Author: GothGirl
Fandom: Smallville
Sequel/Series: freak4ever's live journal
Pairing: Clark/Lex Lex/other
Rating: Adult content
Category: angst, alternate universe, drama, established relationship, episode related,
Notes: spoiler for season three - five. Thanks to Lola, and jfc for beta and catching mistakes. 67,200 words.
Feedback: Yes please that would be very nice.
Disclaimer: DC Comics, Warner Brothers, Tollin/Robbins and Millar/Gough Ink own Smallville and its characters. I am just playing.
Summary: Clark Kent gets a live journal.
Related Links
Freak4ever Pretty Things Smallville Diaries Goth_Clark Tabloidboy
The week drags on
It hasn't been such a great week. My parents were very understanding, but when Dad got me alone, he told me that I
shouldn't do anything to help break Lex out of where he was. I was frank with him. I told him that it was on my mind to do that. He feels
it's an L family matter that I have no business getting into the middle of.
Despite what my dad said, I still tried to see Lex, but the doctors at Belle Reve told me that nobody was allowed to see Lex except his
father. I bet his dad put me on the list of people to keep out. I didn't even catch a glimpse of Lex. I was hoping that I would, but I
promised Lex I'd be really careful about how I use my abilities. Besides, there are cameras everywhere in that place.
Lionel's been at the mansion a few times in the past week. I wonder what he's doing there. I know he owns the place, but he was never really
there all that much. I hope Lex got rid of all that stuff in that room. It would totally suck if Lionel found those things. I also hope Lex
put the key to the ship someplace safe. I know it's almost completely useless and I don't have the ship anymore, but knowing Lionel, he'd
figure things out.
I'm going to go demand that Lionel let me see Lex.
School doesn't start up again until next week. I haven't even bothered to try to see Lana again. Mom thinks she was just upset and that
she'll get over it. How do you get over almost dying? I doubt she'll forget that I was responsible for what happened to her anytime soon.
It's cool. I know Chloe is at her side, and Pete has gone to see her. He said she was a little surprised to see him and accused him of
trying to be my eyes and ears. He told me he did tell her that I feel horrible about what happened. I really do. I never wanted any of this
to happen. I'm going to concentrate on trying to see Lex. Right now that is the most important thing to me.
FUCK!! I want Lex here right now. I miss him so much, and I wake up shaking thinking of what that fucking bastard is doing to him. I had a
nightmare that Lex came home and he didn't remember me anymore. He'd forgotten all about us and when I tried to remind him, he told me to
get out of his life forever. I hate my nightmares.
~
It's no use
I've gone to Belle Reve every day since Lex was taken away to try to get in to see him, but it's no use. I can't get
in. I even watched the mansion to try to get Lionel alone. I finally managed to talk to him. He told me not to bother Lex. He claimed that I
was part of the reason Lex was in the asylum.
He was such a jerk, treating me as though I wasn't even there as soon as he dismissed me. I wanted to grab him and shake him until he gave
me what I wanted. I should have. Then he called security to escort me out. I left on my own.
My dad told me today that I should just wait it out. Wait what out? I can't just leave Lex there. I should break him out. Then we could go
someplace together. We could do it.
Chloe stopped by to see how I was doing. She said Lana is still in the hospital and it will be weeks before she's released. She might not be
able to walk right again. It's not good. I just hope one day she can forgive me.
Now I need to burn off some steam. I am so tense right now, I could smash a barn in.
~
This has to be a nightmare
I wish I had Lex here. He'd know what to do, but if he were here, I wouldn't even be thinking about this.
I have to admit, I haven't tried to see Lex for the last few days. It's no use. His father is determined to keep me away from Lex. I went to
the mansion last night, and Mr. Big was there. He didn't ask me to leave this time. He actually invited me to sit with him, and I was on my
best behavior. We talked and he hinted that maybe we could come to a mutual agreement. He told me to come back on Thursday to talk to him
about what I could do for him in return for his allowing me to see Lex.
I don't trust him for a second and he totally gives me the creeps, but I will do just about anything to see Lex. I have to get in there and
make sure he's okay. His dad told me he's being well taken care of and that he needs time to recover, but I want to see him with my own
eyes.
I'm going over tomorrow after school.
I still haven't talked to Lana. Chloe said she's recovering and that I should just give her time. My mom says the same thing. She's been to
see Lana. Everybody's been to see her but me. I'll stay away just like she asked. I want to go check on her and make sure she's okay, but
it's better this way.
I wish Lex were here. I really miss him.
~
I'm back from seeing Lex's dad
I went to the mansion, but the security told me Lex's dad was at the caves. I went to the caves and he was there. He
made this speech about historical stuff and how he and I were a lot alike. He totally creeps me out, but I had to play along so he'd agree
to let me see Lex. Then he put his hand on my shoulder and thanked me for being a good friend to Lex. I reminded him that I am not just
Lex's friend. I practically yanked his hand off my shoulder and that was when he noticed that was wearing the ring, the one Lex gave me. I
know that bothers him that Lex gave it to me. It used to belong to Lex's mom.
Then he touched my face. It was the grossest thing ever. He is so disgusting. He touched me and said that maybe I could be nicer to him. At
first I was too stunned. I couldn't move. He leaned in close to me. I thought he was going to kiss me!
Then I jumped away from him and told him I had to get home because my mom and dad were expecting me. I have never been so happy to get away
from somebody. I was stupid to think he'd ever let me see Lex.
If his dad won't let me in to see him then I'll just have to figure out another way.
~
Back to square one
I should just break into that place and take Lex away. That would totally piss my dad off to no end. He's already angry
that I go every day. After my meeting with Lionel, there was no reason not to at least try to see Lex, so I've been going every day after
school. By now the staff all know me. I even brought coffee to the receptionist after I found out she loved the Talon coffee. She said she
hardly ever gets to go in for one so I brought her favorite in the hopes that she'd let me see Lex. No luck. She told me that Lionel and
Lex's doctor gave strict orders not to let anybody see Lex. It was worth a shot.
I spend most of my time doing the heavy chores and avoiding my parents. I don't want to get into a fight with Dad. We already had a huge one
over the weekend. I can't believe he's still chastising me for helping Lex. Dad still doesn't get how much I care about Lex. He just doesn't
believe it's real. I can see it in his eyes. Sometimes I hate my Dad so much, but then I feel guilty because of everything he's sacrificed
for me.
I still haven't seen Lana. I heard she's recovering but that it will take a while before she'll be able to walk again. Chloe said the topic
of me never comes up. I get that. It's not like I expected Lana to change her mind. I'm just glad Lana's going to recover.
I'm trying to get back to normal. School is so boring. I don't care about it much right now. Pete keeps trying to cheer me up and he has no
clue why I am so down. Thankfully he hasn't made any stupid cracks about Lex. The second he does, I am going to tell him exactly what Lex
means to me. I'm just not in the mood for any shit right now.
If I were Kal, I'd break Lex out of there without a second thought.
~
I have a plan
I've convinced the receptionist at Belle Reve to slip a note to Lex. I just have to write the note. I spent all last
night and all today trying to figure out what to say in the note. This is what I came up with:
Dear Lex
I just want you to know that I am here for you. I wish I was always there for you, including times when you tell me not to be there for you.
I miss you a lot. I was hoping your father would let me visit but he said you needed time to recover. I hope this time helps and that you
can come home soon.
Love Clark
I didn't want to say anything in the note like 'your dad sucks' or 'get out of there now because I just know your dad is up to something
nasty' just in case something goes wrong and Lex doesn't get the note. I'm going over today after school to give her the note. Then I'm
going to ask her if she could possibly let Lex write back to me. I really need to know that Lex is going to be okay and that he's safe.
I keep having these horrible visions of him being strapped down and tortured. It could happen. Lionel is a bastard and he would stop at
nothing to get his way. He already proved that by drugging his own son and trying to drive Lex nuts.
I feel so anxious today. I have this note in my pocket and I want to get it to him right now, but I need to finish this English assignment.
I think I'm wearing a hole in the floor from tapping my foot so much. Pete keeps warning me to stop. He's right. It would look really
suspicious if there was suddenly a hole in the floor just under my desk. These desks are too small. It's so annoying that they can't get
desks a huge guy like me can fit in.
I wish that clock would speed up. I wonder if I could do that, speed up time. That would be totally cool. I could make school hours go by
really, really fast, and during something nice, like some hot sex, I could make time almost stand still. I want that to be the next ability
I develop.
That would probably be a bad idea. I doubt I could resist abusing that power.
~
Fuck fuck fuck
God! That was...*shudders* fuck! Lionel touched me! He fucking wore the Kryptonite cufflinks when he stopped by to
chastise me for trying to slip Lex a note. I couldn't move or get away from him.
I was doing my homework earlier tonight when I suddenly felt sick. Lionel came up to my loft to talk to me about what I had tried to do.
Luckily I was already sitting down on the sofa or I might have fallen over from the effects of the rocks in his cufflinks. He had the
fucking nerve to act all polite like he was just stopping in for a visit to talk about Lex and he was all 'la la la hello, Clark. How are
you this fine evening?" Then he picked up my math textbook and pretended to be interested in what I was studying. Meanwhile I was trying
hard not to show how much pain I was in. I tried to stand up to get away from him, but he sat down beside me and grabbed my leg and told me
he had something very serious to talk to me about.
He pulled the note out of his pocket and threw it in my lap. Then when I didn't pick it up, he picked it up, and I think he totally touched
me there on purpose. I think my dick shriveled up when his hand brushed against it, and now I think I'm going to be sick. It was so
gross. Lex's dad was groping me! Then he told me he was disappointed in me and that he thought that I of all people should want Lex to get
better fast. He said Lex can't get better if I am constantly trying to interfere. He said if I continue to harass the staff, he'd have to
take more drastic measures to keep me away from his son.
Before he came up to the loft, he talked to my parents about my 'recalcitrant behavior' and that he expected me to stay away from Lex. He
leaned in really close and asked if I was sick then told me that I should take better care of myself. He just stared at me with his creepy
eyes and then suddenly he was standing and saying he had to go and that it was a pleasant visit.
FUCK HIM! It was not a pleasant visit! He's a fucking bastard and I need to get my heart rate down because I am still totally freaking over
all this and I can't talk to anybody about it. Dad came up to talk to me shortly after Lionel left. He told me to comply with what Mr.
Luthor wants. I knew Dad would say that. He wants me to stay under the radar and I bet Lex would say the same thing, except Lex probably
would have told me to break Lionel's hand. I told Dad I can't just sit by while Lionel does who-knows-what to Lex in that place. Then Dad
ordered me to stop trying to see Lex. He told me he expects me to obey him. Actually, he yelled it at me. I was so furious at him. Mom came
up right at that moment and she had this look on her face. I totally deflated. I lost my fight and just said "yes, sir" and went back to my
homework.
Why couldn't I have crashed on some other planet? I really want to be someplace else. Maybe I could go and kidnap Lex and we could find that
island he was stranded on and live there away from the rest of this insane world.
I fucking miss Lex so much, and not just because I am so horny, I could hammer nails with my cock.
I need a shower.
It's been a few days.
I haven't been up to much except chores, school work and staying up in the loft. Chloe is looking really ragged. I
asked a few times about how Lana was doing. Chloe said she's doing fine and has yet to ask for me. I wasn't asking Chloe if Lana wanted to
see me, but she knows that was what I wanted to ask. I miss her. I miss my friend. I wish there was some way I could make things up to her.
I don't want her to hate me forever, but right now it feels like she will.
Mom has been really cool. I wanted to tell her so badly about what happened the other day with Mr. Big, but I just couldn't. I look into her
eyes and see that she's already got enough to worry about. I never want to add more worry to that load. I want her to think that everything
is cool with me. I keep telling her I'm fine. I'm nowhere near fine.
I miss Lex so much. I stare at the ring he gave me and I think about the night he gave it to me. I think about all the things we've been
through together and how much I care about him -- how much I love him and wish that I could take him far away from all of this bullshit. I
want to do that. I want to travel far away. He said he'd take me to see the world. Maybe when he gets out we can do that.
I have to tell myself not to rush into that place and break him out. I fight it every single day. I got a call from Mr. Big a few days ago
reminding me of what we'd talked about. I was furious. I told him to eff off because I was keeping my end of the bargain. I know he'll never
keep his.
It's so frustrating. I want to scream as loud as I can and make sure the whole world hears my frustration. I think I'm going to see if mom
will make some hot chocolate. She baked really delicious smelling cookies today, and I didn't get a chance to have one yet. I better go make
sure those cookies know where my stomach is.
~
Finally!
Lionel stopped by my loft to speak to me. I was in the middle of doing something he can't ever see. I was using my
speed. Luckily I heard mom in the house telling Lionel I was in my loft. I wouldn't have normally paid attention to her voice except she
sounded panicked. She knew what I was doing, so I guess she freaked thinking Lionel would catch me, but he didn't. I slowed down to normal
human boring speed, which I hate, and he found me hammering away like a normal person. I knew he was right behind me the whole time but he
just stood there watching me. I had to pretend that I didn't hear him, since I had the radio on. He turned it off to get my attention.
At least I got to gross him out with my filthy, sweaty hands. He cringed as we shook hands. I probably should have put a shirt on. He
totally ogled my chest, but I pretended it never happened. I was too frustrated and pissed that he'd interrupted me. At least he wasn't
wearing those fucking cufflinks, which probably means he really doesn't have a clue about their significance.
He tried to make small talk, but I told him I didn't have all night. Luckily, he got to the point. He was there to let me know I could go
visit Lex 'at my earliest convenience.' Fucking prick! He hinted that I had better behave, or there would be hell to pay. He didn't say it
that way, but I knew what he meant. I pretended I didn't get it at all and just smiled and thanked him like he was gifting me with a million
dollars.
I am going tomorrow as soon as possible. I can't wait to see Lex. I keep running all kinds of conversations in my head of what I'm going to
say. I just hope I can at least touch him or even kiss him. I have no clue what it will be like, but I'm hoping it will be something
private.
I made sure to escort Lionel to his big fancy car and watched as he drove away. Once he was gone, I finished up what I was doing and rushed
into the house to shower and change. I was supposed to go over to see Pete, but I really wasn't in the mood. He's been getting on my case
about my over-preoccupation with Lex. He thinks it's unhealthy that I talk about him so much. I should probably just tell him why I talk
about Lex so much.
The first thing I am telling Lex is how sorry I am that I ran and left him for those doctors to take away. I know he told me to run, but I
have felt so guilty about what happened. I should have stayed. I should have taken Lex with me or something.
I can't wait to see him tomorrow. I am so anxious now. Just one more day and we can finally talk again.
~
How could it get much worse?
It did. Lex tried to escape from that place last night. He hurt two guards in the process. Lionel called this morning
to inform me that my visit with Lex yesterday agitated his son to the point that he attempted something foolish. Lionel told me that I'm not
allowed to see Lex again, and that I have to stay away from him. He totally blamed me for everything and said Lex's relapse is on my head.
He was shouting at me over the phone. I don't think I've ever heard Lionel so angry.
I talked to my parents this morning and told them what happened yesterday. Dad was not happy at all. He kept going on about how Lex can't be
trusted and that maybe he'd do or say anything to get out of that place. I was so furious at him. How can he say that? Lex has been
completely loyal to me and he's never told a single person my secret. He's even tried to protect me from others finding out, including
Lionel. I'm getting so tired of hearing Dad talk this way. He told me again to stay out of it, and he told me that I better not try anything
foolish. Then he just kissed my mom and went back to work like nothing was wrong.
How can he be so casual about everything that's happened? He knows how important Lex is to me, and he acts like this is all nothing and that
it's none of my business. I am so angry right now. First I get that call from Lionel, a call my mom answered so my parents were both there
to hear it all, then Dad chews me out.
After dad went outside to do work, I talked to Mom. She tried to make me feel better, but nothing will make it better. I feel so helpless.
Why couldn't Lex have let me take him away? Why did I have to listen to him? I shouldn't have run. I should have stayed, and then maybe none
of this would have happened.
I can't do work right now. I can't concentrate on anything. All I can think about is Lex and the last thing he said to me. He told me to get
away from him and not come back. Now he's in that place, hurt and alone. Even if you guys are right and Lex said it to protect me, it still
doesn't hurt any less to hear those words coming from him.
Maybe Lex is right. Maybe it's better if I stay away. I keep failing the people I love the most. I've failed Lex so many times. I should
have expected that he'd eventually want me out of his life.
~
NO!
This can't be happening. Lionel is a monster. He couldn't do this to Lex. He just couldn't. What am I supposed to do? I
can't just sit back and watch this happen.
Lionel has ordered Lex's doctor to use electroshock therapy on Lex! I've been at the Torch all night trying to find a way to get Lex out of
that place. I stumbled (don't ask) on information about Lex's doctor. She's controlled by Lionel. I can't believe he'd do this to Lex.
There's no way I am going to sit back and just let this happen. I thought if I listened to my parents and Lionel that eventually things
would be okay. I never once thought Lionel would go this far. Fuck!
What am I going to do? I have to stop that doctor from doing this.
~
Thank you!!
It worked. Chloe and I went to talk to Lex's doctor and she said she'll stop the procedure from happening. Lex is safe.
God! I am so glad. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about what could happen to him if Lionel's plan worked.
In other news, Lana is home from the hospital. Chloe told me I should go see her, but I have no intention of breaking my promise to her. I
can just hear from Chloe how things are going. She said it's been hard, but I know Lana is a strong person.
~
06:15 pm
What the heck!?
Lex's LJ was deleted! There's no way he'd do that. I know he would never do that. It must be Lionel. This is not a good
sign.
Chloe just came in to tell me that Lex's doctor is dead. Fuck!
~
11:08 pm
I was there
I had Lex in my arms. We kissed and it was like nothing I've ever felt before. Then it all went to hell, and I was too
late to save him. I was too late to save Lex. I didn't make it in time. I almost did. I had him and we were going to run, but then Ian and
Eric showed and they had a meteor rock and they beat the crap out of me and then they electrocuted me and took my powers and I had to fight
for my life. While I was fighting them off, Lex was... I can't even type it.
It's over. I failed him. Lionel did it. He fucking hurt Lex. I am going to make him pay. He's going to fucking pay for what he did. Somehow
I don't know how, Lionel is going to pay.
~
This is how it is
I went over to the mansion last night, but security told me that nobody was allowed to see Lex per his father's orders.
I didn't sleep last night at all. Then today after all the fucking chores dad had me do, I went over to the mansion and managed to see Lex
for all of ten minutes before his father came in and practically ran me out of the mansion.
Lex seemed okay. He was smiling and he looked gorgeous. His eyes sparkled, but there was something missing. He hugged me and called me Kal.
He told me that he doesn't really remember much. When I asked him how much, he said that almost all of his memories from the last three
years of living at the mansion are just gone. For some reason, he remembers last summer when we lived together, but I guess our other
memories are just gone. I wonder if he remembers how we met. I'm almost afraid to ask.
I barely had a chance to hold Lex in my arms. I almost started to cry when Lex thanked me for standing by him through his ordeal, even if he
doesn't remember anything I did to help him. He said his father told him I was a good friend. A good friend!
It took everything in me not to scream out what that monster had done to him. I see it in my head every time I close my eyes. I see Lex
strapped to that table...
Lex's father chased me out. He told Lex that he needed to get his rest, and then showed me the door. His father made it pretty much very
clear that he will hurt Lex worse if I so much as breathe a word of what happened. He told me to be the good stupid boy I pretend to be and
everything would be okay. Then he told me not to come around for a few days as Lex needed time to recover.
There wasn't anything else I could do but leave.
At least it was nice to see Lex, even if it was under such circumstances. I just wish I'd done more to help him.
When I got home, I tried to tell my parents what had happened, but they just didn't get it. They didn't get it at all. They were very
sympathetic and I tried so hard not to cry, but I kept seeing that smile on Lex's face. He looked so trusting and so happy to see me and I
failed him. I failed him so badly. He's never going to be the same again because I failed him.
Mom actually suggested I go to Lana's welcome home party at the Talon. I couldn't even stomach the idea of going. She's just another person
I failed to keep safe. I don't need that reminder right now.
I just need Lex to be Lex again.
~
I ran into Lex
I had to go into town with Dad today to get some supplies, and Lex was there. He was standing in front of the Talon
staring at it. I told Dad I'd find my own way home and rushed off to talk to Lex. I checked to make sure Lana wasn't around, and then we
went in to have a coffee and talk. Lex doesn't remember the Talon or how he paid to have it refurbished into a coffee house. He hoped that
driving around would jog his memory.
The coffee was nice. It was weird because he wasn't being his usual flirty self and at first that threw me off. I almost don't know how to
act around him. I'm afraid I'll inadvertently say something wrong. Not sure what I could say that would be wrong, but you never know. I
don't want to risk it.
Then Chloe and Lana showed up. That was totally awkward. I almost left as soon as they walked in the door. Lana has a cane and walks with a
really bad limp. I could barely look at her. They only stopped by our table long enough to say hello and then went to sit. Lana looks so
tired. Chloe looks worried. I had better talk to her later. I should call just to see how she's holding up. I'm sure she could use a friend.
I haven't told them yet about Lex's memory loss. I had better so they won't freak when they talk to him, and he doesn't remember what
they're talking about.
After the coffee, where not much was really accomplished except that we sat together and talked (it was almost like before we were dating),
Lex drove me home. We passed the bridge, the one where Lex and I met. Lex doesn't remember that day at all. I told him what happened, but he
said it didn't spark a memory.
He called me Kal when we were alone. The drive was mostly quiet, and when he dropped me off, I kissed him, and he kissed me back and told me
he wanted to take things slow. He wants to try to see if he can remember anything, so he asked me to give him time. I hope so. I can't just
keep telling him everything we've been through. How am I going to do that? I mean, I remember every single moment we've had together. I can
play any one of them in my head whenever I want, but I can't record those onto something. I wish I could.
Looks like I'll be jerking off a lot. Maybe that sounds selfish, but fuck it -- I miss Lex so much and this can't be happening to us. It
just can't.
I went back and locked all my other posts so he couldn't read them. I don't want to freak him out. I have to figure out how to handle this,
but first I have to do homework, then chores, and then eat some cookies. Mom said she would bake me some.
~
My day
I think Lex has forgotten my secret. I know he said his memory is full of holes, but how could he forget that? He
remembers the summer when I was Kal, but for some reason he forgot why I can do the things I do. I think he's forgotten that I'm an alien!
I spent my lunchtime trying to pick out something to get Lex for Valentine's Day. I ended up getting him a card, because I wasn't sure that
anything else would be appropriate. I stopped by the mansion after school to give it to him. He seemed to like it. He thanked me and kissed
me and it was soooooooooo good. I miss him so much. We played a game of pool and talked. It was nice, but not what I wanted for this day.
At least we kissed. Now I have homework and studying to do. I have a test tomorrow.
~
I'm pretty sure now
...that Lex has forgotten that I'm an alien. I haven't seen him for a few days. He hasn't called or anything. I'm
giving him space. I'm being good and not rushing over there and demanding sex, which is what I want to do. I miss him so much. I'm
constantly thinking about how things were before all this insanity happened. I think about the mistakes I made and how if I hadn't run maybe
none of this would have happened.
I talked to Mom and Dad last night about my suspicion that Lex has forgotten my secret. The first thing out of Dad's mouth was a great big
sigh of relief. He said I should just leave it alone. He thinks that the best thing to do is not push things. We had a big long talk about
it at dinner. I was too tired to disagree and maybe Dad is right. Lex asked me to give him time. I don't want to say or do something that's
going to upset him, or confuse him or make thing worse, so for now, I'm going to give Lex whatever he needs to get through all this.
I just wish... but I guess wishing isn't going to get me anywhere.
~
I am so furious right now
It seems like I'm either numb or angry these days. I walk through the halls at school barely aware of where I am or
what I've done. I ran into this guy the other day because I wasn't paying attention. I think I bruised his ribs. He was in pain even if he
pretended he was fine. Sure, Grant, I'm made out of metal. Yup that's me -- freak boy from another planet who probably could have crushed
you if he tripped and fell on you.
Tonight I'm just sitting here listening to music. It's Coldplay for me. Perfect for how I'm feeling. Like crap. Like I have no control over
anything at all in my life. Like I want to just explode or scream or even fly again. I almost did. I wanted to just fly away and never come
back, but that would be running from my life and I can't do that. I can't leave Lex here alone.
Lex who does not remember most of the things we've done together. He doesn't remember how we met! BANG! He smashed into me and then I was
kissing him and he stole my heart and that was that. I was his forever. I can close my eyes and think about his lips on my lips. I think
about how sometimes when he kisses me he grabs my hair and other times he caresses me gently. I think about how soft his head feels under my
fingertips. I think about how delicate and beautiful and gorgeous and vulnerable he can be but only when he's with me.
I want to go over there right now and tell him I love him. I just called and left a message, letting him know that I love him.
Want to smash things. Clark smashes! Clark smashes Lionel!!! I wish, but then that would be bad. My Dad would probably do worse than ground
me, or maybe not. Maybe he'd raise my allowance. He'd probably say something like 'Son, now that wasn't very nice. You should at least bury
Mr. Luthor.'
Now that I got that out of my system it's time for pie! Lots of pie.
AHHHHHH!!! He forgot I'm an alien! How could he forget that?
~
The past few days
Everything has just been so frustrating lately. I'm trying really hard to be patient, but sometimes it gets to be too
much and I want to explode. And for me explode = obliteration.
School has been so much fun! NOT! I mostly just do my work and get out of there as fast as possible. Pete's been kind of on my back. I know
he's worried and he means well, but I wish that when I tell him to back off, he'd actually back off.
I ran into Lana for the first time yesterday. It was uncomfortable to say the least. She seemed okay. She said she's still in physical
therapy. She's walking with a cane. I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but I'm pretty sure she'd tell me to stop
talking. At least we exchanged pleasantries. I miss her friendship.
Chloe's in a crabby mood today. Must be because I didn't finish the article I promised to finish for the Torch. I'll have to get to that
some time today.
I wish Lex would call. I really miss him.
~
I slept
Last night Lex called me. He sounded so out of it I rushed over there to be with him. He was drunk, and when I got
there he was flushing pills down the toilet. He was a mess, and he asked me questions that I answered with lies. He asked me why I can do
the things I do and about the car crash. I lied. I made up something stupid. I felt horrible the second the words left my mouth, but I
wasn't sure what to say, so I did what I always do. I did what I've grown up learning to do in order to hide the truth, a truth that Lex
knew before that bastard fried his brains. I lied, and it was such a pathetic lie. I know Lex knows it was a lie, and yet I still did it.
Then he tried to get me to drink with him, but I turned him down. I almost pointed out that I'm not legal to drink, even if the alcohol
would have had no effect on me. I was pretty sure that he didn't care if I was legal.
He kept urging me on even after I turned him down, and I started to realize he wanted me to take charge. Then I kissed him and I asked if he
wanted me to be Kal. He said yes, so I was Kal. I was so tempted to rush out of the room to find a red Kryptonite rock, but I was too horny
to leave him. It was so fucking nice to just let go and forget about all our problems. It was even nicer to rush us up to his bedroom, throw
him on the bed and rip all of our clothes off. I stared into his eyes as we fucked, and all I kept thinking was that I was going to fuck him
into unconsciousness. I wanted to fuck him really hard, I was so horny. I guess I didn't need the rock this time. I fucked him until I came,
which wasn't long because I was so fucking horny. It had been so long. I told him he was mine, and that no one else could have him but me
and that I'd take care of him.
Then he asked me to suck him off, and I did it gladly. It felt so amazing to have his cock in my mouth and feel the weight on my tongue. His
taste almost sent me into another orgasm. He screamed Kal when he climaxed.
We passed out after that, and when I woke up again a few hours later, I was hard a fucking rock. I fucked him again without asking and he
didn't seem to mind. He was pretty happy to lie on his back for me.
I had to borrow a t-shirt from Lex since I totally shredded the shirt I wore to his place. I got a really weird vibe from him when I was
saying goodbye. When I told him that I love him, he didn't say it back, not that I expected him to say it back. He doesn't even remember
falling in love with me. He doesn't remember me, Clark Kent. He remembers Kal, the guy he spent a summer with. He remembers the guy who
chained him to a bed and treated him like property.
It must be totally freaking him out. I tried not to think about it all day today, but it was on my mind constantly. I feel so guilty about
lying to him, but what do I say? Do I just tell him "Hey, Lex. I'm an alien and you already know about that and you're totally cool with
it"?
I should wait until he's regained some of his memory. That could happen.
For now, I'm going to close my eyes and jerk off to the fantasy that Lex is my bitch and I'm fucking him into the mattress. I am so horny
after writing this post. Fuck, I am so hard!
Nothing new to report
Things haven't changed much in the past week. I got laid but that's about the only exciting thing that happened to me.
I'm trying really hard to keep busy. I swear I'm being a good boy. I'm giving Lex all the room he has asked for. It's driving me crazy! I
want to rush over to him all the time. I want to be there to help him get through all this. The other night when we did it, I felt weird
afterwards. I couldn't figure it out at the time, and even though I've had all this time to think about it, I still can't put my finger on
what it was.
I just feel so helpless. I wish there was something more I could do.
Is there a mood theme for stir-crazy? I'm growing my hair again. It looks pretty cool. I haven't shaved for a few days. I think it looks
cool. It makes me look older, but Dad doesn't like it.
"Son, you're looking a bit scruffy there. Maybe you should shave." Only said with a really authoritative voice.
Okay, that works way better if you're actually here to see the impersonation.
~
I haven't done one of these in a while
Dad bugged me again this morning about my hair and my scruffy look. It's not even that bad. I like it, but I didn't say anything. I just kept working.
~
Crap!
My class is going on a tour of Mr. Big's business on Monday. This sucks. The teacher was all excited about the fact
that Mr. Big himself would probably be making an appearance probably so he can throw all of us out a window.
After careful consideration, and with the help of that poll people filled out, I've decided to grow my hair. My Dad made me shave this
morning. He didn't so much make me shave as hassled me until I shaved. Hassled, pestered, badgered, bullied, take your pick. It was really
annoying, so I gave in and shaved, but I told him the hair stays. He was fine with that, sort of. He kept giving me these looks until I
threatened to grow it down to my ass crack. That didn't stop the looks but at least he won't bother me anymore. Mom said I look very nice. I
totally gloated when she said that at the dinner table. Dad almost said something about me looking gay. I don't think I look gay. Nobody has
ever said that to me. Not even people who know me.
Do you think I look gay?
Dinner was interesting and kind of fun with Dad acting like I was breaking a state law with my long hair. It's barely a few inches long! I
can't wait to see what happens in a few months when I really don't cut it. I plan to grow it as long as possible. Maybe I will grow it down
to my ass crack. That would be a nice change. Plus my dad would blow a gasket. Should be fun. You should know, I almost never disobey Dad.
He's always right. He knows best. He's the one who makes the decisions in this family. That kind of stuff.
Seriously, I'm mostly joking, but it's only hair. I can't believe he's being this way about it.
I was hoping Lex would fill out my poll, but he didn't. I haven't heard from him in a few days. I think he went into the city. I look
forward to seeing him again. Maybe he'll be there when my class goes on that stupid trip.
Back to work. I have a major paper to write. It's going to be totally boring.
~
That was not exactly how I thought things would go.
Somebody from school saw me use my abilities. I didn't have a choice. My class went to the city for the LuthorCorp
economics field trip. Lionel was annoying as usual. He made this speech about how he thinks you should do everything in your power when
running a business to make sure you make as much money as possible. He's such a fucking jerk! All I kept envisioning was him telling the
doctor to shock Lex.
That wasn't really the highlight of the day. There was this accident where I was in the elevator with this guy from class. He always keeps
to himself so I don't really know him that well. This guy, Alec, can teleport! Alec and I were in the elevator together because the tour
guide didn't like my lack of respect for Mr. Luthor. The elevator started plummeting to the bottom floor so I burned the security camera
with my eyes. Then I shoved my arm through the wall and grabbed something to stop our descent. That did the trick, but then people started
trying to break in to get to us and I was so scared. I begged Alec not to say anything to anybody. Alec looked so terrified at first but
then he touched my shoulder and suddenly we were not in the elevator. We were outside of it and safe. He asked me to keep his secret so I
did. I didn't say a word to anybody about how we escaped. I told the tour guide we had just stepped out of the elevator before it started to
fall.
I didn't get a chance to talk to him after it all happened. We were both pulled aside and asked all kinds of questions, so we didn't finish
the tour with the class. I thought for sure they'd end it and send us home, but they didn't. I guess that's what Lionel meant by getting
things done at all costs.
I wonder how long he's had this ability and how he's able to do it. It's kind of cool. Imagine being able to vanish from one spot and then
reappear someplace else. I can run really fast, but this felt different.
That was more than enough excitement for one day. I'm still terrified Alec will say something. So far nobody has come to cart me away to a
lab so I guess he didn't breathe a word of it to anybody.
I didn't tell my parents about what happened. They heard about the accident and I reassured them I wasn't anywhere nearby when the elevator
fell.
I did some research into him. He keeps mostly to himself, but he seems to be a really nice guy. He's lived here all his life. He is really
gorgeous. He has long blond hair, blue eyes and the cutest smile. He's not built like me -- all huge and clumsy. He's shorter than me and
slim. A lot of people think he's a freak so they stay away from him, but I think it's time I get to know him better, especially if he's like
me. Not only does he have an ability that he hides, but I'd heard the rumor that he likes guys. Not that I'd do anything about it, but it
would be nice to talk to somebody who knew where I was coming from.
~
This is so cool!
I just ran into Alec in the hallway on the way into morning classes. We're going to a movie together tonight to talk
about our differences and not just about how he can teleport.
It turns out he has his ability because of the meteor shower. He said it changed him and made it so he can jump from place to place in the
blink of an eye. He said that it's all complicated science stuff. I believe him! He's a total science geek, but he really does not look like
a geek. I even told him about my LJ.
Lex didn't show up at the loft last night. I hope he's okay. I tried to call him this morning, but it went straight to voicemail.
~
10:03 pm
I almost kissed him!
Alec and I went to the movies and had a great time. It was so nice to get out and do something for a change. He's so
great and he is gay. He used to date a guy but he said once his ex found out about his ability, he freaked and broke it off with him. That's
too bad.
I know I shouldn't have almost kissed him, but I was so happy and I haven't felt that way in a while. Things with Lex have been so
upside-down and crazy. Lex forgot so much and I thought I could handle it, but maybe I was wrong.
Alec knows about my abilities and he's not freaked out about it. He thinks it's cool. I even told him about the heat vision and he was cool
about it. I was kind of forced to because he saw me fry the camera in the elevator. He really liked my telescope. Everybody always thinks
I'm a geek for having it, but he thought it was cool. We did some stargazing together and it was so nice and relaxed. It almost really did
feel like a date. Alec called it a date, but I insisted that it wasn't that at all. He seemed to be cool with that.
We talked about so many things: about growing up in this crazy town, about what it's like to have strict parents. We have so much in command
and the fact that he's gay is a nice change. He seems to get me. Then I drove him home even though he could easily have just teleported
himself there. I have to admit, I didn't want the night to end. That was when I almost kissed him, but I didn't do it. I stopped myself.
I had such a great time. I couldn't tell Alec that I was already seeing somebody because then I'd have to tell him who I'm seeing. That
would be bad since everybody in town knows who Lex is. I wish I could have been honest with Alec. I'm just happy to have a new friend I can
talk to.
~
He showed up in my bed late last night!
And I was totally powerless to stop him. I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about Alec, the almost-kiss, and Lex
and how things have been between us lately. Then suddenly I wasn't alone in bed. Alec was there in nothing but white briefs and he looked so
hot! He wanted me and he wasn't pushing me away. He climbed into my bed and into my lap and begged me to kiss him. And suddenly I was so
hard. He kissed me and I kissed him back. I couldn't help it. He was sitting right on my cock and grinding against me and he was hard and I
could see that he was already wet. I grabbed hold of his hips and wanted to do things to him. I almost did. We were kissing and he was
touching me, and telling me he wanted me. Then suddenly my Dad was in my room. I'd knocked over my alarm clock and the noise woke Dad up.
Dad ordered me downstairs and once he was out of my room, Alec kissed me goodbye and teleported home. I put on some clothes and went
downstairs to explain the situation to my parents. I was terrified because how was I supposed to tell them why there was a strange guy in my
bed almost impaled on my dick.
Dad was not impressed at all. My parents freaked when I told them that he knew about my abilities. I had to tell them about what happened in
the elevator and how I had no choice but to use my strength in front of Alec. Dad was so furious. He wanted to know if I'd spilled all my
secrets to Alec, including my weakness to the meteor rocks. That was so insulting. I'm not that stupid!
I tried to explain how it felt to finally have somebody who understood what it meant to hide not only a huge secret like our abilities but
also our sexual preference, but I don't think my parents got it. I know Mom tried, but Dad wasn't even willing to try to get where I was
coming from.
After I went back up to my room, I couldn't get back to sleep until I jerked off. I really did try to think about Lex when I did it, but
Alec kept popping into my mind. I couldn't help but imagine what would have happened if we hadn't been interrupted.
I feel so guilty for thinking that, but I couldn't help it. At least nothing more than kissing happened. I can fantasize. I know that's
something that wouldn't bother Lex. I didn't tell Lex about the accident at LuthorCorp. I can keep this to myself. Alec was just excited and
I don't want him to get into trouble just for that. Maybe if I try to explain that to Lex he'll understand.
~
10:05 pm
This is not good
When I went to get my book from my locker this morning, Alec was there waiting for me. He tried to kiss me right there
in the hall! I pulled him off of me before anybody could see and tried to tell him that we are just friends, but he said that there was no
way I would have kissed him and touched him the way I did last night if we were just friends.
Every time I saw him in the hallway or in classes, he tried to get my attention and in economics class we're doing a project together, so we
had to sit together, and at one point he touched my knee under the desk. After class, I pulled him aside and told him that he knows I'm not
out and that I want it to stay that way. He understood that for sure.
I pulled him into a bathroom and tried to reason with him. I told him that even if we were to date, we'd have to get to know each other
first before we did anything. Of course he brought up last night and told me that we have to date because we're the same and we understand
each other. I pleaded with him to understand this just isn't the right way to go about building a friendship with me. I hope I finally got
through to him.
I tried to avoid him for the rest of the day. When I got home from school, I found a framed picture of Alec in my loft. Then Alec was
suddenly there, telling me that he missed me. I told him my parents were really upset about what he did. When I tried to reason with him, he
vanished.
I just hope he doesn't pop in on me again tonight. If it gets worse I might have to talk to Lex about this.
Fuck! I really have to stop thinking with my dick! Must use head next time and not think about getting head. Great! Now I'm thinking about
Lex giving me head.
I just tried to call Lex. It went to voicemail! I can never seem to get a hold of him.
~
I have this problem
I met this guy, and everything seemed cool. We have a lot in common. We clicked right away. It was really nice to
finally make friends with somebody who not only knew what I was going through, but also knows what being in the closet is like, especially
in a small town. Then something happened and he suddenly thinks we're dating. I can't tell him about who I'm dating.
I'm not sure what else to do. I've tried to tell this guy that we are just friends, but he's not taking no for an answer. He's kind of hard
to pin down and hard to stop. I really tried hard to let him down easy and not hurt his feelings. Maybe I should just be blunt with him
since he's not taking no for an answer.
This week started off so well.
~
Big happy sigh
All is better now. I just spent the afternoon in Lex's bed, performing one lewd sex act after another and the best part
is I was doing it with Lex.
I guess I should start at the beginning. I stopped by Alec's place just before school to talk to his parents about him. They told me that
his weakness is lead. They warned me that he was a bit unstable. Now they tell me! So I devised a plan to trap him, only he somehow found
out about my weakness to the meteor rock and trapped me instead. He also knew about Lex and was determined to make sure I understood Lex
wasn't good enough for me.
He went to the mansion and tried to kill Lex. I was so panicked that I wouldn't make it in time, but I managed to get away from the rock.
Just as I arrived, Alec had a knife right at Lex's throat and he was going to cut him. Luckily, I stopped him in time and Lex only suffered
a shallow cut on his arm. We had to take Alec out into the hallway because when I got there, Lex and Alec were in the room where Lex keeps
all the stuff about me.
Once the police took Alec away and I answered all their questions, Lex and I had a long talk. I told him everything about my heritage. I
told him that I'm an alien. It was a lot easier this time around. Lex seemed to take it okay. Then he suggested that maybe I'm too young and
he's too old (like a few years really matter to me), for us to be so serious. He thought maybe I'd rather date somebody my own age. I told
him that I loved him way too much to give him up. He was very cool with that.
We had hot sex on the floor of his obsession room. Then we went up to his bedroom and did it again a few more times just to be sure. I
showed him how much I love him with my tongue, lips, teeth, hands, mouth and cock. Then I told him with words.
I should have come with instructions: suck, fuck and repeat until unconscious.
I hope he's really okay with my secret. Alec said that I can't trust Lex not to hurt me, but I know I can trust Lex. I know we'll be able to
work through everything. I really hope Lex starts to remember, but even if he never does, I can remember for the both of us. I should
totally tell him that red Ferrari is mine. He won't remember if it really isn't.
I better go get ready. Lex is coming over for dinner tonight.
~
Best weekend ever
I'm still walking on cloud nine.
I spent Saturday night over at the mansion with Lex. We had dinner, then we played some pool, a few games of chess, that I "lost", and then
we had some other kinds of fun, the kind that takes place in a bedroom with a bed, pillows, soft sheets (that I ripped) and lots of
lubricant. It was so nice to relax and not have to worry about stuff, like a stalker.
I still can't believe what happened. I can admit here that I wasn't 100 percent truthful about what happened with that guy, Alec. I didn't
lead him on, but he mistook my friendliness to mean he should give me a lap dance in my bedroom. The only thing that happened between us was
a kiss and a little groping (mostly on his part). Luckily, Lex isn't the type to exterminate somebody just for touching me. Ha ha -- just
kidding. I knew that already, although I haven't seen Alec since he was taken away by doctors. Hmmm.
I told Lex all about it and he forgave me. I wasn't sure what to do or think about everything. I mean, I have a normal reaction to somebody
I find attractive, and I did find Alec attractive. At least I did until he tried to kill my boyfriend. I draw the line at that. I thought I
could handle it, but everything spun out of control so fast and before I knew it, Alec had turned from a seemingly nice guy to a crazy
person.
I wasn't even going to talk about this. I guess I had to get it off my chest.
I have to get to class. More later.
~
11:08 pm
This can't be happening!
I'm always so careful, but this time, I hurt Lex during sex!
He's leaving tomorrow for Europe on a business trip with his dad. He'll be gone for a week. I went over to the mansion after school to spend
some time with him. It wasn't long (okay, I jumped him and almost tore his clothes off in his office) before we went up to his room and
started making out.
When I felt his tongue on my cock, I practically begged him to suck me off. I came and it felt so awesome, and then he was on me and he
topped me. He was thrusting into me and it was so incredible. I held onto his shoulders and now he's all bruised and tender. I've never done
that before. I was just so excited and caught up in the moment. He was in me and it felt so good.
He said he's okay, but the bruises looked bad. His hips and shoulders were already starting to look all black and blue by the time I left!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! And he's going away for a week and I won't see him and now this happens.
I shouldn't have held onto him. I should have held the bed or something else. The sheets! I could have held the sheets. At least if they rip
then nobody gets hurt. I was just so excited and it's been so long since he's topped and he felt so amazing inside me. The look in his eyes,
and I was coming and I lost control. I should have stayed with him tonight. My parents told me I couldn't because tomorrow I still have to
go to school even though spring break starts this weekend.
I was really surprised that Lex topped me. It must be because he doesn't remember that I usually top him. It would have been such a perfect
night if it hadn't been for the fact that I held on too tightly. Lex said he was okay, but he flinched when I touched his bruised shoulder.
He tried to hide it, but I saw.
~
Here I am...
... all alone sitting in my loft. Homework finished, chores done, and cookies eaten. I spent the day hanging with my
best friend, Pete. We went out to a movie, and then we stopped off at the mall in the next town over and just walked around. We basically
did nothing but hang out. At least we had his car. That made things so much better.
We stopped off at the Talon for a coffee on the way back. Lana was there. We talked. She said her therapy is coming along great. She's still
limping with a cane. She didn't look any better to me, but what do I know?
After Pete and I left the Talon, we came back to my loft and settled in for some guy talk stuff. Not that Pete wanted to hear this, but I
told him I'm seeing somebody, and that it's a guy and that we do that kind of stuff together. That was when Pete looked at his watch and
realized that he needed to be home fast. Needless to say, he didn't stick around for details. I wasn't about to reveal any. I just needed
somebody to talk to about what happened with Lex, and going to my parents about my sex life (the one that involves Lex and me doing things
together) is just something I can't do. I almost did. I was ready to talk to my Mom about it last night but then she looked at me with her
Mom eyes and I couldn't. There is no way in heck I am ever going to Dad about this.
I'll have to come at this from another angle. I mean, how do I talk to Mom about what happened the other night with Lex? Pete is the only
option. It's easier to talk to him, and he already knows my secret, so I'm hoping he'll stick around long enough to hear me out. I'll try
again tomorrow.
I just have to figure out how to word this:
"So, Pete, the other day Lex and I were fucking and I broke him."
"Hey, Pete. What do you think is the best way for somebody like me who's so strong he can lift the tractor to not damage the sex toy?"
Nope that won't work at all. I have to find the right words. I don't want to lose control again and hurt Lex like that.
Lex hasn't called or anything since he left for his business trip. I can't call him because I have no contact number. It's only been a few
days. I can hold out. I can jerk off. I actually haven't done it yet, since I've been too preoccupied. Maybe if I keep myself really busy
with work, I won't even think about sex. I won't think about Lex naked beneath me with his muscular arms around me and his legs spread wide
and his hand on my cock, stroking me, and his sexy voice urging me to come in his hand and make a big mess. He'd kiss me gently at first,
and then tease my mouth open with his wet tongue. He'd say my name, only not Clark; he'd say Kal, my real name, really low in his throat and
tell me to fuck him.
I have to go right now.
~
I finally did it
Last night, Pete came over to play some ball and hang. I got him to sit still long enough to talk about my problem. I
only said that I am seeing somebody. I didn't give details. I didn't tell him who I was seeing. He guessed. He asked if the person I'm
seeing was somebody who lives in a huge mansion and owns a million cars. I couldn't deny it. Pete said he'd been thinking about it since I
told him the other day that I wasn't single. He realized the only guy I spend more time with than him (and he's pretty sure we're not
dating) is Lex.
So now Pete knows about Lex. I made him understand that Lex and I are serious, and that Pete really needs to be as discreet about that as he
is about my secret. He thinks I'm totally insane to want to go near somebody as nasty as Luthor. Pete's never liked Lex. He even tried to
kill him once, though he doesn't really remember that. Come to think of it, maybe he's tried to kill Lex a few times.
I tried to tell Pete that Lex is really good to me, but he didn't want to know any more about my relationship with 'that snake'. I have to
admit that I find it really irritating that he still talks about Lex that way even though Lex has done so much good for the community. He
even paid all of Lana's hospital bills!
I let Pete know that my parents know all about my relationship with Lex and that they are cool with it. He couldn't believe that my Dad was
cool with it. I didn't elaborate about how long it took Dad to come around to my way of thinking, but dad really is cool with it.
Anyway, so Pete didn't have any suggestions other than to keep my hands off of Lex. I told him that was not an option. Then Pete and I had a
little fight. He let me have it. He told me I was insane and that Luthor is way too old for me and that I am way too young and how Lex could
get into major trouble if anybody knew about us. I was so pissed off. I didn't mean to threaten Pete, but I guess that was how it came out.
I told him that I would know who spilled if it was to get out about Lex and me. He said it was so obvious that I had a thing for Lex that he
was surprised the rest of the town didn't notice.
I never thought it was obvious, but Pete said that ever since Lex came to town, I've mooned over him and followed Lex around like he was
some movie star. Pete always thought it was because Lex was so different from the people I was used to, and that it would eventually wear
off. He knew I liked Lex but not this much. Pete really let me have it.
He left angry and now he's not talking to me at all. I tried to call him but his mom said he was too busy to come to the phone. I had better
give him some time to cool off. This just totally sucks. I don't want to fight with Pete. I hardly have any friends as it is, and Pete's
always been there for me.
Maybe Pete wasn't the best person to go to about my problem.
Dad and I are going into town. I had better talk to him about what Pete learned. I really need his advice right now. I can't talk to Lex
because he's unavailable and won't be back until some time next week. I can't wait to see him again. I miss him something fierce.
~
I figured out what to do
I've been experimenting with slivers of green Kryptonite. I was hoping I could somehow bring a piece into bed with me
when I'm with Lex. I found a small lead box that I can easily carry in my pocket. It blocks the effects of the meteor rock until I open the
box and expose myself to the stone.
Pete helped me out. Things between us are cool again. He just needed time to wrap his head around the fact that I'm dating Lex. He found a
rock and broke a small piece off that I can experiment with. He was totally against it but I convinced him that I really need to do this.
I discovered that the pain isn't that bad if the piece is small enough. The only problem is, after a while I really start to feel horrible.
I want to feel weak, not horrible. I want to be like Lex instead of so strong I leave bruises all over him. I don't want to hurt him again.
I'm going to keep experimenting. So far, I can stand to be close to the small piece for fifteen minutes before my insides feel like they're
going to fall out. Maybe I can develop a tolerance to the rock. It's worth a try. I can't hurt him again. I don't want to. I try so hard to
control my body, but sometimes I get so excited.
My plan is to somehow get the box out and hide it where Lex can't find it. Then hopefully go from there. Pete thinks it's a stupid plan. His
suggestion was that I stop doing it with Luthor. He was trying to be funny, but that was the last thing I needed to hear. I still haven't
been able to talk to my parents about it. I just can't do it.
~
Lex is back
I went over to the mansion after school to say hi to Lex and welcome him back from his trip. We started to make out on
the sofa in his office and everything was going great. I felt so amazing. Then I forgot myself for a second and squeezed his leg too hard. I
probably bruised him. He flinched so he must have felt it. I didn't stick around to find out. I panicked and said I needed to get home to do
stuff.
I feel all anxious now because I sort of suddenly took off on him.
Now Dad knows about all this. Later in the day, when we were working together on some repairs, Dad asked me what was wrong. I wasn't sure
what he meant until he said that I'd avoided touching him all day. We sat down and had a talk. I didn't give details. I told him about today
and how I'd been so excited to see Lex again after he'd been away that I hurt him.
Dad tried to tell me that it was just an accident and that I was probably overthinking it. Maybe. All I know is that I don't want to hurt
Lex again. I'm carrying the box with me all the time just in case. I exposed myself again to the rock this time for twenty minutes. I moved
closer to the rock and then farther away to see if distance would have any kind of effect. It didn't really seem to make a difference. It
hurt about the same at any distance. I can get used to it. I have to. I can't think of any other way to do this.
I'm going to experiment some more before I take a shower and go to bed. I feel too wired to go to bed right now.
Worst night ever
I tried out my plan. It turns out it was the stupidest plan I've ever had.
I went over last night after dinner to see Lex. I was hoping we'd get up to some action and we did. While I got undressed and into his bed, he had to go do something, so by the time he returned, I'd set the green meteor rock on his bedside table. I put it where he wouldn't see it. That's where the plan went bad. I was so sick from the rock being nearby that Lex panicked and reached for his cell phone to call my parents about my sudden illness. His phone was right beside the rock, so he ended up grabbing the rock instead of the phone.
At first, I wasn't sure what was happening. I was in so much pain. It felt like it went on forever. I don't know how much time passed. Lex just sat there, staring at the stone, and then he got all panicked. He removed it from the room and the pain ended. When he came back, he asked me if I knew of anybody who would try to get to me by putting the stone there.
That was when I had to tell him that I was the one who put the kryptonite there. He was not impressed. He got really pissed off. He didn't yell or anything. He never yells when he's mad, which is worse since I'd rather he yelled at me, but he didn't. Instead he got really quiet and asked why I would do something like this. I tried to explain to him that I never want to hurt him again. He told me to go home. It was really humiliating, but I have only myself to blame. He said we'd talk about it later.
That was really a stupid thing I did. I wanted to talk to Lex about it last night but he really did not look like he was in the mood to hear what I had to say. He doesn't understand. He doesn't know what it's like to lose control just for one split second and then something is broken. I broke the sugar bowl this morning. I only lost concentration for a second. I'm going to pick up a new one for mom after school.
Maybe dad is right. Maybe I am overthinking this. I haven't felt this lost about my freakiness in a long time.
Lex hasn't called me yet. I know it's only been since last night that I saw him, but I was hoping he'd call me this morning. I want somebody to tell me that everything is going to be okay.
The weirdest thing happened when I was running to school this morning. I suddenly stopped in the middle of running and I couldn't run anymore. It only lasted for a few minutes. I've never had that happen before.
I hope this isn't another a new ability manifesting. I can't even imagine what my body will do now. Like shooting fire out of my eyes wasn't freaky enough.
~
10:45 pm
I got an A in science
Yay for getting an A on my science paper about solar flares.
The rest of my day went okay. I picked up a new sugar bowl for my mom on the way home. I also helped Ms. Fletcher carry her groceries to her car. She called me her hero. I totally blushed when she said that.
I had to drive some fence posts into the ground for my dad, so I did that after dinner since it would only take me a few minutes to finish. I managed to embed one of them in so deep it's barely sticking out of the ground. Dad wasn't impressed.
After that, I did some homework. I picked up my phone a few dozen times to call Lex, but then changed my mind. He said he'd call, so I'm waiting. And waiting and waiting...
Waiting sucks.
I had some pie after dinner. Mom made the most amazing apple pie today.
Now I have to get to sleep. I'm kind of tired.
~
Oops!
I broke the tractor. I was trying to help Dad. He needed it hoisted up so he could fix it. At first my strength was gone. I couldn't budge it an inch. Then I tried harder, and suddenly it was flying through the air, vanishing at the distant horizon. That was so embarrassing. I've never done anything like that.
I ran to find where it had landed, hoping nobody had seen. Lex saw. He was right there when the unscheduled flight landed. Luckily it didn't hit him, but it was close. He said he was just stopped at the intersection when suddenly the tractor landed ten feet away, parts flying everywhere. After I explained to him about my loss of control, we went back to the farm and figured out a way to get the broken tractor back there before anybody found it. Nobody saw us and we managed to get the now totally smashed tractor home. I felt horrible. My parents can't afford much extra, so losing the tractor like that really sucks. It was just so stupid. Lex offered to pay for a new tractor but Dad turned him down. Mom and I are going to talk to him about it. We can't afford a new one, and it would look weird if we suddenly didn't have a tractor. People might ask questions.
After all that was over, Lex and I went up to my loft and we talked about the things that have been happening to me lately. I told him about all the incidents of my loss of control over any of my abilities. He promised me we'd figure out why this could be happening to me. He went home after a few hours of talking. I wanted him to stay with me, but I couldn't ask him to do that. I feel so helpless. Just a few minutes ago my strength gave out again and I'm too afraid to touch anything. I'm typing as carefully as I can in case my strength returns all of a sudden. My hands are shaking so badly.
I wish Lex would call with something, anything. I don't even care if it's a solution to why this is happening. I just want him to call.
~
I'm at the mansion
It's not enough that my strength is going all haywire. Now my speed is messed up. I tried to run to school today and somehow ended up in Oregon. Nice place but it wasn't where I was aiming for. When I tried to run home, my speed totally gave out and I panicked. I was really hoping I could get back home without anybody noticing I was gone, but all I had on me was a few dollars to buy milk and a snack for lunch.
I called Lex and he came right away in his helicopter to come get me. It took awhile and I missed school. By the time we were back at the farm, my parents were panicked. The school had called to find out why I wasn't there. I can't believe that I totally forgot to call and tell them where I was.
We were talking about what might be causing my malfunctions when my heat vision suddenly flared up and I set fire to the kitchen curtains. I lost complete control! Lex and my dad contained the fire. I just freaked out. Then Lex offered to let me stay with him here at the mansion until we can figure out for sure what's causing my problems. He was doing research all morning until I called from across the country. He thinks it has something to do with some major solar flare activity that started at just about the time that my abilities went crazy. I hope he's right.
We're researching it right now together. It's so cool to watch Lex be all intense about figuring this out. He looks sexy. I want to jump him, but first I'm hungry and I need something to eat. Pause for the cause.
I cut my finger on a knife! I bled. I never bleed.
~
A night that I'll never forget.
I'm normal, sort of. I don't have my abilities right now. I lost them some time last night. Lex thinks they'll return eventually. I hope he's right. It feels cool to be normal but at the same time, it feels kind of strange.
After I cut my finger and it didn't heal, that was when we realized that all my abilities were gone. At first I felt panicked, but I was with Lex so I knew everything would be okay. It was better than okay.
We played a game of pool, and that was cool because I was no longer strong enough to knock the balls into the middle of the next county. Then suddenly Lex started to kiss me, and he got down on his knees and sucked me off right there. At first I was kind of freaked about him doing it right there in his office. I wanted to stop him, but he seemed so determined. There was this look in his eyes. He was very determined and I gave in. My knees almost gave out when I climaxed. It was so incredible and different. For one thing, the sensation of his tongue on my cock was so heightened that I came even faster than normal.
If that wasn't enough, he then turned me around, yanked my pants and underwear down to my ankles, and bent me over the pool table. At first I was kind of freaked because we were still right there in his office. When he slid into me, I thought I was going to explode. I grabbed hold of the table and it didn't crack, or break, or bend as it would have if I'd had my strength. I could grab anything I wanted without the fear of breaking it. I will never forget the feel of Lex's cock deep inside me and his hands on my body as he thrust into me. It's not that I don't feel it when I'm normal, but this was different. The burn and the pain were so much more. More is not even an adequate word. I don't really know how to describe the sensations. It was just different.
I didn't want it to stop. I can still feel it. They're not kidding about that. I'm not back to normal yet. The cut is still on my finger and my ass hurts in a good way. I was fucked! And it was awesome.
We went up to his bedroom and curled up together, naked. His body felt so amazing when I touched him. We kissed long and lingeringly. He felt so amazing. His strong lips on mine and his wonderful, firm grip on my body lulled me into a peaceful sleep. I wanted to stay awake and just touch him forever, but I was exhausted. I passed out.
This morning I woke up to find I was already hard and rubbing up against Lex. I woke him with passionate kisses and then I topped him. I was inside Lex and it was incredible! He felt so amazing and I lasted about five seconds. I practically exploded inside him. I didn't have to worry about touching him and accidentally hurting him. I could grab his arms and hold on tightly as I came. It was so incredible. I keep saying that but it really was. I've never felt so amazing.
Then we took a shower together, and I got down on my knees and sucked Lex off. I love the feeling of his cock in my mouth and I wanted to see how it would feel now. My throat was sore after, but it was totally worth every single second of him thrusting deep into me until I could feel the head of his cock at the back of my throat. Fuck, this is making me so horny just remembering. The best part is I will always remember every single detail of last night and this morning.
I wanted us to fuck again but I had to get to school. Since all my abilities were gone there was no reason I couldn't still go, plus my parents would kill me if I didn't.
We got dressed together. It's really fascinating watching Lex dress, but then I think everything Lex does is fascinating.
Lex drove me to school. I was so deliriously happy that I almost kissed him goodbye right there in front of the school before I got out of his Porsche. When I finally did get out, Pete was there. He gave Lex this nasty look, and then chastised me for letting Lex drive me to school. He thinks it looks bad and that people will talk, but everybody in town knows Lex and I are good friends. I'm not worried. I told Pete that I didn't care because I got me some last night. That shut him up right away.
I'm way too happy to be worried. The cut on my finger is still not healed, but I don't care because I got laid last night and it was awesome.
~
I'm back!!!
I'm normal again. At least I'm normal for me. I can lift the tractor and run faster than a speeding bullet. I can also have sex without breaking my boyfriend.
My abilities returned on Friday just as school ended. I rushed over to the mansion to let Lex know that I was better. It seemed he was right about the sun being the reason my abilities went all wonky. He thinks the sun is the source of my powers. I thought about it and he's probably right. I do spend a lot of time outdoors because of all the farm work I do, and I always feel so much better after being outside for a while. I love the sun and I love soaking up the rays. I don't really ever burn or tan much, so I never worried about that.
After we talked about it, Lex grabbed me and dragged me up to his bedroom and seduced me. That's really what happened! I was a little panicked at first because I was back to normal, and the last time we did it, I didn't have my strength, but Lex was just too hot and I couldn't keep my big hands off him. I grabbed him and tore his shirt off. He begged me to fuck him hard, so I did and it was awesome. I turned him over, stripped him naked, and fucked him into the mattress. I didn't even break the bed this time. I was a good boy. He was so hot and his moans pushed me over the edge. I even held his hands when I came and managed not to crush him. I think I have it all under control.
Lex is the best thing that ever happened to me. I can't imagine not having him in my life.
~
The past week
I've been so busy with schoolwork and farm work that I haven't had much time for anything else. I had a major essay due, and that's finally out of the way. I handed that in this morning. I really didn't do much else except study and work. My head hurts from so much studying, but dad would kick my rear if I didn't get great marks.
It's been a few days since I've seen Lex. Yesterday, I called him after I'd finished up afternoon chores, but his cell went straight to voice mail. I had a few free hours before dinner, so I stopped by the mansion but he wasn't there. His security people said he'd gone to the city and wouldn't be back until late. He hadn't said anything about going into the city to me. It's not like he has to tell me everything he's doing, but I was hoping we could do something. I guess I can stop in to see him after classes let out. I'm hoping we can talk and just hang out.
Everything else in my life is pretty quiet. Lana doesn't seem to be mad at me anymore. Chloe is her usual self. I think she's chasing another weird story. I'll have to ask her what it's about. Maybe she could use my help. Pete has been quiet. I've noticed he's been hanging out with a new girl. I'm assuming she's another one of his 'friends'. He never changes. I'm glad that some things stay the same.
~
Last night was fun
I stopped by to see Lex a couple of days this week after school.
On Monday, he was kind of preoccupied, so I didn't take up too much of his time. Yesterday, he had some extra time for a quickie in his office. I wanted to move it upstairs to his bedroom, but he seemed kind of anxious. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't complaining once my cock was in his mouth. He sucked me off and jerked himself off all over me. It was kind of messy, but I managed to clean myself up. Lex looked satisfied afterwards. I felt awesome.
I wish he'd stop calling me Kal. In the middle of his seduction (because that was what it was) he called me Kal. I teasingly reminded him that my name isn't Kal. I mean, my name is Kal, but it's not the name I go by. I want him to call me Clark. I let it slide but later after I got home from his place, I realized that he had called me Kal again as I was leaving.
I guess he wants to use that name because his only memories of me are from when we were living together last summer. I was pretty much Kal then. I did tell him it was okay for him to do that. I should probably just drop it and not mention it again. It's not really a big deal. It just sort of bugged me last night. I'm not really sure why.
Last night, I found my favorite shirt. I thought I'd lost it a long time ago, but it turned out it was in the back of my closet, under a pile of dirty laundry. I totally love this shirt. I wore it to school today. I really like the color blue. I especially like this blue flannel shirt. It's got this awesome worn-in feeling. I feel so comfortable wearing it.
~
That was strange
I saw Lex on Friday about the whole Kal thing. I told him it's cool. He can call me Kal if he wants. I guess it is my real name, technically. I mean it is my real name. I'm just not used to it and the whole thing with my biological father being a jerk and wanting me to rule earth sucks. I don't want to be reminded all the time. I just want to be Clark Kent, mild-mannered high school guy.
This is totally embarrassing. I woke up this morning hard as a rock! I could have hammered nails with my dick. On top of that, I was late getting up for school and Mom barged into my room just as I was jerking off! She didn't even knock or anything. I managed to roll to the floor to hide from her. The fact that my own mom was in the room did not even diminish my hard-on. I practically begged her to leave my room so I could have some privacy. Luckily, she left, closing the door behind her. I finished jerking off just a few minutes later trying really hard to push the image of my mom out of my mind.
This whole weekend, I've been so horny. I have a very healthy libido, but this was ridiculous. I've jerked off at least three times every night since last Thursday. First there was Friday morning when I woke up hard and jerked off even though I could hear my parents talking in the kitchen. I was just making sure they weren't upstairs. I was so caught up in stroking myself off and too afraid they'd suddenly come upstairs and catch me. That was not an experience I wanted to repeat. That's why I didn't hear my mom this morning until it was too late.
All weekend I would find that just about anything turned me on. I was watching this show and this guy was really hot. I had to turn it off and go upstairs to my room to take care of the raging hard-on I'd developed. I don't get it. It's not like I'm deprived. I get sex all the time. I can't even think of what might be the cause other than I'm just a fucking horny prick. I hope it's not alien heat or something.
Maybe I could call Lex today and go over for a quickie. I could rush in, bend him over the desk in his office, yank his tailored pants and expensive briefs down to his ankles and fuck him until he begs me to come. Fuck! That totally made me hard again. I have to find a private place to jerk off. Why can't it be lunch time already?
My hormones have taken control of me.
~
NO!!!!
Gym class was hell yesterday! All it did was fuel more fantasies. Stupid brain! Stupid sex! Okay, maybe not stupid sex. I'm just so frustrated and I can't exactly expect Lex to fulfill my every waking sexual-frustration moment. For one thing, it's unreasonable. He has a life and I have a life.
At least now I feel much better. I'm not as horny this morning as I was last night. I went over to see Lex after dinner last night. It was kind of awkward mostly because I didn't just want to jump him and say 'booty call!'
Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. I cracked and practically jumped him. He was just so hot and so there, and he kept drinking from his water bottle and his lips... I wanted him so badly. He was totally teasing me on purpose. I just know it. He is evil!
I didn't ask if we could go upstairs to his bedroom. I just kissed him and turned him around. Then I yanked his clothes off and bent him over the pool table. It was the most amazing fuck I've had in a while. I wanted to do it again ten minutes later, but Lex is only human and eventually I had to go home.
I still went to bed last night desperately trying to ignore my libido. Even after the hot sex, my hormones were raging. I had to jerk off before I could get to sleep and again this morning when I woke up. At least my mom didn't interrupt me this time.
This time I fantasized that Lex was on his hands and knees and I had him chained down. He was begging me to fuck him as hard as I could. I imagined my cock deep inside him. I thought about how tight he was and before I knew it, I was coming. I almost shouted his name out loud, but managed to bite my tongue at the last second.
Maybe it is some alien thing where now that I'm getting it on a regular basis, I have to make contact with Lex before too much time passes or I'll go insane. I really felt like I was going to go insane if I didn't fuck him. Or maybe I'm just a horny teenager.
Great! Now I'm horny again, and I have gym class again. Fuck!
~
This is kind of embarrassing
Lately I've been sort of almost always sexually excited. I seem to need to take care of myself at least three times a day every day. The other day, I even went over to see Lex just because I wanted to do it. I practically jumped him and even after we had a very satisfying moment, I went home and still had to take care of myself. It wasn't just last night either. I had to this morning as well and even during lunch, I ducked away someplace private to do it again!
Is that normal? I know I'm only a teenager, but seriously, is it normal to want it so much?
I tried to talk to my best friend about it, but now that he knows I like guys, he doesn't want me to go there in detail at all. I can't talk to my parents because they're my parents. Even if they know I'm growing up, they don't want to be told I'm growing up. So I was hoping maybe somebody could tell me if this is normal.
~
I tied him up
Last night I went over to see Lex. I didn't even bother with small talk. I just jumped him in his office. He was busy doing work, but I didn't really care. I wanted him so I took him.
I'm still really horny a lot. I finally told Lex about it right after I shoved everything on his desk aside and fucked him until we both came. I figured I owed him at least some explanation for why I've been so hot for him. I suppose it could be because he is hot. I mean, I walked into his office and there he was in his tight shirt with his sleeves all rolled up and his gorgeous arms flexing as he twirled a pen. He looks so sexy all lost in thought.
I went over to his place the night before for pretty much the same reason. That time we actually talked for a few minutes before I jumped him.
It's like I want nothing but sex all the time from him. I know I definitely want more but this is insane how much I want him under me and how much I want to be in him.
After we had sex, I wanted more. He suggested we play out one of my fantasies, so we went up to his room and I ordered him to be my sex slave. I tore his bed sheets into strips and tied him up. Then I stripped him naked and licked him all over, starting at this toes. I even licked his tight hole. It was so hot. I would never admit this to anybody, but I love doing that to him. I don't really do it that often, but I go insane when I do. I love to have that control over him. He twitched and writhed and moaned and his cock was so hard. When I speared him with my tongue he begged me to fuck him hard. So I did. I fucked him until he screamed my name.
I am getting horny again just thinking about it. I woke up this morning rock-hard and jerked off to the memory of my tongue and cock in his ass. I want to control him, but at the same time I want him to still have as much control over what we do as possible. I want to make him scream, writhe, moan, struggle, squirm with ecstasy, and come so hard he forgets his own name.
I think I'm going to call him today after school to see if he's busy.
Is it hot in here?
~
I wish...
...people would stop emailing me with offers to make my penis bigger. I don't need any help in that department. While you're at it, I really do not need to enhance my sexual prowess. I think if it were any more enhanced I'd kill Lex. He is only human after all.
I ran into the city to meet with Lex. Okay, I didn't even set up a meeting with him, but I couldn't hold out any longer. I needed him. He was in his dad's office doing some work. Can you believe that! On a Friday night when he could be out having fun... so I decided to bring the fun to him. We sort of kind of had sex on this really nice black leather sofa in his daddy's office. The strange thing about his father is that he doesn't have any cameras or surveillance stuff in his personal office. Once I discovered this, I kind of didn't really care where we were. It was so awesome.
I had to run home shortly after, but I am in heaven. Lex looked so hot in a suit with no tie. I should have tied him up with that tie! Why didn't I think of that? I guess I was in a sexual haze.
This has to be some kind of crazy alien thing.
The other night, Lex asked me to think about what my sexual fantasies are. He said he's more than willing to fulfill every single one of them.
I've spent the last few days thinking about this very important subject. I did a little research then I stopped because my fantasies are lame, so lame compared to some of the ones I've read. Wow -- some people have very interesting imaginations.
We've already established that I like to tie Lex up. In fact, I joked the other night when he was tied up that I'd leave him like that so he could be my sex slave. I think the joke fell flat. I forgot he still remembers Kal and what he did to Lex during the summer.
I like to lick him, that's for sure. I want to fuck him while sitting down so that he has to ride me and I control how deep I am inside him. That one sounds kind of hot.
I know we've already played out some of his favorites. I wonder what he wants to do with me. He could tie me up but it's not real. I can escape any time I want. I've felt a few times what it's like to be helpless, but I don't really know what it means to be tied up and at his mercy. I'd want that, but unless I suddenly lose all my abilities and turn into a normal boy, it probably won't happen. That's cool. I'll just have to come up with stuff that's within my limitations.
I don't really want to hurt Lex. I know there's S&M as an option, but I'm too strong for that. I wonder if that's something Lex wants to do. If it is, I'll do it just for him. No matter what it takes I'd make it happen so he could have that. He could dress up all slutty and I could spank him. Spanking sound fun, except I am so strong I'd be too afraid of getting carried away. It could be a good way to learn self-control.
I can't really think of anything else, but this is kind of fun. I just love to be with him, so no matter what we do, as long as he's with me I guess it doesn't really matter.
Options for sexual fantasies with Lex
- Spanking (I spank him for being such a bad boy)
- Bondage (I tied him up, he ties me up and I pretend to be helpless)
- Role play dress up (I'm a helpless alien that he captures and turns into his personal sex slave)
- Role playing (I'm the rich guy who hired him to pleasure me)
- S&M
- Using toys (like whips and stuff)
It looks like I have a good list. I hope this is the kind of stuff Lex means, or I am going to be really embarrassed. Now I need to go jerk off because this has gotten me horny.
The week is almost over!
How did that happen? I've been so busy with chores and other stuff that I almost didn't realize what day it was. I'm still hornier than I know what to do with. Sometimes Lex is there to help out, but a few times it was just insane. I have jerked off at least four or five times a day over the last week. I'm starting to get used to the idea that I am just a raving sexual beast that can never be satisfied. I need help. I have to ask Lex to do some tests on me or something because it's gotten worse over the last few days. I jerked off last night then called Lex to see if I could stop by. I almost rushed over to the mansion before his security person answered the phone and said that Lex was in the city on business. They had no idea where he was exactly, which seemed odd since I would have thought they would need to know that kind of thing. I thought maybe the guy was lying to me, so I tried to sweet-talk him into giving up the information, but he insisted that Lex hadn't told him where he was going to be. I wanted to go over there and beat it out of him, but then I calmed down, got off the phone and jerked off again.
At this point just about anything turns me on. I think about Lex and before I know it, my dick is rock hard I want to just fuck Lex over and over until he passes out. Maybe that would calm this whole thing down.
I have to stop this! I promised myself I wouldn't write another post about it and just try to stay calm and not think about it much. I guess that blew up in my face. Fuck! Now I said blew and I want somebody to blow me right now.
I was going to write about how weird my mom was acting this morning at breakfast. I was minding my own business, after having jerked off twice this morning, once in my bed and then in the shower. I bent the stupid towel rack. There's no way to hide that one, considering my hand left a very distinct impression. Then my mom comes over just as I'm about to eat my cereal and starts to smooth my hair because it was all wild from the shower -- it's getting long. She got this look in her eyes, then suddenly she got tears in her eyes and started to say stuff about how big I am and how I'm all grown up and that pretty soon I won't need her anymore.
I stood up and hugged her tightly then told her that no matter what I'd always need her. Then I jokingly asked if she wanted to feed me my cereal and she started to cry. My heart started to race. I don't like to see her cry. I held her in my arms and told her to stop crying because I love her and she's my mom and stuff like that. She finally did stop crying a few minutes later. I wiped her tears from away and she kissed me on the cheek and made me promise that I'd never leave her. I know she wasn't serious, but I told her that I'd stay with her forever. I promised I'd replace the towel bar as soon as I got home from school, then I went back to eating my cereal and she asked about Lex and school.
I love my mom so much. I love my parents. I think about all the stuff they've put up with over the years: broken things, crazy alien abilities manifesting out of the blue. They're the best parents ever. I love my life.
~
I'm totally calm. Really, I am.
I haven't really seen much of Lex this week. He always seems busy. When I called him tonight, hoping we could hook up, he seemed really distracted and at one point he didn't say anything at all. I called him and when he finally came back on the phone, he said everything was fine and that he had to go. Then he hung up on me. I didn't even get a chance to say bye. I wanted to rush to the city to make sure everything was fine, but Mom called me down for dinner.
I'm sure Lex was fine. He can take care of himself and he would tell me if he needed me. I know he would.
When I told mom and dad about the phone call, dad told me about this thing that had happened a few weeks ago. He said he'd found Lex in his car pulled over to the side of the road and disoriented. Lex didn't say anything to me about this, and when I asked dad why he hadn't told me, he said he assumed Lex would have mentioned it. Lex must have forgotten or something. He's been so distracted with work and things. I'll ask him about it the next time I see him.
We finished dinner and I told my parents to relax and I'd take care of all the chores. I went out to do as many chores as I could. I wanted to tire out, which is pretty impossible to begin with. I'd spent all day outside doing chores already but I needed more. I wanted more. I ran inside to ask my parents if they had anything else I could do. They were in the middle of making out on the sofa. I turned and ran out as fast as I could. Before I realized where I was going, I was at the mansion. I stopped and sneaked into Lex's room without getting caught. It's way too easy to get into the mansion. Lex has to be told that his security sucks. I suppose that I do have an unfair advantage.
I didn't stay long. I just walked around his room and checked out his closet. I sat in it for a while. I was hoping he'd left some of his scent all over his bed, but it smelled all fresh and stuff. I lay down in the bed and got hard thinking about the last time I'd been in the bed. I jerked off and whispered his name. I probably shouldn't have done that, but I wasn't ashamed. Before I would have been, but I've done so much now that something like this doesn't upset me or get me embarrassed. I bet I won't even blush when I tell Lex what I did.
I went home after I cleaned up to make sure nobody could tell anybody had been there. Before going inside the house, I used my hearing to check what my parents were up to. I didn't want to intrude on them again. My parents were up in their bedroom and I could hear my dad telling my mom that she's gorgeous. I stopped listening when I heard the sounds of sex. Even my parents are getting some!
I'm in my loft now and I am staying here until I can get the image of my parents doing it out of my head. I feel really antsy. I was on edge all day because my condition seems to have heightened over the last few days. I haven't had sex with Lex since April 28! I'm dying! I've been jerking off a lot more. I can't help it. I'm hard again even after jerking off at the mansion less than half an hour ago. I might have to talk to my parents about this if it gets much worse. I'm going to go call Lex and tell him about what I did. Maybe he'll talk sexy to me on the phone. I want him to tell me what he's going to do to me next time he has me alone.
I'm back from trying to call Lex. I got his voice mail, so it looks like he turned off his phone. It's late. He's probably in bed already. I think I'll do some stargazing then read a book or two and sleep out here in the loft. My parents deserve more privacy.
~
This just sucks
I finally managed to get through to Lex when I called last night. He apologized for not getting back to me and said he'd be in all kinds of meetings all week in the city. I asked if there was anything I could do to help, then felt stupid right after I said it, because what could I do? I'm just a kid, even if I'm going to be eighteen soon. That's kind of exciting. I wonder what Lex is going to get me for my birthday. I'd be fine with him naked chained to a bed, or something like that. Maybe I should tell him not to buy me anything. All I really want is to spend time with him. I could ask him for a fantasy.
Everything else in my life is cool. School is good. I've been doing amazingly well. Pete and I have been hitting the books hard lately. He's coming over tonight so we can study for this huge math test. Ugh. I want out of school!
My parents are really happy right now. They've been spending more time together now that I've taken over so much of the work around the farm. I'm more than happy to do that for them. Mom is smiling a lot more and Dad looks happier than I've seen in a long time. He even hugged me this morning before I left for school and thanked me for being such a great son. That was really nice.
I'm in the Torch office right now and Chloe is rushing around like she's lost her head. She's so cute. Now she just grabbed Pete, who only walked in ten seconds ago, and has swept him off to do something. I wasn't really paying attention so I'm not sure what they're doing. Hopefully it's not something crazy-ass. Chloe has a bad habit of getting into weird situations. Lately she hasn't, but it's only a matter of time. Lana and I are on sort of speaking terms. She said hi to me this morning. She's still limping a bit, but I hear she's doing really well with her physio.
Now I should probably get to class or I'm going to be late.
~
Sometimes my life totally sucks.
I got a frantic call from Pete last night. It turned out that Chloe was following a lead on some guy who had freaky abilities. At first I was really upset. They could have told me about it right away and I would have helped, but Chloe was sure she could handle it on her own. After all, the guy could turn into sand! He couldn't have been that dangerous, right? Wrong.
I rushed over to where they were. Chloe was already passed out and Pete was hiding from the guy. This guy, whose name I never got, was insane and wanted to make the town suffer for what it had done to him. I tried to reason with him, but instead of listening to me, he tried to kill me. When he saw that I was faster than normal he called me a freak and told me that I should die. I couldn't grab hold of him because each time I caught him he turned into sand in my hands and escaped. He wouldn't stop coming, so I finally used my heat vision on him and he went solid. I didn't have a choice. It was creepy and totally gross.
Pete and I watched as this guy crumbled into dust. I killed him. I fucking killed him, but I didn't mean to. I had no choice. He was going to kill my friends. Pete told me that he'd already killed three people before they found out about him. I was furious. I freaked and yelled at Pete the whole way to the hospital. Why didn't he tell me as soon as he knew about this? Why didn't Chloe tell me? I could have helped.
It turned out that Pete had only just found out about it last night. I wish he'd called me sooner. He told me that he'd suggested that to Chloe but that she'd said they didn't have time to call. It wasn't until they found another dead body that they finally decided to call. Pete was calling me just as that guy was trying to kill Chloe.
Chloe and Pete are both fine now. Chloe had to stay overnight in the hospital. I spent the night in the waiting room. Pete told me everything that had happened and tried to reassure me that I had no choice and that it wasn't my fault. I know he's right. I just wish there could have been a better way to handle it. Pete was so exhausted that he passed out in the waiting room. I told him to go home and get some rest, so he left this morning.
I had called Lana just before calling Lex. She came rushing in to the medical center as I was talking to Lex on the phone. She was angry that I hadn't called her sooner. I wanted to ask Lex if I could come over and be with him, but then he had to go, and Lana was really mad. I had to calm her down and explain to her what had happened. I left out the part about how I dealt with the guy. She got tears in her eyes when she saw Chloe in the hospital bed.
Chloe woke up and I told her that next time she's to call me right away, especially if it involved some crazed guy who wanted to destroy the town. Lana thanked me for saving Chloe's life. Once I knew they were both okay, I came home.
My Mom was frantic because they couldn't find me this morning. I'd totally forgotten to call my parents. Dad was a lot calmer. I'm glad because when I told them what had happened, it all hit me at once. My friends could have died, except I killed the guy. I started to cry. I couldn't help it. Mom held me while I cried, and Dad told me I did the right thing.
Mom said I could stay home from school, so I'm in my loft now. I wish Lex was here. I wanted to call him again, but I know he's busy and can't come over or he'd have rushed over. I'm surprised that he didn't and a little hurt.
I want to sleep. I feel tired and alone.
~
I feel a little better today.
I slept for a few hours yesterday, but then woke up in the middle of the night after I had a really bad nightmare. In the dream I was too late to save Chloe and Pete, and their ghosts were at their own funerals telling me that it was okay that I hadn't made it in time. Then I was in the room with that sand guy and he told me he did need to die. Then suddenly Lex was at my side and we were staring down at Chloe and Pete's dead bodies. Dream Lex told me that I shouldn't bother trying to be a hero because I always fail him.
I finally managed to get back to sleep. Just before I got up to get ready for school, I overheard my parents talking about letting me stay home another day. I was about to go down to tell them that I was fine, then my mom started to cry and my dad comforted her. I waited until she stopped crying before going down. I didn't want them to know that I'd overheard. When I went down for breakfast everything seemed normal. Mom was making all my favorite foods and dad was already sitting down to eat. We sat down to eat as a family and that was really nice.
As I was leaving, Mom gave me a big hug and Dad had a worried look on his face. I told them not to worry about me and that I'd be fine, but after I left, I heard my Mom start to cry again. I wish she wouldn't cry. I hate when it's my fault that she's so upset. I've been the reason for so many tears already. I wish there was something I could say to her to make it better. I'm sure Dad will handle it.
I couldn't call Lex last night because it was five in the morning, but I have to call him today. I need to see him. It's been over a week since I've seen him. He's always telling me that he has too much work to do, but that's never stopped him from seeing me before.
~
Was it just a dream?
I woke up in my bed this morning alone. I went to bed with Lex at my side, but he left some time late last night while I was asleep.
I finally managed to see Lex last night. I had called him during school and we made a date to meet in the city. After classes were over, I rushed home and begged Mom to let me go. I told her I hadn't seen Lex in over a week and that I was worried about him. She relented, and I ran upstairs to change into something nicer. I wanted to look good and not embarrass Lex.
Once I got to the city, I found the restaurant right away. Lex was already there and we sat down to have dinner and talk. We didn't really talk about anything in particular. We were in public so I couldn't touch him and I couldn't tell him how much I missed him. I didn't want to talk about what happened with that sand guy. He was acting kind of spacey so after dinner I followed him.
I could not believe where he went. I thought for sure it had to be a mistake, but he'd walked right into the Summerholt Institute, the place that had kept my friend Ryan captive and performed illegal experiments on him. I was devastated. I figured Lex must not remember what Doctor Garner had done to Ryan. I just couldn't believe that Lex would be there.
I followed Lex with my x-ray vision. I wanted to make sure he wasn't being hurt. I had no clue what he was there for. He met with Dr. Garner and they went to this room with this huge tank filled with green water. He was there for some kind of treatment. I watched as Lex was strapped down to a metal stretcher and lowered into the tank. He was in there for a while with only his face above water. These guys in lab coats were monitoring equipment as Lex lay there perfectly still.
After Lex came out I confronted him at his car. He was upset to see me there but I couldn't just leave after seeing where he'd gone. I had to find out why. He hired Garner to retrieve his lost memories. I tried to reason with him. I tried to convince him that it was too dangerous and I told him what they'd done to my friend. Lex remembered Ryan and he was still willing to go to this man. I was so angry, but then Lex went still and he wasn't responding to me at all. I didn't know what to do. There was no way I'd let him drive home in that condition. I couldn't even believe he'd drive at all knowing that he could suddenly go into a trance.
I was so confused. I want Lex to remember everything but I don't want him to be hurt. I know he's an adult and I can't stop him from doing this, but I wish he wouldn't have gone to that man. It's insane.
I managed to get him into his car and decided to drive him home. When he snapped out of his trance almost a half hour later, he told me that this was a side effect of the treatment. I couldn't believe he'd still be doing this treatment if it's doing this to him. That must have been what happened when my dad found him on the side of the road.
Then we pulled over so we could talk. It was really dark. I was so confused, and I wanted to talk Lex out of going back to that place. It turned out he had a memory flash of that Christmas with Bruce at the farm when we were snowed in. That was the time I'd kissed him and he was seeing Bruce back then. He even asked me why I stay with him and I tried to tell him that I love him. I reminded him that he'd stayed with me all last summer no matter what Kal did to him. He never abandoned me and I would never abandon him no matter what.
He looked so sad and confused and upset and all I could think about was how horny I was. I hadn't seen him in so long and we were close for the first time that night, and we hadn't really touched and then suddenly I was kissing him and he was kissing back. I shouldn't have done that, but I couldn't help it. At the time, I thought maybe I could make him see that all he needed was me and nobody else, but I never even got around to saying it because it sounded so lame in my head.
Then he was unzipping my pants and sucking me off and I was in heaven. I didn't want it to end. I wanted it to be that blissful all the time without all the confusion and the world in our way. I sucked him off afterwards and then we cleaned up and continued on to Smallville.
We continued on our way back to the farm and then I remembered the dream I'd had and I asked Lex if I failed him a lot. I couldn't help it. Here he was so screwed up because I'd failed to save him from his father and the shock treatment. If only I'd stayed and not run away. If only I'd made it in time to stop Lionel.
Last night was just so fucked up. Just before we got into town, I pulled over again and we started to talk and then suddenly I was telling Lex everything about what his father had done to him at Belle Reve. I told him about the EST. I told him about how I hadn't made it in time to save him. I told him that Lionel had threatened to hurt him worse if I even talked to Lex about what Lionel had done. I was shaking and I had tears in my eyes. I totally fell apart. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep it to myself. I had to tell Lex what his father had done. I didn't tell Lex about what he'd discovered about his father's past. I just told Lex that his father wanted him to forget things. Maybe I should have.
I feel so drained now just thinking about last night.
When we finally made it back here to the farm, we went up to my room and practically collapsed on my bed. I was tired and so emotionally drained. Then I woke up this morning to find Lex had left in the middle of the night. At first I thought I'd dreamed the whole night, but I hadn't. It all happened and now Lex knows what Lionel did to him.
I feel like I failed Lex all over again.
Mood: scared
~
11:12 pm
Embarrassment, thy name is freak4ever
Why is it always me?
I was sitting up in my loft after having watched Keanu do his thing in My Own Private Idaho. I was just hanging around, looking at a magazine that I'd purchased. It was the kind of magazine with pictures of men doing stuff to other men. I was having a great time when my friend Pete suddenly showed up. I was so intent on what I was doing, (i.e. my hands were practically down my pants) that I didn't know he was there until he asked what I was up to.
I jumped ten feet in the air and flung the magazine as far away as possible so he wouldn't see what I was up to. It sailed over the railing and landed at my mom's feet. She had just come out to ask if we wanted anything to eat or drink. My mom, being the very cool mom that she is, calmly picked it up and walked up the stairs to give it back to me. It's been a long time since I've blushed that hard.
Man. That was so embarrassing.
~
This weekend is off to a decent start
Lex just called. He asked me out on a date. He's taking me out for my birthday on Tuesday. I have no idea what he's going to do. I'm getting excited, thinking about what he has planned. It's a big birthday for me. I'm going to be eighteen. That means I'll be able to vote. Woo Hoo!!!
Now I am going to settle down with some good reading material. I lie. I only look at the pictures. Tomorrow I have to wake up really early and give Mom the day off.
~
Mother's Day and this morning
Dad and I took Mom out for brunch yesterday. It was wonderful. Mom was very happy, and Dad got her beautiful flowers. After we went home, my parents relaxed while I did all the chores. I spent most of the day working. It felt good to just work on one task after another, sweating and straining. Sometimes a day of nothing but chores is exactly what I need to make me feel good.
Then I went for a run. That was so awesome. I tore off my shirt and ran from one end of the field to the other over and over again, tossing a football as high as I could and catching it. Mom and Dad caught me and called me a show-off.
I haven't talked to Lex since he called on Saturday to ask me out on a date. The date is tomorrow! I am very excited. I can't wait to see him and I am going to dress up really nice. I want him to be proud to be with me, and I want everything to be totally perfect. That way, after what he has planned, we can have some hot wild sex, which is what I really want for my present. I really want him to tie me up and fuck me until we both collapse. Or maybe I could tie him up and ride him. I would love to ride him. I can imagine it so easily: me on top of him with his cock deep inside me. I'm still horny a lot, but I try to control myself. The magazines have helped a little.
I stayed out in my loft last night to give Mom and Dad the house to themselves. At least this time nobody interrupted me. I could jerk off in private to my favorite centerfold.
I have to stop thinking about all this stuff because it's making me hard and that can be very uncomfortable. My cock is rubbing up against my underwear. I have gym class right after this study period. All those naked guys! What am I going to do? Maybe I can duck away for a few minutes to jerk off.
Chloe is staring at me funny. We're sitting at our computer desks, supposedly writing essays and doing homework. Obviously I am not doing that right this second. I have the document open and ready, but I haven't written a single word. Actually, I typed "The Middle Ages by Clark Kent", so at least I have the title. It's not very original, but it's all I could come up with. I'll have to do it later when I get home. I've got way too much on my mind.
The thought of what Lex is doing to regain his memories is driving me nuts, but I don't know what to say to him to get him to stop. It scares me that he has these blackout periods. He could be hurt. If I hadn't been there the other night to drive him home, and he had one while he was driving... I don't even want to think about it. I would never forgive myself if he was seriously hurt.
I want to force him to stop, but I don't know if I even have a right to say anything. He lost all those memories and he deserves to get them back. I want him to regain those memories, but I don't want him to be hurt in the process.
Chloe just gave me the "teachers in mirror are closer than they appear" warning. I better go back to pretending to do work.
~
08:44 pm
I couldn't stop him
I begged and pleaded with him, but I couldn't stop Lex from going to see that doctor again.
After school today, Lana stopped by to tell me that last night she'd gone over to the mansion to talk to Lex about the Talon books. She said she found him on a ledge, screaming Julian's name. She said he looked like he was about to jump, and his eyes were open but he when she pulled him down off the ledge, he had no idea where he was or how he got there! When I asked her why she hadn't told me about this at school, she said she thought for sure Lex would have told me himself, but he didn't. I had to go see him at the mansion. That went really badly. He was just about to leave for the city, and he'd been drinking. I pleaded with him not to go. I begged him to find another way to regain his memories, but he wouldn't listen to me.
He'd been drinking, and he planned to drive to the city drunk. I was furious. I couldn't believe he'd consider driving like that. I was also upset that he was still going to go see that man after what had happened to him last night. Lex could have killed himself. I didn't know what else to do. I tried everything, including threatening to destroy all his cars, to stop him from going. Then he asked if I was hiding something about myself. He implied that I was so adamant to stop him from continuing his treatment that maybe I have something to hide that I don't want him remembering. I didn't know what to say to that.
I let him go. I couldn't stop him. He was so bent on making his appointment with Dr. Garner. Maybe I should have gone with him or something. Maybe I should have locked him in his room, but then he'd probably hate me.
I let him go and told him that I'm not hiding anything from him and then I asked him to be careful. I watched as he got into his limo. I hope he doesn't hate me.
To top it all off, Lionel stopped by the loft to talk to me. He was wearing his painful cufflink accessory. It fucking hurt and he stood there watching me as I writhed in agony, telling me that I had better convince Lex to stop his foolish quest for the truth. I hate him so much. I was helpless.
Just before he left, he leaned in close, touched my face and just stared at me. That man is so fucking scary. I can't imagine living with him, let alone growing up with him as a father.
I'd better call Lex. My stomach is in knots thinking about what Lionel might do to him.
~
I went to bed 17 and woke up 18
The subject line says it all. I feel older somehow. Just kidding. I don't feel any different. I still have big hands and huge feet, and now I can vote! Look out world.
My Mom made me all my favorites for breakfast this morning. My parents gave me clothes and a new pair of shoes. Parents always do that, don't they? I like the clothes, especially the flannel shirts. Dad also told me to go get a haircut and that I should probably shave. I joked that all the girls love me all scruffy. He practically hit me and told me to get off my ass and do some work before school. Can you believe that dad made me do chores on my birthday? I didn't mind. It was something he couldn't handle, so I did it and it only took me about three seconds.
Now I'm at school. I'm rushing in to the city after my last class and meeting Lex there. He's taking me out to dinner and then hopefully something more. I can't wait to see him. I'm totally psyched.
~
This year it will be different
09:25 pm
We're in the car, driving back to the farm after having the most delicious meal at a very expensive Italian restaurant in the city. Lex is driving and I am online using the new T-Mobile PDA he gave me for my birthday. I can even post to lj from this thing. It's so cool and has this little keyboard that pops out. It does all kinds of neat stuff.
More later.
~
11:00 pm
More later never happened
Dinner was really great. I went home from school to get dressed up nice. I even wore a nice dark gray shirt with a tie and my nicest pants. I wore a nice jacket. I thought I looked really good.
I met Lex in the city at a really nice Italian restaurant. We ordered dinner and he wished me a happy birthday then he gave me my gift, a really cool T-Mobile PDA that's a nice wine color and it says "For CK on his 18th birthday" in elegant script on the back. It does all kinds of really neat stuff. Mom and Dad gave me this look when I got home with it, but they didn't say anything.
Now I'm sending text messages to everybody I know. I sent Chloe a picture of my toes. She thinks I have mutant toes. Pete sent me a picture of really big boobs. Yuck! I'm tempted to send him cock, but that would be cruel. I could send him a picture and lie and say it's mine. I guess turning 18 didn't mature me any.
Lex and I didn't talk at all about the treatments he's been undergoing. We didn't have sex. We didn't kiss much. Lex was really quiet on the drive back to the farm. Lex apologized a few times for hurting me. It took almost everything in me not to drag him into the house and up to my room and cuddle him until he believes that I love him and want to be with him. I should have dragged him up to my room. Suddenly I feel so alone. Mom and Dad are just a few feet away and Mom just smiled at me. I know they love me, but I want to be with Lex.
I just sent Lex a message with a picture of my face.
~
New toy!
I've been having all kinds of fun with my new toy. The coolest thing is that it's hooked to the net anywhere I go. I can e-mail anybody and send images because it takes pictures. I have to admit that I've kind of been having a lot of fun at all my friends' expenses.
Chloe now has a collection of pictures of my toes. Her response range from "you have monster toes" to "they look like fingers." They are kind of long. Pete thinks I'm totally insane. Lex said ditto when I sent him a picture of some of the art from the back of my notebook.
I almost got caught with it a few times by teachers, but I'm way too fast for them. This is the coolest gift ever.
So, I sent Lex some pictures. One of my toes, one of my hands so he can remember what always grabs him and one of my... I'm not telling.
I need to run or something because I'm feeling really hyper. I wish I could go see Lex, but lately he hasn't really been in the mood to be with me. He's been busy and I'm not part of that agenda.
I better get to work. I have a load of homework to do. I've been so busy playing that I forgot all about it.
~
10:00 pm
Bad day finally ends.
I am so gullible. I totally fell for Lionel's bull about Lex being in more danger than he thought. I came home after school today to find Lionel in the kitchen with Mom. He'd stopped in to talk to me about Lex and this treatment Lex has been going through. I was so angry that Lionel would come to our house and harass my mom. Mom looked so upset that he was there. She was polite enough, but when he wasn't looking her eyes were filled with fury.
After Mom left us alone to talk, Lionel said that Lex was at the institute with Dr. Garner at that very moment and that he feared for Lex's life. As soon as Lionel left, I ran into the city to stop Lex. When I got to the lab and found Garner, Lex hadn't arrived yet. I tried to tell Garner to stop his experiments on Lex, but when I got close to the tank, I lost all my strength. A bunch of lab guys incapacitated me and stripped me naked. Then Lionel showed up. He'd tricked me into going there so that he could use that memory machine on me and find out more about where I come from.
I was too weak from the kryptonite, and I couldn't move or tell him to leave me alone. He stood and examined me, and then he touched my chest. He's such a disgusting man. I got the distinct impression that if we had been alone he would have touched more than just my chest. He had this smug look on his face then he made a crack about the size of my body. He even took Lex's gift from my pants pocket and kept it. Jerk!
Then they put me in these stupid ugly shorts and lowered me into that tank full of Clark-killer juice. It hurt like nothing has ever hurt. I was writhing in agony. They turned the thing on and I remembered something. I remembered my real parents putting me into the ship. I remembered my biological mother, Lara, saying that all she hoped was that somebody on earth would love me. Then Jor-El and Lara held hands as the ship closed and that was all I could remember. My biological mother's name was Lara.
There was an explosion and I heard shouts. I passed out. I don't know how long I was out for, but when I woke up, the tank was smashed and the water was gone. Lex was there to get me out. I was so glad to see him. He took me out of that tank. I could barely move on my own and I had to lean against Lex for support. I didn't even care about anything else but getting out of there. I was glad Lex wanted out of that place as much as I did.
We left and went back to his penthouse. I was cold and weak because that stuff was drying all over my body, and I was still only in the shorts they'd put on me.
Once I was in the shower at Lex's place, I felt so much better as the water washed away the poison. Then Lex undressed and joined me. Without a word, he kissed me passionately and held me tightly in his arms. We made love in the shower and when it was over, I held him and kissed him and told him that I loved him. I felt so satisfied and safe. I wanted to stay there, but Lex said that my parents would probably worry about me and he was right.
After, we cleaned up, Lex loaned me some clothes. Mine had all been destroyed. Lex took them and put them in the trunk of his car. He probably didn't want anybody to know that I'd been at the lab. I ended up having to throw them away. I did salvage my belt but the rest of my stuff was trashed. At least my wallet was still in my pants pocket. Lex did give my PDA back to me. I didn't ask how he got it back from his father.
Lex drove me home. My parents were a little upset when I got back, but I told them I was fine. I guess my mom must have freaked because I left right after Lionel showed up at the house without a word about where I was going. I didn't tell them what happened. It's probably better to keep it to myself. I didn't tell Lex much either. I felt like he already had so much on his mind that I didn't want to add to his burden.
I wanted him to stay with me, but he said he thought that we both should get some rest, and that he'd take care of everything to do with Dr. Garner. But as he was leaving, he went into one of his trances again. He just stood there as I called his name. I wanted to shake him or do something to get him out of the trance. When he finally snapped out it, I told him he should stay here with me, but he said he really needed to be alone. He didn't tell me what he remembered. I wanted to ask, but he looked like he'd seen a ghost. I let it go for now because if Lex wants to tell me about, he knows where I am. I wish he'd stayed. I'm really worried about him.
But he left, and I was by myself. I've spent most of this time thinking about the memory I recovered. I wish I could have known my real mom. If she were here, I could tell her that she didn't need to worry about somebody loving me, because I have Lex and my parents. They love me and I'm so happy to have them in my life.
I just hope Lex is going to be okay.
~
Memories
I told my mom about the memory of my biological mother. She got tears in her eyes, and said Lara was my first word. They never knew what it meant. They thought it was some word from my native language. It's my biological mom's name. She was so beautiful and she loved me so much. Even though I barely knew her, I miss her. I wish I had known her. I was just a little baby when they put me in the ship that brought me here.
I wish there were some way of letting them know that I'm okay. I think I'm going to spend the weekend with my parents. I haven't talked to Lex since last night, but I think it's probably better to give him time. I know he'll come to me when he's ready. I'm just happy this whole thing is over. I hope Lex found what he was looking for. The next time I see his father, I'm going to tell him to shove it up his ass. I'll probably be way more polite than that, but I seriously do not want that man anywhere near me. I'll have to talk to Lex about the fact that his dad's figured out about my reaction to the meteor rocks and that he wants to know where I come from. I'm going to guess that Lex will blow a gasket at that news. I wish there was some way I could help Lex with this one, but I know it's something he can handle. I guess all I can do is be there for him.
~
My weekend
It was quiet and uneventful. I hung out with my parents at home, did a lot of chores and even managed to finish a few projects that Dad's been bugging me to finish. On Saturday night I went to a movie with Chloe, Lana and Pete. I joked that Pete was my date. He didn't find it that amusing, especially when I slung my arm over the back of his seat and pretended to cuddle with him. I thought it was hysterical. The look on his face was worth the price of admission. I am a total sh*t-disturber. Pete laughed about it afterwards.
It was nice to hang out with Lana and Chloe again. Things between them seem to be going really well.
Sunday I did some more chores, then homework because the evil finals are coming. I've made a date with my friends to study for them all this week, so I'm probably going to be really busy for the next little while. Mom and Dad have once again warned that I am to get good grades or else. I'm not sure what the or else is, but I'm willing to bet they'll think up something.
I haven't talked to Lex in a few days. He still hasn't called. I'm giving him space. I'm sure he's been busy with stuff. Hopefully he'll call me soon. In the mean time, I better get my ass in gear. I have to meet Chloe to talk about the next edition of the Torch.
~
I redefine 'desperate to get some'
I flew to Gotham. When I say flew, I mean flew under my power, without a plane, without a helicopter. I just took off from the ground and flew and it took less than five minutes to get there.
Lex took off on Friday. He left a message on my cell. He just took off, saying he had business to take care of that would take him out of town for the weekend. At first I was fine with that. Lex is a busy guy. He has a company to run. Then on Saturday Chloe showed me a picture that totally pissed me off.
It turned out that he was in Gotham. Lex couldn't tell me this. I had to find out from Chloe who showed me a picture from the paper of Lex and Bruce together. I wasn't jealous. Nope, not at all. I know I don't have a reason to be, but why couldn't Lex tell me that he was going to be with Bruce? Why did he feel he had to hide this from me?
I really wasn't that upset. I was a little bit angry that he felt he couldn't tell me where he'd be. Lex finally answered his cell phone after all my calls had gone straight to voice mail. I only called him a few times to let him know that I was here for him and to tell him to call me back as soon as he could. When I finally talked to him, he told me where he was. I was cool with that. He was staying at a hotel and not Wayne Manor. I asked how Bruce and Dick were doing. Everything was cool, until I walked out to the middle of the driveway and took off into the air. It took me a while to convince myself that I could do it. I was afraid, but I had to go see Lex. I had to. I missed him after everything that had happened with that stupid lab and we hadn't spent much time together since. I was giving Lex space. Then he left without any warning. I had to see him!
So I took off, with my parents yelling at me to come back. Like I could come back after taking flight. It wasn't that simple once I was airborne. I was too scared after I left the ground to attempt to turn back and go home, and I think I was going way too fast at first because I was above the clouds and seeing stars seconds after lift-off. There was frost on my fingers. I sort of floated there, staring down at the earth. It looked so peaceful and beautiful from up there. I turned and aimed for Gotham. I think I aimed. I'm not really sure how I did it. I listened for Lex.
I found him. I landed someplace private and ran the rest of the way to the hotel he said he was staying. When I got there, the hotel guard wouldn't let me go up to Lex's room. I'd forgotten my wallet and I had no ID on me. I called up to Lex's room and he came and got me. It was sort of a shock since I'd been talking to him just a few minutes earlier.
We went up to Lex's room and when I told him I kind of flew to him, he wasn't pleased. I told him I had to see him and that I was desperate. Then I kissed him and ripped all his clothes off and fucked him in the hotel bed. After that, he was totally cool with me flying to see him. Not that he was really all that coherent. We cleaned up and settled in for the night since I was already there. It felt so amazing to fall asleep beside Lex.
The next morning, we had sex again and it was amazing. I sucked him off and then I fucked him. This time it was slow and gentle and more romantic. I didn't have to tear off his clothes because he was already naked. After we showered, I called my parents to let them know I was in Gotham. I should have probably called them the night before, but I was kind of distracted.
We flew back to the city yesterday. This time it was in Lex's private plane. We had sex on the plane twice. I'm still horny even after all that sex, but at least it's manageable. We went back to the mansion first so Lex could drop off all his stuff and I sort of distracted him up in his bedroom with sex. I tried to tell Lex what flying was like. It's so hard to describe. I even suggested that maybe some time I could take him flying.
After we cleaned up, I ate something because I was starved from everything that had happened and I'd forgotten to eat the last few days. Then Lex drove me home.
My parents are a little freaked out about what happened. They saw me take off. I told them I was very careful. I landed someplace very remote where nobody saw me, and I ran fast enough that nobody could see me at all. Lex talked to them and reassured them that I was very careful. Dad had a long talk with me this morning. He said they were just freaked out because I was there then suddenly I wasn't and they were knocked over by the wind I created.
I didn't mean to freak them out. I asked how upset my mom was on scale of one to ten. Dad said about 15. Pete thought it was the coolest thing ever, and made me tell every single detail about what it was like to fly. I left out the details about Lex.
I flew! I flew again.
The good and the bad
The good news is, school is over. I lived through another year. The bad news is, I was outed. The whole town now knows that I am gay. Maybe not the whole town, but almost the whole town or maybe by now it is the whole town, and possibly a few counties nearby. It happened last Thursday. I've been dealing with that for a few days. It wasn't the most fun I've ever had, and my parents say that it will all be fine eventually.
Let's see. So far I've been called faggot about thirty-two times when they wanted me to hear. Then there were the eighty or so times (I lost track) where they thought I couldn't hear. Luckily, I don't have to go to gym class anymore. A few guys from the football team let me know that if I looked at their asses I would be in deep shit. I told them they don't have asses worth looking at. Then one guy tried to hit me. I stopped him just short of breaking every bone in his hand. Dad found two flats on the truck yesterday when he went into town. He reassured me that it was just a coincidence and that it had nothing to do with me. I do think the graffiti on the side of the barn we found when we got home had everything to do with me. It's not like they were talking about the cows or something else when they sprayed FAG in huge letters across my parents' barn.
At first I was horrified. It felt like my privacy had been invaded. I never even thought about being out. Lana and Chloe are both out, and that was hard at first, but it's mostly fine now. They still get the occasion doofus bothering them, but Chloe said that it's no big deal really. She thought my being out was great. She pointed out that I wouldn't have to hide who I am anymore. I guess she's right. It's not like I was hiding it really. I just wasn't running down Main Street screaming about it at the top of my lungs. In some ways it's a relief, but in other ways, I'm not thrilled about this. I've never liked my private life to be public. In such a small town it's hard to hide things. I've managed up until now.
I even went to the Talon today. It was the first time I'd been in town since I was outed on Thursday. Lana was happy to see me. She even told off two guys who made rude remarks, and then when they wouldn't shut up, she kicked them out of her coffee shop. That was amusing.
I probably shouldn't laugh at this, but today, Lex came storming into the loft, arms waving, ranting about damage control and how he'd fix everything. He was talking so fast, I barely understood what he was saying. I think it was something about leaving town or nobody finding the bodies. I was so glad to see him that I just let him go on until he finally stopped talking. Then I grabbed his arms, told him to look into my eyes and broke the news that somebody had outed me at school. He said he'd gone to the Talon and that Pete snubbed him and that he'd overheard people saying that they knew about me. He thought they meant they knew about my alien secret.
I did the only thing I could do at that point -- because he looked so darned cute -- I kissed him and told him that I love him. He was still mad at me for not telling him that I was outed. I was going to tell him, I just hadn't gotten around to it.
I dragged him to the sofa while he interrogated me about how this happened and why Pete doesn't think he's good for me. I just wanted Lex to stop talking and kiss me. Sometimes he has to analyze everything to death.
As I stripped us both, I reassured him that people only thought that I was gay, and that it didn't extend to them thinking that everybody I knew was also gay. I told him they do not know about us. He apologized for being so busy. Once I touched his penis, he stopped talking and kissed me and we had hot sex on the carpet. I topped and it felt awesome, and I was more than happy to be gay at that point since Lex is so hot when he's naked under me and making those amazing noises that he makes when I do that thing with my tongue.
Oh, and I have been reassured that I do not look gay. Do people think about what they're going to say before they say it? Seriously, how can anybody think that's a nice thing to say to somebody? I wonder what they would say if they found out I wasn't from around here. I don't look like an alien, that's for sure.
I even looked at myself in the mirror for an hour to see if I could see the gay or the alien. All I could see was a guy with dark, curly hair, green eyes, and big teeth.
~
I was outed
On Thursday, I went to school to find that people were gossiping -- about me. I discovered that they were saying that I like boys, I like to take it up the--, etc. My private life was thrown out into the light of day.
I did some investigating with Chloe's help and discovered that this girl in my English class Sarah has a brother who works at Belle Reve where Alec was sent after he went a little off the edge and tried to kill Lex. Remember him from a couple months back? He was the guy that was obsessed with me. That was how it got around. It seems Sarah is a huge gossip and she gossiped really loudly about me. Pete defended me to anybody who would actually dare to say something to my face. Most people weren't brave enough. I'm a big guy.
It's now a few days since it all happened and I'm still here. There have been a few incidents, but nothing I couldn't handle. I even made a few new friends who approached me and told me that they are hiding their own gayness. I'm not sure why they felt they could tell me, but it was nice to know that I had some friends on my side.
So, now I'm out of the closet. The town knows I'm a boy-loving faggot. Chloe and Lana said they'd be my fag-hags. They've both been really great. Chloe is ecstatic. I told her that it's not all that great since I still won't be able to walk down the town's main strip hand-in-hand with Lex, not that Lex and I are really big hand-holders. It is a relief to not have to hide it or pretend to be straight. No more fake dates, girls hinting that I should ask them out or anything like that.
Mom said that a few people have cancelled their produce orders. She said they claimed they don't need them anymore. I know the real reason. My parents said that it will be fine and next week people will be talking about something else and they'll have completely forgotten all about me. At least school is over. I won't have to go back to that place again until September and it will be my last year in high school. I was so glad to take my stuff home from my locker on Friday. I got pushed a few times by some guys from the football team, but I took it in stride. I even got in a few good lines and made the quarterback blush. That was funny. I think he likes me. Man, now I might have to worry about guys hitting on me!
I didn't manage to tell Lex in time. I was going to but things got crazy and we were both so busy. He heard about it secondhand in town and came rushing over to console me. It was so cute the way he rushed into the loft and vowed to make somebody pay. Then I took his clothes off, and we had some amazing, hot, gay sex. I plan on having a lot more gay sex with him as often and as many times as humanly possible.
I better get going. Dad is going to kick my ass if I don't get to work. I have a million chores to do. I guess I can't say I'm too emotionally distressed as an out gay man. He'd never fall for that.
~
It's great to be free
I woke up thinking I'd slept in and that I'd be late for school. When I realized that school was over and I didn't have to go, I lay back and jerked off (because I woke up hard) to thoughts of Lex. I imagined that we were spending the summer together and every morning I would wake up with him beside me. I closed my eyes and pictured us both naked, his cock in my mouth and my cock in his mouth. It didn't take long for me to come. I shot all over my chest and face.
Then I got up and had a shower and jerked off in the shower. I'm still feeling horny almost all the time. Maybe Lex would be up to us going somewhere together and spending some time alone. I couldn't get him on the phone this morning but I left a message, saying that I was thinking of him.
After breakfast, Dad put me to work and now I am all hot and sweaty. I have to go into town with Dad to get a few things. Luckily the rest of my weekend was pretty quiet. Nobody bothered me, but I did stay home for most of it. Chloe stopped by last night to see how I was doing. She suggested that maybe we could all go into the city together sometime. She even suggested that we drag Pete along for the fun. We made a date to get together in the next few weeks.
Now I have to get back to work. I have a ton of fence posts to replace and I have a tractor to move.
~
Not the best weekend
I was really busy with work here. My Dad is a total slave driver but I don't mind. It keeps my mind off other things, like the fact that Lex seems to be nowhere to be found. He hasn't been in town for a few days and he isn't answering my calls. I've left voice messages, but he never calls back to explain why he's not around. I figured he was doing business so I left it at that, but now I'm concerned. When I was at the Talon on Sunday, some guy in a suit talked to Lana. After he left, I asked her about it. She said he was asking about who owned the place.
Oh -- something totally out of the blue and somewhat surprising, Lana has decided to go to Paris for the summer. She said she needs to get away from Smallville and see something of the world. Her aunt is going to pay for everything. That was a big surprise. I had no clue she was even thinking about going away. I'm really happy for her. it sounds like she's got it all figured out. I asked about her and Chloe, and she said that they were still dating and that they are committed to each other just as much as ever. I was glad to hear that. She said she'd only be gone for the summer anyway.
Chloe seems okay with it. She's got another internship for the summer at the Daily Planet newspaper. She said I could visit her any time I want. I think that was her way of saying that she wants me to be there as much as possible to keep her company.
As for me, I'm gay! I am sure nobody knew that at all. I did get hit on. I know he was hitting on me and he can deny it all he wants, but that attempt to touch my chest and pretend it was just an accident was no accident. Jason is a nice guy. I think he's really cool, but I told him straight out that I wasn't interested. He is kind of hot though, so I'm sure he'll find somebody.
I'm going to try to talk to Lex tonight again. I called over at the mansion and sweet-talked security into telling me that Lex is in the city and that he's supposed to come into Smallville tonight. I'm going to spy on him. I think I'd be a great spy. Maybe that's what I should do for a living. Think of the stuff I could overhear, and the places I could go, especially now that I can fly.
Speaking of flying, I did it again the other day. It was really cool. This time I tried to control it more. It was so hard. I wish I could get the hang of taking off. That's the hardest part. That and landing. I almost always end up on my butt. Good thing I have a hard ass among other things.
~
Why does he do it?
I followed Lex last night. I can't believe what I found out: He's working with the FBI. They're investigating his father. I saw him talking to some guy in a van then I followed Lex back to his car. I couldn't believe what Lex was up to. I told him about how some guy who must have been FBI was bothering Lana. I kind of got pissed off. This is such a dangerous game he's playing.
Lex was wearing a wire. I saw it when I x-rayed him. I was so pissed off that I ripped his shirt open and tore the wire off of him. Then we had a huge fight. I was so furious. I grabbed him and kissed him as hard as I could. Then I practically tore the door off his car and shoved him in. I probably shouldn't have done it right there, but I wasn't thinking straight. I ripped the rest of his clothes off and fucked him in the back seat.
When it was over, we drove back to the mansion so he could get some clothes. I think he was still mad at me. I told him he has to stop this game with his father. Other people could get caught in the middle. I'm worried for Lex. His father threatened me, and I haven't forgotten that he knows my weakness. I have to figure something out. What if Lex finds out about the very thing Lionel tried to stop him from knowing? What if he does it to Lex again? He could.
Lex said the FBI has been investigating his father for a long time now. I can't even believe all of this has been happening to somebody I know.
I just hope Lex is careful. He said he knows what he's doing, but so many what ifs keep running through my mind...
I talked to Mom and Dad after I came home last night from the mansion. I had to tell them everything, but they're worried that I might get caught in the middle. I'm not sure how that could happen. Dad wants me to stop going to the mansion and cool things with Lex until things get less tense. Then dad told me that the FBI stopped by the house a few days ago when I was out. I wish they'd told me sooner. Why would they want to talk to my parents? Are they talking to everybody that knows Lex?
I feel so out of control all of a sudden. Last night when I finally went to bed, I was sure that I could handle things. Now I'm not sure about anything.
~
I talked to Lex last night
I was really anxious all day yesterday because of what my parents had told me, so late last night I went by the mansion to talk to Lex. I don't know why, but it felt kind of weird and awkward. I told Lex about the FBI talking to my parents. They had even asked about me, which made Dad really angry. Lex wasn't thrilled to hear about this, and he said he'd take care of it and that he had everything under control.
I left after that because it was really late and I had to get home. I was a little angry by the time I was done talking. After I went home, I lay in bed for a long time, thinking about things. I really love Lex. I do. Sometimes, it's hard for me to understand why he does some of the things he does. I just wish he could not be a part of that world. Lionel is like poison for Lex.
Dad told me again this morning to cool things off with Lex and not to be around him so much. Now that Lex has these guys always around, Dad thinks it's too risky for me. He's afraid somebody might see me using one of my abilities. He's probably right.
I have to get back to work. I've got a whole field to clear and I have to do it at human speed just in case somebody's watching me. Dad kindly reminded me of that reporter from a few years ago who saw me do stuff and even had a record of it. I hate going at human speed. It's a total pain in the ass. It's going to take hours to do something I could have done so much faster. I keep forgetting to not go faster and then I mess up and then I can't judge how much I should be able to lift. It's annoying, but I guess Dad's right.
I wish I could just fly off someplace. Maybe out to space again. That was so much simpler than being down here on earth.
~
Things get worse
I spent almost all day yesterday doing chores and didn't get inside until late. I found my parents watching the news. Lionel was arrested yesterday morning. It's the top news story this morning. They're not saying what he was arrested for, but they are saying he's now in jail without bail because the multiple charges against him are enough that they fear he'd flee the country. I guess being that rich isn't always a bonus.
I went to sleep last night wondering what would happen next. I couldn't get a hold of Lex at first. His assistant, Molly Briggs, talked to me for a few minutes to let me know that things were really insane right now and that Lex would get back to me as soon as he could. She told me he's been in meetings since Lionel was arrested.
Lex finally called me back to let me know that he'd be very busy. Go figure. I already knew that part, but he said he didn't have time to talk. He said something about the board of directors and meetings all day and probably all weekend. Then he said he had to go because they were having a press conference. I guess I'll see him on the six o'clock news.
I hope everything is going to be okay. I have to get back to work because there is ton of work to be done. Lex did say that the FBI won't be bothering me or my friends and family anymore. At least there's that. He said mom called him last night to see how he was doing. I was a little surprised at that since mom hadn't mentioned it to me last night.
Now I really have to get back to work. Dad is shouting for me to get my sorry, lazy butt in gear. I haven't done anything all day. Plus Chloe is coming over this afternoon to hang out. Lana leaves in a few days for Paris. So much is happening all at once.
~
Another wonderful weekend
Actually, my weekend was pretty good. I spent some time with Chloe. I mostly held her while she cried. She doesn't want Lana to go away to Paris. I told her that she should tell Lana how she feels, but Chloe said that Lana is so excited about the whole thing that she can't burst her bubble. I also promised to hang out with Chloe more during the summer. She's going to be very busy working at the Daily Planet, what with the whole Luthor arrest. They need all the ace reporters they can get. She also said that her cousin, Lois (joy... I can't wait to see her again -- NOT!) is also going to spend some time here during the summer.
Lex is very busy. He was in meetings all weekend and almost all day yesterday. I did talk to him briefly, and I did get to see him on the news. He held a press conference and I had ask if he wanted me to be there for moral support, but he said it was better if I stayed away. He doesn't want me involved in any of this. I guess being in the spotlight would not be good for me. My parents totally agreed with him on this.
Speaking of parents, for Father's Day I gave my dad the day off. He was not allowed to do anything at all. He was ordered to kick back and enjoy himself. We did watch a soccer game together. My favorite part was when one team scored and the guys in very short shorts hugged and kissed. That was totally worth watching.
I did all the chores and I even cooked all the meals. Thankfully, Mom was there to help. Otherwise I might have burned everything. When I came in from chores I found my parents on the sofa about to do it! My dad had his shirt off and my mom... let's just say that it was a very traumatic experience. I ran out of there as fast as I could. At least they're still hot for each other. That's nice to know.
Now I need to get my ass in gear because there's going to be a going away party for Lana at the Talon. My mom is taking over the management of the place since Lana won't be doing it anymore. I have stuff to do for Mom, and then I have to do some work on the barn. A part of the wall was somehow trashed. I have no idea how that happened. None at all, and that is the story I am telling my parents. (That football was not involved at all)
~
It's been a busy few days
I spent last night with Chloe. She was in dire need of a friend since Lana left for Paris yesterday afternoon. The going away party we threw for Lana went well, except for one thing. Lex didn't show like he'd promised. Instead he sent flowers and a card. At least he remembered. I have to admit I was a little upset. I couldn't understand why he couldn't spare a few hours for a good friend. Considering Lana is going to be away for a long while, it would make sense for him to put things on hold just for one night, but I guess he was too busy. Since his father was arrested, he seems to be too busy for anything to do with me.
I realize he has a company to run. He's now the CEO or whatever of LuthorCorp. That's just great for him, but not so great for us. I'm going to try to be understanding. I asked a few times if he wanted me to be nearby while he dealt with press and stuff, but he said it was better for me to stay away since we all know what the media can be like. I was okay with that, until I saw the news last night.
Chloe was in my arms sobbing her heart out and telling me every detail of how she and Lana had fallen in love. I was sort of paying attention. I was there for some of that, but that was cool. I didn't mind listening to her. She needed me. We'd just finished watching a movie, and I wanted to see the news in case Lex was there someplace. He was. It was yet another press conference. This time Lex was reassuring the media that he was more than capable of handling the company and that his shareholders shouldn't worry. I tuned it all out when I spotted Bruce standing just behind Lex and to his left.
Bruce was with Lex. in fact right after they showed the press conference the news spent a few minutes talking about how Bruce Wayne, Lex's very good friend, flew out here from Gotham city to support Lex in his time of need. As if I wasn't willing and I wasn't there for Lex all this time. Bruce could be there, but not me. It's too risky for me to be there.
I was so furious when I saw that report that I crushed the glass I was holding, and Chloe saw me do it! I had to fake that I was hurt. She rushed to get Mom and by the time Mom got up to the loft, I'd wrapped my hand up with a cloth, pretending I had cut myself. Chloe left after that and Mom and I went inside to "put bandages" on my fake cuts.
I feel so stupid for losing control of my strength and over what I am sure is nothing. So what if Lex wanted Bruce there and not me. Big deal, right?
I think I need to go for a run.
~
Crap!
Today I was subpoenaed to testify at Lionel's trial! Why didn't Lex tell me about this before some strange guy asked if I'm Clark Kent and then handed me that piece of paper? I have to find out this way? He could have taken two seconds out of his busy day to call and let me know. My parents are really upset. They do not want me to do it, but I could go to jail if I don't.
This totally sucks!
~
How did this happen?
Everything was going great. Lex came over last night, and I was so happy to see him. The first kiss was awesome. I never wanted it to end. When I held him in my arms, I felt safe. I was so glad that he was back. My parents were out, so I chanced it, and we had the most amazing sex ever. I wanted to show him how much I love him. I wanted him to see how much he means to me.
Then afterwards, we talked. All I said was that I thought maybe Bruce should go home since Lex didn't need him. That made him upset. Then I freaked out. Lex is just so obsessed with his father. I just don't understand why he has to keep doing this. His father is such a dangerous man. He's a danger to me and a danger to Lex. He almost killed Lex! This is just insane. I'm shaking so hard, thinking about it.
I was so frustrated and angry. It just came out and then it was too late. I'd said it, and I had to finish what I started. And now Lex knows that I've known this all the time, and chose not to tell him.
Lex was furious that I'd kept it from him all this time. I tried to explain to him that I was trying to protect him. I didn't want Lionel to hurt him more or, worse, kill him. But I stood by, knowing what Lionel had done to Lex and what lengths he'd gone to, and I let Lex fight him blind. I tried to explain to Lex that I was afraid of what Lionel would do, but Lex said I should have trusted him to protect me. He said that fear is part of being alive and that a true test of friendship is to rise above my fear, and that I failed that test.
He's right. I made such a stupid mistake and I don't know if Lex will ever forgive me.
Mom and Dad didn't get home until long after Lex had left. I spent all night on the sofa in the loft. I told them this morning what had happened between Lex and me. Dad thinks I did the right thing. He said what I didn't want to admit. I was just trying to protect myself. I was afraid Lionel would find out my secret. Mom thinks that I should give Lex time to calm down. She's convinced that Lex will forgive me.
How could he ever forgive me? Lex was right. I totally failed him. I should have trusted him and not listened to Lionel. I should have told Lex what I knew. Then at least he wouldn't have had to go through everything he's gone through to get to this point.
Then at least he wouldn't hate me right now.
~
06:30 pm
Why now?
I've started to hear a voice in my head. It's calling me to the caves. It's Jor-El.
~
It's over
I did something very stupid and now Lex knows. I can't say what it is because it relates to the case against his father. All I can say is that I knew something that I should have told Lex, but I was too afraid to because his father threatened me and him. Now Lex knows that I kept it from him all this time and he's angry. I think it's over between us for good. He left Sunday night and we haven't talked since. I tried to call, him but he's not taking my calls. I don't blame him at all. I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself.
I thought I could go to him and maybe we could work it out, so I went by the mansion last night. I was terrified at what would happen, but I wasn't going to give up. When I got there, I found Lex with Bruce. It looks like Lex has moved on. I didn't bother to stick around. I left and went home.
My parents are worried about me, but I'll be fine -- in a few hundred years.
~
08:35 pm
I float among the clouds
Last night when I saw Lex with Bruce, I didn't just walk away, I flew. I didn't stick around long enough to find out what they were doing. They were up in Lex's private rooms. They looked comfortable, and they were sitting close together. Bruce had his hand on Lex's shoulder and they were in their pajamas. I think it's over between Lex and me. Lex has moved on. He's never going to forgive me for the mistake I made. He's right not to forgive me. I should have told him. I shouldn't have listened to Lionel. I let my fears rule me and now it's lost me the one person I love more than anything in the world.
I flew for what felt like forever. For some reason that I can't even explain, I could suddenly control my every movement when I was up there. I soared above the clouds. I looked down on the planet I've lived on for almost my entire life and realized that I will never be accepted as anything more than a freak. The voice in my head grew louder as I glided effortlessly over treetops. It told me that I have a destiny and that it's time I accept who and what I am.
I think I wanted to fly away forever. I was tempted to see what else is out there among the stars, maybe even fly all the way back to where Krypton used to be.
Eventually, I came down to earth and I went to the caves. The voice was strongest when I was there. It surrounded me and filled my mind with promises of a life meant to be mine. It told me that I will be much happier as Kal-El.
Maybe it's right. I didn't give in or I wouldn't even be here, but maybe I should. I haven't got anything preventing me from taking what's mine. I am Kal-El of Krypton and I have a destiny. It's time I stop turning my back on what I'm meant to be.
My parents will understand. I'm not human and I never will be no matter how hard I try to pretend.
~
I am Kal-El
Last night I tried to call Lex again, but he refuses to talk to me, so I gave up. If he won't even talk to me, how am I supposed to have any hope of repairing the damage I've done?
I'm going to the caves. I have no idea what will happen to me when I get there, but I can't ignore the voice any longer. It's so loud that it drowns all other thoughts in my mind.
I left a note for my parents.
To Jonathan and Martha
Thanks for everything you've done for me. I would never have become the man I am today if it wasn't for your kindness and your endless patience. It couldn't have been easy. I love you both so much.
I've decided to embrace my true self. Please don't follow me. I promise I will never forget you.
Love
Your son
Clark Kent
This might be the last time I write in this journal. I'm going to miss it, but now that Lex doesn't want me, there's nothing left for me here.
I am here for now. I wait for the sign. Martha Kent has said she can help me though I do not know how. She has given me a place to wait. She does not accept what has come to pass.
Lois Lane talks a lot.
~
It is done. The first piece is in place. I have taken one step closer to my destiny. I wait for the next sign.
Lex Luthor was there. I do not remember what significance he holds to me though Martha Kent claims he was very important.
Martha Kent insists that I have another life, but she is wrong. She shows me pictures of people who no longer matter. I am Kal-El and my destiny is set.
~
09:49 pm
I'm back for real this time
It's hard to explain what happened to me, so to make a long story short, I left of my own free will, but I had to or my father would have been killed. I was trying to protect him and he ended up in a coma anyway. He woke up today and now he's back home.
I have so much catching up to do. Chloe is in Paris with Lana. Lois told me her cousin left last week to visit Lana for a few weeks. My mom told me Lex helped to keep the farm going while I was away and that he paid for everything for my dad. I'm really grateful to him.
Now I guess that's what most of you are interested in finding out about. The last time I talked to Lex, he and I had a fight. I haven't seen him since I've been back. I've been kind of busy with family stuff. Lois seems to have latched on to me and I can't seem to shake her no matter what I do. Mom is very grateful to Lois for finding me in the field. Lois was the one who found me naked in a field. That's not something I'm going to live down any time soon. At least not judging by the looks Lois gave me the last time we talked. God she talks so much. She just won't shut up.
I see Lex found somebody new. That's nice. I'm glad he moved on. I wouldn't want him to wait for me or anything like that. For all he knew, I could have been gone for good. I thought for sure I was gone for good, so, really, I don't blame him at all. Not one bit.
Moving right along, I really have a lot to make up for now that I'm back.
~
My world turned inside out
The whole time I was in that place, I was thinking that dad would tell everybody where I went and why I had to go. I couldn't let Jor-El kill my dad. I had to go into the light. I had to let myself be reborn, or somebody I love dearly would have suffered. Then I come back only to discover that my dad was in a coma while I was away and there was no way for him to tell anybody where I was and why I'd left.
In the meantime, my world is nothing like what I left behind. My dad is recovering. He's home now and resting on our orders. He wanted to get up this morning to help with chores, but I insisted that he stay with mom. Then I had to help my mom with some Talon stuff. She's running the place now that Lana is gone.
I ran into Jason there. I wasn't looking where I was going and I ran right into him. Talk about dumb luck. That was just what I needed to see -- Lex's 'willing body' right there in front of me. All kinds of not-good images flashed through my mind. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the thought out of my head that Lex had let Jason fuck him! I read Lex's posts. Stupid eidetic memory.
I stood there with my coffee listening to Jason go on and on about his life story and in my mind I wanted to kick his ass into orbit. As if running into him when I least expected it wasn't enough, I find out that Jason is going to be the new coach of my school football team. I'll get to see him every single day I go to school. Oh joy.
I fucking miss Lex so much, it hurts. Why did he have to let somebody else fuck him? My head is seriously messed up right now, and I don't think I can deal with any of this.
~
What am I supposed to do?
Lex stopped by my loft last night. I really wanted to just say let's pretend the last few months never happened, but then I thought about Jason and my mind went into an uncontrollable tailspin.
I didn't know what to say to Lex. I just wasn't ready to see him. As much as I wanted him to be near me, I didn't know what to say or do. I couldn't sit still and I couldn't look him in the eyes. Lex wasn't much better. He looked tired and I wanted to grab him and hold him in my arms.
I could have killed him on that plane! I wasn't sure how to bring that up last night. He saw me that day. He saw Kal. I barely remember Lex at all. All I could think about when I was Kal was that the stone was mine and nobody was going to take it from me.
Then Lex told me he kicked Jason out of the mansion. I kind of got a little angry. What was Lex expecting me to do with that revelation? Did he think I'd get down on my knees and suck him off or something? He told me to get off my high horse and that he'd give me some time to think about things.
I lied and told my parents that I couldn't remember what I'd done as Kal. I do remember everything. My mom tried to convince me that I belonged with her. I told her that Clark Kent was dead and then I pushed her aside and flew. I flew straight up high above earth and then followed the signal to Lex's jet. I ripped the door off in midair and tossed it aside. Then I went in and the stone was mine. I got it and took it away and put it where it belonged. I remember all that. I felt so powerful.
I almost killed Lex on that plane. I pulled the door off and tossed it aside and got what I wanted. Then I left Lex and everybody else to die. Luckily they didn't die. Lex made it home safe.
So much has happened, is still happening, even as I type this. I'm not really me anymore. I went someplace where I was loved and kept safe. I've never felt that way in my life before. I never wanted to leave, but then I was told I had to fulfill my destiny and I was tossed out.
Then there's the whole fact that while I was away Lex was poisoned. He thinks Lionel did it to him. I wouldn't be surprised. Lex almost died. His father is still waiting for trial. I'm going to testify against that bastard. He's hurt Lex enough already and I am not afraid of him anymore.
I should have told Lex about the plane and what happened and why I did it. I should have told him everything, but I couldn't. I don't think I'm quite ready to share my experience.
I just feel so hurt that Lex went and found somebody else while I was away. Every time I think about it, I feel sick inside.
~
12:13 pm
What the heck!
Lois is driving me insane. I am going to strangle her and hide the body!
She dragged me out of bed this morning to help her with something (which turned out to be a wild goose chase because nothing came of it). Of course, since I am obviously insane, I decided she shouldn't go alone because it could be dangerous. We ended up in the river covered in mud (don't even ask) so we went back to the farm to clean up. My parents were in the city for my dad's checkup. I go to take a shower and Lois barges into the bathroom like she owns our house and says she can share the shower with me, since she's already seen me naked (again, don't ask).
Being the manly man that I am, I shriek like a girl (or so Lois claimed. I don't care what she says. I did not shriek) and then I ordered her to get the heck out of my shower. Nobody orders Lois around. She just stood there, trying to get another look at my assets, going on about how it shouldn't matter because after all, she's already seen me naked. She even called me a wuss and a prude!
Of course, my parents had to return right at that very moment and catch us in the shower together! They started to lecture us until Lois batted her big eyes and took full blame for everything. As soon as we were alone, Lois insisted that I owed her one since she once again saved "my cute ass."
She is such a manipulative (place nasty name here). She did make me laugh, so I've got to give her credit for that and she looks funny covered in mud from head to toe. Now if only she'd stop jumping into my bed every morning.
Why is my mom letting her stay with us? Oh, right, Lois made up some story about being lonely now that Chloe is away in Paris and since she did "rescue" me... I think my mom likes her but then my mom hasn't seen the side of Lois that I have.
~
It was Lex's birthday yesterday.
I didn't have any money to get him something so I went out and I took the lead box he'd given me and found a kryptonite rock. That was painful, but worth it. I stopped in to wish him a happy birthday and gave him the rock. I told him I wanted him to have it for protection against me. After what happened with the plane, I'm afraid that some day I might unintentionally hurt Lex. He didn't want the gift, but it's all I have. I wanted to remind him that he always had something to use against me if I ever got out of hand or Kal returned.
Lex looked so tired. I wanted to ask about the poisoning and his dad and what was going on, but I ran instead. I made up an excuse about needing to do something really urgent at home. I stayed in hiding for a while to watch him and make sure he was okay. He put the box someplace safe and then had a drink. His secretary showed up to give him flowers and a gift. I think it was a tie. Then he showed up. I didn't stick around to see why Jason was there. I could guess.
I ran home as fast as I could.
~
05:57 pm
Lois continues to be a pain.
I tried to talk to her. She said she'd back off, but this morning I woke up to find her in my bed. She said I'd been mumbling some incoherent name in my sleep and that she'd moved in closer to hear what I was saying. Then she claimed she tripped and fell on my chest and I'd rubbed up against her.
I threatened her again and she blamed it all on me. She said she was trying to wake me up, and that I was the one who'd mistaken her for somebody else. There is no way in hell I would ever mistake her for somebody I'd want to rub up against. I told her as much. She just brushed it off and told me she'd be out of my hair soon enough. Chloe had called to let her know that she was returning to Smallville next week. I was really glad to hear that Chloe would be home soon. I really miss her. I could use a true friend right about now.
Lois found me "moping" in my loft last night. She tried to talk to me about what was bothering me, but I told her to back off. I wasn't surprised that she didn't leave me alone, but she didn't bother me either. She just sat quietly nearby. I wasn't even sure she could ever shut that big mouth of hers, but she did. To be honest, it was nice to have her there, even if I didn't want to confide in her. For one night, I though that maybe she was okay after all.
Her father called earlier today. I answered the phone and he ordered me to put Lois on the line, but she was in town with my mom. Then he asked if I was sleeping with his daughter! Once I set him straight on the fact that I was only a friend and would never touch his daughter, he ordered me to give Lois the message that she was to call him ASAP. I can see where she gets her rudeness. I look forward to seeing the reaction when I give Lois the message.
Now I have to help Dad with some work. It feels really good to be home.
~
This sucks
On Monday I have to testify at Lionel's trial.
I am not afraid of him. He's going down for what he's done.
In other news, Lois was actually nice to me today. She's not so bad. As long as we're not in the same room together.
~
My part is over
I did it. I testified this morning at the trial and it wasn't easy. The hardest part was seeing Lex. He looked broken. That's the only word I can think to describe what I saw. To most people including Lois (who said he looked as rich and snobbish as usual), it wouldn't show how upsetting it was for Lex.
I've never hated anything so much in my life as when I had to answer the questions on that witness stand. It was hard recounting the night I failed to save Lex from his father's orders to have his brain fried. I even said it that way. I told the courtroom that Lionel had ordered the doctor to shock Lex over and over and that he'd destroyed Lex's memory with what he'd done. I couldn't even look over at Lex to see how he reacted to my words. When I finally did look his way, I tried to convey how sorry I was with my eyes, but Lex wasn't watching. I don't blame him.
I hated Lionel at that moment more than I have ever hated anybody in my life. I want him to pay for what he's done. Even though Lionel looked sick, I found it hard to muster even one ounce of sympathy for him.
I want this whole thing to be over fast for Lex's sake. He looks haunted. I felt like a total jerk when I was abrupt with him as I was going into the courtroom. At the time, all I could think about was getting in and out as fast as possible. I didn't want to linger longer than I had to. Lois and I took off right away and got coffee at the Talon. She drove back to Smallville. I was surprised that she'd agreed to come with me. She said there was no way she would let me walk into the lion's den alone. Sometimes she makes me think we could easily be good friends. Then of course, she reminds of how much of a pain in the ass she is by walking in on me without knocking just as I'm changing out of my suit.
I hope Lex is okay. I can't tell much from the media coverage on TV. He always looks so composed despite the microphones shoved in his face. I hate this whole thing, but I know it has to be done. The sooner it's over with the better for everybody, especially Lex.
~
Another day
Chloe called! I finally got to talk to her and Lana. They sound very happy, and Chloe has decided to stay a few days extra. It sounds like they're having a good time. She asked me to look out for Lois. She said her cousin has a bad habit of getting into trouble. It must run in the family.
This morning I woke up thinking for sure it would be a bad day. After yesterday, I just wanted to crawl under my blanket and never come out. I almost wish I hadn't woken up, but life goes on. Of course I had to get up early to do chores since Mom and Dad were going into the city all day for Dad's checkup and to do some shopping. They really need the break.
I managed to get everything done before Lois even stirred. She's so lazy! She claimed last night that she'd wake up bright and early and help me with some of my chores, but she was still snoring (and she snores really loud no matter what she says), when I came back from the far field. I made coffee and that did the trick. She came rushing downstairs, practically knocking me over to get to the coffeemaker. She looked kind of cute with her hair a tangled mess and her bunny slippers. I am never letting her live that one down.
Then later after she'd finally downed her cup, she went upstairs to sleep some more, or so she said. It turned out that she was actually taking a bath. I walked into the bathroom and found her luxuriating in a tub full of bubbles. When I apologized for walking in on her, she ordered me to get back in the room so I could scrub her back. I think she just wanted somebody to listen to her babbling. She talked endlessly and I just nodded and said 'uh huh' at the right times. I don't even think she noticed.
Then it happened. Her dad, the Major, showed up. He found me in the bathroom with his daughter. That did not go over well. I haven't blushed that hard in a long time.
Her father is a military man and he has a gun, so I followed all his orders. While Lois was getting decent, he asked me again if I'm sleeping with Lois. When I insisted that what he'd walked in on was completely innocent, and Lois and I were just friends, he told me to keep my hands off of his daughter.
When Lois came down, she told her dad that if she wanted to have a romp with me, it was none his business. I could have strangled her, but since that wasn't possible, I left them alone. I've never wanted out of a room so fast.
After he left, Lois came up to my loft and tried to apologize for her overprotective father. I was still a little mad at her, but she promised she would set her dad straight. She said she told him I'd have to be the last guy on earth for her to sleep with me.
Lois did do one thing that made me like her just a tiny bit more. She hid the paper from me. When I went looking for it, she told me not to bother because it wasn't good and I'd only get upset. She was right, it wasn't good and I did get upset.
Lois is calling me to make her dinner. I have to go or she's liable to burn the kitchen down. Maybe I'll drive her out into a field and leave her there.
~
This totally sucks!
It was all in the newspaper. Everything I said on the witness stand, even stuff about Lex's stay at Belle Reve. Everything! It was horrible.
I went to the mansion this morning to see how Lex was holding up, but the staff said he was staying in the city for the trial. I almost called him, but I don't want to add to his troubles. He's got it hard enough as it is.
I just hope it's over soon. The top story on the news this morning was about the trial. Don't they have something else to talk about? I wish they would leave Lex alone. He looked so frustrated when the media mobbed him as he was exiting the court house.
Maybe I should go see him.
~
I went to see Lex.
I sort of went to see Lex. I ran into the city. I shadowed Lex, and watched him for a few hours. I listened in a few times to hear what was going on. He seems so busy and tired and busy. I guess he's still running the company. I guess if his dad goes to jail he'll be in the city all the time running the company.
I almost went to him, but he's never alone and seriously, how bad would it look now for me to show up at his place. With the media all over him, I would get noticed.
02:44 pm
I'm so glad it's the long weekend
Lois is driving me insane!
Last night it seemed like everything between us was really cool. She even confided in me about a few personal things. We settled onto the
sofa to watch movies together. My parents are staying in the city with grandpa, so I have the place to myself.
Lois and I passed out while watching My Best Friend's Wedding (Lois' choice). When I woke up this morning, she was on my chest, smiling down
at me, thanking me for the best night of her life. Of course she was totally joking because nothing happened, no matter what she says. I did
not snuggle up to her and I did not pull her onto my chest. She said I was the one who did it and that she couldn't fight me because I was
too strong. At least we were fully clothed.
I pushed her off of me as soon as I was coherent enough to register the fact that not only was she on top of me, but I had a hard-on and it
was not because of her. It was for another reason. Once I took care of that reason, and I was fully awake, I told her off, not that it did
much good.
Now she's called me big boy all morning and winked every time I walk past her. She offered to make breakfast to make it up to me, but I
declined. I told her I didn't want her to burn the kitchen down, because I know she would. She's the crappiest cook I have ever met and she
sucks at making coffee. I have no idea how she manages at the Talon. We kind of had a huge fight. I told her to stop with her stupid antics.
She got all upset and rushed off to go to the airport to pick up Chloe. I think she had tears in her eyes when she left.
I feel like a total jerk now, and I don't even think I did anything wrong. At least she'll be staying with Chloe after this. I think we just
aren't meant to be anywhere near each other. We just don't mix. I don't understand her at all. One day she's doing stupid stuff and the next
she's nice and I feel like maybe we could be friends.
It's totally confusing.
~
10:54 am
This can't be happening!
Lionel is free. The jury found him not guilty. He got off.
I woke up this morning expecting to find Lois in my bed. Luckily she's at Chloe's now. They spent the weekend together in the city. My
parents came home the day after Lois left. On Friday the jury went out for deliberation and I was confident that Lionel would be found
guilty, but he wasn't. There wasn't enough evidence and they couldn't convict beyond a reasonable doubt.
So now he's free. The news showed Lionel getting into a limo. He didn't look good. I would have thought he'd be gloating.
I have to go to Lex. This is bad. This is really bad. I can't even imagine what Lex is feeling right now.
~
05:55 pm
After the bad news
It gets worse. Lex is missing. I can't find him. I can't get him on the phone. I went into town to see Chloe and when I
got to the Talon, I found Chloe, Lois and Lana having coffee. Lana came back from Paris with Chloe. She looks really happy and more relaxed
than I've ever seen her.
Lois was as brazen as always. She wrapped her arms around me and said that while Chloe had been away, she'd gotten up close and personal
with me. Then when Lana and Chloe demanded details, Lois leaned in and whispered to them both that I have the nicest tush she's ever seen
and that I'm uncut! Lana blushed and Chloe winked at me. Can you believe Lois? I can't image why she's single. /sarcasm. I was surprised
Lois hadn't already told Lana and Chloe every single detail of every single encounter she's had with me. She didn't seem mad at me at all. I
guess what happened the other day is completely forgotten.
I talked to Chloe about Lex and enlisted her help in tracking him down. We went up to the extra room above the Talon since Chloe had her
laptop with her and we did a little digging. Lex is really gone. He's vanished and nobody knows where he is.
While Chloe did more digging, I called anybody I could think of who might know something about Lex's whereabouts. Nothing. I was planning on
going into the city to do some digging, and then Lois volunteered to come along. Chloe and Lana insisted Lois would be a great help. They
probably mean because she's so pushy.
I have a feeling Chloe and Lana wanted to get rid of Lois so they could be alone.
I'm off to the city. I'll check in later with what I find.
~
11:11 pm
First day of school over
Best part of the day. NO Lois!
Worst part of the day. Still can't find Lex.
~
12:32 pm
This week has been hard.
My school year looks like it's going to be irritating. I had to interview coach Teague for the Torch. Since he's new
and they're expecting great things from him, Chloe wants me to get the scoop on the guy. Of course there was no way I could tell her about
his extracurricular activities with a certain rich man.
I interviewed him during tryouts, which were yesterday after school. He told me I should try out for the team, but I said I wasn't
interested. Then Chad, the new quarterback, had to throw in a muttered "butt-muncher" in there. All the guys laughed and Jason told the team
those sorts of antics wouldn't be tolerated. Then I made a total fool of myself as I was leaving the field by plowing into the drink stand
and spilling it all over the head cheerleader. She was so pissed off. I thought she was going to gouge my eyes out. She nearly did.
Jason pulled Chad aside to reprimand him about his slur. I listened in to their conversation. Chad basically told Jason that he wouldn't
play for the team if I did. Jason informed him that I wasn't going to be on the team, but that if he didn't want to get kicked off before
the first game was played, he'd better never say shit like that again. He used those words exactly.
If he hadn't slept with Lex while I was away, I might actually like the guy. He stood up for me and he doesn't even know me. Of course,
maybe he did that because he's gay as well, and doesn't want to have to listen to homophobic slurs.
I still haven't seen or talked to Lex. I've been stopped a few times already by reporters trying to get a story from me. I told them that I
had nothing to say. I think they took the hint, because nobody has tried to interview me over the last few days. Unfortunately, the media is
hounding Lex. He's in the paper every day. I left messages and stuff, but he hasn't gotten back to me. This totally sucks, because I miss
him so much, I can practically taste it. I dream about seeing him and his lips. I fantasize at night about his hands and mouth on me,
touching my cock and my body. I close my eyes and think about the feel of him under me when I'm inside him, and the sounds he makes. Last
night, I was so horny. I got into bed already hard, because I'd been thinking about how good Lex looks naked. I imagined that I was on my
knees sucking him off as punishment for abandoning him. He grabbed my hair, and fucked my face hard, telling me that I was a bad boy and
that I deserved to be treated like a slut. He used dirty words like "cocksucker", "fuck toy", and "slut." I came so fast, I thought I was
going to break the bed.
I shouldn't have thought about it again, because now I'm hard, and I'm in the Torch office. I have to get to class, but first I need to jerk
off.
~
11:47 pm
It can't get worse, right?
Lex finally called me last night. He called to say he was going to be busy with LuthorCorp and stuff, and that right
now was not a good time for me to come around. Then he thanked me for trying to help. I made excuses that I had to get going and we said our
good byes. I hope Lex really does take care of himself.
After dinner, I shot some hoops and played around with the football. I was just pretending to score touchdowns and goofing off when Jason
showed up. He said he was in the area and that he thought he'd stop in to say hi. We went up to my loft to talk. He made some small talk but
very quickly it became apparent what the real reason for his visit was. He asked me if I needed somebody to talk to about being gay. Not
that he said it in those exact words. He apologized for the way the guys on the team had behaved the other day. I don't know why he would do
that, since he wasn't the one who called me names.
I sat there listening to Jason talk about stuff. He's a nice guy, but I hate him for sleeping with Lex. It felt really uncomfortable,
talking to him. I stupidly told him that I have a journal I write in to get stuff off my chest. I didn't tell him it was a journal online. I
don't even know why I did that. It's not like he's a buddy or something. I already have a buddy, not that I could really talk to Pete about
this.
I can do it here, in private where nobody will judge me or tell me I'm wrong for having my feelings.
I'm still pissed off that Lex fucked somebody else while I was away. I don't get why he did that. It's not like I left on purpose. I didn't.
It pisses me off that he couldn't keep his dick in his pants. I thought he loved me. I thought we were going to be together forever.
That's stuff I can't say to anybody, not even my parents.
Jason finally left after hanging around for a half hour, making sure that I knew he was there for me if I needed somebody to confide in. He
also urged me to try out for the team. Maybe I should. It could be a nice change. I could play just for the year and have fun with it. Dad
played when he was my age. I'm going to think about it.
It's gotten late and the stars are shining brightly tonight. The sky looks so beautiful, filled with jewels that sparkle and comets that
vanish as soon as you see them. The loneliness is like a living thing. I wonder if I fly straight up will I die or will I just keep going
forever?
~
01:11 pm
My weekend update
I'm starting to think I'm cursed. Lois stopped in to see me just now. She's staying in town with Chloe for a few days
because she got kicked out of the university and can't face her father, so she's hiding from him. I don't blame her, since he is kind of
intimidating. She just left the Torch office, and I don't care where she goes, as long as she's nowhere near me. At least this time, she
kept her hands to herself.
My weekend was nice and quiet. I spent most of my time doing work around the farm. I did give what coach Teague said a lot of thought. When
he stopped by my loft the other night, I thought he was crazy to continue to suggest that I try out for the team this year. Maybe it is a
good idea to try out. I'd like to get involved in a team sport. I could make new friends. I've never had that before, and it sounds nice. I
see how chummy all the guys on the team are and I think I want that. I'll have to give it some more thought. Maybe I'll stop by the coach's
office today to discuss my options with him.
I'm at school right now, getting my article on the coach ready for press. Chloe wants it now, and Lois just stormed back into the Torch
office, demanding I tell her where Chloe went. Can't she go someplace else? High school is not exactly the place somebody her age should be
hanging around. Now she has stormed out, because I asked if she thought she might be mistaken for a teacher, since she's so old. Actually,
she's only 21, but I like to make fun of her penchant for hanging out with people who are still in high school.
This could be fun.
~
11:03 pm
What's up with that?
There's this girl... seriously it's not what it seems. She's the head cheerleader and I've been watching her for a few
days. There's something weird going on. Lois told me she thinks Mandy is up to no good. Lois thinks everybody is up to no good, but in this
case she might be onto something. I watched Mandy yesterday at practice, and it didn't seem like anything was up. She did catch me looking
and I overheard her and the rest of the cheerleaders laughing so I listened in to what they were saying. Mandy thinks I like her! Seriously,
she knows I'm gay and she's convinced that she can make me straight. She even told her friend that she could have me if she wanted. I think
she might actually try. I don't really have to worry since she has a boyfriend and she's not my type, but it was kind of amusing.
I told Lois it didn't seem like there was anything weird with Mandy and her girlfriends. Lois told me I'm blind to those little signs that
girls give off when they're up to no good. She said it's probably because I'm gay. I am pretty sure she was kidding since she did say it
tongue in cheek. Anyway, Lois convinced Chloe that something is going on and Chloe asked Lois and me to investigate. I have to admit Mandy's
boyfriend, Danny, was acting kind of strange. When he caught me staring at Mandy, he accused me of checking out his girlfriend. Hello! What
part of totally gay don't these people get? I'm going to have to investigate this more.
I talked to Coach Teague about joining the team. I'm still not sure about it. It's not me, but I'm going to talk to Dad about it.
~
09:57 pm
Not the best way to end the day
Lex kissed me tonight, but that was just the end to a really painful day.
I know now for sure there's something going on with the cheerleading squad. They did something to the football players' drinks. I know
because I drank some this afternoon after school while I was trying to get an interview with the coach and a few of the players. As soon as
I swallowed the stuff, I knew there was Kryptonite in the Gatorade. I got so sick that I had to go home, but before I could leave, a few of
the players tackled me and knocked me to the ground. I was off to the side and they claimed I got in the way of their play. It was so
obvious that they did it on purpose. When I tried to bring this to Coach Teague's attention, he mocked me and told me that he thought Lex
Luthor was wrong about my being an asset to the team. Why would Lex talk to Jason about me?
Then he said I should stay out of the way. He did a total about-face and said I was too much of a pussy to be on his team. I think he may
have drunk some of the tainted juice. I told him I needed to go home, but he ordered me to sit on the bench and watch real men play. I was
tackled so many times that by the time I left, I was covered in cuts and bruises.
When I finally did get home, I stayed up in my loft to avoid my parents. I didn't want them to worry about me. The Kryptonite was still in
my system and I felt so sick, I threw up until there was nothing left in my stomach.
Unfortunately, before I had a chance to recover, I was attacked by a few guys from the team. I was too weak to fight them off and they
totally kicked my ass, calling me a "cocksucking faggot" and other nasty names. Chad threw me over the railing and I fell from the loft,
smashing my head on the concrete floor. By the time they were finished with me, I had a broken nose, and one of my ribs broke. I also had a
split lip, cuts on my forehead, and there was blood all over my face.
I know they don't like the fact that I'm gay, but I just can't believe that they would do something this nasty. They're jerks but there's no
way they were in their right minds when they attacked me. They were obviously under the influence of that stuff. They'd been drinking it all
day at practice. In between punches, Danny said that Mandy is dreaming if she thinks she can get into my pants, because he's sure I'm a
cocksucker through and through. I finally passed out while Chad was punching me repeatedly in the face.
I woke up to find Lex shaking me awake, panic in his voice. He'd stopped by to see how I was doing. It was lucky for me that he did. The
guys who attacked me were gone. Lex said he got there just as they were running away, but when he saw me he let them go. When he asked me
who they were, I lied and said I didn't see their faces. I told him they were wearing masks and I left out that they used gay slurs. I
didn't want Lex to freak, because he was already upset enough at my condition, and I know those guys would never have done what they did if
it wasn't for that crap they had drunk.
I was still in so much pain. I felt dizzy and my head hurt, and I had a broken rib. Lex was really upset and he wanted to call the sheriff,
but I reminded him I'd eventually recover and there wouldn't be any evidence of what they'd done. He stayed with me and took care of me,
cleaning my wounds.
The Kryptonite eventually dripped out of my nose. Once it was all gone, I healed. It was a relief when the cuts and bruises all disappeared,
because it was a really painful experience.
Then it happened. Lex kissed me. He was comforting me, and telling me everything was going to be okay. Then suddenly our lips touched and I
was in his arms. The kiss was tender, loving and filled with yearning that I could practically taste in his mouth. My whole body ached for
him.
I was confused and still disoriented from what had just happened, and I freaked and pushed him away. I couldn't handle it right at that
moment. Maybe if it was at another time or a different circumstance, but I just couldn't handle it. I told him that I was okay and that he
could go home. I asked him to leave, and I regretted it as soon as I spoke the words. I wanted him to kiss me again and tell me that he
loved me and that he'd always save me and be there for me.
He left without argument. I almost called out to him, to beg him to stay with me, but I didn't. I really wish I had asked Lex to stay. I
never realized how much I missed him until he kissed me.
~
09:03 pm
I can't believe him
How can Lex think that buying the team new equipment would win my heart?
I was tense all day today because Chloe wanted me to go to the locker room after practice to get the scoop on a rumor she's heard that
something big was going down. I was afraid that the guys would be there, but I worried for nothing. When I went to the Torch office this
morning, Lois was there, telling Chloe about how three guys on the team were in jail because they'd been arrested last night for starting a
brawl in a bar.
Chloe she was right about something going down. When I went to the locker room, Lex showed up. He was there to give the team all new
uniforms. I found out that Jason had asked Lex for help, and so Lex pulled out a wad of cash. Lex even had a personalized jersey made just
for me. I wish he hadn't done that. The football team already makes fun of me enough as it is. This is just going to add fuel to the fire,
but it's good for the team, because the old uniforms were really worn out.
I've decided not to try out for the team. Lois and Chloe are right. It's not for me. Once Lex was finished with his inspiring speech, I told
him that he should keep up on his gossip, and I threw the shirt in his face. Then I left, because there was no way I was going to stay
there. I saw the starry-eyed look Jason had when he watched Lex. It was gross.
I guess there is one up side to today. At least Jason seemed to be over his asshole phase. He didn't say anything about what he'd done to me
yesterday. Not even an apology. He didn't even act like anything was wrong between us.
Then after the fun time in the locker room, I hid in the Torch office. Lois showed up to make my wonderful day complete. I didn't even want
to listen to her voice so I told her to stop talking to me. I must have been nuts to think that would discourage her. Nothing seems to shut
her up. She wants to help me find out why the football players are all acting weird.
I'm all for that. I want this over with.
When I got home tonight from going out with Lois, I found the jersey in the loft. Lex must have had it sent over. I actually had a good time
tonight. Lois was surprisingly fun for a change though she kept reminding me that we were not on a date, which was really amusing. A guy
even hit on her and she almost karate chopped him to the floor. She thought he was trying to get fresh. That part was really funny. How
could anybody find Lois attractive? I shudder at the thought. She's staying at Chloe's place for the weekend so we can figure out the
mystery of the punch.
~
10:06 pm
This is really bad!
Chloe just tried to get me in bed. I went up to my loft after dinner and found her wearing nothing but the football
jersey Lex had given me. She started to say stuff about how she has finally realized what a big mistake she's made and how she's totally
devoted to me! Then she climbed into my lap and kissed me and then she felt me up. I was too stunned to say anything. I couldn't believe
what she was doing. Chloe used to have a crush on me a long time ago, but this was just crazy. She said she broke up with Lana to be with
me, and that we were meant to be together. She told me to forget about Lex, or any other guy, because nobody could be as good to me as she
could.
I pulled her off of me and asked her to put her own clothes back on. Before I could stop her, she'd yanked the jersey off, tossed it aside,
and stood buck naked in front of me. She'd been wearing the jersey with nothing else on! No underwear. No bra. Nothing! I turned away, but
not before I got an eyeful of my best friend naked. Crap! I didn't want to see Chloe naked.
I convinced her to get dressed and wait for me in my loft while I went inside. I called Lois immediately and told her that Chloe might have
drunk some of the spiked juice. Lois told me that Chloe had left the house in a tiff. Lois already knew something was up with her cousin
because Chloe had started acting all psycho, and told Lois to go to hell after she tried to remind her that I am Ice Capades gay, whatever
that means.
Lois came over right away to take Chloe home. I had to stay with Chloe while we waited and it was weird, to say the least. She practically
sat in my lap and stare at me with this look of complete devotion in her eyes. She told me that I'm the only guy she's ever loved. I tried
to explain to her that she's not thinking straight, but it didn't help. I guess whatever the cheerleaders used must be very powerful stuff
for Chloe to act like that. I have to admit, I felt a little pang when she said I love you. I thought about Lex and I realized how long it
had been since I'd last said those words to him.
I was so relieved when Lois showed up to take Chloe home. Lois was pissed. She acted like I had something to do with how Chloe was behaving.
She said that tomorrow we are going to put a stop to the whole thing. There's supposed to be a pool party tomorrow and Mandy's going to be
there.
Once Chloe and Lois were gone, I sat in the loft holding the jersey, and then I put it on. I really miss Lex. Why did I let things get so
messed up? Why can't my life be less complicated?
It's too late now. I haven't exactly made overtures to fix things between us, and the look on his face when I threw that jersey at him
sticks in my mind. I don't blame him if he hates me. Why was I so angry?
~
06:55 pm
It's done
Mandy has been stopped. Lois and I went to the pool party that the cheerleaders were holding, and while I distracted
Mandy by pretending to want her, Lois stole the formula they were using to taint the juice. That was really hard to fake since I feel
nothing but annoyance towards her. I did my best and it worked long enough for Lois to get the folder in Mandy's bag. I can't believe I've
been kissed by two girls in two days. If I was unsure about my sexual preference, I am very sure now. When Mandy asked me if I was bored, I
almost screamed yes. I literally had to bite my tongue. She's a really bad kisser, too.
It turned out that the formula they were using was some sort of love potion, but it ended up having the bad side effect of turning anybody
who drank it homicidally jealous. We're going to tell the principal tomorrow at school and we've already told the sheriff and explained why
the guys from the football team acted the way they did.
I'm just happy it's over. Chloe is back to normal. She doesn't have a girlfriend at the moment since she dumped Lana, but at least she's not
hitting on me. She must have said something really bad for Lana not to forgive her.
After Lois and I finished up with the cheerleaders, I stopped by Chloe's house to see her. She was a mess. She doesn't remember anything she
did while under the influence, but she said Lana isn't speaking to her. I have no idea what Chloe said to Lana since I wasn't there, but I'm
going to go to her to plead Chloe's case.
I want to go talk to Lex. I miss him so much. I just hope he doesn't throw me out.
~
05:05 pm
At least it's a start
Last night I put on the jersey Lex had ordered for me, and went over by the mansion to see him. He was there and we
talked, and it was the nicest evening I've had in a long time. I thanked him for helping out the school and said I was sorry for pushing him
away. I told him a little about what happened with Chloe and Mandy and what the cheerleaders had been up to. The whole time we sat on the
sofa together talking, I was hoping Lex would kiss me or something, but he didn't. I'm just grateful that he didn't throw me out, or worse,
tell me to go to hell. At least we're talking and as I was leaving, I told him I'd see him tomorrow. He didn't seem unhappy. I think he
almost smiled. I'm going over after school to invite him to watch the team play. They have their first home game this Friday.
Mandy and her friends have been suspended from school for a week. The football players are all out of jail and back in school. It was really
uncomfortable to see them again after what they'd done to me. Nate actually apologized for what happened the other night. He said he tried
to get the other guys to come with him to talk to me, but that they refused. I told him since I was fine, that it was cool, but he wouldn't
hear it. He said I should report them to the police. Maybe he's right, but I just can't. They weren't thinking straight.
I asked him if he really felt that way, and since we were alone, he was honest with me. At least, I think he was. He said it doesn't bother
him at all what I do in private, but it does bother some of the guys. Then he said if he could, he'd take back what happened in a second. I
think we might actually be friends.
At lunchtime Chloe and I were in the Torch office, preparing the next issue, when I asked her about the weekend. Since the guys remembered
what they'd done, I knew Chloe had to remember, as well. It was really awkward, but I didn't want it to get in the way of our friendship.
Chloe had lied to me and Lana. It turned out she did remember. She was just so embarrassed about it that she tried to pretend it had never
happened. I couldn't resist asking if she was telling the truth about me being the only guy she'd ever loved. I probably shouldn't have, but
I needed to know because I adore Chloe so much and I'd always wonder. She told me that I was, but that she was also very much in love with
Lana and didn't want anybody else. We agreed never to talk about it again, and then we hugged and had lunch together. That was when Lana
showed up. I left them alone and later on I discovered that Lana had heard through the school gossip about the juice and what had happened.
She and Chloe got back together. I'm really glad they worked it out.
Now if only it would be that easy for Lex and me. I think things between us are always going to be complicated no matter what.
~
11:18 pm
Back to normal
Last night, I stopped in at Lex's briefly. I said I was there to invite him to the first home football game, but I
really just wanted to see him.
Today was a good day. After the excitement of the past week and the whole spiked punch thing, I was glad for the calm. The whole
cheerleading squad was not just suspended. The team was disbanded. The school is cheerleaderless. I joked that Chloe should take over and
she hit me over the head with a book. I'm still laughing at the thought of her in one of those uniforms. I think she'd look really cute.
Maybe she could enlist Lois' help. I bet Lois would love that.
After school, Pete and I went to the Talon with Nate. It was so nice just to relax and not have to worry about craziness. Nate's a really
cool guy. He got some grief from a few guys on the team for hanging out with me, but he told them to fuck themselves. It was cool that he
defended me like that. I think.
Then there was the part where I got to see Lex. He stopped by the Talon, whether by accident or in the hopes that he'd see me there, I don't
know, but it was really nice to see him. He looks so amazing. Nate thanked him for the football uniforms and Lex was his usual humble self.
I wanted to grab him and kiss him. He looked so hot, but of course I couldn't. We're not back together. I think we're headed there, but it's
going to take time. I still wish I could just grab him and make him mine again. I want him to be mine.
When Lex left, I turned and watched him leave. I couldn't help it. I stared at his ass as he walked away. I checked out his underwear: dark
grey boxer briefs. Hot stuff! Yum! They hugged him so nicely. I want to be his boxer briefs.
I guess I watched him a little too long, because Nate noticed I was staring. He made a comment about how Lex is way out of my league. I was
so shocked. I almost spit my drink across the table. I thought for sure making a crack like that would be out of Nate's comfort zone.
After Pete left to go home for dinner, Nate gave me a ride home. We talked some more. I reassured him that I would never hit on him or
anything like that. It was kind of awkward but I wanted him to know that I appreciated his friendship. He said that even though I am pretty,
I am definitely not his type. I laughed out loud, and he told me that was the first time he'd seen me really smile. As he dropped me off, he
told me to take it easy.
I wish I could go see Lex. I miss the times when I could just run over there and hang out. I guess I'll just have to settle for dreaming
about his underwear. I wonder what he'll wear tomorrow.
~
07:13 pm
A step in the right direction
Chloe knew the second she saw me this morning that I'd gotten some action.
Last night, after I'd finished my homework and had dinner, I went over to the mansion. Lex was in his office doing work as usual. He took a
break so we could play a game of pool. It was nice to be there with him. I got to watch him bend over the table and fantasize about what I'd
do to him. That gave me the biggest boner. I was glad I'd worn my long red flannel shirt. It covered my excitement.
Lex was wearing casual clothes with burgundy silk boxers. I x-rayed through his pants to look at his ass, and what an ass! He's so sexy.
Does he even know how hot he is? I bet he does. I couldn't stop myself from touching him every chance I got. He had his shirt sleeves rolled
up! How am I supposed to resist that?
We talked about what he's been up to, his father, and how school has been going for me this year. Then after he'd beaten me a few times at
pool (I still suck at that game no matter how hard I try), we sat down on the leather loveseat. I took the chance that he'd want me to kiss
him, and I'm glad I did. We made out on the sofa. I stripped off his shirt and he took off mine, and I got down on my knees between his
thighs and sucked his cock. It was delicious and I loved every second of it. I loved the feel of his length in my mouth and the taste of his
juices on my tongue. I wanted to stay on my knees so I could worship his cock forever. He moaned loud enough to shake the walls. It was so
hot.
After he came and I swallowed every drop, I sat down beside him and he pulled out my cock. I could barely hold back when he held me in his
hand and stroked me, I practically came on the spot. I was so horny. I couldn't help it. It felt so amazing and he kissed me on the mouth,
sucking on my tongue as he held me and jerked me. GOD! I want to go back there right now so we do it all over again. I want him to fuck me
and make me his love slave. Maybe he'd like to play alien love slave and master.
I know it's just a start, but I asked him if we're dating again and Lex said yes. I almost jumped up and down and screamed from joy. I
managed to hold back because I didn't want Lex to change his mind. I know it's not going to be easy, but I feel so content knowing that I
have him on my side.
Now I'm all hard again. I have to go jerk off. Life is good.
~
10:09 am
Bad morning
I was having this great dream just before I woke up this morning. I was dreaming that Lex and I had finally gotten back
together, except it wasn't really a dream. It happened for real the other day.
When I went downstairs after dressing for school, I found Lois and Chloe in our kitchen having coffee with my mom. I was in too much of a
good mood to be upset that Lois was back in my life so soon. Then Chloe flung herself in my arms and started to sob uncontrollably. Chloe's
dad died last night. He had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. The funeral is on Sunday. I can't believe this is happening.
Chloe's asleep on my bed right now. She was totally exhausted from the ordeal she'd gone through last night.
I'm taking the day off from school to stay with Chloe.
~
06:03 pm
Lex could make me say anything
Sometimes, I can't even believe the things Lex makes me think. He's so busy all the time now because of his work, so I
hardly get to see him anymore in person. The last time I saw him was the funeral on Sunday. It was a formal, somber event. I couldn't really
say much to him except to thank him for everything he did for Chloe. He helped her out so she wouldn't have to worry about anything.
Since then, we've talked on the phone every night. Lex calls me at ten o'clock and we talk for an hour, or longer sometimes, if I really
need to hear his voice. Last night, I kind of whined about how long it's been since we'd seen each other and how the last time Lex touched
me, it had been on Sunday to pat me on the shoulder. He asked me what I fantasize about when I'm in my bed at night. At first, I was
hesitant because we were on the phone, but then I started to get horny when Lex lowered his voice and whispered hot, sexy words in my ear.
I eventually admitted that when I jerk off I imagine that I bend Lex over his desk or even the sofa in my loft and fuck him until he screams
my name. I know it's kind of tame, but it's what gets me hard. He described in detail how he'd react and before I knew it, I'd come. It
wasn't until after I'd reached climax that I realized we'd just had phone sex!
I cleaned up really quickly, which was good because my dad entered my room without knocking to tell me to get off the phone and get to bed.
Luckily, I was already all tucked away.
I can't wait for his call tonight. I'm looking forward to hearing his voice. Even if he talks about stocks and board of directors meetings,
I could listen to him forever.
But right now, I have an English test to study for.
~
05:36 pm
It happened again last night
Lex called right on time and we talked for a few minutes about stuff. Then there was this long silence and I asked Lex
if he'd been thinking about me. He laughed and said he thinks about me all the time. I told him how much I wished he were with me, and
before I knew it, we were talking dirty and he was telling me about how he wants to push me up against the barn wall and have me where
anybody could walk in and catch us! It was so sexy, I came within minutes. I told him he could chain me up in the barn, and have his way
with me. Then he moaned, and I asked if he'd come. He had. I blushed and asked if we could do that every night. He promised we could do
whatever I wanted.
This time dad didn't interrupt, which was good since I didn't want to end the call. Lex is way too busy this weekend to come to town. He has
meetings every second of every day, or at least it seems that way. This totally sucks. I wanted to see him. I was hoping we could hang out
in my loft or at the mansion and do some "horizontal tango" games in bed, but now that's shot all to hell.
I guess it will have to be the phone again.
~
10:49 pm
I was set for a quiet evening alone
This whole week has been hectic. I feel like I shouldn't be this happy right now. My parents went to the city for
dinner and a movie. I was all set to spend the evening shooting hoops, doing homework and watching some lame TV. That was until I heard the
sound of footsteps on the loft stairs. I knew who it was even before I saw him. Lex showed up. I was in the middle of bouncing a rubber
ball, trying to see how high I could get it to go, when he snatched the ball from the air and smirked up at me. I was so excited that I
practically twirled him in my arms.
He looked so amazing in a black coat and black t-shirt, and his black pants. Once my initial excitement was over, we sat down on the loft
and I couldn't stop grinning. I felt like a total goof. You'd think I hadn't seen him in a year the way I was carrying on, but I didn't
care. I couldn't believe that Lex dropped everything for me and came all the way in from the city just to see me. That was all he came to
Smallville for: Me!!!!!!!
We kissed and touched. I couldn't keep my hands off of him. I didn't want to admit to him that I'd been thinking about him and us all day.
All morning after I woke up, I had daydreamed about Lex climbing into bed with me. He asked me to relate every detail of my dream to him. I
told him about how I touched myself as I imagined Lex climbing on top of me and having his way with me.
We started to make out right on the sofa in my loft. I was so excited that I tore his t-shirt in half and I ripped the button off his pants
when I tried to undo them. Lex wasn't upset, but it was a little frustrating for me, because I had lost a little control of my strength and
that hadn't happened in such a long time. I couldn't help it. Lex was there with me in the loft and he looked so hot, I wanted to tear his
clothes off. I guess I sort of did tear his clothes off. Who cares! He looks way better naked.
We made out on the sofa and then I lay a blanket down on the floor of the loft and we had hot sex. It was slow and romantic and awesome. I
wanted to shout it to the rooftops that Lex Luthor is hot in bed and that he loves me. Lex stopped me with a kiss.
Jeez! I sound like a hormonally challenged alien from Krypton.
I gave Lex another t-shirt that he could wear home. He looks really good in red. I wanted him to stay, but he couldn't. He said that instead
of going to LuthorCorp tower this afternoon for a meeting, he turned his Ferrari (the red one I love so much) towards Smallville and didn't
stop until he hit our driveway. (He was probably kidding. I'm sure he stopped for traffic lights and stuff.) He left the board of directors
sitting in an office and waiting on him. When I heard that, I wanted to jump him again, so I did. I pointed out that we should make the most
of it since he had gone to so much trouble to be with me.
I totally love Lex.
03:05 pm
This week
I have to start thinking about what I want to be when I grow up. I have a pretty good idea of what I'd like to do for a
future career. I really like working at the Torch and I like investigating stuff. It gives me a sense that I'm actually doing something
important. This week I'm going to be doing a story on the tolerance. That should be an easy one. Just in case it didn't show, I was being
sarcastic. There are still people at school who avoid looking at me or talking to me. At least I still have my two best friends. Chloe and
Pete will never abandon me no matter what.
I spent some time last night at dinner speaking to my parents about what I want to do after I graduate. Financially, things still aren't
great for us, but dad told me not to worry about that. I'm going to look at some brochures for a few universities I have in mind. Should I
skip MetU because Lois goes there? I think it's my first choice, mainly because it's close to home and it has some great courses that I'm
thinking I might want to get into.
I plan to look over all my options very carefully. After all, this is the rest of my life I'm planning for. I can apply for a few
scholarships and possibly get a part-time job. I was thinking model or something like that.
In other news, Lex and I are very much back together. He's been so busy with work that I literally have to make an appointment to see him.
Most of the time, we talk on the phone. We have a date every night at ten PM on my cell phone. It's been a great week and the weekend was
even better. Lex showed up without calling on Saturday night and we had a great time. I mean really great time. It was wonderful to have him
so close where I could touch and taste him.
Now it's Monday and it's back to the grindstone.
~
08:58 am
I wish I could do that every day.
Yesterday after class I rushed home and dressed up in my best suit (no tie) for my meeting with Mr. Lex Luthor. I had
booked a meeting through his assistant last week without telling Lex. I wore a dark grey suit with a light grey dress shirt and my best
shoes. I even flew to the city so I wouldn't ruin my shoes. I brought a note pad to make it look like I was a real reporter there to
interview Lex.
Best meeting ever.
When I arrived at LuthorCorp head office in Metropolis, I was led into a boardroom with this monstrous table in the center of the room and
eight plush chairs. Lex looked completely taken off guard for about two second before he put on his professional face and, asked his
assistant to hold all his calls and then he locked the door behind us. It felt great because I could pretend to be Clark Kent, reporter, and
Lex was my prey. I could be somebody else and I was out to dish major dirt on him. I cornered him against the table, pressing against him. I
was so hard by then, and I asked if he could help me with my little problem, which was really a big problem. When we kissed the first time,
it was electric, and the touch of his lips on mine sent a thrill through my body. I teased him with kisses on his lips and chin and neck,
completely distracting him. He said he didn't mingle with reporters, but I showed him how much fun it is to mingle with me.
Before he knew what had happened, I yanked off his tie and used it to tie his hands behind his back. I used a little of my speed to
accomplish this but the effect was amazing. Lex was so hard I thought he was going to bust out of his pants. Then I slowly unbuttoned his
shirt and kissed him all over his chest, bit his nipples, and slid down to undo his pants so I could suck his cock. I glanced up as I sucked
him and saw that he was spellbound by my performance. When I caught his eye, I deep-throated him and received the reaction I was hoping for:
his whole body shuddered as he lost control and came.
After his climax, I undid my pants and pulled them down. I turned Lex around and bent him over the boardroom table and fucked him. I did it
nice and slow and held onto his hips, making sure to leave some bruises. I wanted to mark Lex as mine. I knew just the right amount of
pressure to use to leave only light bruising.
I know part of it was the location and the small chance that we'd be caught that helped turn me on. I never realized I could feel that
excited by this fantasy, but I did and Lex was awesome, and the satisfaction I felt when I came inside him was incredible.
I untied Lex and we cleaned up and put our clothes back on. When I was leaving, Lex even said that I could come back any time for any
follow-up questions that I might have for him.
I had to rush home for dinner since my parents were waiting on me. I was smiling so much all night that Dad asked me what was up. I told
them that I loved them and I was happy they were my parents. Now I can relax and relive every second of my afternoon meeting with Lex.
~
11:19 am
Embarrassment all around
Does Lex have to tell his whole friends list about our private stuff? I wish he wouldn't do that. I know I can't
control what he does and says on his own space, but wow -- that was a really detailed post. I read it last night in my room, and by the time
I was finished reading it, I was hard, and I had to jerk off. Five seconds after I was finished my Dad walked into my room. I totally
freaked out on him and he ran from my room. Luckily, I had my back to the door, but I had my laptop open in front of me. I didn't even ask
what he thought of that. He probably thinks I'm a total pervert who was jerking off to porn, which I sort of was since Lex's post could be
considered porn.
I cleaned up and went downstairs to tell my Dad off. We had a huge fight. I think I deserve some privacy. Dad said he was truly sorry for
barging in like that. He said he's just used to having access to me all the time. I told him that I'm not a refrigerator that he can just
look into whenever he feels like it. After that argument, we agreed that from now on he and Mom would knock whenever I'm in my room and they
want to speak to me.
When I went back up to my room, I listened in on their conversation. Dad's just freaked because I'm not a boy anymore, and Mom is freaked
because I'm a man. Did they just suddenly realize this, because the fact that I'm dating Lex and I tower over them and I've had sex and I'm
not sucking my thumb anymore didn't give it away? I have needs and I'm going to satisfy them. They have to realize that, right?
At least my dad didn't tell Mom what he'd seen. He hinted and Mom caught on. Then I tuned them out when he said he was going to show her how
much she means to him and the kissing started.
When I went down this morning for breakfast, they were both in a really happy mood. I didn't ask because I can guess. Dad even hugged me and
said he was sorry for what happened last night. Then on his way out, he smacked Mom on the ass. She blushed and threw a dishtowel at them. I
must have looked at Mom with horror because she smacked me on the shoulder and told me that since I'm a mature adult now, I should be able
to handle knowing my parents are still getting it on. Those were her exact words! My mom actually said getting it on.
I told her that I'd be sleeping in the loft from now on. I think I need my memory erased.
~
11:16 am
Happy life
I couldn't be happier with life at this moment. I'm back with Lex. Everything between us is awesome. My Dad actually
knocked on my door this morning instead of barging in. The other day, we had an argument about privacy and I reminded him that I'm eighteen
now and deserve some respect in that department. I was really glad that he knocked because most mornings I wake up excited and I always have
to take care of it before I get out of bed, or I'm knocking things over and breaking stuff. That didn't come out quite the way I meant, but
it's the truth.
Lex and I talked on the phone last night. We discussed diplomacy and tolerance because I still have to write that article for the Torch and
it's supposed to be on Chloe's desk this morning. I haven't even started it yet, but I'm pretty sure I know what I'm going to say. Then we
talked about extracurricular activities and how much fun they can be.
Lois is in town this weekend to be with Chloe. She's been spending a lot of time with her cousin because of what happened with Chloe's
father. I swear I am trying real hard to be nice to Lois. She's been so good for Chloe and I don't want to step on toes. Come to think of
it, Lois hasn't actually said anything mean or nasty to me in a while. She's living in Chloe's house which helps. Maybe we're finally in a
place where we can actually be civil to each other.
~
11:21 am
A friend in need
Chloe came over late last night. I ended up missing my call with Lex. He did call, but I told him I'd have to take a
rain check since I had a friend over.
We sat in the living room and watched DVDs until she started to cry. Then I held her in my arms for a while. I was at a total loss as to
what to say to her. All I could do was listen while she talked about her dad and how much she misses him. I told her I'd always be there for
her and that no matter what or when she could count on me. I'm not sure what I said wrong because it made her cry even more. She fell asleep
in my arms and I carried her up to the spare room and put her to bed. Then I called Lois to let her know that Chloe was safe.
This morning Chloe looked a little better. She was very apologetic, and I told her not ever to be sorry for getting upset. We had breakfast
together and I managed to make her smile, which was so nice to see because she has a great smile. We drove to school in Chloe's car, and now
I'm here in the Torch office, hiding out. Lana was just here. She's really worried about Chloe. I told her about last night and she told me
she had things to do and left.
~
07:16 pm
This has been an interesting day (post made by Lionel)
Lex and I went on an unplanned visit to see his father. It surprised me the way Lex behaved towards that poor man. His
own father lies sick and dying in a hospital bed and Lex shows no remorse at almost having sent him to jail. It's sad. I wish it were
different for him, because it's important to love your parents.
Anyway, I'm home now and really happy to be with my parents. Dad put me to work on almost every single chore on the farm. I didn't mind,
because I love to do these things for my father. After that I took a long hot shower and washed every inch of my body very carefully. Now
I'm chilling out in my loft. I should go check and see what my mom is doing. I think she's baking cookies for me. I bet she could really use
my help. I wonder if she'd let me lick the bowl.
~
11:33 am
My simple life (post made by Lionel)
I was awoken much too early this morning, which was unfortunate because I was having the most incredible dream. In the
dream, I was rich and sunbathing in the Riviera. What made it worse was being dragged out of bed to do chores before going to school. I
wasn't in the mood at all. I wanted to do other things, like get back to that dream.
School is boring. I feel as though I've done this all before. I really wish I could have skipped class, but I'm pretty sure my parents would
be upset at me for doing that. I'm betting the school would have called the moment I didn't show up for class.
I can't wait for this day to be over. I'm planning on rushing home to watch mom bake pies.
~
02:34 pm
A much better day (post made by Lionel)
Today school has not been that bad. I decided to try something different and dress up nicely. I was pleased to see
people take notice, especially the girls. I have to admit, I liked the attention. It was freeing to be able to flirt without any pressure or
obligation. I think it's time I made a few changes in my life. I really feel like I'm growing up. I'm not going to be here on this farm all
my life. I'll have to make my way in the real world and that's going to require a different approach.
Mom has been so great about everything. While I was searching for something not flannel to wear, we had the most amazing talk. We hugged and
I felt as though everything had suddenly become so much clearer. I love my mom. I feel like I could take on the world.
I wonder what Lex is up to. I should go visit him after class today. I bet he misses me, especially since I had to cancel out on our usual
phone date last night.
~
08:17 pm
My god! (post made by Lionel)
The foolish boy has made things so much easier for me. Kent should learn to be less trusting. Imagine my surprise when
I found this journal on his laptop and discovered that he's already logged in. A simple matter of a password change and this space is now
mine, marking this as the beginning of my new life as Clark Kent. I had no idea what my son was hiding from me, but now that I know, I can
see why he didn't want me to find out about young Kent. This body is amazing. I lifted that tractor like it was made of cardboard.
When I summoned Lex to my bedside, with the purpose of taking control of his body, I wasn't expecting that young Kent would know what I was
up to and try to stop me. Unfortunately for him, I now have his life and I have big plans for the boy. Or should I say for me.
On the drive home from that hospital, I did bring up Lex's attitude towards (me) his father. I couldn't resist. I had to know and I knew Lex
would speak freely, thinking he was with Kent. The hate my son feels for me was palpable. He's content to allow me to die in that bed. Well,
the joke's on you son. I have a new lease on life and I am going to take full advantage of it.
I've never felt as invigorated as I do now. After spending months in that wretched body of mine, this is a welcome change. The victory I
felt at the look in my eyes, Kent's eyes, as I walked off with Lex, was nothing short of triumphant. The drive home with Lex was
interesting. He touches Kent a lot. I've never known Lex to touch anybody so much. To make it look good, I had to touch him a few times
myself. Luckily, we didn't have to talk the whole drive.
This is incredible. I wonder if Kent is like those mutants we have locked away... If he is, he's got the mother lode of mutations. Strength
like I've never seen, and just a moment ago, I discovered the speed.
I'm going to have to tread carefully. I must play a much more convincing part if I'm to pull this off. It seems Lex is rather closer to Kent
than I'd ever realized. I knew they were lovers, but I had no idea Lex was truly so smitten with the farm boy. It was an innocent enough
game that I played tonight. I went over to the mansion to observe my son in repose. We played a game of pool and Lex flirted relentlessly. I
shouldn't have gone there. It was foolish. Lex could very well start to wonder what's wrong with Clark.
I had no idea Lex could be so affectionate. A part of me almost wishes his words of kindness had been for me and not Clark. I'm going to
have to steer clear of my son, otherwise what happened could happen again, and I'm not sure I could continue to fake that level of
affection. It was one thing to allow the touching. I've always touched my son, but I shouldn't have allowed that kiss. It was foolishness.
Lex might start to suspect something.
I must watch my step.
~
08:18 am
I should have expected that (post made by Lionel)
After a very eventful day yesterday, I ended it with phone sex. My son and young Kent have a standing engagement to
talk dirty via a cell phone most likely generously provided by Lex. That was a first and I think I pulled it off. Lex never even suspected I
wasn't his boy toy. After the fiasco of the pool game, I had to go along with the conversation or Lex might start to suspect something was
wrong. I knew Lex was rather loose, but I had no idea how depraved he could be.
I must admit, I was momentarily thrown when he asked what I wanted to do to him. I think the spanking fantasy I concocted threw him for a
loop. The thought of bending that ungrateful son of mine over my knee and administering a well-deserved spanking does sound rather
appealing. It's not Kent's usual fantasy, as I discovered after reading some of the rather tedious posts here in this journal. Kent is
boring unless provoked by my lascivious son. Kent is boring period, but I'm about to change all that.
I meant for the body switch to be with Lex, but this is so much better. Now Clark is trapped in that dying old shell that I once inhabited
and I am in his youthful hulk of a form. Not only do I have a new lease on life, but I have a very interesting one indeed. Clark Kent isn't
just a pretty boy. He's gorgeous, well endowed and comes like a freight train.
This is unforeseen. I'll need to alter my original plans. First I have to get away from his parents. Having Jonathan Kent slap my back like
a comrade was almost too much to stomach. Beyond that, that hypocritical windbag never knows when to shut up. But Martha is another story.
She looks incredibly beautiful, especially in her tight jeans. I am sure that my eyes lingered on her assets longer than was proper. Not
that Jonathan noticed. He's such a trusting man. Neither Kent suspects a thing. As far as they are concerned, I am their loving boy Clark.
Once I obtain my money from my account, I can get out of this hick town and move into a new high life as Clark Kent, playboy. Alas, I cannot
take Martha with me, unless she'd be willing to run off with her own son. Wouldn't that make for interesting gossip?
How can Martha buy these ugly clothes for her son? All that plaid is disgusting. As soon as I have a chance, I am burning every article of
clothing Clark owns. I did find a few garments in the back of his closet and in his loft that are much more suitable for where I'm headed.
I'll probably keep those, but once I have the funds, Clark and I are going shopping.
I can't stop looking in the mirror. I see now what Lex finds so attractive in Clark. He's nothing short of perfect. I should find a pretty
young thing to bed, test out Clark's stamina. Perhaps Chloe Sullivan would be up to the task.
~
10:22 am
(post made by Lionel)
Threats on his own person did nothing, but once I threatened to kill Lex, Clark complied with my wishes readily. He
thinks I'll never get away with taking over his life, but he's sadly mistaken. As soon as I have my money, I am out of this hick town. I
abhor this place. It's filthy and disgusting.
I've already gotten a head start on Clark's new life. After I discovered the ability to shoot flames from my eyes, I burned all of Kent's
flannel and jeans. They made a wonderful bonfire. I had thought to possibly bring a friend along for the ride, but alas Miss Sullivan turned
down my advances and Jason Teague, yet another of Lex's lovers, wasn't up to the challenge. I must admit kissing them was rather
pleasurable, especially Chloe. It felt good to have all that brute strength behind my actions. I suppose I should have been more careful,
but I doubt Chloe will contact the authorities. I'm sure she wouldn't want her good friend Clark Kent to get into trouble. It was well worth
it to see the look in her eyes. She's a rather attractive young lady, especially when she's in tears.
There's a very interesting story behind the discovery of the fire-eyes. It seems that my own libido awakens this body, as I discovered for
myself when I elicited a simple hug from Martha. That woman could make anybody shoot fire from their eyes.
Now I must concentrate on retrieving my financial assets. After that, my traitorous son needs to be taught a lesson.
~
11:51 am
(post made by Lionel)
That ungrateful bastard. Lex pilfered my account. Every cent is gone. I want that money back now. The little thief is going to pay for this. I will see to it.
~
07:58 am
I wish I could change everything
Lionel took my life from me and almost destroyed everything, but Lex figured it out. He knew something was wrong, and
he saved me.
While I was trapped in Lionel, I was drugged almost all the time. The person who helped him made sure I was out of commission. Lionel had
promised him a huge payoff. He told me how Lionel had found the stone and how he had planned to trick Lex into switching bodies and taking
over Lex's life while Lex died in Lionel's body. Lionel was trying to use that stone on Lex, but I got between them and ended up body
swapping with Lionel. It was horrible to be in that old gross body.
Luckily, I finally managed to convince the guy that Lionel was a double-crossing jerk. He gave me the stone Lionel had used for the
transference and I phoned Lex, who came to my bedside as soon as I proved I was me.
I was so happy to see Lex after being in that hospital bed for the last few days. As soon as he was there, I forgot that I was Lionel, Lex's
father, and tried to kiss Lex. When Lex backed away in horror, I realized my mistake. Lex wasn't angry at all. He was just glad I was okay.
Lex came up with a plan to trick Lionel into returning to me so that I could get my body back.
Once Lionel showed up, Lex and I tricked him into getting close enough for me to shake his hand. It was such a relief to be me again. Lex
and I left a very confused and disoriented Lionel (who seemed to have forgotten everything that had happened while he was me) in his room,
and drove back to Smallville. It was a little awkward mainly because I wanted to hold Lex's hand the whole way home and he kind of had to
drive. It just felt so good to be able to touch him again.
After a long kiss and a hug, Lex dropped me off at home. My parents were worried sick about me. They told me everything Lionel had done.
They said Chloe and Lana had stopped by to speak to me. Chloe was in tears and Lana was furious. I don't know how she did it, but somehow
mom convinced them not to talk to anybody about what had happened.
And on top of all that, he crushed my cell phone, (the one Lex and I used to talk late at night) and he destroyed my laptop. I'm using my
mom's computer to write this post. I don't know when I'll get a new one. I paid for that laptop with my own money. It was upsetting to find
it smashed to bits on the floor of my loft. At least I was able to gain back control of my journal. That would have totally sucked if I'd
lost it.
~
10:27 am
I'm back for real
This is a really hard post to write, but I need to tell somebody. It's me this time. My journal was taken from me and
used by somebody else. I know this is going to sound totally insane, but Lionel tried to steal my life. He almost got away with it except
Lex figured out something was wrong and Lionel revealed himself. I'm not sure how he did it and I can't describe it any other way and I know
it sounds totally insane, but somehow switched our bodies. I was in his body and he was in mine, and he took over my life. I was trapped for
the past week in him. It was a total nightmare.
While I was him, I couldn't contact anybody and when I tried to call Lex to warn him, he hung up on me, thinking it was his dad calling.
If that wasn't bad enough, all the horrible things Lionel did while he was me altered my relationship with all my friends. Chloe and Lana
both hate me and when I tried to tell them it wasn't me, they told me never to go near them again. Chloe has this bruise on her cheek and
I'm guessing Lionel had something to do with it. I tried to get her to tell me what she thinks I did, but she wouldn't listen. Then Lana
told me off. She was so angry. I can't tell them what really happened and even if I did, it just sounds so insane, they'd never believe me.
I guess I'll just have to give them some space and hope they forgive me eventually.
Lionel even tried to sleep with Coach Teague! What am I supposed to do? How do I get my friends back when I can't tell them what happened?
I'm going to have to use other computers because Lionel destroyed my laptop and my hanky panky cell phone. I wish I could hide out for the
rest of my life, that or move far away until everybody forgets what happened. I'm really sorry about everything.
~
11:46 pm
It gets worse.
All my friends hate me. I learned more details of what Lionel did to them. He tried to force himself on Chloe. He
grabbed Coach Teague by the wrists and kissed him hard enough to bruise. Then Lionel told him that he could do way better than Lex. He told
Lana she was a bitch who could probably be fixed with one good fuck. Chloe and Lana both still refuse to speak to me. Coach Teague told me
not to go near him because there are rules of conduct and he could lose his job.
If only I could lay low for a few years.
I don't even want to think about what else Lionel did to my body. He destroyed all my clothes and all I have left are my black shirts and
dress pants. Now I'm going to have to go shopping again. And I read those private posts he made. Lex hasn't said anything to me about what
happened while he thought it was me he was talking to for the past week. Lionel totally violated my whole life. He got horny with my mom!
God -- I think I want to die. I don't even want to think about the phone sex. Spanking? I'd never want that. For one thing, I am way
stronger than Lex, and it would be totally unfair. And kissing? I am going to play totally dumb with Lex. Something I can do easily.
It feels so good to be back in my own body. I have the second stone and sometime soon I'm going to the cave to put it in the slot. I'm
thinking of asking Lex to come with me so I can show him what I'm doing, but I'm afraid he might freak. Maybe after I see what will happen
once all three pieces are assembled, I can talk to Lex. I finally told my mom and dad about the secret room in the caves and how I put the
first stone in its slot. I hate making them worry even more than they already do. I was really hoping I wouldn't have to tell them about it
at all, but I guess I have to face the fact that my life is never going to be normal. I really wish it could be.
Now we have to worry about what Lionel is going to do with what he's learned about me. He never discovered the true secret, but if he
remembers everything that happened while he was me, we're screwed.
~
09:49 am
I have a new laptop
It totally rocks just like my boyfriend. On Friday, I got home from school to find a brand new Sony Vaio laptop with a
big red bow on top waiting in my room. It was the gift Lex told me about. He also got me a T-Mobile sidekick that's purple and black. It's
the most awesome thing ever. I can even go online with it and use e-mail and make posts to LJ. I dared my dad to argue about the gifts, but
he didn't say a word.
I rushed right over to the mansion to thank Lex in person, properly and multiple times. I can't really give details here, but let's just say
I am sore and I left him with the biggest smile on his face. And Lex did this thing with his hands... it was totally hot. When I close my
eyes and think about his touch, I feel all warm inside.
Off to play with my new toys. I think I'll send Lex some e-mails thanking him for the amazing awesome hot sex.
~
11:03 am
I am truly forgiven
When I arrived at the mansion on Friday to thank Lex for his generous gifts, I stopped at the door to his office and
stood watching him. He was gorgeous and to drink him in with my eyes felt like heaven. He was wearing casual dress clothes, and my mind was
already on how to get him out of them. At first I felt a bit timid and unsure of whether I would be welcome after what had happened, but Lex
put me at ease right away. When he reached for me and we kissed I knew everything was going to be okay.
We sat down on his leather sofa and talked briefly before I returned his original gesture and kissed him. I could have kissed him all night.
We went up to Lex's bedroom and I undressed him slowly, revealing his body to me. The bruises on his neck were a shock. I knew what it would
have taken to make them. As I undressed and tossed my own clothes aside, Lex lay down on the bed, stretching out for me, his luscious body
mine to explore. I took full advantage and caressed and kissed my way up from the tips of his wonderful toes to his lush mouth. When I was
satisfied that I had lavished enough love on him, I lay down on my stomach and gave myself up to him.
Lex fell upon me immediately and before I knew it, he had my legs spread. I jumped at the feel of his tongue on my back. He worshiped me
with kisses and his gifted hands. The sheets torn in my tight grip and I screamed out my release as he thrust into me with his talented
tongue.
As I lay there barely capable of coherent thought, I felt cool wet fingers probe into me, fucking me gently at first. Then moments later
they were replaced by the hard thickness of Lex's cock, stretching me, filling me. If I thought I'd experienced the best moment that day, I
was wrong. His hands gripped my hips tightly as he raised my ass higher to get a better angle. I whispered words of encouragement. Lex sped
up his thrusts, pounding into me. It was ecstasy. My mind was spinning, completely lost in him and what we were doing.
When Lex came, he cried out my name. We collapsed on to the bed and I lay there in a haze. I don't know what set it off, but I felt this
grateful pang in my heart and I told Lex that I loved him completely. I had tears in my eyes and I tried to hide them, but he saw and he
asked me what was wrong. Nothing was wrong. I was so happy to be there with him and be me again, and I told him about my fears that I'd
never be free of his father. Lex immediately reassured me that he would never have allowed that to happen. I hugged him close, afraid that
it was all a dream and that I wasn't really there. I wanted to be sure that I was really me and Lex was still in love with me. He held me as
I cried out my fears. He never wavered and he never gave up on me.
I feel like I'm the luckiest person on the planet, because I love Lex and Lex loves me. I close my eyes and I imagine the look on his face
as we lay in his bed at that moment. If it hadn't been for Lex, I never would have gotten my life back. For that and for everything Lex has
ever done for me, I am grateful. I will probably never be able to thank him enough, but I sure am going to have fun trying.
~
02:02 pm
I woke this morning
When I got up this morning, I felt really weird, and then I realized it was because I was me. I wasn't him anymore and
that was a huge relief.
I got to school, and Chloe once again left the Torch office as soon as I walked in. I tried to talk to Lana, but she told me to back off. I
guess it's going to take more time.
At least I have my new laptop and I can e-mail Lex any time to tell him that I miss him and that I love him. I just sent him an e-mail and
reminded him to destroy the message as soon as he's done reading it.
I'm off to gym class.
~
08:35 am
Will my life ever get back to normal?
This morning I woke up to find my Mom by my side. She said I'd been calling out Lex's name in my sleep. She said I was
saying stuff like 'No, Lex don't leave me here' and 'Help me, Lex.' My t-shirt was drenched in sweat and my hair was wet. I guess I had a
nightmare about what happened. Mom was so freaked she stayed with me and held me in her arms for a long time. I didn't want her to let me
go. I told her all about how horrible it was while I was trapped and how I was so afraid I'd die as Lionel. Once I felt safe enough to peel
myself away from her, she went downstairs to make breakfast and I took a long shower.
Mom is so amazing. She made my favorite breakfast: food! I ate everything in sight. I was so hungry. Dad called me a bottomless pit and we
laughed. It felt so good to be there with my parents. I love them both so much. At first I thought that maybe I should tell mom about what
I'd read in those posts Lionel made in my journal, but it's probably better to just leave it alone. It's bad enough that I know how Lionel
used my body. If mom knew that he was having those kinds of thoughts about her, it would probably not go over well. I wish I could be in the
dark about all that as much as my parents are. I'm just grateful that Lionel didn't do any more damage. What he did do is already bad
enough.
I have to stop thinking about this. It's driving me crazy! I wish I hadn't read those posts before I deleted them! Unfortunately, it's too
late to change that, and I'm stuck knowing what he did. I wish Lex had figured it out sooner. I'm really afraid that I'm going to slip up
and mention the whole phone sex thing. We haven't done it since I returned to my body, and maybe it's better that way too. I'm willing to
bet it's on Lex's mind, and he can't bring himself to start it up again. Last night our talk was very brief.
I am totally over-thinking this! I just know I am. I have to stop it because that's Lex's job. I should concentrate on getting on with my
life. Put the whole thing behind me and act like nothing ever happened. The only problem is I'm reminded of it every time I see Chloe and
Lana. I don't even want to think about what Lois will do to me when she sees me.
The good: I am me and I am awesome.
The bad: there is no bad, just stuff that happened that I can't fix.
~
09:45 pm
I spoke too soon
I should never have invoked the name of she who can't be talked about, because then she will show up and harass me.
I was not in the mood after what happened this morning to speak to anybody. My plan had been just to go quietly through classes, rush home
and hide out in my loft, but fate had other plans for me. Lois showed up at the school. She was loaded for bear. Let me tell you, a crazed
Lois Lane is not a pretty sight. She was furious. I told her to back off and that I didn't have time for her. I was on my way out the door,
but she managed to corner me. I resisted the urge to stuff her into a locker.
I was surprised when Chloe and Lana showed up and saved me from the wrath of Lois. They didn't stick around to talk afterwards. Lana glared
at me and walked away. Chloe pulled Lois off of me, and I could have sworn I saw sympathy in the look she gave me. I might be wrong, but
maybe Chloe is finally coming around. She knows how insane things in this town can be.
I was in a hurry today because I wanted to put that stone in the wall. I don't want anybody else ever to use it to switch with somebody
else. After my run-in with the three witches, I went home to get the stone and then I went to the cave to place it in the slot. Nothing much
happened. The room lit up and that was about it. I need that last piece to complete the puzzle. I think it might be that piece that made me
fly to it the summer I was Kal. It looked like it would fit. I have to find it again. I have to get this over with.
~
11:12 pm
My day summed up
No phone sex again. Lois sucks. Lana still glares at me every time I see her. There was one thing. Chloe didn't leave
the Torch office the second I walked in and she even said hi to me. Maybe she's sort of ready to forgive me.
I did chores after school, and then talked to Mom about the nightmares I've been having. She said I yelled again in my sleep. I guess this
isn't something I can just forget about overnight.
I really wish I could talk to Lex about it, but he has his own demons to slay.
~
11:50 pm
Alexander and Hephaestion
I woke up this morning later than usual. I'd been so tired last night and I fought sleep because I was too afraid that
I would dream again, but I didn't dream. It felt so good to wake up to that instead of sweaty sheets and the panicked feeling that I'd lost
my life.
My parents were so awesome today. Normally I'd be up and doing chores at five in the morning, but Dad said I could take it easy for a
change. I was a complete slacker. I lazed around my loft, then in the afternoon Mom and I went into town to the thrift shop to pick up some
t-shirts for me and a few pairs of jeans. I found the nicest red flannel shirt. I totally love it. I wore it out of the store. I ended up
with almost a whole new wardrobe, and it didn't cost too much.
We had a wonderful family dinner. Mom made steak and potatoes. It was delicious. After dessert, I went up to my loft. I was going to read,
but then I decided to go see Lex. He was in his office, sipping a drink by the fire, looking all sexy and lost in thought, so I tempted him
into joining me up in his bedroom, not that it took much. I threw my jacket at him, winked suggestively, and he followed me up to his room.
We lay down on the floor on a plush rug with big fluffy pillows. I haven't felt that relaxed in such a long time. I think I was smiling the
whole time.
We started to kiss and I wanted to touch every inch of his body. I slowly stripped our clothes off, throwing them aside. I bet his clothes
cost a lot, but there they were -- his 1,000 dollar silk shirt and tie tossed in with my 10 dollar red t-shirt and worn leather belt. They
made a nice pile.
We sort of started to role play. Lex was Alexander and I was his faithful lover Hephaestion who would join him in his bed at night. Lex said
that I was the only one who could do that to him. At first I felt a little self-conscious. I even blushed at the silliness of it all, but
then I started to get into my part. I kissed him from his lips to his bellybutton, and then I slipped his pants and briefs off, licking his
hips and thighs and cock. He whispered dirty words into my ear, urging me to take him and make him completely his. I was so fucking hard. I
thought I would explode before I even entered him, but I held on.
When we were both naked, I slowly kissed him all over, trying to drive him mad with passion, but it had the reverse effect. I grew impatient
and I pinned Lex under me, gripping both his wrists in one hand so that he couldn't escape. Then I kissed him long and hard. His body
responded to my every touch, my every caress, and when I entered him, we locked eyes. He begged me to fuck him. I was so lost in the moment,
thrusting into him much harder than I usually would. I called him Alexander who was my conqueror on the battlefield, but in the bedroom he
was mine.
I want to do it again right now. That was so much fun, pretending to be somebody else. I could cut loose.
By the time I left to go home, I could see that Lex already had bruises forming on his hips and his wrists. I wanted to feel bad, but while
I was fucking him I said I would mark him so everybody would know he was mine, and I guess I did, though nobody else will see the bruise but
me and Lex. I like it that way. He can wake up tomorrow sore knowing it was me who made him that way.
I think I need something to drink.
~
09:59 am
I feel so awesome
Last night I stopped by the mansion to see Lex, and we had the most amazing time. This morning I woke up happier than
I've been in a long while. I woke up slowly, lazing in my warm sheets for as long as possible. Then I went downstairs for breakfast. Mom and
Dad gave me strange looks, then pointed out that I was whistling. I didn't give details, but they both knew it had to do with Lex. Dad
didn't seem too thrilled that my boyfriend (who is the most awesome person in the whole world) was the reason for my great mood, but I
ignored his sour response and practically skipped through my chores. I told them to go out and do something together because they deserved a
chance to relax.
How was I supposed to tell my parents that I had the most amazing sex ever last night? I couldn't exactly share that with them. I couldn't
even hint without blushing, which I did --blush that is, when they asked about my smiles.
I don't have anybody I can scream my joy and happiness to, so I write it in here.
Lex, my boyfriend, is the hottest, most sexy guy ever and he's all mine! I am the only one who makes him feel the way he feels and I love
him more than I could ever express in words.
After I came back to the house from chores, I found a note from my parents saying they'd be in the city all day, having fun. I have the
whole place to myself. I think I'm going to dance in my underwear and sing. Anybody want to join me? Hint, hint -- Lex if you're not busy,
stop by to see the worst dancer in the universe.
~
10:56 am
Caught in the act
We weren't in the middle of anything.
Yesterday Lex showed up at the house just as I was about to make some lemonade. I hadn't stripped down to my underwear yet, but I was
planning on it when he walked through my back door. I was playing some music so I swept him into the living room and we danced. Lex said in
as polite a manner as possible that I needed lessons, so he showed me the right way to slow dance. I never did get to finish making that
lemonade.
We danced and kissed and then I dragged him up to my bedroom so we could have even more privacy. I could spend hours kissing Lex. He has the
most amazing lips. Have I ever talked about how great a kisser he is? He can get me turned on with just his mouth.
I won't go into heavy details about our sexcapades -- sorry. Some things should remain private, but I will say that by the time we were
finished, I could barely move and Lex was practically purring. After getting semi-decent (we put our underwear back on), both of us were way
too lethargic to move. Lex practically wrapped himself around me. He totally cuddled me. I call it! Lex cuddles after sex. He's a big shot
in the boardroom but in my bed, he's a pussy cat. I was just about to drift off to sleep when the door of my room opened and my mom called
my name.
Mom ordered us to put some clothes on, and get downstairs immediately. We quickly got dressed and went downstairs to find my parents in the
kitchen. Mom was busy making lemonade, and Dad looked very upset. They were both very polite while Lex was still here, but as soon as he
made his escape, claiming he had work that needed his immediate attention, my Dad let me have it.
To make a long story short, I can't have Lex up in my room when I'm home alone. I especially can't have him over and be naked with him. Not
that my dad said it in those words, but that was what was implied. He was furious. Mom wasn't as angry but she did say she was surprised
that I would do something like this, which is way worse because it was like she was saying I had betrayed their trust. Since I'm not a kid
anymore they couldn't really ground me or anything, but they did make me feel really guilty last night. This morning all I can think about
is how wonderful it felt to have Lex there with me. He makes me feel so warm and at peace.
This morning at breakfast, Dad asked me if Lex and I had talked about anything specific while he was over or if we'd just (then he paused
and cleared his throat and made these vague hand gestures) and said "you know." It was weird and kind of freaky to have my dad talk about
that, but I guess he was trying to be supportive or something. My Dad can be kind of strange about these things.
~
09:58 pm
So that's what he meant
Lionel is all better and, on top of that, he is now living at the mansion with Lex. I can't believe Lex didn't tell me.
He was here yesterday, and then we were together the other night. He had many opportunities to tell me all about it, but he didn't. I had to
find out from Chloe.
When I got home, I talked to my parents and they said they already knew, but that they were leaving it for Lex to tell me. Dad said he
confronted Lex about it last week! I'm so clueless. Then Dad showed me the article from the paper all about Lionel's miracle cure.
This sucks. I have to go talk to Lex right now. He better have a good reason for keeping something this important from me.
~
01:16 pm
I never made it to the mansion
I meant to go talk to Lex, but I had so much homework and so many chores yesterday that I didn't have a chance. Then
while I was pacing in the loft thinking of how to approach the whole situation, my dad came up to talk to me. He asked that I not go see Lex
about this. He thinks I should let Lex come to me and discuss it then. I was too tired so I ended up staying in. I had plenty of time to
think about everything.
It also gave me a chance to catch up on my homework and do some research into Alexander the Great. That was really interesting.
In some other news, it seems that Chloe has finally forgiven me, but Lana is still holding out. When I said hello to her this morning in the
hallway, she asked if I still think she could use a good f*** to straighten her out. She looked really mad, and I have to think that maybe
it's about more than just me. I had better steer clear of her from now on. I'll just let her come to me when she's ready.
At least Chloe likes me again.
~
07:19 pm
It's been a few days
Lex has been away doing business in the city for the past few days. It turned out that he was busy planning a charity
costume ball that he's holding at the mansion on Halloween. He was busy finalizing everything for that.
He stopped in for a half hour to talk to me about some stuff. I don't really understand why he's letting Lionel stay at the mansion, but it
seems that it's something Lex has to do. I mostly listened to what he had to say and tried not to remind him of the things that the man has
done. I get that he's Lex's dad.
He also dropped off my invitation to the party. I told him there was no way I could afford the ticket and he said he'd take care of it. Then
I noticed that it said to RSVP by October 26 which already passed. I think he wanted to hit me, but I was only kidding with him. He even got
me a costume. It's cool. He said he's dressing up as Alexander and that my costume is Hephaestion. Even if we can't go to the party as a
couple, we'll both know the truth. He seemed really upbeat about the whole thing. I can't wait until Tuesday. It's probably going to be a
lot of fun.
I wish he could have stayed longer but he said he had more stuff to do. We kissed goodbye and he left just as Chloe was arriving. She and I
were supposed to be doing some research, but Chloe was too busy oohing and ahhing over my costume. She made me try it on for her, and my dad
walked in just as we finished putting it all together. The armor thing was hard to figure out even with both Chloe and I working on where
everything should go. Dad invited Chloe to stay for dinner. Then my dad told me to change back into a man and flounced out of the loft.
Seriously, you have not seen funny until you've seen my dad try to flounce.
I think the costume looks awesome. Chloe said my legs look great in a skirt. She said she can't wait to see the look on Lex's face when he
sees me in it.
Dinner was nice. Chloe was very talkative. She's also going to the party. She and Lana are going together. They can do that since the whole
town knows about them. She won't tell me what costumes they're going to wear. It was really nice to have her over and have her speaking to
me again even if I barely got a word in at dinner.
After she left to go home, I came up to my loft to hang out and think. Then I decided to put the costume on again.
~
11:19 pm
Talk with my Mom
Today felt like it would last forever. It was cloudy all day, and there was no sun. I wanted to phone Lex about a dozen
times, but I resisted the urge. I know I'm going to see him on Tuesday night. My parents are going to his party. Mom showed me her costume,
but dad didn't bring his out. He said he'll wear it on Tuesday and I can see it then. Mom's going to look so amazing in the pretty blue
dress she chose. It looks like something out of Gone with the Wind. I'm assuming my dad's going to be her Rhett Butler. I didn't ask.
After dinner I decided to relax in a bubble bath. I hardly ever take baths mainly because I love showers, and the tub isn't big enough for
my huge body. I ended up staying in the water for an hour. Afterwards, I got into my flannel pajamas and settled into bed with a few books
I'd signed out of the library. I borrowed a whole bunch of books about Alexander the Great to do some research. Mom brought me some milk and
cookies. We had a talk about Lex and what's been happening over at the mansion. She said Dad is worried about me and my safety. I reassured
her that Lex had talked to me about it and that he would never let anything bad happen to me. I reminded her that what Lionel did to me had
nothing to do with Lex. I could tell that my mom gets that and that she's worried about how Lex is holding up with his father around all the
time.
She suggested that maybe I should stay away from the mansion and Lex could come over here instead. I know that was Dad's idea and Mom was
the one elected to speak to me about this. She pointed out that Lex is a busy man, and I have way too much schoolwork. My parents think I
should concentrate on figuring out what I'm going to do after I graduate from high school. We talked about college and other options. I
joked that I could become a super hero with a costume and everything. Mom thought I was being serious. She thinks I could do whatever I put
my mind to. I love my mom. She's so awesome.
I do have to start seriously thinking about these things. I know my parents are right. I don't know what I want to do. Maybe I'll travel or
something. I'm not sure. I like the idea of traveling around the world. That would be so cool.
Back to my books.
~
01:25 pm
Maybe I should have said something.
Last night I had an unexpected visitor in the loft. Alec stopped in to see me. He said he's cured. He wears this
bracelet that releases lead into his blood and it stops him from using his teleporting ability. I know he's done horrible things and he
tried to kill Lex, but he was nuts when all that happened. He said he was sorry for everything he'd done to hurt me and that he hoped
I could find it in my heart to forgive him. I told him that he can't be a part of my life.
I couldn't help feeling bad at how defeated he looked as he described how he felt like he was watching somebody else do all those awful
things. He told me he'd been drugged a lot while he was in Belle Reve but that he never once revealed my secret about my abilities to
anybody. I asked him about my other secret and he apologized over and over for telling anybody about my being gay.
Before he left, he said he'd leave me alone. I hope he's telling the truth. I wanted to say something to my parents, but I didn't see the
point. I can't imagine how bad he must be feeling and it's probably better to just leave it at that. If he's really better, it can't help to
have people bothering him.
I can't wait for the party tonight. I'm so excited! I am really looking forward to seeing Lex in his costume. I want photographic evidence.
My Dad made some grumblings this morning about my costume. He asked if I actually plan to wear "that thing Luthor (he called Lex by his last
name which means Dad is upset) got you." I didn't say a word. I figured it was better to just ignore his complaints and leave it at that.
I'm sure Mom will talk sense into him.
I have a test next period and I totally forgot to study.
01:57 pm
The party
[Newspaper
article]
I had the most amazing time last night at the party. At first I was a little nervous. I arrived late, but once I got there, my worries were
put to rest right away. Everybody was dressed up in costume and they all looked so amazing. I spent the first ten minutes just walking
around to admire all the cool outfits. My parents looked awesome, despite what Dad said about feeling foolish. Chloe and Lana looked so
incredible. Chloe dressed as the goddess of love, Aphrodite, and Lana went as Cleopatra. They made a gorgeous pair. When I went over to say
hello to them, Chloe acted a little strange. She pulled me aside and told me that if I ever needed anybody to talk to about anything I could
go to her anytime no matter what. I could only guess that maybe she thought I felt awkward being there and not being Lex's official date. I
thanked her and told her I was cool with everything.
A few times I walked by Lex when nobody else was around and whispered that I was going to tear his clothes off when I got him alone.
The party was so cool. Lex even got a live band, All-American Rejects. They were great. I mingled and met all kinds of new people. I even
got to meet some guys who used to go to prep school with Lex. Bruce was there. He looked cool dressed as Zorro.
After everybody left, I stayed with Lex and we had a wonderful time together. He looks awesome in a skirt. There's so much to talk about. I
ended up falling asleep at the mansion in Lex's arms. I couldn't help it. When I woke up this morning, I rushed home as fast as I could in
my costume since I didn't have any regular clothes to change into, to find my parents waiting for me. Last night, when they'd left the
party, they told me that I had to be home by midnight because it was a school night. My Dad was really mad. He threw the newspaper at me to
show me the front page article about the party. It's so cool. My picture got in the paper! They didn't name me, but it's right there almost
beside Lex's picture. I saved the whole article. Dad was not as thrilled about it as I was. He's totally overreacting. Luckily, I had to
rush off to school, but he told me that we'd have a long talk about it tonight. He also told me that since I couldn't be responsible enough
to get home on time last night, I have to go straight home after school today and get to work on my homework and chores.
I don't really care. I had such a wonderful time last night. Nothing can ruin my good mood today.
~
06:33 pm
Last night was the best night ever.
I feel like I can share this with you all. It's a little bit more detailed than I'm used to sharing, so I hope nobody minds. Here goes
nothing.
After all of Lex's guests went home, Lex and I retired to his private rooms. The staff was told to go home since the cleanup would be done
in the morning. We were completely alone except for a few security people. As soon as Lex locked the doors, I fell on him and we kissed
passionately. It felt amazing to be able to touch him and kiss him after being denied him all night. I told him that I was hard half the
time because he looked so amazing, and I almost jumped him right there in front of everybody. Then I asked him how he was going to make it
up to me.
He started to remove my clothes one piece at a time and kissed me after he tossed them aside. He left me with nothing but the skirt and I
returned the favor by removing his clothes until all that was left was his skirt. I got down on my knees and sucked him off. I told him I
would do this for him any time, any place, and all he had to do was ask. He grabbed my hair and pulled on it as I sucked him to orgasm. Then
we fell onto the pillows and kissed for a long time. I was so excited that I thought for sure I would never last, but I managed to stay hard
long enough to lift up his skirt and fuck him from behind. I held onto his hips tightly as I thrust into ass and called him Alexander. It
was so amazing and so tight, and when I came, I tore the rest of his clothes off and threw them against the wall. I was so excited.
We collapsed into each other's arms and I remember thinking I'd never been as happy in my life as I was at that moment. I whispered to Lex
that I loved him with all my heart and that if I could I'd be his forever.
~
12:46 pm
Kittens and stuff.
This morning while I was doing chores, I heard meowing behind a storage box so I lifted it up out of the way to find out what was up. I
found five little kittens. One of our cats had gone behind the box to have her litter. They are so cute! I couldn't resist. They were
wandering all over the place now that there was more room for them to move. When my dad came to get me for breakfast, he found me with
little kittens climbing all over me. They didn't seem to win him over. He's still complaining about what happened the day after the party. I
wish he'd just let it go. I told him that everything is cool and that Lex would never let anything happen to me.
I put the box back in its place, and Dad and I made a new home for them. They're old enough now to wander around. One of them tried to
follow me out the door when I left to go eat breakfast. I'm not allowed to have cats in the house, but I named the kittens: Eenie, Meenie,
Minie, Moe, and the smallest one I named Toe. Toe was the one who tried to follow me.
I totally forgot about the reason I was late to the party on Tuesday. Just before I got dressed in my costume, I got a panicked called from
Alec. He was freaking out that he had lost control of his car and that he couldn't get out because of the lead bracelet. I told him to tell
me where he was and that I'd be there right away to save him. I got to the runaway car and caught it in midair just after it flipped over,
but when I set it down as carefully as I could, the car was empty. It was so strange. Maybe he managed to remove the bracelet and get out
safely. That's the only thing I can think that could have happened.
I meant to tell Dad about it, but he's being so sour about the whole Lex thing, that I figured I should just let it go. Nobody was hurt and
because I haven't seen or heard from Alec since, I figure he's probably okay and I don't have to worry about it. I did sort of make an
attempt to find him, but nothing came up. Even Chloe said she hadn't heard anything. She said she'd look into it and get back to me if she
finds out anything.
~
08:29 pm
My weekend so far
The kittens I found, Eenie, Meenie, Minie, Moe, and Toe, are so cute. Chloe came over yesterday to help me play with them. She said that she
might take one home with her once they're ready to be separated from their mother. She had to talk to Lana about it first.
We had a great time hanging out and talking about stuff. She said she couldn't find any sign that Alec was even still in town. She's
probably right that he left to start a new life where nobody knew what he'd done in his past. I hope he's going to be okay.
My parents had gone to an animal auction in the next county for most of the day, so I had to fend for myself. I managed to make Chloe a
really nice lunch using leftover pot roast. She looks really happy and she said that her relationship with Lana is going so well. They're
both thinking about going to Met U together next year.
I thanked Chloe for being so concerned about my feelings at the party. She hugged me and again told me that she was there for me no matter
what I wanted to talk about. She made a comment about how a big strong guy like me probably doesn't really need someone like her. I
immediately quashed her thinking and informed her that I would always need her. Then we hugged some more. I love hugging her. She feels so
soft and warm.
After lunch we went to the county bazaar to do some shopping. Chloe mostly shopped, and I mostly browsed. I did buy something, and I know I
shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it. I was walking along sort of daydreaming about Lex and absently touching these necklaces on display
when I felt this rush of power. I was instantly hard and when I looked down, a necklace I'd touched was glowing red. Two of the stones were
made of red Kryptonite. I didn't know what else to do, so I bought it on the spot. Chloe thought it wasn't my style at all, but I couldn't
leave it there. It's in my bedside drawer, hidden away from prying eyes.
I feel this rush just writing about it, and even now I want to take it out and touch it. I did that last night when I put it away in my
drawer. I touched the stones, and the rush it sent through my body was thrilling. As soon as I started to feel like I would give in and put
the necklace on, I dropped it in the bag and stuffed it in the back of my drawer. I won't touch it again, but at least now it's off the
market, and the risk of me stumbling across it by accident is gone.
I had to jerk off three times last night, I was so hard. I wanted to rush over to see Lex and work out some of my nervous energy in bed with
him, but I resisted the urge. I'm really not sure why. I should have just found him and fucked him into the mattress. I think about it and
that's what I want even this very second. I shouldn't have bought that necklace. I should have left it there and let somebody else buy it.
As soon as I'm finished with my chores, I'm going to bury it someplace very deep where nobody will ever find it.
~
07:16 pm
That was totally annoying
My Dad chased a reporter off our property today. I was on the front porch just after dinner, playing with my new kittens. Toe followed me
out of the barn this afternoon while I was doing chores and played with a loose thread on my flannel shirt. I sort of lost track of time and
didn't get the chores done, but my parents weren't mad. Mom took pictures.
Anyway, I was playing with Toe when this guy pulled up. At first he pretended to be lost, but his true reason for being on our farm came out
when he pulled a tape player from his pocket and started bombarding me with questions about Lex. He said he found me from that article in
the paper and that people in town were very helpful. He asked if I knew who Lex was dating and why Lex wasn't revealing her name. He said
there was talk that he had a date at the Halloween ball, but that Lex didn't want her in the spotlight. I was about to tell the guy that I
wouldn't talk to him when Dad came storming out of the house, saying he was going to call the sheriff. The guy left as soon as I told him my
dad had a shotgun. I know I shouldn't have said that, but he totally pissed me off.
I wonder what he would have thought if he found out that not only was he right about Lex but that he'd found the person he was asking about.
I hope nobody really is talking about us. I don't think my dad would be too thrilled if the world found out about Lex and me. I'll have to
talk to my dad when he gets back from running his errands.
~
09:15 pm
I had a plan
I went over to see Lex yesterday after dinner with the intention of speaking to him about my Dad's attitude towards him, but I kind of got
sidetracked. It's not my fault. Lex was so hot, and I probably shouldn't have gotten into his bed in just my boxer shorts. I probably should
have gone straight to his office, but I didn't want to risk a run-in with Lionel.
When Lex came up to his bedroom and found me, he practically fell into my arms. He was drained emotionally and physically, but he still had
enough energy to give me the most amazing blowjob. Then when I tried to talk about stuff, he distracted me. I shouldn't have let him
distract me.
I kept thinking about this all day at school and then Chloe was acting weird and Lana wanted me to help her with some project, and Pete is
freaked over family stuff.
I just wish my dad would back off. I tried to talk to him at dinner tonight, but he just wouldn't budge on his position that being with Lex
is going to somehow hurt me. I can't even believe he still feels that way after everything Lex has done to protect me and my secret. Mom
can't reason with him.
I just want everybody to get along, and get awesome blowjobs while I'm at it. Is that too much to ask?
~
11:04 am
I am so angry right now
I can't believe my dad. He is really starting to piss me off. This morning at breakfast he made sure that I saw a story in the paper about
Lex. In the article, they speculated on who he might be dating. They even speculated that Lana might be a contender. Reporters are so
stupid. All you'd have to do is ask one person in our town and they could tell you that Lana does not like guys.
I pointed out to Dad that this is a good thing because it means they aren't even considering that Lex might be dating somebody male. That
wasn't enough for him. He went on and on about how it's too dangerous to be seeing somebody so famous and that I need to be more careful. I
told him I was as careful as possible. I barely get to see Lex lately.
I really wanted to hit my Dad when he said that he thinks I made a huge mistake dating Lex. I didn't hit him, but I did go into the barn and
smash a beam, which I now have to fix as soon as school is over. Mom came out to talk right when I unleashed my rage. I told her that I was
safe with Lex. I told her that Dad is being a jerk and that he's letting his stupid fears get the better of him. I told her that there was
no way in hell I'd ever lose Lex. I said a lot of things I probably shouldn't have said. I really let her have it and I know that wasn't
right since she's not on Dad's side over all this. She said she's tried to reason with him, but he's being totally stubborn.
When I left her to run to school, I let Mom know that I'd pick Lex over Dad. I didn't really mean it. I was just so furious. She probably
told Dad about it, and I'm going to catch all kinds of hell over this, but I'm so sick of his growing distrust. I hate it. I want him to
stop it and just trust my judgment. I want him to realize that I am not making a mistake and that Lex is good for me. I want him to trust
Lex.
I love my parents and I love Lex, but something has to give, or I don't know what I'll do.
~
10:05 am
I can't believe this!
What am I supposed to say to my dad? He just won't let it go. I told him to stop talking about Lex as if he's somebody unimportant, but this
morning when I was on my way down to breakfast, I overheard my parents discussing Lex again. Dad actually told my mom he thinks it's in my
best interest to end things with Lex. Luckily, Mom was outraged enough for the both of us. She told him to back off, or something would
give. Then he pointed to that as a good reason to be very concerned about this 'ugly relationship.' He called my relationship with Lex ugly.
I was furious. I couldn't believe he'd say that.
I didn't storm down in a rage. I just called out to let them know I was coming. Then we sat quietly around the kitchen table. Dad barely
spoke to me. He only said that he and mom were going someplace this afternoon and that I'd have to fend for myself.
I called Lex as soon as I was on my way to school and left a message for him to call me back when he had time. I really hope that things
change with Dad. I want to understand where he's coming from, but he's being extremely unreasonable.
~
12:05 pm
This is it
I am going to change everything. Nothing will stop me.
Lex, meet me in the loft now! I have to talk to you right away. It's very important.
~
11:08 pm
Dear Diary
Today I got married. You heard me, punk. I am now married and my husband is the hottest thing ever. He's lying in our honeymoon bed, passed
out from champagne and my awesome sexual prowess. I would never have used that word before I met Lex.
We're not in Kansas anymore, in case you hadn't guessed. We flew this afternoon to someplace else that I can't reveal, and got one of those
really fast weddings. I am now Mr. Clark Kent-Luthor. I love the sound of that.
Lex looks smoking hot asleep naked, covered in sweat and my spit from when I licked cream off his smooth body. He is a demon in bed. I want
to fuck him again even though we've already done it on every surface in this room, and then some. *wink wink*
I'm only taking one second to make this entry and mark this very special day. I love Lex Luthor-Kent!!!!
I'm married now and I have never been happier!
Love
Clark Kent-Luthor
~
09:30 pm
I think
I know what I want to do when I grow up. I want to lick Lex Luthor (my husband's) body all over for the rest of my life. I know I can do the
job well. Lex is loaded -- ooh that means I'm loaded now too, so we don't ever have to worry about anything ever again. Except how much
maple syrup it takes to cover Lex's entire body. Then I plan to lick it all off.
I'm getting hungry just thinking about it. He's sexy as hell! I think he must be evil. In fact, I am sure that he is. He makes me want to
sin and sin and sin...
~
09:20 pm
I'm home now
Lex removed the necklace with the red kryptonite stones in it from my neck while we were kissing earlier today. As soon as it was off, I
felt terrible. I couldn't believe I had talked Lex into running away and getting married. We got dressed and went to the airport to fly back
to Kansas. On the plane we didn't say much. I wasn't sure what to say to Lex. I told him that I love him.
After we landed, Lex drove me home where my parents were waiting for me. I told Lex I'd handle them and he went home. Dad was so upset that
at first he couldn't say anything. He asked Mom to give us some time alone so he could talk to me. I've never seen my dad so upset. I told
him right away that I was the one who put on the red kryptonite necklace. I told him about buying it last week at a stand, and that Lex had
nothing to do with it.
Lex didn't say anything because we didn't speak much on the way home, but I'm willing to bet he went along with me just to keep me
distracted. When I'm under the influence of that stone, I become unpredictable. Dad told me that he's not sure he can ever trust me to make
good judgments again. I tried to talk to him about what I was feeling and what Lex means to me. I told him that Lex makes me feel normal and
special all at the same time, and that with him I don't have to pretend or be somebody I'm not. I started to cry. I couldn't help it. My
Dad's words cut so deep. He couldn't even look at me.
Then he exploded. He said I was never like this before I met Lex. The marriage isn't legal here, but that doesn't matter to him. He was
angry because I broke the law, I ran off without telling them, I put the necklace on by choice, and I got married. He's never been so
disappointed in me.
I went out to the loft after his lecture. I'm supposed to think about why what I did was wrong. Mom came up a half hour later with milk and
cookies. Even before she said a word I got tears in my eyes. It was hard, but I could handle Dad's disappointment way more than my mom's. I
wouldn't have been able to handle it if she were upset. She was upset, but not for the same reasons. She said she missed seeing me get
married. I had a picture that I showed her. She started to cry and we hugged for a long time. She told me that no matter what they both
still loved me. Then she left me alone.
I may have been under the influence of the red meteor rocks, but I don't regret what we did. I don't want the marriage to be annulled. I
want to still be married to Lex. How do I tell him and my parents that this is what I want? Dad thinks I'm too irresponsible and it's not
even legal anyway. It's not fair.
~
02:23 pm
I wish it didn't have to end
It was hard enough, having to come back to the real world after such a great weekend. My dad's words really hurt. I did get much sleep last
night, and I spent all my waking time thinking about what happened. My dad's disappointment and my mom's quiet support leave me so
conflicted. I don't regret any of it, and when Lex stopped by at one in the morning to make sure I was okay, I told him I want to stay
married. I don't want us to pretend like the weekend never happen. We talked briefly and then we kissed, and I told him that I love him. I
wanted him to stay with me, but I knew he couldn't. We were back in the real world and in the real world I'm not married to him and we're
just best friends. In the real world, I can't show how I feel about Lex in public.
I'm really glad I have somewhere I can go to share these things. I don't know what I would do if I had to keep it all bottled up inside.
I wanted to tell Chloe about what happened on the weekend as soon as I saw her this morning, but I know I can't. It seems the whole town
knew I was missing. My parents called everybody we knew. Chloe joked that I should stop pulling so many disappearing acts. Lana showed up
and said she was glad to see me back safe. They held hands in the hall at school like it was so normal. Chloe slipped her hand into Lana's
and the smile on Lana's face spoke volumes. They look so happy together. Part of me wishes Lex and I could do that, but I know it's
different for us. Lex is a public figure and I'm only in high school. Those are just the least of our worries.
My dad wasn't at the breakfast table this morning. He's avoiding me. I know he is. He could barely look me in the eyes last night when we
talked about what I'd done. I don't know if I'm ever going to win his trust back. At this point, I can't even see how. Mom didn't say much
to me. I don't know what I would do if she weren't there for me.
~
09:21 pm
For safe-keeping
Text message to Lex
To Mr. Luthor-Kent
somebody out here loves you.
love
Mr. Kent-Luthor
ps: - this message will self-destruct in thirty seconds.
Lex's response
"Ditto, Angel."
I have so much homework!! It's insane.
~
10:08 pm
I did it
Yesterday, when I got home from school, Mom was upset because Dad had gone to the mansion to confront Lex. I ran to the mansion, and got
there just as things between Lex and my dad were heating up. I overheard Lex say that he doesn't regret any of it and that he is committed
to me completely. I rushed in at that moment and told my dad that I love Lex and that I want to stay married to him.
After I talked to my dad about how I felt and how important Lex is to me, he left. I hadn't meant to stay overnight, but it turned out that
way. We started to kiss and one thing led to another. Before I knew it we were up in his room. I woke up this morning well rested and in my
husband's arms. It feels weird to type that.
I had to rush home to get my schoolbooks and bag. I had a talk with Mom. She thinks I'm way too young, but she wants me to be happy. Then
when I got home from school, I found my Dad sitting on the sofa by himself. Mom had gone into town to run some errands. I didn't look
forward to being alone with him, but it wasn't as bad as I thought. He said he was scared that I wouldn't need him anymore. I reassured him
that I'd always need him no matter what. He'd had one beer and was nursing a second, which is so not like my dad. He wasn't drunk or
anything. I sat with him for a while and he talked about what I was like growing up. I broke a lot of stuff as a kid.
I told Dad that I wouldn't be moving in with Lex or anything, since nobody but us knows about the marriage. I have to keep it a secret. I
don't really mind that. It makes me happy and that's all I need. I told Dad he has to accept whom I love. I really didn't mean to fall in
love with Lex, but I love him and that's how it is. I tried to find out what it is that's bothering him about all this. He said that I
didn't need him to protect me anymore, but he's so wrong. I'll always need my dad. I told him that Lex will help protect me. I sent him up
to his room to rest. He was really tired, and not just from the beer. I don't think he slept all night. He was really worried about me.
When Mom got home, we had a long talk. I told her that I love them both so much and that I need them now more than ever. Dad came down and
we did the chores together, then we had dinner as a family. It was hard and there wasn't much conversation. Mom did most of the talking.
I feel really good about this. I know my dad is going to come around.
~
08:25 pm
An unexpected late night adventure
Last night, I got a frantic call from Chloe. She was freaked out because she said she'd been talking to Lois on the phone when they were cut
off. I told Chloe that maybe Lois' phone had cut out, but Chloe insisted there was something wrong. She said she had heard Lois cry out to
her just before they were disconnected. She was worried because Lois had gone to a frat party. Apparently, Lois is a heavy drinker sometimes
and tends to get into trouble at parties. That does not surprise me at all. Chloe said that they had heard rumors about the star tailback of
the university football team had been cheating at the game. In typical Lois fashion, she'd decided to investigate on her own without any
backup.
I told Chloe to call the police. I ran into the city to find Lois. I didn't even think about it. I just ran. I can't even believe I found
her, but I lucked out. The party turned out to be a drunken frat party filled with guys and girls. I found Lois just across the street in a
building under construction. She was under water, unconscious and unable to move. I pulled her out and stayed with her until she regained
consciousness. I didn't want to leave her alone.
She woke up and seemed okay if a bit shaken up. Then she told me about this guy Geoff who it turns out is from Smallville. She accidentally
stumbled onto his secret that he had the ability to paralyze people and he'd tried to silence her, not that I blame anybody for wanting to
shut Lois up. He must have been affected by the meteors and decided to use his ability to coast through school on a football scholarship. I
can't believe he'd want to do something like that. It's an unfair advantage and his fame isn't even real. It's all based on a lie. I'd never
do that.
I made sure Lois made it to a hospital and was in safe hands before going home. When I did get home, Mom and Dad were in the kitchen. Mom
had gone out to the loft to find me and when I wasn't there, they had started to worry. I told them what happened and Dad said I have to do
something about Geoff. He needs to realize that he almost killed somebody.
Chloe called this morning to let me know that Lois is fine. Lois may annoy me, but I'm glad she's okay. There was a second last night when I
thought for sure I hadn't made it in time to save her. It was very upsetting. I can't believe I'm saying this, and I'd never admit it to her
face, but I would really miss Lois if she wasn't in my life. There -- I said it and I will never utter those words in public or out loud.
But then I wouldn't wish death even on my enemies, not that I have an enemy or anything. Maybe I should consider Lois my enemy. She could be
my nemesis. It could be fun, or she could verbally kick my ass. I better just leave it alone.
~
11:22 pm
Busy weekend with Lex
It's been a really busy weekend. I just got back from the mansion and dinner with Lex, but I should start at the beginning. On Saturday, I
went over to the mansion to see Lex. I wanted to tell him about what happened with Lois and ask him what he thought I should do. While I
waited for him to come to his office, I saw this bill on his desk for all the stuff I'd broken in the hotel on our honeymoon. It was so
much! I couldn't believe it. I asked Lex about it when he came back from his phone conference. He told me not to worry about it, but it was
just so much money. I don't even think I've seen that much money all at once and he said he'd have it taken care of like it was nothing. I
felt so bad. There's no way I'll ever pay him back.
I really broke a lot of stuff the night we were there. I can't stop thinking about how awesome the sex was. Lex was so amazing, and I
manhandled him all over the place. He never once complained, even when I lifted him up and carried him over to the bed and tossed him on it.
He told me not to worry about the bill as I followed him up to his room. He totally distracted me with his naked body. He's so evil, but I
didn't care. The sex was so awesome. I close my eyes and think about his wonderful ass and I get so hard. At least I don't blush now when I
type these intimate details.
After sex, we sort of lounged in his bed still naked. He touched my body while we talked. I couldn't help it. I think about this kind of
stuff a lot. Maybe I shouldn't, but it's on my mind almost every day. I asked Lex how far he would go to protect my secret. I always think
about it with my parents and I've seen some of what Dad would be willing to do and I wondered about Lex. It was a hard subject to bring up
and I wasn't sure what to say or how to say it. I don't want Lex to think that I doubt him, because I don't. I know how much he cares about
me. Heck! He paid over 10,000 dollars for all that stuff I broke and didn't even blink. He said whatever we had to face, we'd face it
together and he had everything under control. I have to admit, it was totally hot when he said that. I kissed him and wanted to have sex
again.
I know I can trust Lex. I hope my parents feel they can too, because I want to have more dinners with Lex in the future. I know we can't
live together right now, but maybe someday we can. For now, I'm going to fight for every moment I can, because when I'm with Lex, I feel
complete.
~
09:46 pm
I think I'm wearing him down
My dad is coming around. He's agreed after much arm-twisting and much begging on my part to let me go over to the mansion one a week for
dinner and other stuff. He didn't want to know what the other stuff was. I also asked if I could sleep over there one night a week. After
all, Lex and I are married. We should be sleeping together, but my dad said no way. He thinks it would be way too suspicious if I were seen
staying over at the mansion overnight. Lex is watched by the press and stuff, so Dad's probably right about that. I told my dad that I could
work out a way so that nobody would ever know I was even there. He said he's not convinced that I could, and what if somebody sees me and
what if I'm caught by the wrong people. I begged him to stop being so stubborn and that was when he brought out the big guns: Lionel. He
reminded me that Lex's dad is living there and that he's a dangerous man.
I guess he's right. I'm going to have to talk to Lex about this. He'd probably know more how to deal with his dad and the press. Maybe if I
proved to my dad that I could make it work, he'd back off.
I might have another person to worry about. Something is up for with Chloe. I think she knows about the wedding. She has this way of knowing
things, and today at school, she said she'd be there for me if I needed someone to talk to about anything at all. She must know somehow. I
could be wrong, but if she does know something, I hope she won't tell anybody about it. It would be a front page headline and make her
instantly famous.
My mom's working late every night this week at the Talon. This means I have to make dinner. Luckily, I know how to microwave prepared meals
that she left for us. Dad and I sat down together and ate dinner and then we did the chores. I tried to bring up the Lex thing again, but he
shut me down. I guess I'll just have to keep trying. I know he'll give in eventually or maybe not. He's always been pretty strict. He's just
going to have to realize that I'm grown up now. He went to get Mom and I have a lot of homework to do. I better get my butt in gear.
~
01:49 pm
It's a date!
I called Lex during my lunch hour. I had to tell him about my father's worries. Lex reassured me that he'd make sure my name never made it
to any papers. He said he took care of the hotel bill and made sure it would never see the light of day. I also told him we needed to meet
tonight to talk about how to handle stuff. I told him I'd like to spend more time with him. We're meeting at the Talon, since I have to pick
my mom up from work. She wants me to be her bodyguard.
It's not that I don't trust Lex, but I checked on line and he's right. There haven't been any articles at all anywhere about the hotel bill
or Lex taking an unscheduled flight.
~
09:35 pm
I can't believe this is happening!
I'm at the hospital. Lex was shot! A bunch of us were at the Talon just before closing time, when this guy my mom was trying to serve
started acting nervous. I didn't recognize him so I knew he wasn't a local. It became clear he wasn't there for coffee. He pulled out a gun,
pointed it at me and threatened to kill me if Mom didn't give up all her cash. Lex tried to talk him into lowering his weapon. The next
thing I knew, the gunman fired and Lex jumped in front of me. He took the bullet for me. Lex was shot in the shoulder and he's in surgery
right now. I'm going insane because the doctor hasn't told us yet if he's going to be okay. I still have his blood all over my shirt.
I have to go. The doctor just came out! More details later.
~
10:59 am
Lex did it for me.
He took the bullet to protect my secret. We were at the Talon and it was almost closing time, but there were a few people there. My parents
were there. Dad didn't know that I was picking Mom up so he stopped by to make sure she had a ride home. Lois had stopped by to talk to my
mom about something. Chloe and Lana were there as well. They live in the room above the Talon. There were plenty of witnesses and they saw
as Lex stepped in front of the bullet meant for me. He wanted to protect my secret. He told me the only thing going through his mind at that
moment was that I had to be protected. Then he told me he was cold and he passed out.
I held Lex in my arms while my parents both subdued the gunman and Chloe called the police. I though he was going to die. It happened so
fast and there was so much blood. I don't want anybody to die protecting my secret. Lex told me this morning that he'd do anything to
protect me. I kissed him and told him I loved him so much. I couldn't even begin to tell him in words how much I love him. They're just not
adequate enough. I didn't tell him that I hid in the bathroom last night and cried. I was just so grateful that he was alive. I don't think
I've ever felt as helpless as I did while waiting for the doctors to tell me he was going to be okay.
~
11:01 am
Lex is going to be okay
He got through his surgery fine and he's resting. I stayed with him as long as they'd let me. Actually, I kind of sneaked into his room when
nobody was looking. Whenever I'd hear somebody coming, I ducked into the bathroom. I managed to hide out in his room the whole night. I
couldn't leave him alone. He was really drugged up and woke a few times. I told him he was crazy to do what he did and he told me I should
be naked. He's so cute when he's all doped up.
I'm just glad he's going to be okay. I don't know what I would have done if he'd been seriously hurt. I'm glad that the guy who shot him is
locked up and there are multiple witnesses to his crime. There's no way he's going to get away with what he did.
Lex's dad stopped by this morning to see him. He barked a bunch of orders about how his son had better get the best care and that I was to
be allowed visiting privileges at all times. I was surprised, but I didn't question him about his motives. I'm just happy I can see Lex
anytime I want. It was weird because Lionel was acting all nice. He even put his hand on my shoulder and called me son. It was hard not to
flinch, but I managed. He totally freaked me out.
My parents also stopped in to give me some clean clothes. I changed from the bloody ones I wore all night. They didn't stay long. Mom told
me that she's called the school to tell them I wouldn't be coming to class. There's no school anyway after today for the rest of the week
because of Thanksgiving.
I'm going back to be with Lex. Maybe he'll say something really incriminating while he's all drugged up.
~
11:43 am
Happy day!
Sometimes things work out better than you could ever have hoped. Lex is staying with us for a few days while he recovers from his surgery.
He was released from the hospital yesterday and spent the day with us at our home. He's resting now in the guest room. Yesterday was the
best Thanksgiving I've ever had. I was with the three people who matter most to me. The four of us had dinner as a family, and I gave thanks
that I have them in my life. My dad was happy to have Lex there. He thanked Lex for caring about me and for protecting me. He was completely
sincere and my mom had tears in her eyes. She gave thanks for me.
Lex slept in the guest room last night, but I sneaked in and stayed with him. Nothing happened. We just kissed and I told him that I love
him. I'm wearing my wedding ring. I have to hide it normally, but today I'm wearing it proudly. I put it on last night at the dinner table
while I was giving thanks. I usually have it in my pocket, but while I'm here with the people I love, I can display my status. It makes me
beyond happy to know that Lex and I are together this way.
I had to get up early this morning to do chores. Lex was still asleep and my parents slept in. I had plenty of time to think about the last
few days. I'm sitting in the guest room, watching over Lex as he sleeps. I'll be watching over him while he recovers from his ordeal. He's
still on painkillers and probably will be for a few more days. Mom said Lex woke up while I was out working. She made sure he ate something.
My dad finally understands that Lex truly cares about me. We talked for awhile, and he's still not happy about the marriage, since it's not
legal and he thinks I'm way too young to make that kind of decision. Maybe he's right. I told him that some day when it was legal, I'd do it
all over again in front of everybody.
~
10:24 pm
I'm at the mansion for the night.
I drove Lex home today and I'm staying over for the night. My dad didn't even argue because Lex saved my life and there's no arguing with
that. Lex is doing pretty good. He's still in pain and his arm is in a sling, but he's able to sit and work on his laptop. When we arrived
at the mansion, Lex's assistant Molly was waiting. I think she's angry at me for some reason, but I can't figure out exactly what that is.
She obviously didn't feel that I belonged here. I told her that the least I could do for Lex after he had saved my life was take care of him
while he recovered. I think she wanted me to get lost. I totally played dumb. It was kind of fun.
I'm up in Lex's private rooms now, doing homework. At least that's what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm taking a break to watch Lex. He's
sitting in front of his laptop, working, but he really looks lost in thought. I should probably take care of him. I wonder how he'd feel
about a massage.
I'm so glad Lex is okay. He could have been hurt much worse, and I still can't believe he risked his life for me like that.
~
08:45 am
Braver than I could ever be.
Lex is asleep in his bed. He tosses and turns and tries to get comfortable. It looks difficult, and when it gets really bad, I reach out and
caress him and whisper that I'm here for him. He's in pain because of me. He's hurt because I have the most dangerous secret in the world.
Last night, I took Lex's work away from him and forced him to relax. I helped him change into his silk pajamas and we got into his bed
together. I massaged him as gently as I could. It was hard and I could see the pain in his eyes, even though he tried to hide it from me.
Then I made him lay back and I pulled his pajama bottoms and boxers down. I sucked him off and swallowed his release. He was exhausted by
then and as he drifted off to sleep, I held him in my arms.
He could have died. He could have been killed. That bullet could have hit him where he would never have been able to recover. He's not
invulnerable like me. He's human and fragile and breakable. I can see through him to his soft insides and the damage that was done by that
small projectile. It pierced his delicate flesh so easily, and I close my eyes and see him falling into my arms. I see the blood seep from
the wound. It terrifies me how breakable Lex is. It terrifies me how breakable they all are. It terrifies me when I wonder what else Lex
would be willing to do to protect my secret. I'm not worth his life. If he had died... I don't even want to think about that. It drives me
insane when I dwell on it too long. But here in this room, with him asleep beside me, I can't help but wonder.
But he's not dead. He's here beside me, breathing softly. His body slack and his face so angelic it makes my heart beat faster. He makes my
heart beat faster. I want to lean in close and kiss his soft mouth. I touch him all the time. I never touch anybody as much as I touch him,
because I'm always so afraid I'll break something without meaning to. He welcomes my touch, and knowing that makes me feel alive and human.
I think I'm falling in love with Lex all over again just thinking about how far he'd go to protect me. I just wish he weren't so vulnerable,
because I know that I can't protect him as well as he can protect me.
04:40 pm
I have a headache
Or I would have one if I got them. What could be worse than Lois Lane crashing at our house? There are two of them -- not two Loises but one
of them is her sister Lucy. They both showed up yesterday morning to say that they needed a place to stay so naturally Lois thought of me. I
had to give my bed to Lois for the last few nights and Lucy has been sleeping in the guest room, the same one Lex slept in only last week.
Lucy is as much of a troublemaker as Lois. She keeps hitting on me, calls me cutie, and even brushed her arm across my ass this morning. At
first I was sure I'd made a mistake. I thought I'd brushed up against a chair or something but her little smug smile pretty much told me
she'd done what I thought she'd done. It was annoying to say the least. I told Lois to tell her sister to leave me alone. Lois laughed and
pointed out the fact that her sister is sixteen and would never be interested in my farmboy ass no matter how cute and firm.
They are here to stay. Their dad is out of town and, it turns out, Lucy is home from boarding school and since she is his favorite, the
major called my parents and asked if they would watch out for 'his little girl.' My parents agreed.
I have to be careful all the time about what I do. I can't use my abilities when they are around and today, Lucy watched me do my chores.
She had this look in her eyes that could only be described as infatuation. Chloe agrees with me. She thinks it's cute.
I just want them to go away. Lois is a total hog. She ate the last piece of apple pie that I was saving, and on top of that, she looked in
my drawers in my room and found my condoms. I had to hide all my porn. I really wish my parents hadn't been so generous. They told me I
should think of it as a chance to be a big brother to Lois and Lucy. I told them I just want them to move someplace else, like the North
Pole maybe.
Lex has been very busy with work and I haven't had a chance to see much of him since I've been busy entertaining my 'sisters.' I hope to see
him tonight, but I may have to stay in to finish chores at normal human pace. Lucy just came up to the loft. I have to get rid of her.
~
12:02 pm
The fun never stops.
I suppose I should look on the bright side. At least my life hasn't been boring since Lucy moved in. She's excitement after excitement. Lucy
is Lois's sister so I should have guessed that she'd be a handful, and she has lived up to her family reputation.
Yesterday, I borrowed the truck to drive Lucy over to meet Lex. She has no way of getting around so I volunteered to take her places. It
seemed to go well. Lucy behaved like a lady. She really seemed to get a kick out of meeting Lex. She was a bit crass about how rich Lex is
and asked a few unseemly questions, but other than that, she was nice. Then when we went to leave, she stole Lex's Porsche that was parked
out in front of the mansion. I jumped in the car just in time. It was so sudden and I didn't know what else to do.
She tore out of the driveway behind the wheel of Lex's car as Lex watched. I finally managed to talk her into driving the car back to the
mansion where Lex was still waiting for us. I did not expect what happened next. She climbed into my lap and kissed me right there with Lex
watching. Obviously she doesn't know that I'm gay and taken, and what she did was so sudden and unexpected. I pulled her off of me and told
her to stop acting like a brat. It didn't upset her one bit. She thanked me for the awesome ride, which I didn't even have anything to do
with, and we got out of the car. I barely had time to apologize to Lex. I just wanted to get Lucy back to the farm and out of my hair.
On the drive back, I tried to talk to Lucy about the fact that she can't just pull this sort of stunt, but all she did was smile the whole
time. She said it was a totally awesome ride and asked if I thought Lex might let us borrow one of his cars while she's visiting. When we
got back to my place, she said I was an awesome kisser.
She is a total angel around my parents and my Mom thinks she's a sweetheart. I just want her gone. She's so frustrating. I woke up this
morning to find her sitting in a chair, watching me. She'd made coffee for both of us. My parents went to the next county for the day and I
have to "watch out" for Lucy all day! I cannot believe I basically have to babysit her. I'm going to bring her to the Talon and hope that
she gets lost. Actually, Chloe and Lana said that I could swing by with Lucy and they'd distract her for a while with girl stuff. When I
told Chloe what Lucy had done, she laughed. She actually laughed at my plight and said she thought it was adorable that Lucy has such a huge
crush. Chloe promised to talk to Lucy about it. She thinks I shouldn't even bother to say anything, because Lucy will get over it
eventually.
~
02:03 pm
Why can't we just be friends?
Last night was a quiet evening for me. I had a few chores to do in the barn and Lucy sat and talked to me while I worked. I can't believe
she'd want to watch me work. She must have been really bored. I tried to tell her that I'm just not that exciting, but she said she didn't
mind. She opened up and confided in me about a few things. I feel bad for her. She said she doesn't really want to go back to her boarding
school but that she really doesn't have much of a choice. I told her she should tell her father how she feels, but she said that the major
wouldn't listen to her. She also talked about living in her sister's shadow. I think she wants to be more like Lois. I wanted to tell her
that being more like Lois wouldn't necessarily be a good thing, but I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to insult her sister in front of
her. She thanked me for listening to her. She said that usually people don't take her seriously.
Lois stayed at the Talon last night so I actually got to sleep in my own bed. I went to bed feeling really good about myself and the time
I'd spent bonding with Lucy. That all went out the window this morning when I woke up to find her in my bed, wearing almost nothing. I'd
gone to sleep in just a t-shirt and boxers and I woke up a little excited as in hard. Lucy tried to climb into my lap while I was still
groggy. She latched on to me and wouldn't let go. I gently but firmly pushed her away and told her to stop throwing herself at me. I was
very clear that even though she is very pretty and nice, she is not my type and that I like her as a friend. She pouted and said she was
only playing then asked if she could watch me shower. I told her no. Then she asked if she could watch me get dressed, and again I told her
no. Needless to say, I locked the bathroom door just in case she decided to sneak in.
When I did finally go down for breakfast this morning, I found that my parents were out and Lois had stopped by to check on her sister. They
had a big fight while we ate breakfast and Lucy stormed upstairs and locked herself in the guest room. When I tried to talk to Lois, she
told me to back off and stormed out of the house.
I did call Lex today and I'm going over later after dinner to speak to him about stuff. He made a strange request that I should dress in old
jeans.
~
09:29 pm
Dirty afternoon
I can't believe Lex made me pay for what Lucy did. It's not my fault she took off in his car. I shouldn't complain because I got laid. Maybe
I should thank her. That probably wouldn't go over well.
Apparently, some people (who are evil) gave Lex the idea that I should clean his car. At his request, I went over to his place after school
in my old jeans that don't really fit anymore, but cleaning his car wasn't really on his mind. I was ordered to take off my shirt and wash
the car. I started to wash as Lex watched, but soon Lex made it clear he had other ideas. He stopped me and pulled my pants down, and then
he bent me over the car and fucked me. He said it was punishment for what I'd done. It was the most amazing punishment I've ever received. I
won't forget how hard he was on me. I went home feeling very satisfied. Maybe I should steal Lex's cars more often.
I'll be jerking off to that memory for a long time to come.
~
04:41 pm
This is not good
It's not that I wanted to hide the truth from her, but why do people have to be so mean. Lucy is gone. We can't find her anywhere and it's
my fault. A bunch of us were at the Talon after school this afternoon, when some really mean-spirited jerks made fun of her for following me
around. They mocked her for being clueless about my sexual preference. They even accused me of liking the attention of a little girl. Right
there in the middle of the Talon they called Lucy nasty names and said she'd have to have different plumbing to get my attention. Lucy ran
out of the Talon really upset. Lois chased after her and drove her back to the farm. I was furious. I almost tore their heads off. Luckily,
Chloe and Lana talked me out of throwing them out the window.
Now Lucy is missing. I gave her some space before going up to the guest room to speak with her, but she wasn't there. Lois hasn't see her
since she dropped Lucy off at the farm, and nobody knows where she is. I swear if she gets hurt because of what those jerks did, I am going
to kick ass. I'm going over to the mansion to see if maybe she decided to hide out there.
~
11:37 pm
I am finally home
I spent the last few days trying to find Lucy. Finally I found her in the city. She'd hitchhiked all the way from Smallville to Metropolis
and gotten mixed up in some bad stuff. When I finally managed to catch up to her, she was in big trouble. I found her in a night club,
dancing. She didn't even have ID to prove she was of age. When she refused to come home with me, a few guys tried to jump me, but they
obviously couldn't overpower me. They were Edge's old goons. It looks like they're working for a new boss. I pretended to be Kal and pulled
Lucy out of the club without incident.
It was too late last night to get back to Smallville. so I called Lex and told him I needed to stay in the city for the night and asked if I
could sleep at the penthouse. I didn't tell him I'd already found Lucy -- I'm not really sure why. I guess I didn't feel it was necessary.
Lex said I could use the penthouse, so Lucy and I slept there for the night. She didn't have pajamas so I gave her a t-shirt from Lex's
closet. We talked about what had happened at the Talon. I was frank with her and told her that although I thought she was cute and a nice
girl, she wasn't my type. She was cool with it, but when she tried to get details about my love life, I told her that I didn't talk about
personal details. She stayed in the guest room and I slept in Lex's bedroom. I guess it could be considered mine and Lex's bedroom since we
are married.
Since I wasn't at the farm and I didn't have to wake up early, I thought it would be okay if we slept in. It felt so good to sleep in. Lucy
and I came back to Smallville at noon today. Lois practically hit me for not calling to let her know that her sister was okay.
It's been a busy day. Once I did get home, I had to do chores and in the late afternoon, I went into town to check up on Lucy. She was gone.
Her dad sent her back to the boarding school. He was upset at how much trouble she'd gotten into. I didn't get to say goodbye in person, but
she did call me tonight to let me know she had had a good time and to thank me again for rescuing her.
Now I just want to collapse. I am so tired. I didn't really sleep well last night, because I'd spent so much time worrying about Lucy.
~
07:56 am
I can't believe he would do this!
Some of us have been busier than others. Yesterday, Jason was fired from his coaching job. As soon as I found out, I was curious as to what
had happened, so I went over to his old office and caught him on his way out. That was when he dropped a bomb on me. He told me not to worry
about him, because he had another job -- working for Lex. And not only would he be working for Lex, he'd also be living in the mansion.
After that, I rushed right over to the mansion as soon as I could. I was so angry. I just can't imagine why Lex would need to hire Jason. I
kind of freaked and smashed my fist on the pool table. I misjudged my strength and destroyed the table. Lex was hit by splinters in the
face. I wish he'd give a better explanation as to why he needs Jason there.
I left Lex still furious and haven't talked to him since. I'm still angry and frustrated over this whole thing. Lex and Jason share a past
that is sexual. Even though Lex and I are married, I can't count on Jason not to try something. They had sex in the past, and I know how
amazing Lex is in bed. What if Jason tries something?
Lex and I haven't done anything more than make out in over a week. I don't want to think this way, but I can't help it. I'm jealous. I admit
it. I want to be the one living at the mansion. It should be me, not that jerk!
I've already made mom and dad suspicious by breaking a few things that I wouldn't normally break. I need to get control of my strength. I
haven't lost control like this in a long time.
Lex sent me a written invitation for dinner at the mansion on Friday night. I trashed our pool table. I feel like such a jerk for doing
that.
~
11:14 am
Family stuff
We went to see my grandpa today. It was really nice at first. He got me gifts and I even got to open them since I wasn't going to see him
before Monday. He got me a new red jacket, some jeans, t-shirts and a winter hat. My mom must have told him what to get for me. I didn't
really care what he got me. I was just happy to see Grandpa.
I wanted us to stay for dinner, but we ended up leaving. I know my dad didn't want to be there. On the drive home, my parents had a little
argument about money. It turned out that my grandpa offered to help pay for my college. Dad wasn't thrilled, but Mom thinks we should accept
his help. By the time we got home, it was late so I went straight up to my room. This morning, Dad was already gone before I went down for
breakfast and Mom was kind of quiet. I asked if everything was okay and she told me not to worry.
Speaking of family, Lex and I kind of had a little argument. Long story short, he hired Jason after Jason was fired from his coaching job,
and Jason moved into the mansion. I know that place has a million rooms, but does Lex have to let him live there? Does he even have to hire
him? He already has an assistant. From what I've seen, Molly does a good job. Why would he need another assistant? I'm not happy about this
at all. Lex and I have barely had time to spend together. We've both been so busy and appearances make it hard for us to "hang out." It's
even harder with so many people at the mansion.
I feel so frustrated over so many things right now. Why can't it be easier?
~
08:57 pm
Guess where I am
I'm at the mansion and I'm staying here over the next few days. I sort of told/asked my parents' that I want to be with Lex this Christmas.
We're going to my parents on Christmas day, but up until then, I'll be living here with my husband.
I went over the other day with the intention of apologizing about my behavior the other day. I wish I hadn't lost control and gotten so
angry at him. Lex wasn't mad. I wanted to talk about why I think it's a bad idea to keep Jason there, but then Lex kissed me and I totally
forgot what I was going to say. I couldn't help it. Lex was so sexy and we hadn't had much time together lately. I wanted him and I got him.
We were alone in the mansion. Everybody else was gone, so we locked the office door and I rushed Lex over to the sofa so we could have fun.
I could never tire of kissing or touching Lex. He's so gorgeous and so sexy. I wanted him so badly that I tore his clothes off and told him
I was going to fuck him so hard, he wouldn't be able to stand straight for a week.
We had sex on the sofa and floor and table and desk... I never wanted it to end. First I sucked him off while he talked dirty to me. I love
when he pulls my hair and tells me he wants me. It always makes me so hard, and I was horny enough for the both of us. The sex was awesome.
Once I was inside him, I never wanted to leave. I made it last for a lot longer than usual. I was prepared. Lex was amazing. We kissed and
fucked and sucked and touched, and we were in our own world. There was nothing beyond the walls of that room as far as I was concerned.
After we had hot, amazing mind-blowing sex, I dressed and Lex put on a robe. I was starved so we went into the kitchen and I helped myself
to half the food as Lex watched me eat. Then we went upstairs to take a shower and after that, we went to bed together. I slept in Lex's bed
with him in my arms, holding him close to me. I want it to be that way all the time. While I lay there basking in Lex's glow, I imagined
that this was how it always was and always would be: the two of us together, taking the whole world on.
That's the best gift I could ever have.
~
11:36 pm
Basking in my laziness
I'm still at the mansion. Lex and I went to the farm yesterday for the afternoon and evening to have dinner with my parents. It was great.
I've never been so lazy and felt so relaxed in my life. I feel like a total slacker, but I love it. Lex is taking time off. There's no one
else here with us, not even security people. We don't need them. If anyone tries to mess with us, I can protect Lex.
I can't think of anything cooler than being able to be myself. With my parents I can be me, but not be totally me, but with Lex, I can be
just me. I can be Clark Kent. I can be Kal-El. I am me and Lex loves me as me. He's turned off all the security cameras so I can speed
around the mansion as much as I want.
I've never been happier. How am I supposed to give this up? I want to stay here with Lex all the time. I want to live with him. I know I
can't, and in reality, we have to hide our true relationship, but at least for the next week, I can pretend that I live here and I can walk
around in my underwear without worry. I'm not really walking around in my underwear, but I could if I wanted. I can speed to the kitchen to
get whipped cream, which I think I'll use to surprise Lex. He needs me to lick it off his body right now.
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