saw Lex again
All I have to do is look into his eyes and I'm lost. I fall for him every time I see him. It's never going to be any other way. I ran into Lex at the mansion when I went over to help my mom with the preparations. Of course he was there. He lives there. I tried to stay away from him.
When I found him, he was having his tuxedo fitted. The tailor left the room and then we were alone together again for the second time in as many days. He was gorgeous. It took my breath away to see him standing there in black, his eyes filled with fire. I wanted him to be mine again. I wanted everything to be the way it was before our lives were turned upside-down by fate. I wanted to grab him and kiss him and take him and make him see reason, but instead I stood there. I just stood there with my mouth gaping, unable to speak.
I guess he literally took my breath away. I apologized for intruding on him and we talk for a few minutes. I managed to sneak a picture with my cell phone. Isn't he stunning?
We were both polite and I told him that I had to get back to work. Then I left him alone. It was so nice to see him again.
I managed to finish the preparations for the party. Everything is all set. Tonight is probably going to go well. My mom rented a tux for me, but I declined. She tried to convince me that she needs me there, but I can't go. Lex wouldn't want me there, and I don't want to put a strain on an already delicate situation. I'm going to play it cool. Don't get me wrong. I want to see him, but I don't want to push things. I don't want to get in his space.
~
02:17 pm
Identity of a hero revealed
I can't believe this. Oliver is the Green Arrow. I went searching for answers and I found them. It's him. Not only is it him, but it turned out that the items he was stealing were already taken from their original owners. He anonymously returned them to their true owners. He's not a bad guy after all. Even if I don't approve of his methods, he was trying to help.
Oliver stopped in to see me this morning. It was nice not to have to hide my strength from somebody. Ever since Lex broke up with me, I've had to be more cautious. I always am any way, but when I was with Lex, I could always be myself. I didn't need to pretend to be something I wasn't. I never realize how much I missed that freedom until now.
Oliver was really impressed with me and I have to admit that I did show off a little. He watched me do my boring chores. I have to tell my mom and dad that he knows about my special abilities. I hope Dad doesn't get angry. At least Oliver doesn't know that I'm an alien from the planet Krypton. Hopefully that will appease Dad. I know I'm in for a lecture about being more careful hiding what I can do. I used to dread those, but these days, not so much.
When I asked Oliver if he was going to tell Lois about his secret life, he said he'd prefer that she not know. I advised him to tell her as soon as he could, because keeping a secret like that could come back to bite him in the ass. He said he'd only consider it if he and Lois were a serious item. At this point, they're not. I wonder if Lois knows this. Oliver is all she talks about. She's acting like they're dating. At least she's stopped hanging out at the farm.
Oliver thinks I should get into the hero business. I can't imagine wearing a costume, but maybe it would be cool. Maybe I could wear something made out of leather like Oliver wears only it would be red and blue. Oliver looks hot in his costume. I could even wear a cool cape so when I fly, it would trail behind me. I'd probably look really dorky. I wonder what Lex would think of that? I might ask him. Bruce wears the Batman costume. Maybe I could ask Bruce's opinion. I think he's still in town.
~
09:07 pm
A visit from a friend
It's been a busy week. Between trying to get the farm ready for the holidays, helping Mom out with orders and my dad harassing me about Lex, I haven't really had time to breath. I did make time to visit Oliver. He's not as bad as Lex and Bruce make him out to be. I did ask him about their past. Oliver admitted that he wasn't such a nice guy back then, but he's changed. He isn't that kid anymore. I believe him.
Of course, Lex seems determined to make Oliver out to be a bad guy. He even sent Bruce over to confirm Oliver's bad boy rep. Bruce and Lex went to school with Oliver a long time ago. What could Oliver have done that was so bad, they can't forgive him?
It was nice to see Bruce. He said Dick is busy traveling. When I pushed he admitted that Dick is actually out in search of himself. Bruce doesn't seem thrilled about that, but other than that he seems happy.
I have so much to do over the next week. I know what I'm giving Lex for Christmas. I've never been surer about what to give him. It feels like so long ago that I was young and unsure of how to behave around him. So much has happened to me, to both of us.
There's only one thing I want this holiday. I wish more than anything that Lex would walk through my door, and forgive me.
~
12:15 pm
The week has ended
I keep thinking that the next time I see Lex, he'll come to his senses and realize that we're meant to be. I feel like this sentence is etched in my brain. I say it to myself every night, but it's not true.
I gave him his gift. My dad was upset when he found out what I was giving Lex, but I told him it was the only option. I had to do it. The device Zod used to try to destroy the world is useless now, but I didn't care. Lex looked surprised that I gave it to him, but I think he was pleased. I think he was impressed with me. At least, I hope he was. I really want him to see that I've changed and that he can trust me and count on me to be there for him no matter what happens between us.
Dad is still angry at me. He asked if I should trust Lex now that we're split up, but I reminded him that Lex hasn't once broken his word to me. Dad's been pushy about the whole thing. It feels like he brings it up every chance he gets. I told him repeatedly that Lex would never do anything to hurt me. I reminded him that what happened with Zod was my fault. It seems like no matter what I say or do, I can't win. Dad finally admitted that he's afraid Zod isn't gone completely. I reassured him that I destroyed Zod.
Bruce is still at the mansion. He said he's staying for a while to spend some time with his friend. When I went to the mansion to give Lex his gift, I walked in on what looked like a "more than just friends" scenario. They were standing really close, and Bruce's hand was on Lex's shoulder. When I made my presence know, they quickly moved apart. I gave Lex his gift and left as fast as I could. I can't help imagining what they could be up to right this second. Bruce and he have been friends for a long time, and they're both alone now.
Bruce stopped by our place on Christmas day to give us presents. He got me a red flannel shirt. He gave my mom front row tickets to a ballet. Mom is making my dad go with her.
I like Bruce, but I really hope he and Lex aren't sleeping together. I know I have no say in any of it, and that it's not my business, but the thought of Bruce and Lex together makes my head spin. I'm trying so hard not to get mad, but it's so frustrating. I can't help it. I see Lex and I still feel just as much in love with him as I did before. That hasn't changed. Unfortunately, everything else in our lives has.
~
04:43 pm
I can take a hint
It's been a good Christmas. I wish Lex had been here to spend it with me. I did get to see him. I went over to the mansion to give him his gift. Bruce is still there. I'm glad Lex has somebody he cares about with him at this time of year.
I felt bad, because Bruce got me something. He got me a nice shirt. I didn't get him anything. I didn't know he was still going to be in town. Lex went overboard as usual. It's not his place anymore to tell me what to do, but I accepted his gift. He gave me a new Macbook Pro, laptop bag with a card that said "for when you go back to school next spring". It's sitting in my room. I haven't even turned it on yet. I kind of didn't tell my parents about it. On top of that, he's arranged for me to reenroll in classes. He even gave me a course catalog. I know Lex is right. I should go back to school, but I'd hoped that maybe he'd be there when I did. I did briefly take a look at the catalog. Lois caught me. She teased me about being a farm boy my whole life.
If I do go back to school, I don't think I'll be taking the same courses. I've sort of got an idea of what I want to do, but I need to think about it some more. I'm supposed to go see Oliver today. He wants to talk to me about New Year's Eve. Maybe I could talk to him about this. If I talk to Mom and Dad they'll get excited, and I can't deal with that right now. Lois is totally out of the question, and Chloe is away with Lana. I guess that leaves my new friend.
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